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    (Original post by CultOfPersonality)
    Been feeling so awful. This summer was rock bottom for me. Like the ******* useless idiot I am I missed my Oxford offer by one ******* grade. Been going through a million things and not sure what to do at all. I managed to get a place at another top ten university but I feel like a failure. I feel awful and ungrateful. The uni I'm going to offers the course I want and I'm so happy with all that but I feel that I'm missing out on what could have been. It's my own fault. I spent so long building up to Oxford and now it's gone, just like that. Since results day I've barely left my house, not eating well, just feeling like utter ****. I feel like I've lost the one thing that's been keeping my going and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I've been struggling my whole life and now it feels I don't have any reason to anymore. I'm just so lost and I don't know what to do. It feels like everyone around me is happy and doing well and I've failed. ****. I wanted it so badly.
    legalreality has pretty much said all that I would want to say. You're not a failure at all - going to (or not going to) Oxford doesn't define you as a person. University is totally what you make of it, Oxford included. So work hard, play hard and enjoy your top 10 uni and you will succeed
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    Have started keeping a voices diary. Just a simple thing with the situation I was in when they started, what they said and their loudness marked out of 10. I'm finding it interesting but upsetting at the same time to see it all written down on paper. :confused: Hoping this will give me some control or even just the feeling of control over them. Anyone had any success with anything similar? :ninja:
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    Have started keeping a voices diary. Just a simple thing with the situation I was in when they started, what they said and their loudness marked out of 10. I'm finding it interesting but upsetting at the same time to see it all written down on paper. :confused: Hoping this will give me some control or even just the feeling of control over them. Anyone had any success with anything similar? :ninja:
    That sounds like such a positive and sensible thing to do! Well done
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    That sounds like such a positive and sensible thing to do! Well done
    Thank you.

    How are you? :hugs:
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    Hey everyone!

    Well, I moved into my uni room yesterday :woo:. So far it has been quite decent, my flat has been really quiet so far as most of the people only moved in today, but luckily I knew a couple of people from another flat so spent time with them. Although last night I couldn't stay at a party as long as I wanted because I'd forgotten the entry card for the external door :facepalm:. Luckily there was someone to open the door and it turned out to be a flatmate :laugh:. Couldn't sleep though :sad: also had trouble getting the heating to work but luckily I managed it eventually . At around 5:30am I decided to go out, nothing fancy at all as it was just taking the last night bus into Central London :ninja:. Got back a couple of hours later and I finally managed to fall asleep, waking up by 11.

    Now got pizza and drinks later
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    Hey everyone!

    Well, I moved into my uni room yesterday :woo:. So far it has been quite decent, my flat has been really quiet so far as most of the people only moved in today, but luckily I knew a couple of people from another flat so spent time with them. Although last night I couldn't stay at a party as long as I wanted because I'd forgotten the entry card for the external door :facepalm:. Luckily there was someone to open the door and it turned out to be a flatmate :laugh:. Couldn't sleep though :sad: also had trouble getting the heating to work but luckily I managed it eventually . At around 5:30am I decided to go out, nothing fancy at all as it was just taking the last night bus into Central London :ninja:. Got back a couple of hours later and I finally managed to fall asleep, waking up by 11.

    Now got pizza and drinks later
    You have the heating on at this time of year? :eek:

    Hope you're enjoying your newfound freedom.
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    Thank you.

    How are you? :hugs:
    That's alright Not great, my 'friends' are being awful again, saying I don't have any problems and don't need help/medication/anything. This especially sucks on the ED side of things because it took me so long to even accept I had one :'( I guess they have just tired of being supportive and turned to anger instead. So im currently pretty much friendless and I still haven't heard from uni if im actually allowed to go which is stressing me out :/ Plus I currently don't have any treatment cos I recently moved and was going to wait until I go to uni but now my friends have said that ive given up .. I obviously don't need or deserve help. :/ Sorry for the moan :/ Especially when you are so positive
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    That's alright Not great, my 'friends' are being awful again, saying I don't have any problems and don't need help/medication/anything. This especially sucks on the ED side of things because it took me so long to even accept I had one :'( I guess they have just tired of being supportive and turned to anger instead. So im currently pretty much friendless and I still haven't heard from uni if im actually allowed to go which is stressing me out :/ Plus I currently don't have any treatment cos I recently moved and was going to wait until I go to uni but now my friends have said that ive given up .. I obviously don't need or deserve help. :/ Sorry for the moan :/ Especially when you are so positive
    It's good that you recognise how crap your friends are being - you deserve way better than such a lack of understanding as they're showing you. Stay strong, and I hope you hear from uni soon (if not I'd ring/email them).
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    You have the heating on at this time of year? :eek:

    Hope you're enjoying your newfound freedom.
    Well, it is right next to the river here so it gets particularly cold, only 15 degrees today and also a really cold wind. And the layout of the buildings on the campus tends to concentrate the wind and makes it much worse, I remember it happened in high school too until they built a new building which blocked it #

    Thanks, yeah I am enjoying it :yep: How are you doing? :hugs:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    It's good that you recognise how crap your friends are being - you deserve way better than such a lack of understanding as they're showing you. Stay strong, and I hope you hear from uni soon (if not I'd ring/email them).
    Yeah if I haven't heard from them next week I am definitely emailing. And I am trying.. its just so hard. I feel unworthy of treatment of anything now. I mean if my best friends can think that :'(
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    That's alright Not great, my 'friends' are being awful again, saying I don't have any problems and don't need help/medication/anything. This especially sucks on the ED side of things because it took me so long to even accept I had one :'( I guess they have just tired of being supportive and turned to anger instead. So im currently pretty much friendless and I still haven't heard from uni if im actually allowed to go which is stressing me out :/ Plus I currently don't have any treatment cos I recently moved and was going to wait until I go to uni but now my friends have said that ive given up .. I obviously don't need or deserve help. :/ Sorry for the moan :/ Especially when you are so positive
    :penguinhug:
    I totally agree with superwolf. :yep: You deserve way way better than that. :hugs: They're definitely the ones in the wrong. :hugs: Sorry you're not having such a good time of it at the moment. :console:
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    Well, it is right next to the river here so it gets particularly cold, only 15 degrees today and also a really cold wind. And the layout of the buildings on the campus tends to concentrate the wind and makes it much worse, I remember it happened in high school too until they built a new building which blocked it #

    Thanks, yeah I am enjoying it :yep: How are you doing? :hugs:
    Sounds like the height of summer to me! But then I'm Scottish... :emo:

    :yy: Good to hear it. I'm doing alright - starting to get all my benefits sorted at last, and my dissertation is fighting back less than usual, so all in all things are quite good considering I only have two weeks till hand in day. :woo:

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Yeah if I haven't heard from them next week I am definitely emailing. And I am trying.. its just so hard. I feel unworthy of treatment of anything now. I mean if my best friends can think that :'(
    :hugs: I know how much it hurts to have your friends basically betray you, but facts are facts, and if they've watched you suffer, been aware of your illness and then turned around and denied that there's anything wrong then they have a serious problem (that ever-so-deadly one of being a narrow-minded ******** ), and they do not deserve you. You're ill, but you've come a long way in growing to acknowledge that, and you totally deserve respect and appropriate treatment. :yep:
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Yeah if I haven't heard from them next week I am definitely emailing. And I am trying.. its just so hard. I feel unworthy of treatment of anything now. I mean if my best friends can think that :'(
    The point is, they probably simply don't get it and you have very right to say also: "You are not doing anything good for me, I don't want to hang around with you." or "You are wrong!"

    I mean, you know it is real, don't you? And it is not said, you don't find new - more understanding - friends. Anyway it can help to just speak out, what you think and then it is up to them, what they make out of it.
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    Well, it is right next to the river here so it gets particularly cold, only 15 degrees today and also a really cold wind. And the layout of the buildings on the campus tends to concentrate the wind and makes it much worse, I remember it happened in high school too until they built a new building which blocked it #

    Thanks, yeah I am enjoying it :yep: How are you doing? :hugs:
    Adventures adventures! Good to hear from you
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    :penguinhug:
    I totally agree with superwolf. :yep: You deserve way way better than that. :hugs: They're definitely the ones in the wrong. :hugs: Sorry you're not having such a good time of it at the moment. :console:
    (Original post by superwolf)


    :hugs: I know how much it hurts to have your friends basically betray you, but facts are facts, and if they've watched you suffer, been aware of your illness and then turned around and denied that there's anything wrong then they have a serious problem (that ever-so-deadly one of being a narrow-minded ******** ), and they do not deserve you. You're ill, but you've come a long way in growing to acknowledge that, and you totally deserve respect and appropriate treatment. :yep:
    Thank you both :'( I don't even know what to say I'm such a mess at the minute other than it means a lot
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I know how much it hurts to have your friends basically betray you, but facts are facts, and if they've watched you suffer, been aware of your illness and then turned around and denied that there's anything wrong then they have a serious problem (that ever-so-deadly one of being a narrow-minded ******** ), and they do not deserve you. You're ill, but you've come a long way in growing to acknowledge that, and you totally deserve respect and appropriate treatment. :yep:
    Awesome! (I just thought positive rep wouldn't be enough.)
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    (Original post by Nathanielle)
    The point is, they probably simply don't get it and you have very right to say also: "You are not doing anything good for me, I don't want to hang around with you." or "You are wrong!"

    I mean, you know it is real, don't you? And it is not said, you don't find new - more understanding - friends. Anyway it can help to just speak out, what you think and then it is up to them, what they make out of it.
    I just don't want to upset them, but I did have words with one friend who was the one who forced me to the doctors, I don't get why she has suddenly changed her mind :/
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    I just don't want to upset them, but I did have words with one friend who was the one who forced me to the doctors, I don't get why she has suddenly changed her mind :/
    I understand, but at least for me, these allways worrying and accepting every insult from others is not good. I think if your are really talking with your heart and just about your feelings and what you would wish, then it can't go wrong, unless the person doesn't like you and then it is no worth. You can also ask them, how they would like you to behave, because then it is easier.
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    went to see my munchkin and little man today (cousins kids) and i got so many smiles from my munchkin, usualy shes really shy around me at first, but today she was playing with me, even though shes been ill and not getting dressed, until i got her to get dressed so that made me really happy
    then went to my sisters and had my last cuddles for a while with her baby, AND changed my first nappy :proud:
    so iv had so many smiles and cuddles from lots of on babies i love so much
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    Back at school tomorrow for the first time since June. :pain: So scared. Only going to be in for a maximum of two hours, and I'll be in the pupil support base (so not in a classroom). That means it doesn't matter if I end up crying/ freaking out. They've said it doesn't matter if I only manage 10 minutes, it's the being in and maintaining some sort of contact with them that matters. Not going to be doing work, just going to be having a chat with them or doing a bit of reading. So I shouldn't really be scared about it but I'm terrified. :cry2:
 
 
 
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