Depression Society MkII Watch

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raspberrybubbles
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#761
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#761
(Original post by starchild)
Morning, hope you are all ok.

Im still low, after Esther's death im trying to refigure out my life. Its like everything is now in pieces. I just dont know who i am right now or what im meant to be doing with life. i dont know what to do. whats worse is that patrick and ewan are coming up. i mean im so happy to see ewan but im not in the mood to be bossed around by patrick. arghh. anyway, back to cleaning, at least that makes me feel slightly better. this is such a rather strange feeling and i dont know what to do :cry:

Still feeling suicidal though :cry:
Siti, I'm sorry I'm not being around much :hugs: It's still early days yet, you don't have to start reconfiguring everything just yet I hope your cleaning goes okay Have fun with Ewan and Patrick, please don't let him get you down :hugs:

I'm here for you
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raspberrybubbles
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#762
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#762
I don't know how I am feeling. Kind of angry that I've not been practising exposures from CBT because I just saw some cassette tape and got all the anxiety stuff coming back. I mean I started doing the breathing straight away, and I didn't screm/run away/go argh but I'm still a bit shaky... Maybe it's good I didn't do that, and maybe a reminder I still have to do this stuff however much I don't feel like it! Before, I was feeling pretty good, but I just feel like crying now. Am supposed to be baking this afternoon but I don't know now, I'm worried my sister's going to laugh, because I've never cooked before. And I still need to give "mind over mood" a feel (sorry johnatathan!)
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jonathan122
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#763
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#763
Try and enjoy the baking this afternoon I always found baking very relaxing. If your sister wants to laugh, well let her. Don't let other people get you down about things like that :hugs:
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Sabertooth
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#764
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#764
Argh I hate being alone at home.
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jonathan122
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#765
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#765
saber, :hugs:
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raspberrybubbles
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#766
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#766
:cry: It was all going so well :cry: I was enjoying it, bopping along and then my mum came home I wish I hadn't bothered, I wish I hadn't wasted all that money. Why does she have to be so controlling? I was about to clear up, 20 mins later and everything would have gone well but she just freaked. I'm so useless. I can't even cook :cry:
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upturnedpalms
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#767
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#767
raspberry, you're not useless, you're lovely. And loads of people can't cook!

Trip was... very hard. But I knew it would be, so that's okay. Just have to last through summer before going back in September.
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Laus
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#768
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#768
(Original post by starchild)
Morning, hope you are all ok.

Im still low, after Esther's death im trying to refigure out my life. Its like everything is now in pieces. I just dont know who i am right now or what im meant to be doing with life. i dont know what to do. whats worse is that patrick and ewan are coming up. i mean im so happy to see ewan but im not in the mood to be bossed around by patrick. arghh. anyway, back to cleaning, at least that makes me feel slightly better. this is such a rather strange feeling and i dont know what to do :cry:

Still feeling suicidal though :cry:
Time is a healer. We all say and think it is not but it is. It doesn't matter that you don't know what you are meant to be doing with your life. You don't *have* to do anything specific with your life and you don't have to figure it out all at once. As for who you are, I can answer that; you are Sitara, a fantastic person and confidant who I love and trust wholeheartedly.

You don't have to put on a performance for Patrick or Ewan. If Patrick has any sense at all, he will treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve (particularly considering your situation, though he should always treat you well, really).

I hope you enjoyed cleaning and feel as though things are in order when everything is done. It's good to retain some normality, even if you don't feel normal on the inside. Little things are huge steps when you are depressed or grieving.

You're doing really well, Siti.

:hugs: :suith:
jonathan122
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#769
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#769
(Original post by raspberrybubbles)
:cry: It was all going so well :cry: I was enjoying it, bopping along and then my mum came home I wish I hadn't bothered, I wish I hadn't wasted all that money. Why does she have to be so controlling? I was about to clear up, 20 mins later and everything would have gone well but she just freaked. I'm so useless. I can't even cook :cry:
:console:
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raspberrybubbles
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#770
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#770
Luckily she went off upstairs after a bit, stopped me from committing a murder, really! Feeling better than when I last posted, but not as good as this morning Meh, cos it could have lasted, too Quite pround of my cookies after all, they actually taste pretty nice! :woo:


:suith:

:yep:
There were more, but I didn't want to ice them all!!

Now I need to lift "mind over mood". Been sitting there long enough...
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jonathan122
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#771
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#771
Feeling very down. Have just seen my therapist, and college have sent him a letter asking him whether he still thinks it's appropriate for me to return to uni in October. He's supporting me, but I just know this is never going to go away. I've got a permanent stain on my record now.
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starchild
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#772
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#772
Oooh rasberry my love, those look good. Can you send me some to Norwich, im eating tescos stuff, and trust me yours appear so much.

Jonathan, :hugs: im sorry pet that its going to leave a permanant stain on your record. :hugs: what do you think your therapist is going to say? you are amazing remember that :hugs:
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jonathan122
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#773
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#773
(Original post by starchild)
Oooh rasberry my love, those look good. Can you send me some to Norwich, im eating tescos stuff, and trust me yours appear so much.

Jonathan, :hugs: im sorry pet that its going to leave a permanant stain on your record. :hugs: what do you think your therapist is going to say? you are amazing remember that :hugs:
Hi siti, :hugs:

I'm going to talk with my therapist next week, but hopefully it's just a case of making sure I don't try to contact my friends again.

How are you feeling this evening? :hugs:
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starchild
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#774
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#774
*Sitara bursts into tears and crumbles into a corner* I feel so upset and alone, i cant tell david how i feel at all and he has to put up with me. I have no idea what to feel and do. Esthers funeral has been confirmed and i dont know what to do, i want to bring flowers but how do i know which ones to get. I dont know which ones she liked. i feel so bad and i dont know how to snap out of this, :hugs: why does it have to be so hard, it was meant to be her getting better, i prayed every day and i put her on the prayer lists :cry: why do i have to loose someone i love, its not fair.

patrick hasnt realised im so upset with him and i really hate how he can be so complaecent :cry: i just feel like ****, and want to curl up and die because there is no meaning in my life :cry:

*Sitara cries more*
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starchild
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#775
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#775
Thinking of you silent too. :hugs:
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jonathan122
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#776
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#776
:console:

Could you have a word with Esther's family and find out what sort of flowers she liked?

I understand how hard it must be with patrick. I learnt a bitter truth today - you can't place your own moral values on other people. For instance, I've been so upset because my friends walked away from me when I needed them most, because I would never do that to a friend who was ill, but in the end I'm only hurting myself, not them. If Patrick can't see how much he's upset you, then maybe you just have to tell him that if he wants to be your friend then he has to stop hurting you.

Life has whatever meaning you put into it siti, I've read the poems you've posted, and you're obviously so bright and committed to your causes that I can't believe your life has no meaning.

Cry as much as you want to :hugs:, we're all here for you.
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raspberrybubbles
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#777
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#777
(Original post by starchild)
*Sitara bursts into tears and crumbles into a corner* I feel so upset and alone, i cant tell david how i feel at all and he has to put up with me. I have no idea what to feel and do. Esthers funeral has been confirmed and i dont know what to do, i want to bring flowers but how do i know which ones to get. I dont know which ones she liked. i feel so bad and i dont know how to snap out of this, :hugs: why does it have to be so hard, it was meant to be her getting better, i prayed every day and i put her on the prayer lists :cry: why do i have to loose someone i love, its not fair.

patrick hasnt realised im so upset with him and i really hate how he can be so complaecent :cry: i just feel like ****, and want to curl up and die because there is no meaning in my life :cry:

*Sitara cries more*
*hugs* I'm really sorry, siti.

If you PM me your address before 11am tomorrow, I'll do my best about sending you one (first class and all, and I'll hope it's still okay (if it's a bit disgusting just say!)

:hugs:
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raspberrybubbles
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#778
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#778
I feel like crying, think Guides just puts me in that mood anyway. Last one today until september. Started mind over mood, it looks helpful (and like everything i've tried before in a way, but i'll try and stick to this one!!) I'm going to bed in a bit, well when I can be bothered!
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jonathan122
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#779
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#779
:bawling:
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raspberrybubbles
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#780
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#780
what's up jonathan?
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