Depression Society MkII Watch

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looosey
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#7821
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#7821
Hi,

I've made a few posts here but never actually introduced myself! I'm Lucy, I'm 20 and in my first year of university. I've been on Citalopram 20mg for about five weeks now, and I do think it's helping but I think it might be time to up the dose. I was on Fluoxetine briefly last year, but I dropped out of university, and with moving back home, it wasn't handled very well and I ended up just coming off it when I ran out. I've only been getting proper treatment since January, but I know I've been depressed since childhood. I've been to various counsellors and recently a psychologist who was totally useless, but I'm giving counselling another try from this week.

Today I've been feeling pretty depressed. I made myself get up and go to the gym this afternoon, and whilst it made me feel energised, it didn't really help my mood. Maybe I need to push myself harder. I spent the evening with friends, and felt better whilst I was with them but feel just as bad now I'm back in my room.

This week, I've not just been having smallish lows like last week. I feel so weary of having to fight the depression all day, every day. My entire life revolves around keeping myself afloat. Can't I just have one day where I don't have to bother? It is so exhausting. Am I going to have to manage this illness my whole life? The older I get, the more it seems to damage my life: I've already dropped out of uni once, came worryingly close to dropping out again, and now my boyfriend and I have split up. At the first hint of a drop in mood these days, I become utterly hopeless. I've never contemplated suicide seriously, but it crosses my mind several times a day recently.

Sorry for sounding so sorry for myself and melodramatic, it's just that I can't say this stuff to people in my life.

Dadeling - do you usually have trouble sleeping? It's normal for me to sleep badly, but for the first couple of weeks of Citalopram, it kept me awake all night.

I hope everyone's feeling okay.
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kiss_me_now9
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#7822
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#7822
I never thought I'd say this... but I miss my old flatmates :cry:
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death.drop
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#7823
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#7823
I phoned casualty to see if they were open. They basically said if i want to stay there the night to stop me from killing myself I'd have to attempt to kill myself. cure over prevention is what casualties are all about I guess.

so now I'm all what do I do?
I can kill myself
or
I can do a fake suicide attempt that's going to leave me scarred or too sick for work tomorrow.
or
I can go to jakes for the night.

I'm not going to do it. I can't let myself do it. I've come this far, I don't want to give up now.
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Dadeling
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#7824
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#7824
The elastic band on my wrist made me feel better, less stressed, but now i have an ugly raised mark on it :[ My friend has broken up with her bf and was really upset and I just felt so useless, i'm just so rubbish with people. I hope i can sleep this mood away.
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Bangers+Mash
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#7825
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#7825
Still feel bad.
Have a long crap day today.

and to be fair, as if i ever had a chance.
Do't know why i try half the time.
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Pocket Calculator
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#7826
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#7826
loads of new people!
i'm exactly the same as yesterday, down over work and pining, but not especially bad. just melancholy.
(Original post by looosey)
Hi,

I've made a few posts here but never actually introduced myself! I'm Lucy, I'm 20 and in my first year of university. I've been on Citalopram 20mg for about five weeks now, and I do think it's helping but I think it might be time to up the dose. I was on Fluoxetine briefly last year, but I dropped out of university, and with moving back home, it wasn't handled very well and I ended up just coming off it when I ran out. I've only been getting proper treatment since January, but I know I've been depressed since childhood. I've been to various counsellors and recently a psychologist who was totally useless, but I'm giving counselling another try from this week.

Today I've been feeling pretty depressed. I made myself get up and go to the gym this afternoon, and whilst it made me feel energised, it didn't really help my mood. Maybe I need to push myself harder. I spent the evening with friends, and felt better whilst I was with them but feel just as bad now I'm back in my room.

This week, I've not just been having smallish lows like last week. I feel so weary of having to fight the depression all day, every day. My entire life revolves around keeping myself afloat. Can't I just have one day where I don't have to bother? It is so exhausting. Am I going to have to manage this illness my whole life? The older I get, the more it seems to damage my life: I've already dropped out of uni once, came worryingly close to dropping out again, and now my boyfriend and I have split up. At the first hint of a drop in mood these days, I become utterly hopeless. I've never contemplated suicide seriously, but it crosses my mind several times a day recently.

Sorry for sounding so sorry for myself and melodramatic, it's just that I can't say this stuff to people in my life.

Dadeling - do you usually have trouble sleeping? It's normal for me to sleep badly, but for the first couple of weeks of Citalopram, it kept me awake all night.

I hope everyone's feeling okay.
feeling any better today? sorry to hear about the split up :hugs:
why did you drop out of uni before?
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Dadeling
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#7827
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#7827
(Original post by looosey)
Dadeling - do you usually have trouble sleeping? It's normal for me to sleep badly, but for the first couple of weeks of Citalopram, it kept me awake all night.
I was on amitryptaline(sp?) for chronic tension headaches and they made me sleep all night long. Before I was on them I found it hard to get to sleep, hard to stay asleep and also hard to wake up if I did sleep. Its stressing me out and I feel like eating all the time now. I've had a lovely day but I just feel ****. :cry:
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Bangers+Mash
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#7828
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#7828
hope everyone is ok :hugs:
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Pocket Calculator
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#7829
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#7829
(Original post by Dadeling)
I was on amitryptaline(sp?) for chronic tension headaches and they made me sleep all night long.
where do you get that stuff? i really could do with it! can't remember the last decent night's sleep i had...
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looosey
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#7830
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#7830
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
loads of new people!
feeling any better today? sorry to hear about the split up :hugs:
why did you drop out of uni before?
Thanks I hope you're feeling better tonight.

I dropped out of Warwick in January last year because I absolutely hated it there, never settled in properly, and pretty much lived like a hermit! It wasn't really properly identified at the time, but I now know that I was very depressed and had fairly bad social anxiety. I don't think I would've liked it even if I hadn't been depressed though.

I'm feeling quite good right now after spending the evening with my friends. I only told them about my depression a couple of weeks ago, but I'm so glad I did. They never fail to cheer me up. Up until this evening, it's not been a good day mood-wise. I want to get my last essay in by the end of the week, but after looking it at today I realised I have no idea how to write it. Just feeling like I can't take any more of the depression. It feels like it is much stronger than I am. I'm definitely going to ask to up my dose when I see my doc on Thursday.

Can anyone tell me - when I increase the doseage of Citalopram from 20 to 40mg, should I expect to go through a settling-in period like when I first went on it, or will I not feel any side-effects because my body's already used to it?

(Original post by Dadeling)

I was on amitryptaline(sp?) for chronic tension headaches and they made me sleep all night long. Before I was on them I found it hard to get to sleep, hard to stay asleep and also hard to wake up if I did sleep. Its stressing me out and I feel like eating all the time now. I've had a lovely day but I just feel ****.
I'm sorry you're feeling bad, not being able to sleep properly is pretty much torture :hugs: My doctor put me on one week of night sedation a couple of weeks ago, and it did help me sleep, but it also made me completely exhausted throughout the day so I felt like I hadn't slept anyway. It does take away the anxiety of lying awake all night though. Did your doctor give you any advice about your sleep?
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Dadeling
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#7831
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#7831
(Original post by looosey)
I'm sorry you're feeling bad, not being able to sleep properly is pretty much torture :hugs: My doctor put me on one week of night sedation a couple of weeks ago, and it did help me sleep, but it also made me completely exhausted throughout the day so I felt like I hadn't slept anyway. It does take away the anxiety of lying awake all night though. Did your doctor give you any advice about your sleep?
She said to take it in the morning cause it can mess with your sleeping but that was all. It may be wearing off/working a bit cause I slept the whole way through last night but i'm still shattered. Early night tonight I think. I figured out that the nausea was because I was taking the tablet then eating but if I take it during breakfast or after I don't feel so bad. :redface:
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Pocket Calculator
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#7832
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#7832
(Original post by looosey)
told them about my depression a couple of weeks ago,
i could never do that. most of them wouldn't know how to react, or even see it as attention seeking.

cried walking home from uni today. just aching for a hug and some company, really.
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*pink_sapphires*
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#7833
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#7833
:bawling: I feel absolutely ****. Thought the last week I was doing ok, but now it's all falling apart
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jonathan122
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#7834
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#7834
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
:bawling: I feel absolutely ****. Thought the last week I was doing ok, but now it's all falling apart
:hugs:

Do you want to talk about it?
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*pink_sapphires*
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#7835
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#7835
(Original post by jonathan122)
:hugs:

Do you want to talk about it?
I'm talking to you on MSN thank you. xxxxx :hugs:
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Bateman
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#7836
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#7836
I hate my current school and miss my old one.

The saying is true; ou don't know what you have till it's gone.
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*pink_sapphires*
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#7837
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#7837
(Original post by Bateman)
I hate my current school and miss my old one.

The saying is true; ou don't know what you have till it's gone.
Yeah, that is sooooooooo true

:hugs: for you
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Bateman
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#7838
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#7838
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
Yeah, that is sooooooooo true

:hugs: for you
sometimes i don't even know why i bother.
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Pocket Calculator
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#7839
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#7839
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
:bawling: I feel absolutely ****. Thought the last week I was doing ok, but now it's all falling apart
what's happened?
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*pink_sapphires*
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#7840
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#7840
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
what's happened?
In a nutshell...

  • Mum is really ill
  • Uncle is in hospital critically ill
  • I'm in loads of debt
  • I'm worried about council tax and housing benefit and stuff that I should have dealt with months ago....will probs end up in prison
  • Upset over Gav even though he's being amazing
  • Home is really really tough with my brother
  • I went to Canterbury, the guy I liked there got with me in my car, then I came home and found out he has a girlfriend....now I feel really really really guilty
  • Can't do this Marketing course as just no motivation even though I want to do it
  • Can't afford bills or petrol and I might only be working 1 day a week as they're splitting hours evenly which is **** as I need the money
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