Depression Society MkII Watch

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*pink_sapphires*
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#7861
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#7861
Went to see my uncle in hospital today. He's so poorly It really upset me to see him like that. He's usually the strong fighter, never letting on how much pain he's in. But today he was close to tears, telling us that he was really really sorry for being in hospital and that he just crashed and couldn't take anymore pain and suffering Was weird because I met his adoptive father and half-sister too. Never met them before. Was awkward but Mum and I did well Made me regret leaving uni though. I wanted to help him out but there was nothing I could do besides clean the blood off of the back of his hand Felt so helpless
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blackfish
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#7862
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#7862
Sat in the pub and my cup of tea is empty. Not allowed. Must go and rectify

I'm really starting to wish I lived near my cousins, I get on with them so well and they except me for who I am. It makes me feel like I fit in. I'm not used to fitting in. I'm in the pub at the moment but i'm on my own. I don't seem to have friends. I miss my friends from college.

I also think I have myself a stalker. This girl in Taunton just has a habit of appearing out of nowhere. She's good looking as well. I'm sure it coincidence though, I wouldn't expect it to be anything more.

I've had a difficult day today, Bus was late, Missed Train, Next Bus was late, Had an arguement with the photocopier (which I lost). I have however taken a laptop apart to find a faulty component...! I love taking things apart and fixing them!

*pink_sapphires* Don't feel so helpless with regards to your Uncle. He is in the best possible hands. My friend was taken into hospital a year ago. I felt completely helpless because I was over 200 miles away at the time. But it all worked out in the end. I hope it will for you too

:hugs: to whoever needs them. Now I have a cup of tea to purchase
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*pink_sapphires*
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#7863
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#7863
(Original post by blackfish)
*pink_sapphires* Don't feel so helpless with regards to your Uncle. He is in the best possible hands. My friend was taken into hospital a year ago. I felt completely helpless because I was over 200 miles away at the time. But it all worked out in the end. I hope it will for you too

:hugs: to whoever needs them. Now I have a cup of tea to purchase
Yeah, I guess. But doctors have let him down so much over the past 20 years and he's ended up with so many problems and things which could probably have been avoided. I don't trust anyone these days. But I met his surgeon and he seemed really nice and gave us all the options and he says he thinks things will be ok.

How was the cup of tea? I've just been to the gym! So proud of myself
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Genna
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#7864
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#7864
Hi, I'm new here and thought I'd introduce myself,

I've suffered from depression for many years now but over past couple of months its got worse with constant breakdowns, loneliness and feelings of hopelessness. My down days are often accompanied with painful anxiety attacks which I think happen because I get quite afraid of not being in control and feeling clueless of what to do. So I actually went to a doctor who sat and listened to me- the only doctor to do that, and I'm trying Citalopram 20mg. The first week has been ropey mainly from the side effects I've had but I'm going to persist and see if they work.

I don't know if anyone else feels this way but I feel very guilty about me feeling down and being a burden to my family, friends and boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 years and he's amazing to me when I'm down, but I get so afraid that one day he'll just get fed up me being down. Its made worse by the fact I can't sleep alone or be alone especially when no-one in my house is there and get an anxiety attack, so I'm staying at his every night just so I don't get another painful attack.

Anyways depression rant over! Its nice I've found somewhere to share my experiences with other people and don't feel so isolated in the way I often feel! xxx
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member101
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#7865
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#7865
Hello everyone,I'm new here. I wish I'd found this society just over a year ago, would have been a huge help when I felt at my worst.
I'm wanting to go back onto antidepressants because after five years of therapy I've lost hope of it ever working. My doctor's refusing to let me back onto them because I stopped taking my Citalopram after two months of it, without informing him. I don't know how to find another doctor as the ones in his surgery are all really unapproachable.
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FizzBitch
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#7866
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#7866
(Original post by member101)
Hello everyone,I'm new here. I wish I'd found this society just over a year ago, would have been a huge help when I felt at my worst.
I'm wanting to go back onto antidepressants because after five years of therapy I've lost hope of it ever working. My doctor's refusing to let me back onto them because I stopped taking my Citalopram after two months of it, without informing him. I don't know how to find another doctor as the ones in his surgery are all really unapproachable.
Woah that's harsh of your GP...have you tried to convince him you would take them as directed if you went back on them? Also if you stopped taking Citalopram because there was a problem with them, ask him if you could try a different one. Hmmm I don't know really...sorry I can't be of help!
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member101
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#7867
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#7867
(Original post by Fizz*****)
Woah that's harsh of your GP...have you tried to convince him you would take them as directed if you went back on them? Also if you stopped taking Citalopram because there was a problem with them, ask him if you could try a different one. Hmmm I don't know really...sorry I can't be of help!
I stopped taking it beacuse it was making me plan suicide attempts and it wasn't based on reasons as it had been previously. Also, it would make me randomly start cutting huge, gaping cuts after imagining them in my head. I've always cut myself for a reason. I first went to him and told him that the drug was making me even more suicidal. His response was "You're supposed to feel like that, go home and carry on taking it. Everything's fine." He wouldn't change it to another one, so in the end it was too much for me and I stopped.
Next time I went to him he said it was impossible for me to ever use antidepressants again because they'll never work with me and I have to carry on with therapy alone.
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blackfish
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#7868
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#7868
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
How was the cup of tea? I've just been to the gym! So proud of myself
The tea was very good thankies. I'm in a wetherspoons in Salisbury now, yet another tea has been summoned to join me... :rolleyes:

I'm glad you got the courage to go to the gym, thats more than I could do

I'm getting rather stressed now because there is a women behind me ****ging off people who claim Disability Benefit. The nature of her conversations is beginning to depress me! GRRR!!!

:hugs: to all

I'm going to have to catch a train now... Take care of yourselves... :hugs:
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death.drop
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#7869
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#7869
(Original post by blackfish)
I'm getting rather stressed now because there is a women behind me ****ging off people who claim Disability Benefit. The nature of her conversations is beginning to depress me! GRRR!!!
that would annoy me so much I'd actually have to say something.
you have the power!!
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FizzBitch
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#7870
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#7870
(Original post by member101)
Next time I went to him he said it was impossible for me to ever use antidepressants again because they'll never work with me and I have to carry on with therapy alone.
I think he's talking a load of **** tbh...loads of people have problems with some antidepressants, but it doesn't mean that all antidepressants won't work properly. I think you should try and switch gp/surgery if at all possible.
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member101
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#7871
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#7871
(Original post by sian_bedford)
Hi guys. I think it is time for me to join this society. Life sucks
Hiya, how are you today?
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Pocket Calculator
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#7872
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#7872
so god damned lonely.
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Elements
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#7873
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#7873
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
so god damned lonely.
Have you come across me on here before?
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Elements
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#7874
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#7874
(Original post by member101)
I stopped taking it beacuse it was making me plan suicide attempts and it wasn't based on reasons as it had been previously. Also, it would make me randomly start cutting huge, gaping cuts after imagining them in my head. I've always cut myself for a reason. I first went to him and told him that the drug was making me even more suicidal. His response was "You're supposed to feel like that, go home and carry on taking it. Everything's fine." He wouldn't change it to another one, so in the end it was too much for me and I stopped.
Next time I went to him he said it was impossible for me to ever use antidepressants again because they'll never work with me and I have to carry on with therapy alone.
:hello: there,

1stly :hugs:

2ndly, your doctor sounds like a complete and utter jerk...I was going to say something else beginning with a "b" and semi-rhyming with "disaster" but I am not sure whether that would be allowed or not. :angel: You could report him for saying that. Can you not change doctors because you don't deserve an uncaring, unsympathetic, ignorant and misinformed doctor treating you? Having a good doctor to turn to and build a good doctor-patient relationship with and trust, can work wonders- is ever so good! (Shame that I am not in such a position as that at Uni though ..)

3rdly, what therapy/treatment have you been seeking then? And why do you feel like it's not working/have given up hope?:console:


Hello Sian :hello: and many other people that I have not come across in here/everyone in here actually- not being around on this site nor in this society for about 1.5yrs may have something to do with that!:rolleyes: :p: :o: :grouphugs:
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Pocket Calculator
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#7875
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#7875
(Original post by Elements)
Have you come across me on here before?
yeah, i remember you from here a while back. why?
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diamonddust
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#7876
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#7876
(Original post by ice tea)
Hey guys. I wondered if I could ask some advice. I am having a relapse of depression at the moment, having had a very serious episode a couple of years ago. I have tried many different antidepressants over time, and the only one that helped last time round was venlafaxine, which I am now back on. They just upped my dosage to 225mg (same dose as last time), as it's not having any effect this time round yet, but I'm getting quite bad side effects this time round - my insomnia is worse, agitation, nausea, headache, feeling thirsty etc. I'm finding the insomnia and agitation really hard to cope with. I have exams coming up soon, and I really want to be well enough to take them and do well, but at the moment I am only just holding things together. I think my options are probably to stick it out on the 225mg, put up with the side effects and hope they pass, and that it kicks in soon and starts helping, or change to something different. The problem with changing to something different is that I'll have to put up with side effects as I start, it'll take time to build up to a high enough dose and kick in if it's going to, and I feel like I don't really have much time. Plus the fact that it might not help, or could even make me feel worse, it seems a bit risky to be changing. I'm worried because I've tried many antidepressants (probably about 10) and the only one that worked was venlafaxine. The doctors seem to be running out of ideas for what to try. I should probably mention that I have been having CBT, but it is finishing next week. I haven't found it all that helpful, although bits of it were. I feel like I'm running out of options, and that I don't hold much faith in the options I do have.
I'm having that problem too. I don't know what to say tbh. I've only been on Floxetine and I went cold turkey because it made no difference. Maybe you could try the 225mg and just hope it makes a difference?
Sorry I can't be more helpful :hugs:


Hi everyone, I've been a member of this soc for ages but I hardly post. I feel so awful right now and I just need someone to talk to.

I was diagnosed with depression about a year and a half ago. I saw a psychiatrist for ages and took Floxetine (sp?). It didn't make a difference to my mood, I actually felt more suicidal but my doctor wouldn't let me stop taking it. I went cold turkey and my psychiatrist moved practice, getting me a replacement psychiatrist. I made loads of appointments and kept forgetting to go. I've made another appointment and it's my last chance to go before they close my file. I thought I'd be ok and manage to get through it but
I can feel my depression coming back and I don't know what to do. I have to wait until the Easter holidays before my appointment and I don't know if I can.

I can't seem to deal with the extra pressure of exams.
I have two practical exams on Wednesday which are worth 20% of my final grade and I don't care enough about them to revise. I can't sleep at night and I hardly eat anymore. I feel worthless and like my life doesn't matter to anyone because my mum keeps telling me she wants me to leave the house so she can be alone and so she doesn't have to have a worthless daughter anymore. I'm going to fail my exams and I don't want this year to be a repeat of last year where I did nowhere near as well as I should have done. I can't focus on anything. Everyone (my parents, my teachers & my friends) seem to treat me like I'm worthless and stupid. They all seem to care about me on the surface like if I'm getting good grades (which I'm not) or smiling, no-one seems to care if I'm ok and tbh, I don't want them to because if they don't care while I'm alive it means they won't care when I'm dead and it wll be like I never existed.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to wake up in the mornings and get out of bed because I can't see any future for myself and so I don't see why it matters if I go to college or not. That means my attendance has gone down and although it isn't dangerously low, if it gets much lower I'll be kicked out of college.
I don't have anyone to talk to because everyone thinks I'm better when in reality I've just got better at hiding it. My friends have stopped contacting me because I keep cancelling whenever they want me to go out with them.

I keep thinking about suicide and last night I had this horrible thing where I kept holding my breath and then semi screamed everytime I let a breath out. I couldn't stop myself from shaking. I have no idea what it was but I don't think I can deal with this anymore.

I'll probably edit this later. Sorry for the nonsensical rant. I can't even explain why I feel the way I do...
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Pocket Calculator
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#7877
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#7877
(Original post by diamonddust)
Hi everyone, I've been a member of this soc for ages but I hardly post. I feel so awful right now and I just need someone to talk to.
i'm around (well, until my battery runs out...)


sorry to hear your story. i've got a good bunch of friends myself, but they've all gone home for the holidays, and i'm stuck in my uni town pretty much on my own. i really can't cope with being alone, it hurst even if just for an hour. dreading the future too, the next uni term is barely longer than our easter break, and then after that comes another summer of isolation.
and then after my final year, what then? i'm in no state to enter the real world yet, especially not with a practically worthless degree. i'm a huge mess right now.
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member101
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#7878
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#7878
There's about four different people to quote and I am feeling slightly lazy, sorry. I understand what you're all going through, it seems so familiar and horribly depressing. If anyone wants to chat please PM me. xx
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*pink_sapphires*
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#7879
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#7879
I am so so so so tired after my first day at work. I hardly did a thing between 12.30pm and 4pm yet I'm shattered. I'm really proud of myself though because I didn't get anxious with anyone and I was totally relaxed and approached people and asked if they were enjoying their day etc.

How is everyone else?
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death.drop
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#7880
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#7880
congrats on doing so well at work ps

I'm really pissed off after yet another argument with my brother. I can't believe that my mum is letting my scummy druggie brother and his scummy drug dealing brother live in this house paying less rent than me, not buying their own food, stealing all my **** and taking the ******* piss with housework. Now, I don't want to take advantage of my mum and pay her less money, I just want them to be fair to her and pay rent and be fair to me and do their own washing up and not steal from me.
not to mention the constant abuse I get from my brother. I can't take this.
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