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My boyfriend wants me to give it up. What to do? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon because family on here (I'm Asian :p: )
    I'll try to keep it short; basically we're both 22, at uni and we've done stuff. Like well we've made out just in underwear but not actually had sex.
    We've been together for 8 months and he's started to imply that he wants to have sex now; he's not saying if I don't give it up he'll leave.
    But I've always wanted to save my virginity because I always thought I'd let the one guy I'll spend the rest of my life with corrupt me his way :perv:
    So, ideally I'd want to wait until marriage, (not for religious reasons, i'm not religious at all) but he knows I dont mind waiting just until we're engaged.
    Should I give it up just to make him happy or make him wait until we're engaged?
    Hi OP
    Now, I know that I'm prob opening myself up for a flaming here, but if it helps you, it's worth it. At college I was involved in a peer sex education system that's run by my local NHS foundation trust and we went around the local schools delivering it. The first few weeks are taken by nurses, learning the biology of sex, and then we come in and teach the emotional side of sex, culminating in a big role play session so the students can practice saying no; the idea being that if they've said it before in a controlled environment they will have the confidence to do it at a later stage when they feel they need to. The system is called APAUSE if you're wondering - Added Power And Understanding in Sexual Education. Peers teach it so the kids don't automatically stop listening because it's coming from teachers, or feel embarrassed.

    Basically, your body is your own, and you don't have to do anything with it you don't want to. You can be partners without having sex, notice that it's only guys on here saying otherwise. Yes it's true, he might leave you, but if he does he's only prooving that it's the sex he's interested in, and not you, and that's a pretty poor show on his part really. Yes sex is important, I'm a bit of a self confessed nympho tbh, but it's not the be-all-and-end-all of my very healthy relationship I have with my boyfriend, now 2.5 years old. I enjoy his company as much as I enjoy is bed, and if for some reason he didn't want sex anymore, I'd be fine with that. Actually my favourite thing to do with him is to curl up next to him at the end of the day. You couldn't do that with even the best of friends and it's not sexual at all. It makes me feel safe and loved, and I don't mind admitting it. Yes you can, not to sound too clinical but, give him a release without having sex. Ask him to show you what he likes, IF YOU WANT, and only if you want. Other than that, it's not going to fall off if he he doesn't use it, and I'd be very surprised if he's never sorted himself out. As long as you're fine for him to do that, then he should have no problem.

    Now, if he's asking and you don't want to, say no three times on three occasions, so the message is clear. You don't have to say anything else, no justifications, just a straight, firm 'No' will do. eg. Would you like to...'No', but I think we should... 'No', oh come on, please? 'No'. If he asks again, turn it back on him. Tell him it's making you feel uncomfortable and if he really loved you he wouldn't ask you again because you've told him and you don't like it. Next you change the subject, and if he asks again, remove yourself from the situation, go and make a cup of tea of something. Give him a big smile and leave the room. He'll be left thinking about what an idiot he's being. Run it through in your mind a couple of times so you know what to say and will feel comfortable saying it. Having sex doesn't make you an adult, and just because you're old enough to, doesn't mean you should or indeed have to. Well done to you for having morals and beliefs and being strong enough to stick to them.

    Best of luck OP, and I hope things turn out ok for you. I would have PM'd this too you to be a bit more discreet but you can't PM an anonymous post. Maybe it'll help someone else who's in the same situation.
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    Sex is a healthy part of a normal relationship. Not having sex when both parties want to is very damaging. Waiting until marraige despite wanting to have sex goes against human instinct, hence it is unnatural to suppress this urge. Its unnatural to suppress any urge, and unneccessary when it doesn't harm another person.


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon because family on here (I'm Asian :p: )
    I'll try to keep it short; basically we're both 22, at uni and we've done stuff. Like well we've made out just in underwear but not actually had sex.
    We've been together for 8 months and he's started to imply that he wants to have sex now; he's not saying if I don't give it up he'll leave.
    But I've always wanted to save my virginity because I always thought I'd let the one guy I'll spend the rest of my life with corrupt me his way :perv:
    So, ideally I'd want to wait until marriage, (not for religious reasons, i'm not religious at all) but he knows I dont mind waiting just until we're engaged.
    Should I give it up just to make him happy or make him wait until we're engaged?
    If you don't want to do it, simple as that, don't do it.
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    Personally I find it hard to imagine an 8 month relationship without any sex! But it's your life, do what you want.
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    (Original post by Barden)
    Sex is a healthy part of a normal relationship. Not having sex when both parties want to is very damaging. Waiting until marraige despite wanting to have sex goes against human instinct, hence it is unnatural to suppress this urge. Its unnatural to suppress any urge, and unneccessary when it doesn't harm another person.
    This.

    If you don't want to have sex before you are engaged/married, then that is fair enough. But what you will have to accept is that 90% of guys won't feel this way and it's going to take a lot to find someone who is willing to wait that long before having sex. I'll probably get slated but it's reality.

    Btw, I'm a girl and if I had a boyfriend who felt like this, I wouldn't stick around. Hell, I want to know if the sex is going to be decent for the rest of my life when I get married, plus I'd constantly be frustrated which is not FTW at all
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    **** him, don't **** him.
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    just ****
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    how the hell is her relationship 'messed up' because they're not having sex?!:confused:
    A relationship without kissing/hugging/flirting would be just as bad.

    Sex isn't some super power you can only use once you've charged up for 30 years until marriage. You need sex in a relationship just like anything else.
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    #4

    Maybe if you wait till marriage you can wait an see if he realy is with you for who you are and not just sex. Bu he sounds like a keeper if hes waited 8 month x
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    :|
    This thread has some scary replies in it, and I honestly question if some of you have ever been in relationships or know what sexual frustration is like.

    I will put it simply OP, it is your belief that you should wait until marriage before you have sex and no one can insult you or take that away from you, your boyfriend has asked for sex after 8 months, that is normal, all people will feel sexual needs, you should be happy that he hasnt pressured you into having sex when you dont want it, and has respected your answer for now. However, dont expect him to be happy about it, while it is your decision to not have sex until after marriage, it may be his decision to have sex before marriage, or he may be of the view that you need sex for a healthy relationship. Therefore, I suggest you talk to him about it, and if you cannot reach a solution which both parties agree on, ie meeting middle way like having oral sex, then perhaps you should consider splitting up before it makes you resent each other.
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    (Original post by sweeter than a cherry pie)
    Oh hey, it's you! Didn't actually realise. :p: Commented because I disapproved of your post. Tut tut.
    Yeah yeah sure lol, tut tut indeed :-)
 
 
 
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