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Do I need to be discreet about how many men I've slept with? watch

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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    I notice that you and some others are defending her behaviour, to which I can only assume is because you behave in a very similar manner, of which you are ashamed and do not wish to be branded a ****.
    My number is similar to the OPs, and although I am a little older, that still makes our relative behaviours about the same. So by default I'm a slut in your eyes too, without you even bothering to understand the backstory. :rolleyes: (assuming common definition of slut being someone who sleeps around causing harm, as opposed to just someone who sleeps around).

    I'll say that all the encounters I've had that have been outside a stable relationship have been safe and I am not just being 'used', I am doing it for my own pleasure. I have approached approx half of the men I have seen casually (I'm very forward with men and have posted about this in the past). I have never regretted sleeping with anyone as I always take my time to consider if I like and trust them first. I get a lot of attention from men and could have easily slept with 500+ by now but simply do not want to say yes to every man that offers (believe it or not, I have ridiculously high standards).

    Therefore I am doing no harm, and am therefore not a slut.

    It seems you cannot fathom how it is possible for a woman to be highly sexual and not be wreckless at the same time. I noticed you said short encounters = meaningless but I beg to differ. Sex doesn't have to be enjoyed only in the confines of a long term relationship. Sex for the sake of physical pleasure isn't neccessarily meaningless if you have the right mentality about it (I've even formed lasting friendships out of some of my 'casual' encounters). If its not for you, that's fair enough, but you seem keen to brandish any lifestyle different to your own as 'slutty'.

    And no I am not ashamed, because I am doing NOTHING WRONG. Jebus. :rolleyes:

    Your body is your temple and you only have one. If you make it free admission it will be abused and not respected and treasured in the way it should be.
    LOL. That sums your atittude up nicely. Once again you are ASSUMING that high numbers = free admission. I also don't agree that having lots of sex is not respecting your body. Having lots of irresponsible sex (no protection, under the influence, no standards, poor communication etc.) is not respecting your body. See the difference?

    You:
    lots of unsafe, wreckless sex = wrong
    lots of safe, responsible sex = still wrong

    Me:
    lots of unsafe, wreckless sex = wrong
    lots of safe, responsible sex = perfectly fine

    Get it? :lol:
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    I'm confused as to why does somebody who f.e. is not interested in a relationship have to stay celibate just to conform to social norms?

    ATM I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, I just haven't met a person in a while that I am both physically and intellectually drawn to / interested in. I have a lot of male friends, I meet a lot of new people, and go on dates quite regularly. I am very picky when it comes to sharing 'my life' with someone, and I don't see this as a problem, I don't mind being single. What I do mind is people who empose their values on others, and labelling them based on quantitative things (in this case number of sexual partners, some cases fat=lazy etc.).

    I believe sex is a fun thing to do, and with a person you care about and have previous experience with is better, but this doesn't exclude the fact that casual sex wouldn't be enjoyable.

    I don't believe relationship skills correlate at all with being sexually attracted to a certain 'higher' number of people and acting on it.

    A physical attraction is multiple times more common than emotional or intellectual connection, so it would be only natural that some people that decide to act on these genetically encoded instincts would wrap up a higher number of sexual experiences than meaningful emotional connections = relationships.

    The current sociological climate does still see women through the Madonna/Whore complex. In other times and in other societies things might have been different or will be different. As has been clear in this post, often the idea is that by having sex women 'give' something away, and men gain. In my view this is a very sexist idea that fights against the equality of genders.
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    If youre checked out and clean, it shouldnt be a problem.

    Thats my primary concern: **** Health and Safety
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    (Original post by HARRY PUTAH)
    No, do not tell him the truth FFS.
    Girls should be honest about such things. Guys with certain standards really ought to know what they are getting themselves into.
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    Just be honest about it, 20s not that many I personally would be more bothered that you lied about it. If you were single while you slept with them then why should anyone care? Just means you know how to enjoy yourself
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    (Original post by Rananagirl)
    You don't have to give an exact number, but if you have a vagina like a wizard's sleeve they *might* just guess anyway.
    For a start - you do know that having lots of sex = looser vagina is an absolute myth right? Even if it was true, why would the OP having sex with 20 men make her loose? She said most were short encounters or one offs, therefore she's probably had a lot less intercourse than someone who's had 1-3 partners in long term relationships where they're shagging around the clock every chance they get.
    But still, I find the whole "wow, you'd have lots of sex? your vagina must be so loose" is absolutely laughable because it is utter *******s.

    EDIT: To the OP, don't lie. If it ever got out that you lied, it's be much worse - plus if he's someone that's so bothered by your sexual past and thinks you're a huge slut for how many people you've slept with, you're probably going to disagree on a couple more moral issues I'd say. Just my two cents - also ignore people calling you a slut, they're just being judgemental and childish.

    Also, whoever negged me - why? The first part or the second?
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    (Original post by fidelity_blue)
    She said most were short encounters or one offs, therefore she's probably had a lot less intercourse than someone who's had 1-3 partners in long term relationships where they're shagging around the clock every chance they get.
    That's a good point actually. And the idea that lots of sex = loose vagina made me LOL too! Straight from the mouth of someone who doesn't know how a woman's body works. Fair enough, but then ignorance plus childishness is a disgusting combination, as demonstrated by the wizard's sleeve comment. Not that we should be surprised, this is TSR after all.

    (Original post by mtoo)
    What I do mind is people who empose their values on others, and labelling them based on quantitative things (in this case number of sexual partners, some cases fat=lazy etc.).
    Yes, exactly. This is what I've been discussing but it seems that some of the male posters here can't make that distinction. Mr Vader will just put his fingers in his ears and go: la la la la la I don't care, anyone who has sex more than X times a year is a slut, no questions asked.

    Lame.
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    (Original post by mtoo)
    I'm confused as to why does somebody who f.e. is not interested in a relationship have to stay celibate just to conform to social norms?

    ATM I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, I just haven't met a person in a while that I am both physically and intellectually drawn to / interested in. I have a lot of male friends, I meet a lot of new people, and go on dates quite regularly. I am very picky when it comes to sharing 'my life' with someone, and I don't see this as a problem, I don't mind being single. What I do mind is people who empose their values on others, and labelling them based on quantitative things (in this case number of sexual partners, some cases fat=lazy etc.).

    I believe sex is a fun thing to do, and with a person you care about and have previous experience with is better, but this doesn't exclude the fact that casual sex wouldn't be enjoyable.

    I don't believe relationship skills correlate at all with being sexually attracted to a certain 'higher' number of people and acting on it.

    A physical attraction is multiple times more common than emotional or intellectual connection, so it would be only natural that some people that decide to act on these genetically encoded instincts would wrap up a higher number of sexual experiences than meaningful emotional connections = relationships.

    The current sociological climate does still see women through the Madonna/Whore complex. In other times and in other societies things might have been different or will be different. As has been clear in this post, often the idea is that by having sex women 'give' something away, and men gain. In my view this is a very sexist idea that fights against the equality of genders.
    I agree with everything you say- there's nothing to be ashamed of / to celebrate in having a certain number of sexual encounters. I can understand how the OP has been affected by prevailing social attitudes though.
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    So long as you've learned well and thus **** well, I wouldn't give a ****.
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    (Original post by black_mamba)
    My number is similar to the OPs, and although I am a little older, that still makes our relative behaviours about the same. So by default I'm a slut in your eyes too, without you even bothering to understand the backstory. :rolleyes: (assuming common definition of slut being someone who sleeps around causing harm, as opposed to just someone who sleeps around).

    I'll say that all the encounters I've had that have been outside a stable relationship have been safe and I am not just being 'used', I am doing it for my own pleasure. I have approached approx half of the men I have seen casually (I'm very forward with men and have posted about this in the past). I have never regretted sleeping with anyone as I always take my time to consider if I like and trust them first. I get a lot of attention from men and could have easily slept with 500+ by now but simply do not want to say yes to every man that offers (believe it or not, I have ridiculously high standards).

    Therefore I am doing no harm, and am therefore not a slut.

    It seems you cannot fathom how it is possible for a woman to be highly sexual and not be wreckless at the same time. I noticed you said short encounters = meaningless but I beg to differ. Sex doesn't have to be enjoyed only in the confines of a long term relationship. Sex for the sake of physical pleasure isn't neccessarily meaningless if you have the right mentality about it (I've even formed lasting friendships out of some of my 'casual' encounters). If its not for you, that's fair enough, but you seem keen to brandish any lifestyle different to your own as 'slutty'.

    And no I am not ashamed, because I am doing NOTHING WRONG. Jebus. :rolleyes:



    LOL. That sums your atittude up nicely. Once again you are ASSUMING that high numbers = free admission. I also don't agree that having lots of sex is not respecting your body. Having lots of irresponsible sex (no protection, under the influence, no standards, poor communication etc.) is not respecting your body. See the difference?

    You:
    lots of unsafe, wreckless sex = wrong
    lots of safe, responsible sex = still wrong

    Me:
    lots of unsafe, wreckless sex = wrong
    lots of safe, responsible sex = perfectly fine

    Get it? :lol:


    A car decreases in value with the more owners it has, without being crude, the idea that many other dicks have been there before yours is not an endearing one. It is from that reasoning alone that many potential suiters will be put off.

    I never said that a slut's intentions or actions are to cause harm. Doing so would put them into the '*****' category. A slut is someone who has racked up very high numbers.

    A lot of people on the internet like to make stuff up to prove their point, so if you want us to believe that you have had around twenty different sexual partners and each one was attractive, trustworthy, caring and not drunk, you might need a different strategy. You may need to seek the assistance of sock puppets.

    If you genuinely have met that many people who are as described, please tell us where you live so that we can join you in your Utopia.

    It is not because the lifestyle is different to my own that I have to brandish it slutty, but more because I believe that kind of lifestyle is slutty. You see? A spade is a spade, no matter who calls it.

    This justification of hole-filling might be the physical way of filling some psychological holes. Perhaps you don't feel loved or valued and have to constantly attempt to fill your void with a different penis in the hope that you may feel valued or worthy.

    You have to be careful that your reputation doesn't precede you and that folks don't target you as an easy lay. You may find a lot of the guys you know start referring to each other as weiner cousins.
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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    A car decreases in value with the more owners it has, without being crude, the idea that many other dicks have been there before yours is not an endearing one. It is from that reasoning alone that many potential suiters will be put off.

    I never said that a slut's intentions or actions are to cause harm. Doing so would put them into the '*****' category. A slut is someone who has racked up very high numbers.

    A lot of people on the internet like to make stuff up to prove their point, so if you want us to believe that you have had around twenty different sexual partners and each one was attractive, trustworthy, caring and not drunk, you might need a different strategy. You may need to seek the assistance of sock puppets.

    If you genuinely have met that many people who are as described, please tell us where you live so that we can join you in your Utopia.

    It is not because the lifestyle is different to my own that I have to brandish it slutty, but more because I believe that kind of lifestyle is slutty. You see? A spade is a spade, no matter who calls it.

    This justification of hole-filling might be the physical way of filling some psychological holes. Perhaps you don't feel loved or valued and have to constantly attempt to fill your void with a different penis in the hope that you may feel valued or worthy.

    You have to be careful that your reputation doesn't precede you and that folks don't target you as an easy lay. You may find a lot of the guys you know start referring to each other as weiner cousins.
    Don't think that reasoning is right.
    Would you say the same for men who have lots of casual sex? That they don't feel valued and have loads of sex?
    And I'm not trying to justify 'slutty' behaviour here, as I don't have casual sex.
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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    A slut is someone who has racked up very high numbers.
    Ok, I was working with a different definition then (the one I described).

    A lot of people on the internet like to make stuff up to prove their point, so if you want us to believe that you have had around twenty different sexual partners and each one was attractive, trustworthy, caring and not drunk, you might need a different strategy.
    I don't have anything to prove to you. In fact, it would be beneficial for me to remain quiet and not defend the OP.

    I'm 27 (started 17), I'm moderately attractive (nothing special but I get attention easily), I meet a lot of men (male dominated education, work, hobbies) therefore meet lots of men I like, I approach men, I like sex. This is why my number is high. If you want to continue to believe that I don't know what I'm doing, nothing I can write can make you see past your judgemental haze.

    Perhaps you don't feel loved or valued and have to constantly attempt to fill your void with a different penis in the hope that you may feel valued or worthy.
    You're not reading what I'm writing are you? I already said, numerous times, that I have a very healthy approach and have no psychological 'holes that need filling'. You seem keen to ignore what I write though, so we're going to have to agree to disagree.

    You also think that you can equate women with cars so I don't think you're the sort of person I can have an intelligent discussion with anyway. Shame.

    Peace.
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    (Original post by chocolat321)
    Don't think that reasoning is right.
    Would you say the same for men who have lots of casual sex? That they don't feel valued and have loads of sex?
    And I'm not trying to justify 'slutty' behaviour here, as I don't have casual sex.

    I would be equally disapproving and suggest that they have trust issues. As far as equality goes, men and women are still wired differently.
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    (Original post by black_mamba)
    Ok, I was working with a different definition then (the one I described).



    I don't have anything to prove to you. In fact, it would be beneficial for me to remain quiet and not defend the OP.

    I'm 27 (started 17), I'm moderately attractive (nothing special but I get attention easily), I meet a lot of men (male dominated education, work, hobbies) therefore meet lots of men I like, I approach men, I like sex. This is why my number is high. If you want to continue to believe that I don't know what I'm doing, nothing I can write can make you see past your judgemental haze.



    You're not reading what I'm writing are you? I already said, numerous times, that I have a very healthy approach and have no psychological 'holes that need filling'. You seem keen to ignore what I write though, so we're going to have to agree to disagree.

    You also think that you can equate women with cars so I don't think you're the sort of person I can have an intelligent discussion with anyway. Shame.

    Peace.


    Sorry for assuming that you may have been intelligent enough to understand a metaphor or a comparison that is used to make a point. Perhaps your mind can't work in such an abstract format.

    You too seem to ignore what I write, in that it is highly improbable that everything has happened in the sweet and rosey manner that you have described. Not to call you a liar, but as we know, a lot of stuff on the internet is untrue and cannot be proven.

    It is not just the act of sex, which evidently you enjoy (and should do), but the reasoning and the motives behind it. You may get satisfaction out of it, but that does not take away the strong possibilities of there being some kind of psychological dysfunctioning behind it.

    You describe yourself as moderately attractive and in many male-orientated environments, with a habit of approaching men yourself. This puts you as a prime target:
    They don't have to travel very far or put much effort in to meet you.
    You are not the most attractive female in sight and are therefore less likely to reject them.
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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    Not to call you a liar, but as we know, a lot of stuff on the internet is untrue and cannot be proven.
    I said 'Peace' by way of meaning: let's agree to disagree and stop discussing this. I know your car metaphor was a metaphor, the point is that the comparison is misleading and inaccurate and therefore false. It was a bad metaphor.

    I have nothing to prove to you.

    In any case, how the hell can I have a sensible discussion with someone when he won't even believe me?

    Forget it.
    • #2
    #2

    I would be inclined to half the figure. I am in a similar situation to you with regards to age and numbers although the figure is a little lower. I lost my virginity 8 years ago and have had 2 long term relationships, one was 2.5 years, one 3 years. That means I have had quite a few one nighters. Although to be honest, mine are almost all drunken encounters which I do regret. I'm not a slut, I don't sleep with everyone who tries it on, I have some standards. I don't like the way I am when i'm too drunk though, hence why I don't drink so much anymore. I say half the number because how is anyone going to find out the real number? Are all your ex partners going to see you out and feel the need to tell your current partner they have slept with you? I would seriously doubt it. I told my ex the real number and although he said in the beginning it didn't bother him towards the end of the relationship he turned it against me and called me easy etc. I know he was a prick, but it made me decide to not be truthful anymore. The past is the past, nobody needs to know the real number if you don't want them to. Having said that, if you don't regret any of the encounters then by all means be honest if you want to!
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    I would dump you. I don't respect you either.

    There's a difference between players and sluts. A player has to use a skill set and put a lot of hard work to get laid - I respect that. A slut just has to be in a club and say 'yes' to advances - no work, no talent, just looks and I don't respect that.

    If you love sex and, more importantly, you love MEN you make relationships so you can get it again and again using hard work and a personality. If you can't make relationships work that frequently, then that says something about you. If you don't bother making relationships and go for the numbers, that says something about how much you actually like men.

    Those giving thumbing this down have political correctness shoved so far up their bottom they can't see straight.
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    I don't see a reason why you should inform people about how many people you have slept with. It's not that important to anyone else but you at the most.
    I would say remain discreet about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would be inclined to half the figure. I am in a similar situation to you with regards to age and numbers although the figure is a little lower. I lost my virginity 8 years ago and have had 2 long term relationships, one was 2.5 years, one 3 years. That means I have had quite a few one nighters. Although to be honest, mine are almost all drunken encounters which I do regret. I'm not a slut, I don't sleep with everyone who tries it on, I have some standards. I don't like the way I am when i'm too drunk though, hence why I don't drink so much anymore. I say half the number because how is anyone going to find out the real number? Are all your ex partners going to see you out and feel the need to tell your current partner they have slept with you? I would seriously doubt it. I told my ex the real number and although he said in the beginning it didn't bother him towards the end of the relationship he turned it against me and called me easy etc. I know he was a prick, but it made me decide to not be truthful anymore. The past is the past, nobody needs to know the real number if you don't want them to. Having said that, if you don't regret any of the encounters then by all means be honest if you want to!
    Surely it's better to be honest because it weeds out the pricks and guys you wouldn't be compatible with?

    Not all guys who prefer girls with less experience are pricks though, it's just a matter of preference but I think people should be truthful in relationships.
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    (Original post by black_mamba)
    I said 'Peace' by way of meaning: let's agree to disagree and stop discussing this. I know your car metaphor was a metaphor, the point is that the comparison is misleading and inaccurate and therefore false. It was a bad metaphor.

    I have nothing to prove to you.

    In any case, how the hell can I have a sensible discussion with someone when he won't even believe me?

    Forget it.
    Black_mamba you know the difference between 27 and 21 is huge.
    You’re correct in you assessment to let it go.
    Best wishes
 
 
 
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