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    (Original post by amojamo)
    Awww

    I can't understand why anybody would give you grief for this, it was clearly an accident. Your girlfriend's overreacting - accidents happen. She sounds quite irritating, if I'm honest. I don't think you've 'frightened' her; she's just playing the victim to make you feel worse - it's what girls do. I'm still not sure why we do it.

    All this **** about you needing professional help for your neck thing...don't listen to it, whatever you do. If you've come to terms with the fact that your friend didn't mean to strangle you, but still have neck issues, so be it. You don't need a psychiatrist opening up old wounds. If anything's going to **** your relationship up, it's that. Just don't try the neck thing again! You might love her, but you can't associate the neck thing and her; it's not going to work because she wasn't there when it happened.

    Chin up, bud. (Don't worry, I'm not going to touch your neck!)

    Apologies for the profanities and bad joke...
    I don't think she is putting it on. I don't think she'd be trying to appear as if it doesn't matter if she was.

    Of course I don't associate her with the incident, and I know consciously she's just going to kiss it, not try and strangle me. I just don't like my neck being touched, and don't think we're going to get past that. Neck is just going to have to be out; this incident might finally stop her, but I hate that it might be violence that ends it.

    And I found the joke funny.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm obviously not going to lash out if she touches me, seeing as she has since and it's not like I'm a violent person whose hit her for it.

    I don't have trust issues in general, just where my neck is concerned.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She obviously knows about the neck problem ... but she doesn't, and will not, know why it exists.
    I wasn't implying you were violent person, of course not. But perhaps she feels afraid of making as much contact as before because of this incident, and she knows that making contact near the neck is an issue.

    When I did say trust I was referring to the neck. You don't trust people regarding the contact in that area because your friend strangled you, so probably gives you flashbacks of that occassion and is you reaction to that.

    And you haven't told her the reason? You should honestly tell her why you reacted like this, so that she has an understanding.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok, before everyone starts shouting abuse and how I should turn myself into the police, you need to know the whole context, and understand that it was entirely an accident.

    You may or may not have read the thread, but I'm the person who hates having their neck touched ... and my girlfriend likes to touch and kiss my neck. So, in order to get over this, we were trying something where I would be totally relaxed and trusting of her, and then she would slowly touch my neck to see how I'd respond.

    So, I was trusting and relaxed. I was so very relaxed, I was in a completely different headspace and, to be honest here, I forgot she was there with me. I even forgot I was there. Then she touched my neck, and brought me out of it very suddenly...

    I really did just act on instinct and, in an attempt to get the 'attacker' away from me, I hit out ... and caught her. It was only after that that I even remembered it would be my girlfriend, and as soon as I realised I was stroking and kissing where I'd hit her, getting the ice, cuddling her and apologising.

    She said she was all right with it and she understood I hadn't meant to violently attack her, even that she should have gone slower and not taken me by surprise.

    However, since then, she hasn't responded to my texts or be as active in conversations, she seems jumpy around me, she was hesistant to get in a car with, she doesn't sleep half laying on me anymore...

    I don't know what to do - I really didn't mean to hit her, and I love her so much ... but I think I've scared her, and I'm probably one of the most non-violent people you could meet. Is there anything I can do to make it up to her?

    TL;DR version: Accidentally hit my girlfriend in circumstances that are IMO completely understandable. Not a violent person, but now she seems scared of me - anything I can do about it?
    did you like give her any bruises or anything?? Just tell her what you posted here…. If I was her, I might forgive you… but this all depends on how hard you hit her!!!!!
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    (Original post by Spinnerette)
    I think she reacted like that because she is someone you trust and would have thought you'd be able to restrain yourself as you are her boyfriend and that it wasn't out of malicious intent.

    She probably didn't expect you to at all hit her as a reaction hence why she is now a bit frightened and shocked by you.
    Obviously, I feel **** and would do anything to go back and suggest that we restrain my hands ... but to be honest, it maybe should have been anticipated.

    It isn't the first time I've reacted violently to having my neck touched, although that was just things like suddenly jumping my shoulders up and squashing her hand.

    This is by far the worst reaction.
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    I'm not surprised she's scared of you now
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    (Original post by DanielleT192)
    I wasn't implying you were violent person, of course not. But perhaps she feels afraid of making as much contact as before because of this incident, and she knows that making contact near the neck is an issue.

    When I did say trust I was referring to the neck. You don't trust people regarding the contact in that area because your friend strangled you, so probably gives you flashbacks of that occassion and is you reaction to that.

    And you haven't told her the reason? You should honestly tell her why you reacted like this, so that she has an understanding.
    Contact near the neck always was an issue and yeah, I don't trust people with the neck ... but it's not a huge issue in general life.

    No, she doesn't know the exact reason. She doesn't like him at the best of times, I don't really want to give her more ammunition to dislike him or even report him to the police. And if I say 'a friend', she'll still know - he's my only friend, besides her.

    (Original post by amelle)
    did you like give her any bruises or anything?? Just tell her what you posted here…. If I was her, I might forgive you… but this all depends on how hard you hit her!!!!!
    No, no bruises thankfully - bit red for a day (it was a punch-slap hybrid) ... but no bruises, and she said it didn't really hurt, just more shocking than painful.
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    Give her time, I'm sure she understands but is still in shock or something about it.
    I guess it's just like flinching, like because she touched a certain part of your neck that just made you react. Try getting some of your mates or something to touch your neck, or at least someone that's stronger than you and can deal with it. I don't know just lay off a bit
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    I'm not surprised she's scared of you now
    Why?
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    (Original post by Agent Sparkle)
    Give her time, I'm sure she understands but is still in shock or something about it.
    I guess it's just like flinching, like because she touched a certain part of your neck that just made you react. Try getting some of your mates or something to touch your neck, or at least someone that's stronger than you and can deal with it. I don't know just lay off a bit
    I haven't got any apart from her and the guy that strangled me in the first place - which one do you reckon I should go with?

    For months, I've been touching it myself and got to the point where I wasn't reacting anymore, so I thought we'd be fine to try her slowly. Apparently not.

    I don't think neck will be on the menu anymore, but I hate that hitting her might have made that happen.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think she is putting it on. I don't think she'd be trying to appear as if it doesn't matter if she was.

    Of course I don't associate her with the incident, and I know consciously she's just going to kiss it, not try and strangle me. I just don't like my neck being touched, and don't think we're going to get past that. Neck is just going to have to be out; this incident might finally stop her, but I hate that it might be violence that ends it.

    And I found the joke funny.
    Phew, might've been awkward if you took it personally. :P

    I'm not sure...I do that kind of thing if I'm pissed off with my boyfriend. We had a fight on Saturday that ended with us pushing one another and me throwing him out of the house (he was drunk :mad:). I was still seething on Sunday and unsure whether or not I wanted to be with him, yet I pretended everything was fine. We're fine now, he's apologised profusely and I realised I started the fight. However, girls don't like to admit they're in the wrong, so perhaps she's embarrassed that she caused you to lash out? I don't know, I'm just trying to empathise with both of you.

    Don't let these trolls try to brainwash you into thinking it's violence - it isn't. If you had made a conscious decision to swing for your girlfriend, then fair enough. But it's a reflex. You couldn't help it!

    Please stop beating yourself up about it. (That one wasn't a pun btw!)


    Bring on the negative ratings and hate responses from the ardent feminists.
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    Dude... Seek psychological help.

    No-one should freak out that much about being touched...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know what to do - I really didn't mean to hit her, and I love her so much ... but I think I've scared her, and I'm probably one of the most non-violent people you could meet. Is there anything I can do to make it up to her?

    TL;DR version: Accidentally hit my girlfriend in circumstances that are IMO completely understandable. Not a violent person, but now she seems scared of me - anything I can do about it?
    Yeah... let her touch your neck and ears as much as she wants now, with you being aware of it, obviously dont want another accident

    If she did get scared by it.. she will distant herself for a little, until she gets over it. Its quite natural and most people would do the same. I would.

    But i guess i would understand.. because I dont like being tickled, unlike how most people would just laugh, its a nightmare for me :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I haven't got any apart from her and the guy that strangled me in the first place - which one do you reckon I should go with?
    Well. That's a tricky one. Have you tried going to a completely different person, or something. Like, I don't know, go to a marshal arts place and see if they'll help - a long shot, but hey ho, it may just help.
    The thing with touching yourself there is that it'll always be familiar to you as it's your body so your brain would know what's happening, hense why you had the reaction to your girlfriend.
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    (Original post by 69Crazyfists)
    Dude... Seek psychological help.

    No-one should freak out that much about being touched...
    I can name you at least five groups of people who will freak out about being touched far more (it's not general touching, just the neck).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I should turn myself into the police
    This is a wonderful typo, it basically says you are a high-power shapeshifter. Cool.
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    (Original post by When will I know?)
    Yeah... let her touch your neck and ears as much as she wants now, with you being aware of it, obviously dont want another accident

    If she did get scared by it.. she will distant herself for a little, until she gets over it. Its quite natural and most people would do the same. I would.

    But i guess i would understand.. because I dont like being tickled.
    Yeah... That's not going to happen. Neck is definitely off the menu. Ears are fine, I even like my ears touched. It's just the neck.

    (Original post by Agent Sparkle)
    Well. That's a tricky one. Have you tried going to a completely different person, or something. Like, I don't know, go to a marshal arts place and see if they'll help - a long shot, but hey ho, it may just help.
    The thing with touching yourself there is that it'll always be familiar to you as it's your body so your brain would know what's happening, hense why you had the reaction to your girlfriend.
    I think I'd be more freaked out with a stranger - myself and her, I trust. A stranger, I'd have no idea.
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    (Original post by TheSocialScientist)
    This is a wonderful typo, it basically says you are a high-power shapeshifter. Cool.
    :rofl: As long as I don't have to sing, that was funny.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How, though? People are saying not to behave differently ... except the things I usually do wouldn't show her I'm really sorry.
    You never know what's on her mind, maybe she knows you're really sorry but you just think she doesn't notice it. It will take time, but make sure you show her how sorry you are whilst waiting for her to trust you again.
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    See someone for help, reacting that way over your neck is just wrong, and you know its wrong and illogical.


    It's especially wrong when you resort to violence when your partner touches it. Whether you like it or not, if some psychological thing causes you to not be able to function right and/or harm others, it needs to be sorted out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can name you at least five groups of people who will freak out about being touched far more (it's not general touching, just the neck).
    A normal person, then if you want to be pedantic. You should still seek psychological help. Or do you want to keep hitting people you care about?
 
 
 
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