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    Why do women get married in white?

    So they can match the kitchen appliances.
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    a coupled has been married for 20 years and have 3 kids, each time the have sex though the husband insists on turning the lights off. One time the wife turns the light on while they're at it and discovers he's using a dildo.
    - how do you explain that !!!!
    - how do you explain the 3 kids ?
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    Why should you wear pants in Russia?

    Cos otherwise CherNOByl fall out. :awesome:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I know Chernobyl didnt happen in Russia fyi, it just makes the joke flow better.
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    How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

    Deep pan, crisp and even.
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    (Original post by marcusmerehay)
    The clue is in the name. Neutr-on.

    Electrons have negative charge. :fyi:
    Oops I can't believe I got that wrong seen as I got an A* in my GCSE chemistry mock today!
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    My friend went on a massive anti-Semitic jokes telling spree the other day and this was the one that I couldn't help but giggle a little, which is SO wrong.

    Q: How do you fit twelve Jews into a car?
    A: Two in the front, two in the back and eight in the ashtray.
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    I like women as much as the next man.

    By which I mean I'm bisexual.
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    Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

    Because the chicken wasn't invented yet.


    The funniest thing about that is i said chickens are invented :lol:
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    An young Jewish girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Grim faced, her father asked her, “Who did this to you? I want to know!” and without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

    Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man looking man with gray hair, dripping with gold, and wearing an expensive suit and a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

    He enters and tells them, “Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I'm afraid that I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take full responsibility for what has happened. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a a number of factories in New Jersey and a
    $25,000,000 bank account"

    This seems to pacify the girls father but the man continues:

    "Just one thing - if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what I should do. What do you suggest?”

    The mother, who had remained silent until now, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him “So, you try again!”
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Cesare Borgia)
    What's pink and covered in cobwebs?







    Maddy's bike.
    Trolololololo

    Frankie boyle joke?
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    " Wanna hear a good knock knock joke? But you have to start it"

    Spoiler:
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    other person: "okay. Knock knock?"
    You: "whos there?"
    other person: "... ?"
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    (Original post by fletchdd02)
    Oops I can't believe I got that wrong seen as I got an A* in my GCSE chemistry mock today!
    maybe that's cause it's physics and not chemistry ^^

    On the other hand, there is a strong interaction between neutrons and protons, that's what holds atoms together.
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    My favourite gag at the moment is:

    What do you call a girl with 2 c*nts?
    N-Dubz
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    (Original post by mc1000)
    So it seems that David Cameron is raising tuition fees.

    Not to worry. The last thing he tried to raise died at the age of six.
    That's really sick.
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    One sperm says to another: Im tired man
    Second sperm: Dude we have still have a long have to go because we've only reached the tonsils yet
    ....

    7 dwarfs get into a tub feeling happy.
    So Happy gets out and leaves

    .....

    yo mama is fat when she sits she gets 2inches higher
    ....

    yo mamma is dumb, she thought a light saver was a salad meal.

    ....

    chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,because the only element he understood was the element of surprise.

    .........

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday

    .......
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    More Frankie Boyle:
    'I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.'

    'It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol'

    'Jordan and Peter Andre are still fighting each other over custody of Harvey - eventually one of them will lose and have to keep him.'
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    Whats got two humps and is found in the north pole?

    A lost camel :awesome:
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    Some **** came up to me in a nightclub last night and said "I get 20 times more girls than you do haha".

    I replied "Well 20 x 0 = 0"

    That shut the ****er up.
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    (Original post by mc1000)
    So it seems that David Cameron is raising tuition fees.

    Not to worry. The last thing he tried to raise died at the age of six.
    Oooh thats cold mate!!! Made me laugh though, +rep when i get it!

    Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
    Ate something
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    I went for my annual medical check up today.
    The Dr said "Mr Owens, you're going to have to stop masturbating"
    I said: "Why's that Dr?"
    He said: "So I can examine you"!
 
 
 
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