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Is it polite/unnecessary to ask the bf if I can meet my ex for coffee? Watch

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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Is your issue not being asked or not being told.
    I think telling them is the thing to do, but asking does seem a bit OTT.
    Obviously it can be a source of insecurity, so reassuring your partner is important. But I wouldn't let that stop me in itself.
    Issue is not knowing... If I find out she went and had a coffee with me knowing it would cause a problem, or two.

    The whole idea of my gf seeing her ex is in it self a bit odd...
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?
    Why do you even want to meet him, if I may ask?

    Regardless of the purpose, I think that the best choice is to inform him of your meeting to prevent any possible complications. Do not ask for a permission, though, you are an independent human being, are you not?
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    (Original post by 4TSR)
    Issue is not knowing... If I find out she went and had a coffee with me knowing it would cause a problem, or two.

    The whole idea of my gf seeing her ex is in it self a bit odd...
    Well my ex's were a big part of my life, I don't see a reason to keep them out of my life forever more, when I might have a meaningful friendship with them.

    The important thing is communication with your current partner in many respects, to make sure you don't mess your current relationship up, but if you're doing that then I don't see any problem.
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    Poor guy, you seem like an ********.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Well my ex's were a big part of my life, I don't see a reason to keep them out of my life forever more, when I might have a meaningful friendship with them.

    The important thing is communication with your current partner in many respects, to make sure you don't mess your current relationship up, but if you're doing that then I don't see any problem.
    But who are you to say there will not be old feelings rushing back? since a meaningful relationship is usually a result of a meaningful friendship such as the one a girl might want with her ex... Who's to say what will happen? we are only humans, and sometimes feelings/emotions can lead to actions; specially exciting actions.
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    Question a slut would ask that wants to go back to her ex-boyfriend.
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    (Original post by 4TSR)
    But who are you to say there will not be old feelings rushing back? since a meaningful relationship is usually a result of a meaningful friendship such as the one a girl might want with her ex... Who's to say what will happen? we are only humans, and sometimes feelings/emotions can lead to actions; specially exciting actions.
    Yes that might happen. It depends on the strength of their feelings about one relationship compared to their feelings for their ex and seeing them again.
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    (Original post by PerigeeApogee)
    Well they tend to be far more forward than other guys because they've been there done that before, and so think they still have some sort of touching/feeling/appealing privileges.
    Although thisis true, unless you're in the earlystages you should have no reason to be worried, she's with you (for example) fora reason.
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    (Original post by Picaa)
    Jealousy is for low-class, loser types. If your bf has any self-respect and confidence, he won't care that you're meeting your EX for coffee. You're not meeting him for a shag... Presumably either your bf trusts you or he doesn't. If he doesn't, you've got bigger problems waiting for you than this meeting with your ex.
    It's not about jealousy; it's about respect for your partner. And it's also about emotional maturity.

    You're 100% wrong - If the boyfriend has self-respect and confidence he'll DUMP her for. And he should. She's an immature disrespectful child seeking emotional validation and the taboo thrill of hanging out with an ex.
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    Girls pretend to be naive about ex boyfriends and about the nature of males in general.

    Guys will ALWAYS be trying to get back into your pants. Ex boyfriends are hungry wolves, and you're disrespecting your boyfriend by meeting with them.

    And girls know this. They know exactly what's happening, and they get a subtle kick out of it but they pretend not to, and get all self-righteous.
    Women crave drama in their lives.

    Let's see if any of the honest ones will come in and agree with me.

    Btw:

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    (Original post by PrimateJ)
    It's not about jealousy; it's about respect for your partner. And it's also about emotional maturity.

    You're 100% wrong - If the boyfriend has self-respect and confidence he'll DUMP her for. And he should. She's an immature disrespectful child seeking emotional validation and the taboo thrill of hanging out with an ex.
    You're right, but then at the end of the day she's just a human animal and no doubt wants some thrills in life like everyone else. My personal beliefs are anti-monogamous, and I would be able to tolerate it in my gf. Frankly jealousy isn't worth it - nobody is worth the trouble to be jealous over. It's all bad vibes dressed up as a kind of post-Christian moral sense. That's my opinion about it anyway.
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    (Original post by PrimateJ)
    It's not about jealousy; it's about respect for your partner. And it's also about emotional maturity.

    You're 100% wrong - If the boyfriend has self-respect and confidence he'll DUMP her for. And he should. She's an immature disrespectful child seeking emotional validation and the taboo thrill of hanging out with an ex.
    There a lot of assertions which, I'm not sure are true here. Please could you provide evidence for what I've put in bold and underlined

    If any of my ex's wanted to meet up for coffee I'd probably either not do it, or do it with no excitement and not care that much.

    Personally it sounds like you've had past experiences where those things I underlined and put in bold are true. But I'm not sure you can make such wild generlisations (unless there are some posts I've missed where she's said those things).
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    (Original post by Jamie)
    You are being selfish
    If you ask him and he isn't happy will you not go and not think ill of him?


    If you ask him, there is no way for him to 'win'.
    So don't ask.
    If I wasn't happy then my partner would just reassure me, still go anyway, but just make sure they're there for me.

    I'm not sure what the problem would be with that, we both tell each other our insecurities all the time and we deal with them.
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    Yeah definitely inform him that you are doing it, or it might seem like you're going behind his back or trying to hide it lest he find out. But I don't think there is a problem with doing this, I certainly wouldn't object to my boyfriend doing this (if he really had an ex anyway) and I would expect him to be fine with me seeing mine.


    A lot of people seem to see this as a hugely bad thing :lolwut: I knew my ex as an extremely close friend and boyfriend for over 3 years, meeting up for coffee hardly seems like a massive betrayal.
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    (Original post by OMGWTFBBQ)
    It's polite to tell him you're meeting.

    No need to ask though.
    This
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    I never understood how couples seem to go from lovey-dovey to hating each other and not on speaking terms in a snap of the fingers.
    I would be perfectly happy to meet my ex for a coffee, he's just one of my friends after all.
    I certainly wouldn't ask my current partner if he was OK with it. Would probably tell him about it either before or after though.

    As far as I'm concerned, if a person can't handle their partner meeting up with one of their friends for a coffee, ex or not, then something is wrong, or they have a lot of maturing still to do.
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    So many pseudo-mature idiots on this forum.
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    (Original post by PrimateJ)
    Girls pretend to be naive about ex boyfriends and about the nature of males in general.

    Guys will ALWAYS be trying to get back into your pants. Ex boyfriends are hungry wolves
    ]

    Totally agree with this from personal experience.

    My gf has had two requests from ex's to meet. The first time it was for a chat, the second for a talk about how uni was going. She rejected both due to her own reasons, and in the following days, received other requests from both guys for a lot more than a chat. One wanted a full blown relationship again, the other wanted to jump between the covers.
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    Serial monogamous friendships in this forum.
 
 
 
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