Maths Joke! Watch

4Ed
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#61
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#61
And here's the worst maths joke I've ever heard (on a par with let epsilon < 0):

So I asked my mathematician friend: 'What happened to your parrot?'

He replied: 'Polynomial, polygon!'

(you might have to read the punchline out loud to get it)
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The Mudman
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#62
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#62

Worst. Joke. Ever... And I love it!
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F1 fanatic
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#63
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#63
The worst actual maths jokes I know:

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"

The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."

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A mathematician is in Africa trying to capture a lion. When he spots one he proceeds to build a fence around himself and says, "I define this to be outside!"

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Pick-Up Lines to use on Mathematics Chicks

  • You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
  • Are you a differentiable function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves!
  • You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
  • My love for you is a monotonic increasing function of time.
  • Wanna come back to my room and see my copy of Euclid's "Elements"?
  • I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.
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username21537
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#64
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#64

Pick-Up Lines to use on Mathematics Chicks
  • You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
  • Are you a differentiable function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves!
  • You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
  • My love for you is a monotonic increasing function of time.
  • Wanna come back to my room and see my copy of Euclid's "Elements"?
  • I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.
:puke:

*gets out notepad*
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4Ed
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#65
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#65
Don't make me move out the ultimate love song in Maths...

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/149448/

and the lyrics too, whilst you're singing along!

The path of love is never smooth
But mine's continuous for you
You're the upper bound in the chains of my heart
You're my Axiom of Choice, you know it's true

But lately our relation's not so well-defined
And I just can't function without you
I'll prove my proposition and I'm sure you'll find
We're a finite simple group of order two

I'm losing my identity
I'm getting tensor every day
And without loss of generality
I will assume that you feel the same way

Since every time I see you, you just quotient out
The faithful image that I map into
But when we're one-to-one you'll see what I'm about
'Cause we're a finite simple group of order two

Our equivalence was stable,
A principal love bundle sitting deep inside
But then you drove a wedge between our two-forms
Now everything is so complexified

When we first met, we simply connected
My heart was open but too dense
Our system was already directed
To have a finite limit, in some sense

I'm living in the kernel of a rank-one map
From my domain, its image looks so blue,
'Cause all I see are zeroes, it's a cruel trap
But we're a finite simple group of order two

I'm not the smoothest operator in my class,
But we're a mirror pair, me and you,
So let's apply forgetful functors to the past
And be a finite simple group, a finite simple group,
Let's be a finite simple group of order two
(Oughter: "Why not three?")

I've proved my proposition now, as you can see,
So let's both be associative and free
And by corollary, this shows you and I to be
Purely inseparable. Q. E. D.
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m:)ckel
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#66
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#66
Ahhh, I can finally understand the song (ish) now! Hell yess!!
Yeah, very good! ='D

(Original post by F1 fanatic)
  • I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.
Aww
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non-centrally acting
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#67
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#67
(Original post by Pineappolis)
"The number you have dialled is imaginary. Please rotate your phone through 90º and try again"

Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip? To get to the other...err...
(Original post by F1 fanatic)
My contribution that I always bring out... technically physics joke but whats the difference amongst freinds

An atom walks into a bar looking glum, the bar tender says, "whats wrong?"
"I've lost an electron" replies the atom,
"are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm positive".

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(Original post by 4Ed)
Similar to the differential operator one above at the top of the page:

Once upon a time, there was a house where lots of functions all lived.

One day, sin x came running back into the house, slammed the door shut and bolted it. 'What's wrong?' asked everyone else. Sin x replied 'Oh, there's this terrible differential operator out there, and I'm afraid that if I run into him, he'll turn me into something else!'

e^x hearing this, marched straight over to the door, unlocked it and went out, saying 'HA, I'll meet this guy, I'm e^x and this differential operator can't do anything to me!'

e^x walked along until he finds the differential operator, and cries 'HAHA, differential operator, I'm e^x, you can't do anything to me!' to which the differential operator replied:

'Ah, but I am known as d/dy...'

:rofl: my maths teacher is going to have competiton now :p:
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MNBStyle
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#68
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#68
Q: How can you tell that a mathematician is extroverted?
A: When talking to you, he looks at your shoes instead of at his.
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Sephrenia
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#69
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#69
(Original post by darth_vader05)
:rofl: my maths teacher is going to have competiton now :p:
go you!
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anjurdsg
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#70
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#70
what is 1+1?
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41



why? here's the answer:
Attached files
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Stick Man
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#71
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#71
This is both the best and worst thread on TSR. Which is a mathematical paradox in itself.
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michaelnicholson88
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#72
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#72
What does 1+1=?

A window
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Darkened Angel
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#73
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#73
Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3...
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Darkened Angel
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#74
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#74
How they prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime?

Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,...
Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- we'll do for you the best we can,...
Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,...
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...
Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,...
Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.
Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime...
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...
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anjurdsg
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#75
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#75
not funny :tomato: :bootyshak :hmmmm2:
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Sephrenia
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#76
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#76
(Original post by anjurdsg)
not funny :tomato: :bootyshak :hmmmm2:
very funny actually.....

:toofunny:
:rofl:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

:toofunny:
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4Ed
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#77
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#77
some people don't have a sense of humour.

We'll leave them alone :p:
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Sephrenia
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#78
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#78
that'll be you then :p:
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4Ed
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#79
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#79
*tries to amuse myself with nobody there and fails*


:hmmmm: I was referring to the other chap btw...
Maths jokes are amazing, as are pirate jokes! arrrrrrrrrrr
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non-centrally acting
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#80
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#80
(Original post by Darkened Angel)
chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime...
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,.. .
:rofl: thankfully im on my own atm
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