Blair Waldorf
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#61
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#61
(Original post by Em8980)
You might be able to save someone else this time, but you can't follow him around for the rest of his life and protect everyone. The only way to stop him doing it again is to tell the police, who can be very discreet if you need them to be. Seeing as you are going to a different college soon anyway, and you have hard evidence, it's easier.

Even if you do stop him assaulting this girl, he's still got a lot of opportunity to do it in the future and his future victims might not be so lucky. If it was your friend, mother, sister, daughter etc who were next, it's scary to think it could be prevented.

Emotional blackmail... She has no obligation to make her rape public knowledge in my opinion.


You're right that telling his current GF about his rape habits isn't going to solve the bigger picture. But it begs the question why should the OP stick her neck out for someone she doesn't know?
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MostUncivilised
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#62
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#62
(Original post by Anonymous)
Anonymous please, lots of people from my school and lots of my friends are on here, and I don't want any of them to know about this

So in September, I was raped by a boy in my year, who is 16. I was 15 at the time (I was 16 a few days ago). No one knows about this, apart from a few of my closest friends, but now, this boy is seeing a girl in my year, who doesn't know. Do you think I should tell her what happened? All help appreciated, thankyou x
If you're not going to tell the police you certainly shouldn't go around telling other people. That's slander.
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ChopinNocturne
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#63
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#63
(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you all, I couldn't get on the computer without my family being around. I'm not going to tell police/family/a teacher etc, no matter what anyone says, so please, don't. Sorry but, firstly, it was over 4 months ago, I dont want to drag it all up again and have to face it all again, if you understand?
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have no interest in telling the police or anyone of authority, and its not my biggest concern, I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not, because wouldn't you want to know if you were going out with and potentially doing sexual acts with a rapist?
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you're simply not making sense. If you're trying to protect the girl he's seeing now, then you can tell her if you really feel you must (although as others have said she's less likely to believe you given that she is biased in his favour) but even if she did believe you they would presumably break up, and he would move on to someone else. You can't personally warn every girl he ever gets together with - the ONLY way to protect other people he could hurt is to tell the authorities. I know how traumatic it must have been for you and that you don't want to drag it all up again, but if you care enough about future partners of his not getting hurt like you were then that is the only real way to deal with it. It's not about making a big fuss about it for your own sake, it is for others'.
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Krish4791
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#64
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#64
(Original post by Anonymous)
Anonymous please, lots of people from my school and lots of my friends are on here, and I don't want any of them to know about this

So in September, I was raped by a boy in my year, who is 16. I was 15 at the time (I was 16 a few days ago). No one knows about this, apart from a few of my closest friends, but now, this boy is seeing a girl in my year, who doesn't know. Do you think I should tell her what happened? All help appreciated, thankyou x
Don't wait on this! Tell someone (your parents, that girl, a teacher, whoever). This is a serious issue and you really should have told them just after it happened - they might have trouble believing you now after 4 months
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dendodge
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#65
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#65
(Original post by shaz :))
Does your parents know?! Because there are serious conseqences of rape....he would be probably be expelled...
I'm pretty sure you get more than an expulsion for rape...

Y'know, like a criminal record and an entry on the sex offenders' register.

Tell the police. Now. What if he does it to another girl, and you could have prevented it by reporting it earlier?
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allypallywally
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#66
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#66
The fact is you can't tell every girl he ever meets that he is a rapist, you personally can't protect the world from him, that is why there are establishments such as the police. If you are genuinely worried about other girls with him you have to report him.
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the mezzil
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#67
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#67
(Original post by Anonymous)
No, my parents are unaware of the situation, I don't think either of them, particularly my Dad, would take it very well at all, especially as they have both met the boy. I know he could be expelled, but I never see him in school; we have no classes together and I'm going to a different college to him to do my A levels, so I'll never have to see him again. I also don't want teachers to find out, as I'm sure my parents would then find out
I don't think any parent would take it well!!!!!!! You need to contact the police, not just for your own sake, but the safety of the other girls!
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Em8980
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#68
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#68
(Original post by Blair Waldorf)
Emotional blackmail... She has no obligation to make her rape public knowledge in my opinion.


You're right that telling his current GF about his rape habits isn't going to solve the bigger picture. But it begs the question why should the OP stick her neck out for someone she doesn't know?
Would you say that if it was your mother, your daughter, sister or friend that turned out to be next, when it's preventable?

I'm stating the facts. She's doesn't have to do anything, but she asked a question and my opinion is yes this new girl he's seeing needs to know. But even if the OP saves this girl, there will be another one who she won't be able to protect. She should 'stick her neck out for someone she doesn't know' because even though it's terrifying and takes serious courage, it could save someone's life. You can't blame her if she doesn't, but you would hope that she does, surely?

This guy will go on to live his life, to be allowed to work in schools or hospitals if he wants to.. And next time, the victim might not find it as manageable, or even necessarily survive the attack. Yeah I'm being blunt, but I'm not saying anything that's not true.
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angel.iced<3
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#69
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#69
(Original post by Anonymous)
Anonymous please, lots of people from my school and lots of my friends are on here, and I don't want any of them to know about this

So in September, I was raped by a boy in my year, who is 16. I was 15 at the time (I was 16 a few days ago). No one knows about this, apart from a few of my closest friends, but now, this boy is seeing a girl in my year, who doesn't know. Do you think I should tell her what happened? All help appreciated, thankyou x
Wow, sorry to hear about what he did to you, that's horrible. Firstly before I say anything else I think it's important that you tell someone, he should be punished for what he did to you, noone should have to go through that. Although you may be worried that you'd have to speak to him or that your parents would be annoyed at you, it would be possible that you do not have to see him as you can make arrangements with the police and they would make it a priority that you don't have to see him. Secondly your parents won't be annoyed you, they will be wanting to support you and everyone else you know will also want to support you.

I don't think it's a good idea to tell the girl unless you are good friends with her as she may not believe you as she is with the boy, tell somebody you trust whether it's a teacher or a parent or the police.

I don't know if this applies to you but my mother provides support to rape victims and she has told me that a lot of them feel ashamed or embarrassed about it and as though it's their fault. If this is the same case for you, you shouldn't feel any of those things because it's not your fault, and if anyone should be ashamed it's him. I think if you tell someone you will feel a lot better inside and mentally.

Hope I helped and everything works out for you
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emerset
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#70
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#70
So you're adamant about not telling anybody with authority and not getting council, but you want to warn his current girlfriend. If they're dating that means they've already had consensual sex and she would be much more likely to disbelieve your story, and he would be much more likely to not rape her because he would have more to lose.
At the same time, your refusing to tell anyone can and likely will have serious consequences to future victims.

I know your decision is prevalent. I too know a girl that made the same decision. It's a problem that is essentially letting a lot of rape victims free in the population and I don't know the answer to this. But we need an answer. We cannot let rape offenders walk. We need to create a victim friendly society so they will not be scared to tell.
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Knight Artorias
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#71
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#71
We need to stop having such incredibly low expectations for women and their capacities that something quite unremarkable like reporting a crime is regarded as some massive heroic act or achievement. Fact is, OP has a moral obligation to inform the police, this is not something that needs to be suggested to her gently, it is a duty that she must fulfil.
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The_Internet
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#72
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#72
(Original post by MostUncivilised)
If you're not going to tell the police you certainly shouldn't go around telling other people. That's slander.
No it isn't.


(Original post by Google)
slan·der /'sland?r/
Noun
The action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation.

Verb
Make false and damaging statements about (someone).
The OP has proof
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victoriajackson
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#73
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#73
(Original post by Anonymous)
For everyone saying I don't have evidence, please read my other posts, I have evidence of him admitting it over Facebook, quite a long conversation infact, and I have it all printscreened on my computer/memory stick

You need to tell the police, the fact hes talked to you about it means he knows you wont go to the police and he'll get away with it. If he thinks like that then he will probably do it to somebody else!
If you still have the conversations then take them to the police. His laywer will probably advise him to plead guilty since he has already admitted to it so i doubt you will have to give evidence but if you do you can do itby video link or behind a screen. I dont think you will have to tell your parents but you should. They will want to support you and will be angry with him they will only want to help you. There is no reason for your siblings or people from your school to know but he is the one who should be embarassed and ashamed.
Tell the police and get him locked away and out of your lifefor good, be needs tobe punished for what he did and needs to be stopped from doing it again.
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victoriajackson
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#74
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#74
Why would you not want him to be punished? 4 months ago is not a long time, rape can effect people for the rest of their lives ,why should he get away with doing that to you?
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rhstar
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#75
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#75
I'm sorry this has happened to you, and I am most likely repeating what others have said already,but I do think you should tell the police. The fact that you want to tell his gf is good but again it will not stop him from going out with other girls and possibly doing the same thing. With the proof she maybe likely to believe you but I think it will backfire on you.

It must be very hard to bring up what happened, it's your decision but you could potentially be saving other girls from harm if you did report him. You may feel fine about it now but what if in the future you don't. Hope it works out.
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BANS2012
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#76
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#76
If he has done it once, he is capable of doing it again.
Would you want another girl to experience the same rape ordeal?
I know it must be difficult and painful living with it, but I honestly think you need to report him to the school and/or police.
Menaces like him should not be allowed to get away with it!
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Anonymous #2
#77
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#77
OP, you have proof and you can have anonymity if you go to the police. Please don't let him get away with it and very likely do it again. I'm a victim of sexual abuse and if there was a way to bring him to justice, I would do it, even though the thought of people knowing terrifies me (and I can count on one hand the people I've told, my family is not included either) I wouldn't be able to live with myself if somebody else suffered as I had and I could have stopped it.
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Anonymous #1
#78
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#78
(Original post by emerset)
So you're adamant about not telling anybody with authority and not getting council, but you want to warn his current girlfriend. If they're dating that means they've already had consensual sex and she would be much more likely to disbelieve your story, and he would be much more likely to not rape her because he would have more to lose.
At the same time, your refusing to tell anyone can and likely will have serious consequences to future victims.
They've only been dating for a week, and she isn't that type of girl. Don't say "but how do you know", as my best friend is really close friends with her, and she tells her everything.

For those telling me, I anonymously told the police (I was unaware that you could tell the police things anonymously until someone said), but I don't know what will happen from there, although the boy will know that it's me who told, so I'm worried that he'll tell all his friends things about me or spread rumours to get back at me, as he's probably the most popular boy in the year, and there's 200 people in our year, so I'm worried about what will happen, especially as he knows that I won't tell anyone we know what happened.
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Jo from AVA
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#79
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#79
Hi
I am really glad you posted your message. I am so sorry about what happened to you.
I think that it is really important that you tell someone what happened. Have you spoken to your parents? Or someone at school? You can also get some professional support. The fact that you were under 16 meant that you were not able to give consent legally as well.

Have a look at this site as it gives lots of info and support. There is also a message board where other people your age talk about what happened to them.

http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/wor...assult/consent


This page has a lot of links to support services, i suggest you contact rape crisis who have a free helpline.
http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help

I know it is scary and hard to talk about but what he did is illegal, it's a crime and he could be prosecuted for it. Even if you don't want to go down that route, you do need to get some support yourself as rape is a very traumatic thing to experience and the impacts can be long lasting.

As for the other girl, i understand why you want to warn her. I think it is best that first you get professional support. Also be prepared that the boy may find out and how he may react so make sure you are not on your own.

Come back here anytime for a chat,
take care
Jo

(Original post by Anonymous)
Anonymous please, lots of people from my school and lots of my friends are on here, and I don't want any of them to know about this

So in September, I was raped by a boy in my year, who is 16. I was 15 at the time (I was 16 a few days ago). No one knows about this, apart from a few of my closest friends, but now, this boy is seeing a girl in my year, who doesn't know. Do you think I should tell her what happened? All help appreciated, thankyou x
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