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How to break up with him? Any advice??

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Original post by Louise1787
What I meant was, once you've told him and they have found out and are all shocked, explain the situation to them and then ask them for advice, to demonstrate that you care about him and what he's going through. Ask for advice for how to mitigate the damage.


Ohh I see, thank you. :smile: I will do that, lets hope they're supportive and don't just turn on me.

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Original post by Bonzo10
I'd be coup de la if my girlfriend broke it off and offered me FWB status.

No joke. That would soften the...blow? :colone:


Lmao. No way, we weren't having sex before, neither of us wanted to yet, so he won't be missing much :tongue:

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Original post by Barden
straight guys are never 'just friends' with straight girls, especially when that girl is 'just friends' with him


Oh dear. Idk, id like to think differently hahaa...

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you're an ass for making a thread like this
So basically guys... last question I promise. How do I make him kinda prepared for it, so it doesn't just seem completely out of the blue and just attacking him for no reason?

Note- we talk everyday, text and phone calls, and see each other on weekends. Advice appreciated! :smile:

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Reply 65
Avatar for Iqbal007
Iqbal007
19
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
So basically guys... last question I promise. How do I make him kinda prepared for it, so it doesn't just seem completely out of the blue and just attacking him for no reason?

Note- we talk everyday, text and phone calls, and see each other on weekends. Advice appreciated! :smile:

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Truth is, there will be some serious problems from the action you'll be taking.

Honestly think about it, do you really think everything will be normal after this and the way it was like before?
Because it won't, the result of breaking up with him can't be predicted, but there will definitely be a period of awkwardness and avoidance..... which could escalate to the point where you could eventually lose him as a best friend, even as a friend. But he could also still be your best friend, but he'll always be there with his feelings watching you go with another guy.

You can't get him to be prepared for this, the moment you make such a move, he'll realise your breaking up with him eventually.
Reply 66
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riotgrrl
19
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
So basically guys... last question I promise. How do I make him kinda prepared for it, so it doesn't just seem completely out of the blue and just attacking him for no reason?

Note- we talk everyday, text and phone calls, and see each other on weekends. Advice appreciated! :smile:

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Just do it ASAP. You could get a bit more distant, stop saying I love you, etc and that would prepare him, but it's also a bit of a dick move because he'll be wondering what he's done wrong. Just tell him you need to talk to him, turn up, and tell him what you've told us.
Reply 67
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abzy1234
14
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
I can imagine yeh... I will tell him honestly yes, but I don't want it to be completely out of the blue like another poster said. Anybody have any advice on how to kinda hint at it beforehand so it doesn't seem like im attacking him randomly?

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I wouldn't give hints tbh. Just tell him that you need to have a long talk. The more you try to give him mixed messages, the more he won't take it well. Good luck :smile:
So you guys think its better to just say it, completely out of the blue? Okay... so confused right now. Fine, ill do it next weekend when I see him, be a teensy bit more distant during the week and see what happens.

Thanks everybody for your help :smile:

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Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
Oh dear. Idk, id like to think differently hahaa...

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Don't be optimistic, it's likely you won't be decent friends afterwards, he almost definitely won't be best friends like you was before this. And if you're going to do it just do it next time you see him.

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(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by chappers-94
Don't be optimistic, it's likely you won't be decent friends afterwards, he almost definitely won't be best friends like you was before this. And if you're going to do it just do it next time you see him.

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I know things aren't going tp switch back to normal immediately, but I'd like to think we had a strong enough foundation as best friends for years before we starting dating for there not to be some sort of friendship to be reestablished. It might not be as strong, and this is something I hate doing for that particular reason, but I can't be stringing him along and hurting him anymore.

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Friends with benefits maybe...? I'd be happy with that.
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
I know things aren't going tp switch back to normal immediately, but I'd like to think we had a strong enough foundation as best friends for years before we starting dating for there not to be some sort of friendship to be reestablished. It might not be as strong, and this is something I hate doing for that particular reason, but I can't be stringing him along and hurting him anymore.

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You should break up with him as soon as you can and expect the likely future of things between you two never being the same. I may sound harsh by saying this but he will almost certainly cut contact completely with you for a long, long time (if not permanently) to stop feelings being resurrected.

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Well, you could say "I'm sorry but I don't see you that way. Can we be friends?"
then he could say "sorry, I don't see you that way."
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
Okay... I suppose that's not too bad.

Right, you mentioned that a main issue was the fact that it was completely out of the blue. Is there any way I can possibly make him see it coming? I talk to him everyday, text and phone calls and I see him on weekends. We were like this when we were just mates too. Boy its going to be hard when he starts distancing himself after I break up with him :frown:

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Thing is, from what you say, I gather that even though you've realized that this relationship isn't what you want, you still care for him and are behaving like you normally have been throughout the time you two have been dating. There's no real way to make anyone see it coming unless there are/have been genuine issues in your relationship for a while..there's going to be a fair element of blindsidedness for sure, but you can't help that, you're doing the right thing.

Just be patient...have a long heart to heart, clearly explain where you're coming from. Good luck, I hope your decision works out well for the both of you in the long run.
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
So basically guys... last question I promise. How do I make him kinda prepared for it, so it doesn't just seem completely out of the blue and just attacking him for no reason?

Note- we talk everyday, text and phone calls, and see each other on weekends. Advice appreciated! :smile:

Posted from TSR Mobile


You could try to prepare him a little bit in advance by telling him next time you speak to him that you'd like to see him next weekend (or whichever specific day) because you think there's some stuff you need to talk about (maybe do it just a day or two before the break up day). He will inevitably say 'why, what's up?' and you could just say something like, 'Well, I'm feeling a bit anxious about our relationship, but I'll explain it to you tomorrow.' Something that kind of communicates a bit of concern but doesn't completely make him panic. However, getting the balance right in that is delicate as you may just make him angry because you are refusing to tell him what the issue is now, and then when you actually break up it will be even worse.

I think probably the best plan is to maybe just be a bit less friendly in your communication with him, and if he asks why just say that you have things on your mind. Then hopefully when you see him he may have considered the possibility without having been really stressing about it.
Original post by Barden
straight guys are never 'just friends' with attractive straight girls, especially when that girl is 'just friends' with him


Added in an extra word there! Yep I agree. :yes:
Original post by Aspiring Medic 7
So basically guys... last question I promise. How do I make him kinda prepared for it, so it doesn't just seem completely out of the blue and just attacking him for no reason?

Note- we talk everyday, text and phone calls, and see each other on weekends. Advice appreciated! :smile:

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Honestly what is wrong with you? I know you're finding this hard, but do you realise what you're doing? There is no point trying to slyly put in hints through your behaviour that you don't want to be with him anymore.

If you're talking to him everyday, and I assume that includes today - stop acting like everything is ok and say you need to talk/see eachother now. Since you see eachother on weekends, Today is Sunday correct? Tell him today.
Honesty is the best policy! :biggrin:
If he truly is a good friend then i'm sure he will understand and appreciate your honesty in telling him the truth.

Good luck! :smile:
Reply 79
Avatar for Lemonzaz
Lemonzaz
5
umph..its a tricky one, but i understand :/
Firstly, you need to understand that your relationship with him will not be the same after this, whether you remain friends or not. You WILL hurt him, but that can't be avoided as it is human nature.
Take him out for a coffee, sit him down and tell him you need to talk. Warn him that it's going to hurt him and you're really sorry but after giving it a lot of thought you think it would be better to remain as friends. Hold his hand and show compassion, allow him to become angry/upset/confused. explain to him WHY but not pinpointing it on him personally, for example; - You misjudged your feelings and realise you are not ready for a committed relationship. You love the friendship you've always had together and knowing that that friendship will never end, unlike relationships (hint hint).
Give him a hug and tell him you still love him to bits and wish the best for him.
Allow him to remain distant in the days following (send a text on the 4th ish day to ask how he's doing etc) - he will either come back in his own time, or he won't...it's up to him.

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