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Is it wrong to break up with someone because of their lack of job prospects/ ambition Watch

    • #2
    #2

    My friend pretty much the same thing! It caused a real strain on her relationship with her boyfriend. I agree with what most people have said. My friend gave her (ex) boyfriend an ultimatum: "find a job or we're done". He didn't take it seriously so she ended the relationship. I think she did the right thing. If your boyfriend is serious about you, he will fight to keep you! Hope you resolve the situ
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    Who wants to bet she leaves him within a year ?

    Loser has to own up publicly on TSR
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone,

    I am having problems in deciding what to do with my relationship, I know it's my choice but I would like some opinions!

    Basically I am a female, 20, finishing my second year of university.
    I have always been really goal orientated and I know what I want to do in life and what I need to do to get there (Primary school teacher)

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, we met when I was at college.

    Whereas I went on to university, he went on to a minimum wage job and has gone between similar jobs and a small amount of time on job seekers. He annoys me because he doesn't have plans on what he is going to do in life and just applies for low skilled jobs and thinks he is too old to do any training (21).

    It is me that constantly looks for jobs and ideas for him to which he is thankful but it just never seems to happen!

    I really do love and care for him and if I ignored his job prospects I could definitely see us together in the future.

    I know I am only young but it's getting to the stage where I would like to move out and he doesn't have the finances to support himself in moving out.

    So yeah that's my problem, do I stay with him even though his lack of ambition annoys me and worries me.

    Or am I being shallow for wanting him to get a better job?

    Head or heart kind of predicament!
    Always use your head rather than your heart.

    But going out with someone 'ambitious' can potentially present more problems. The most ambitious people tend to be those who will be globally mobile in order to advance their careers, capture new target markets, build wider networks and generallly to be where the action is in their sector. They are not going to stick around with someone whose career is likely to be restricted to just one country (as would be the case with you, if you intend on being a primary school teacher).
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    (Original post by SkinnyKat)
    I know we're all brainwashed by Hollywood and Disney to believe that love conquers all. HOWEVER.

    Love doesn't pay bills or a mortgage. You can't eat love or run a car on it.


    But... MOTORBIKE>!!!11 : ))))))))))))))))))))))
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Voyager_2002)
    Just for the record: both of my sisters are the main bread-winners in their families, each living with a man who is mainly responsible for the house and child-care. One sister makes a good living as a school-teacher and has a house-husband (although he earns a bit of money from part-time freelance work). His career ambition was in the theatre (doing lights and things) and while he loves doing this and is ambitious, I don't think he ever managed to make a living from the theatre. (He picked up some skills in book-keeping and so can always earn a bit of money when needed.)

    So if you are happy to be the person in the relationship who brings in most of the money, you could be very happy sharing your life with a non-earner. Obviously your material standard of living would be lower than those in a double-income family, but it is quite possible that your quality of life would be higher.

    And just for the record, most students (including those doing a PGCE) live away from their parents' homes, and manage to do so on student grants and loans rather than a partner's income.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    I am not a materialistic person, it is really the ambition that bothers me not the lack of money. I was brought up by a single parent on benefits, it's just I have worked hard so I am not in that situation.

    Again, we want to live together, it's not that I want to rely on him to move in (I would have enough in loans and stuff) it's just if we do and then he isn't able to hold down a stable job.
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    It's not being shallow. The only possible thing it could be is "expecting too much", but I honestly don't think it's that either.

    This is a tricky one as on one hand you've been with the guy for a long time. On the other hand, you still have a long life ahead of you.

    I'd like to say that it's fine as long as you love etc etc etc but, in reality, if you're not satisfied now then it will only get worse unless something changes.

    There are young couples out there who do end up breaking up because people change as they grow up. You're already thinking long term about getting a place to live, and right now, it sounds as though he isn't going to fit into those plans.

    The last thing you want is a situation where nothing really changes with him but you stay together anyway. You fork out money for a house. You pay the bills. You carve out a great career. You'll end up resenting him being by your side and not really contributing anything financially.

    You have to remember though that there are also a lot of couples that have big salary differences and it works out fine. The important thing is that you are both committed to the relationship and you are both committed to doing whatever you can to make the most of your future. It can't be one sided. There is no shame in earning more than your boyfriend/husband, as long as they aren't just slacking.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    I am not a materialistic person, it is really the ambition that bothers me not the lack of money. I was brought up by a single parent on benefits, it's just I have worked hard so I am not in that situation.

    Again, we want to live together, it's not that I want to rely on him to move in (I would have enough in loans and stuff) it's just if we do and then he isn't able to hold down a stable job.
    Well have you ever thought your background is making you overcompensate the other way ? careful you don't miss out on anything because of that, I am not saying you are but it is something to be wary of.

    And this is coming from a guy who came from a SP family as well. I was overcompensating without realising it until I was made aware of it and correct myself.
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    This situation hits close to home... But I'm quite a bit younger so I guess it's not as serious...
    I don't think it's a reason to break up. However, you have to show him or motivate him to think about the future. Maybe start by encouraging him to pursue his hobbies? Start new ones? Engage a little more I'm the outside world... That can be a good motivator I think ^^
    You can't change a person completely but you can adjust their attitude to some extent... If not then in the long term you might have problems (imagine if you start wanting children!)

    And last thing, I know this is serious and stuff but you should probably stick it out for a while... From experience in my family... A lot of guys seem not to bothered to pursue anything while in their early 20s xD (seems like they're holding on to their teenage years maybe?) but come 23,24,25 they start thinking "ah **** I'm getting old" and that can be a trigger. Take my brother... Laziest **** ever... Did some btecs at college, had a few jobs - lifeguard etc... Then he met this girl, now he's married and moved to a different town to open his own branch of a store he once worked in (lol I barely recognise hm anymore). Same with my uncle. Same age, dropped out of school, did little jobs, hotels, restaurant kitchens and now somehow he got inspired to go on a full on cooking course next year because they're giving him an opportunity to (so that he can get promoted). He seems really really into it! So he's like 25 now and suddenly motivated to go back to study after experiencing how hard it's living on low wage jobs...

    edit: my posts always come out so long... they don't seem to when I'm writing them... Lol I need to be constrained
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    Perform the simple test..

    If you can see yourself with such a guy in 5 years time then stick with it, if not then end it before it gets bitter.
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    (Original post by Lily_2012)
    It's not being shallow. The only possible thing it could be is "expecting too much", but I honestly don't think it's that either.

    This is a tricky one as on one hand you've been with the guy for a long time. On the other hand, you still have a long life ahead of you.

    I'd like to say that it's fine as long as you love etc etc etc but, in reality, if you're not satisfied now then it will only get worse unless something changes.

    There are young couples out there who do end up breaking up because people change as they grow up. You're already thinking long term about getting a place to live, and right now, it sounds as though he isn't going to fit into those plans.

    The last thing you want is a situation where nothing really changes with him but you stay together anyway. You fork out money for a house. You pay the bills. You carve out a great career. You'll end up resenting him being by your side and not really contributing anything financially.

    You have to remember though that there are also a lot of couples that have big salary differences and it works out fine. The important thing is that you are both committed to the relationship and you are both committed to doing whatever you can to make the most of your future. It can't be one sided. There is no shame in earning more than your boyfriend/husband, as long as they aren't just slacking.
    By definition it is shallow. She's shallow for thinking of leaving him just because he's not earning enough. He does have a job. She's being shallow.
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    (Original post by Bersse)
    By definition it is shallow. She's shallow for thinking of leaving him just because he's not earning enough. He does have a job. She's being shallow.
    It isn't shallow. And it isn't about his earnings; it's about his ambition.


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