I betrayed my partner Watch

Jammie_x
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#61
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This is actually quite bizarre since I have been in this exact situation a few months back with a guy who exactly been withy their gf for four years but their sex life was dismissive, and he just craved attention - which he clearly wasn't getting from her... It's really weird tbh because we was quite close friends who had alot in common and had the same morals, we ended up kissing which he regretted straight away and told his gf... His gf now hates me, which don't blame her tbh, and he said he would like to remain my friend but most times when see him, it's just a bit awkward -- that's what you get for something like this and have to take responsibility for your actions! Luckily for him, his Honesty helped him and they are stronger now and managed to talk to each other and sort shizz out

You got to think, what made you cheat on her in the first place? Was something lacking other than experience?? Either way, you have to own up to your actions and accept the consequences


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I cheated on my boyfriend about 3 years ago, we had been together for 2 years at the time. We are still together, but even now the guilt hasn't gone away. I don't know if he trusts me in the same way, I hope that he does. We are planning our future together and apart from knowing that he deserves better our relationship has gotten over it. Hope things work out with your girlfriend, but don't do it again. Just letting you know that its possible for a young relationship to survive cheating.
Thanks that is reassuring. This is weird in sense I had permission from her but not really either. I guess she felt sorry for me as I can't sleep with her till marriage.
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Anonymous #1
#63
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#63
(Original post by Jammie_x)
This is actually quite bizarre since I have been in this exact situation a few months back with a guy who exactly been withy their gf for four years but their sex life was dismissive, and he just craved attention - which he clearly wasn't getting from her... It's really weird tbh because we was quite close friends who had alot in common and had the same morals, we ended up kissing which he regretted straight away and told his gf... His gf now hates me, which don't blame her tbh, and he said he would like to remain my friend but most times when see him, it's just a bit awkward -- that's what you get for something like this and have to take responsibility for your actions! Luckily for him, his Honesty helped him and they are stronger now and managed to talk to each other and sort shizz out

You got to think, what made you cheat on her in the first place? Was something lacking other than experience?? Either way, you have to own up to your actions and accept the consequences


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Hmm similar story. Yeah mine didn't escalate to sex either but still. It's purely experience (lack off) and not sleeping with my gf. No excuse though. Major regret it. Had to own up, was the right thing for better or worse.
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Anonymous #1
#64
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#64
(Original post by Eoznotrub)
My partner did something similiar but she made it up to me, she bought my a swarovski bracelet, gave me time when I needed it, for quite a lot of times I cried to her about how hurt I was and it helped a bit because she was there for me. She cut of all ties with that person and got rid of the 'friends' who urged her to do it. But she learnt what she did was wrong and we got past it. It was so hard and it hurt me so much but if she really does love you, which she must do then, she will get so angry and want to do everything but it will just break her heart like it did to me but we're gradually building up trust again. It's taken months but we're getting there. In some ways it has been good as we've got closer than we've ever been and she's more considerate now. Even gives her friends advice on how to treat people. I glad we're where we are now. Just give her the space she needs but be there when she asks or just being with her helps. I think trust will be quite a big issue in the future and she might not trust your friends or you getting drunk, just like I dont trust mine when she drinks, its given me anxiety. I can see you are really sorry, so hope she forgives you eventually
Glad to hear both sides of the story in this thread. It really has been an eye opener. I almost felt single-alcohol influence. Completely forgot everything-that's never happened before. I will have to let time heal her while making sure I am trying our best for us.
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Anonymous #1
#65
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#65
(Original post by meilan990)
'
Are you ****ing kidding me. One up on my girlfriend'. What are you ****ing 14 or something. I feel sorry for your gf having to now go through this **** because you couldn't keep your **** inside. If your looking for forgiveness in this situation from then world you got another thing coming.

Girls who feel proud of taking others bf should well know they re nothing but meat to shag from a guys POV. I'm sorry but girls who feel like that seems to settling for less and sadly won't have enrich experience from a loving experience cus it shows they don't have pride, dignity or love for themselves.

If your gf forgives than your god damn well lucky but if I was her I would leave, knowing that I'll find better.





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I completely agree with you on everything. My thoughts exactly. However a girl in that situation may still feel special for essentially being a slut.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by FuzzySheep)
Honestly, from your posts you seem like you feel really sorry for yourself, talking about how awful YOU feel. What does that say about you.
That I feel sorry for what I did rather than ecstatic. I said I feel sorry for myself and for her-for letting us both down. I am really disappointed in myself because I love her so much yet I self destructed.

For the record if I didn't love her I would not feel as bad would I?
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FuzzySheep
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#67
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That I feel sorry for what I did rather than ecstatic. I said I feel sorry for myself and for her-for letting us both down. I am really disappointed in myself because I love her so much yet I self destructed.

For the record if I didn't love her I would not feel as bad would I?
I don't know, if you say so. I find it hard to comprehend how someone could cheat on someone they truly love. And if there was a problem in the relationship, you would be brave enough to talk it out. If you say you're sorry and you love her, then fair enough. I just find it hard to comprehend, that's all.
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pheekum
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If you honestly feel as bad as you're saying, cut yourself some slack, people make mistakes, most guys would never own up or feel bad about it, you're a good man!

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pheekum)
If you honestly feel as bad as you're saying, cut yourself some slack, people make mistakes, most guys would never own up or feel bad about it, you're a good man!

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Yeah some of my friends for example. They never even feel guilt and I would always say I can't do that.

Thanks dude but far from good.
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Anonymous #1
#70
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(Original post by FuzzySheep)
I don't know, if you say so. I find it hard to comprehend how someone could cheat on someone they truly love. And if there was a problem in the relationship, you would be brave enough to talk it out. If you say you're sorry and you love her, then fair enough. I just find it hard to comprehend, that's all.
I am having trouble comprehending my actions. A combination of waiting until marriage to sleep with her, her saying I should get experience but reluctantly saying that. Alcohol made me feel so different. Never been like that before. Victim of lust. I never planned it like long term deceit.
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FuzzySheep
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#71
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am having trouble comprehending my actions. A combination of waiting until marriage to sleep with her, her saying I should get experience but reluctantly saying that. Alcohol made me feel so different. Never been like that before. Victim of lust. I never planned it like long term deceit.
Hang on - if you've been with her for 4 years and you knew her views on sex before marriage, then you have had plenty of time to come to terms with that and see if that is the relationship you want. Also, no one forced that much alcohol down you, if you choose to get drunk, then you should be responsible for your actions whilst drunk. And I don't think there's a difference between long and short-term deceit.

If you and your girlfriend are able to move past this, then good for you and I wish you the best of luck. But accept that the damage has not only affected trust but probably her self confidence, and you will need to work extremely hard, and for a long time, to earn that back. I am just struggling to comprehend it personally, but I guess at least you're remorseful and were honest about telling her. It's really your relationship and whether you can both move past it enough to get things back to normal, but after cheating, a relationship hugely changes and it's up to her whether she can handle it.
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CasualSoul
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#72
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah my gf knows who it is. Why did I do it? Well no sex with my gf as she is very a religious christian (done other things). Still what I did was wrong. I am so scarred my this episode I have no doubt I would do anything remotely like this again. To blur the lines further, my gf has known about my frustrations and in the past has given me the go ahead to sleep around-BUT said it will cause her pain so it's tricky.

I checked my phone history today and I actually had sent her a message when I was smashed off my face last night. I said I want to sleep with her and nothing more, she said ok. She didn't mean it though and presumed I wouldn't act as I haven't before.

I just feel sorry for her as she is a rare beautiful kind girl with amazing charisma and I just seem to find ways to hurt her. Whether it's this or her having to counsel me on other problems I have.
From what you've written here it seems as
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CasualSoul
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah my gf knows who it is. Why did I do it? Well no sex with my gf as she is very a religious christian (done other things). Still what I did was wrong. I am so scarred my this episode I have no doubt I would do anything remotely like this again. To blur the lines further, my gf has known about my frustrations and in the past has given me the go ahead to sleep around-BUT said it will cause her pain so it's tricky.

I checked my phone history today and I actually had sent her a message when I was smashed off my face last night. I said I want to sleep with her and nothing more, she said ok. She didn't mean it though and presumed I wouldn't act as I haven't before.

I just feel sorry for her as she is a rare beautiful kind girl with amazing charisma and I just seem to find ways to hurt her. Whether it's this or her having to counsel me on other problems I have.
From what you've written here it comes across as if you really adore her and are extremely sorry for what you've done. I think you just need to sit down with her with no one else around and just tell her all this stuff which is coming from your heart and how sorry you are and how you just appreciate her so much for being there for you when you had your problems. If you also tell her the stuff about your frustrations she may get more of an insight into why you did what you did. You could also explain how you want to be really open with her from now about these frustrations and although she has said you can go with other people that is not what you want and that you want to be with her. If she can just understand how you feel then you might actually be able to work stuff out e.g. you say you've done other stuff so maybe just doing more of the other stuff ? Maybe this could allow you to sort of compromise so that you aren't feeling totally frustrated and she isn't feeling as if she is going against her religious beliefs.

I'm not really an expert on this area and I don't know if the last bit is good advice or not :rolleyes: but I'd just say if anything just try to talk to her to her to explain how terrible and ashamed you feel and why even though you did what you did you don't want anyone else and are only interested in her. She just needs to be reassured that the one mistake can't be enough to just throw 4 years away and that she can trust you etc

Oh also about the other girl, you say you were a bit smashed last night and so sent that. You also said that she didn't mean it though and presumed you wouldn't act, therefore she probably won't try to contact you or try to ruin the relationship your in. If I were you I would just delete her contact info and any other contact information e.g. facebook etc just to make sure she doesn't try to contact you and vice versa. It might also be a good idea to copy your first post from the thread just to remind you how you felt and how much she was hurt if you ever get really frustrated and get tempted to cheat again but from all the stuff you've written I doubt that will that happen again
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lozzielizzie
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#74
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Your lucky you girlfriend has forgiven you. If my boyfriend had done what you did it would be over between us. Just thank your lucky cards that she has done that. You should feel guilty that's what you should be feeling. You hurt her but you only hurt yourself more.


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lozzielizzie)
Your lucky you girlfriend has forgiven you. If my boyfriend had done what you did it would be over between us. Just thank your lucky cards that she has done that. You should feel guilty that's what you should be feeling. You hurt her but you only hurt yourself more.


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So true. Feel horrible this morning.
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Anonymous #1
#76
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(Original post by CasualSoul)
From what you've written here it comes across as if you really adore her and are extremely sorry for what you've done. I think you just need to sit down with her with no one else around and just tell her all this stuff which is coming from your heart and how sorry you are and how you just appreciate her so much for being there for you when you had your problems. If you also tell her the stuff about your frustrations she may get more of an insight into why you did what you did. You could also explain how you want to be really open with her from now about these frustrations and although she has said you can go with other people that is not what you want and that you want to be with her. If she can just understand how you feel then you might actually be able to work stuff out e.g. you say you've done other stuff so maybe just doing more of the other stuff ? Maybe this could allow you to sort of compromise so that you aren't feeling totally frustrated and she isn't feeling as if she is going against her religious beliefs.

I'm not really an expert on this area and I don't know if the last bit is good advice or not :rolleyes: but I'd just say if anything just try to talk to her to her to explain how terrible and ashamed you feel and why even though you did what you did you don't want anyone else and are only interested in her. She just needs to be reassured that the one mistake can't be enough to just throw 4 years away and that she can trust you etc

Oh also about the other girl, you say you were a bit smashed last night and so sent that. You also said that she didn't mean it though and presumed you wouldn't act, therefore she probably won't try to contact you or try to ruin the relationship your in. If I were you I would just delete her contact info and any other contact information e.g. facebook etc just to make sure she doesn't try to contact you and vice versa. It might also be a good idea to copy your first post from the thread just to remind you how you felt and how much she was hurt if you ever get really frustrated and get tempted to cheat again but from all the stuff you've written I doubt that will that happen again
Thanks for the positive message-you put a lot of thought into it. Yeah we spoke all yesterday and today-I explained everything. She reassured me and tried to cheer me up. Feel sad when I hear her sweet voice. I know she is hurt but she knows how down I can get.

I will stop all contact with that girl and in fact all that friends circle. Just want to move on completely. I have deleted her from facebook just now.

Oh in regards to the message I sent. It was actually sent to my gf saying I want to sleep with this other girl. I didn't know I sent it till the next day looking at my phone history. She has been aware of my frustrations for a while and has said she doesn't want me to keep waiting for her but it hurts her too seeing me sleep with other girls. She even replied saying it's ok-me being drunk I forgot that it would hurt her too.

Just a complete mess. But now I know one thing for sure-I can't possibly to this ever again and will wait for her and her only. Our love is special and very real and I don't want anyone coming in between.
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Anonymous #1
#77
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(Original post by FuzzySheep)
Hang on - if you've been with her for 4 years and you knew her views on sex before marriage, then you have had plenty of time to come to terms with that and see if that is the relationship you want. Also, no one forced that much alcohol down you, if you choose to get drunk, then you should be responsible for your actions whilst drunk. And I don't think there's a difference between long and short-term deceit.

If you and your girlfriend are able to move past this, then good for you and I wish you the best of luck. But accept that the damage has not only affected trust but probably her self confidence, and you will need to work extremely hard, and for a long time, to earn that back. I am just struggling to comprehend it personally, but I guess at least you're remorseful and were honest about telling her. It's really your relationship and whether you can both move past it enough to get things back to normal, but after cheating, a relationship hugely changes and it's up to her whether she can handle it.
My fault for being drunk very true. I have had times to come to terms with it but in the last month I have had other problems so suddenly I felt I was not living to the fullest. Despite this I had no intention of cheating.

There is massive difference in types of cheating-I am not making myself feel better just being honest. Cheating regularly and not feeling guilty for example. Being emotionally involved with another person.

Mine is simple. I haven't had sex for 4 years so succumbed. I don't think it will affect my gf's self confidence at all. We aren't sleeping together through her choice. It's not a case of this other girl was better in bed or that I care for her. I have betrayed her and that is the worst part.
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fredscarecrow
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#78
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It's up to your girlfriend now. She has to make the decision and as hard as it is for you, you can't impact her deicsion or get in her way at all. There a few positives - you told her, she didn't find out from another source and you're obviously devastated and she will be able to see that.

Answer any questions she has. Any amount of detail, don't hide ANYTHING if she asks you for it. if she decides to forgive and stay with you, then it will still take time. She will cry randomly, she will react badly to you saying you love her, and you'll never be able to say 'I'll never hurt you' ever again.Your relationship will never be the same. Let her have acess to your phone and emails if she needs or wants them. it will give her a little control back if she wants it.

Then you have to start forgiving yourself. Accept that people make mistakes. Never speak to the other girl again. Ever, for any reason. Know that you really love your girlfriend and that there were no positives from your actions and that your gf deserves to be upset and is allowed to be irrational. But also understand if she decides to forgive you that she has made her decision and you should respect that - don't constantly be in fear shes about to change her mind because that's questioning her strength of mind. Don't try and double guess her!

If she does split with you, well you made your bed and you have to lie in it. At the end of the day you should have thought about your devestation before you cheated. Think about how your gf feels, she never asked for the hurt, she just got lumped with it. You had a choice about ruining your life, she didn't. It's a terrible injustice. You will get on with it, you will get over it and find love again if you need to.

This is coming from someone who was cheated on by their partner who confessed and was devastated by it. He was physically ill for weeks before and after he told me. I chose to forgive him and were buying a house and going to get married.
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Harrie Lyons
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#79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Am not, I am going to cut her out but slowly. That way there is no drama. Yeah but you have probably slept with at least a few guys before anyway so no need to act high and mighty. My situation is different in my current relationship. Can't be asked to repeat. I haven't slept with her ever in our 4 years together.

NOTE: That doesn't make it right but there are different types of cheating and reasons for it. I know what I did was wrong and it was out of character for me.
Uhhh, you have slept with her if you've done anything sexual: fact. This whole bill Clinton 'we are virgins" modern American rubbish is insanely ludicrous. If you are giving each others sexual pleasure neither of you virgins and both of you are having sexual relations. Fact. as per two thousand years of Christianity and all other religions in the world.
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meilan990
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#80
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Ultimately I feel sorry for your girlfriend, the dynamics of the relationship will completely change. She would feel more insecure with herself, there will be questions and possibly over thinking. Hey she probably feels her religious values are the faults and blames herself for you straying. The only thing i hope she has a strong will to overcome the negative feelings that will come, she has a good heart. don't break it again, the fact she can forgive shows a lot, forgiveness doesn't come easily when being betrayed.

Revenge, hate and anger is awful to go through. The amount of emotional torture can easily break down a persons will if they are not strong enough. Confidence is shattered, questioning your own core values and ultimately destroying yourself. I really Hope it doesn't go through this stage for her. I really do. It takes a lot to recover for most people but for some it will take years.

She never asked for this, when you and your gf started the relationship, you knew in the beginning about her religious values, you knew she would never have sex till she was married, you knew that this is the bargain deal from the start, you have chosen to take to that commitment and be loyal and now you have broken it.

I don't know how strong both of you are, but if its enough to make this work. Then i do wish you luck. you seem sincerely sorry for it and have admitted to the betrayal to her.
I hope in the future for both of you it works out. I suppose reading through this thread you do seem like a genuine guy, who feels guilt and remorse for the mistake he did. Admitting to it and fully taken responsibility for it, not people can do that....some people can be oblivious that their actions can effect people in a bad way and get away with it........without knowing they put a person through hell.
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