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Should there be a test to become a Parent? Watch

  • View Poll Results: Should there be a test to become a Parent?
    Yes
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    No
    52.75%

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    (Original post by The Angry Stoic)
    It's too impractical. Also who decides who can be a parent? It's all to risky.
    'Please rate some other members...'
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    No I don't think so. Stupidity has always been a constant element of the human race. If stupid people didn't exist, the economy would be in a worse situation than it is now.
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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    No I don't think so. Stupidity has always been a constant element of the human race. If stupid people didn't exist, the economy would be in a worse situation than it is now.
    How do you figure? :lolwut:
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    (Original post by Ripper-Roo)
    I don't think you understand my point, I mean WHO is going to implement and measure this system? The government, social services, society? How can you know that your criteria is right and you're not just perceiving these to be problems? If someone is found out to be abusing or neglecting their child, they should obviously be punished, but would you like it if someone picked one of your negative characteristics (say you get really angry one day) and say for the rest of your life your right to children is denied? Everyone makes mistakes and they learn from it, having a child can actually make someone develop as a person and make them better for it.
    Maybe a sort of temporary suspension would be implemented implemented.

    I would like to say that much of what I am saying is not pre-planned and I am working out much as I go along. Those who would eventually implement it would most likely have a far better understanding of the concept.
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    **** I just lost a 1000 word post on how my parents did abuse me and its directly affected every relationships Ove ever had with another human being and resulted in years of deep depression and an eating disorder... **** I wish I could have kept it an made them read it.

    Parents really need to be made aware of tebpsychological impact everything they say and do to a child will have on them and they will carry it with them for the rest of their lives. Often they don't even see how Their parents screwed them up, and deny thy they are doing any harm however much they seem to mean well.

    We are inherently selfish creatures, but I don't think I coup be so selfish a to bring a child into this world knowing that I could unwittingly project onto them when a child is meant to be the most precious thing on the world and you give them the best chance in life you can. I express my drive to mother and nurture animals, which have been a huge part of the healing process for me. I know they say if you have abusive tendencies animals are the first to feel it, but for me, my connection with them has helped me understand myself in ways I can't even begin to describe. I truly feel we understand each otherore than any human does me, or I relate to them. My parents have wounded me DEEPLY and I have suffered for the things they said, did, made me believe about myself etc. I've watched them try to kill each other too many times. I am afraid when I catch myself talking to my brother or distancing myself from him in a way my dad would talk to me..

    Anyway, people with mental health issues need counselling to assess the potential danger they are towards their own children. Pregnant mothers could also be counselled as a sort of screening process to determine likelihood of suffeingbpostpartum depression or jus an unhealthy attitude towards having a child.

    I just could not be so selfish as to bring a child into this world. If you know my background, like some people have said they are surprised I didn't turn out more messed up or a serial killer. I'm just very good at recognising my irrational thoughts these days and surprising flashbacks from the crap my parents deeply ingrains into my memory.
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    (Original post by Memetics)
    Maybe a sort of temporary suspension would be implemented implemented.

    I would like to say that much of what I am saying is not pre-planned and I am working out much as I go along. Those who would eventually implement it would most likely have a far better understanding of the concept.
    If those people are going to regulate who's having children, who's going to regulate those people and so on? It's open to abuse for people to act on their prejudices on what makes a 'bad parent'.
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      No. Who are other people to decide whether someone is deemed worthy to have children or not?
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      (Original post by Little Wolf Taima)
      x
      That is very inspirational of you to be able to admit to yourself that you have a problem and take steps to help yourself. Thank you for sharing your situation.
      May I ask if you would have rather your parents had taken this test or another equivalent form of precaution before they had you. Or others in your situation. It i people like you that I have in mind when I talk about this, and people like you I would want to help.
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      (Original post by Memetics)
      Would you please read what else I have written. They could be put on a pill. Everyone should do it anyway. The majority of planned parentage would go ahead with no intrusion to life whatsoever.But the one that are not planned or were done without the slightest hesitation for the childs welfare would be stopped. Sterilization is indeed incredibly stupid, and that's why I did not suggest it. Ad I would not take the child away, because they would not have the child in the first place. Social Services are flawed, quite substantially. When they remove the child, they are removing a child from it's parents for most of it's life and thrusting it into unknown surroundings, sometimes when it is into it's teenage years. This would be very terrifying for a child. This system would remove that possibility from even happening.

      And don't be ridiculous, it would be nothing compared to rape. In fact, if implemented, I would think many logical people would welcome it, as they would have nothing to worry about if they were doing what is right for their child and not just selfishly for them.



      I did just read that around 2 weeks ago, so maybe it stems from that haha
      I don't understand your argument about social services-if the child was previously in a bad environment why is taking them from their parents "terrifying"? Surely it would make the kid happy?

      (Original post by Memetics)
      Drugs. Alcohol. Criminality. Young Age. Putting themselves first (selfishness). Impatient. Emotional Instability. History of abuse. etc etc etc.

      Would you disagree?
      I'm pretty sure most non-parent humans put themselves first, that's how we've evolved. Just because someone does as such when they don't have a child doesn't mean they will when they do have one.

      (Original post by Looney Tunes)
      How do you feel about the prospect of a child being born into a family where he/she will be beaten/sexually abused for years when this could have been avoided using a simple test. This thought is equally sickening.
      It could also be avoided via social services...also, many abusive parents have no legal history of abuse. Wouldn't it be pretty easy to just give the answers that you know are expected? (Like what happens with morality questions- even if they actually wouldn't, people say that they would hand in a £20 note or whatever because they know that's what's expected of them.)

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      (Original post by Ripper-Roo)
      If those people are going to regulate who's having children, who's going to regulate those people and so on? It's open to abuse for people to act on their prejudices on what makes a 'bad parent'.
      Science doesn't work with one person. A large pool of people would obviously have to come to a decision. With a large and diverse enough pool, individual prejudices don't come into the light.
      It would be done in a democratic society of course, and society is definitely not ready to vote for something like this.
      Who regulates the Prime Minister after he makes a new law? Who regulates the head of police? Those who regulate will have to believe in what they enforce.
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      (Original post by Memetics)
      Would you please read what else I have written. They could be put on a pill. Everyone should do it anyway. The majority of planned parentage would go ahead with no intrusion to life whatsoever.But the one that are not planned or were done without the slightest hesitation for the childs welfare would be stopped. Sterilization is indeed incredibly stupid, and that's why I did not suggest it. Ad I would not take the child away, because they would not have the child in the first place. Social Services are flawed, quite substantially. When they remove the child, they are removing a child from it's parents for most of it's life and thrusting it into unknown surroundings, sometimes when it is into it's teenage years. This would be very terrifying for a child. This system would remove that possibility from even happening.

      And don't be ridiculous, it would be nothing compared to rape. In fact, if implemented, I would think many logical people would welcome it, as they would have nothing to worry about if they were doing what is right for their child and not just selfishly for them.



      I did just read that around 2 weeks ago, so maybe it stems from that haha
      Forced to take pills is a ridiculous way to live, trust me I had it done and it still removes a persons human rights and interferes with there body - no one has that right

      still a rediculously stupid suggestion
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      (Original post by Memetics)
      I'm not talking an IQ test. That would be incredibly stupid. Ethically wrong.
      I just want to know if anyone agrees with the prospect with a test that would be designed to discover whether or not you would make an able parent, which you would have to pass gain the right to do so?
      It would test you on whether or not you have enough financial support to carry the costs of raising a child, whether or not there is a suitable atmosphere at home.
      I'm not trying to implement eugenics here, as it has been proven that it could not work. But there are far too many teenage pregnancies, and shows such as Jeremy Kyle show the type of volatile environments that a incredibly impressionable child can be born into and exploited by. I even recently heard of a story of a woman who vowed to keep having children to reap the benefits supplied by the government and to stay off work.

      Sorry for the length. I expected (and still do) to be negged for the question at face value , so I wanted to clarify the situation.

      Any Opinions would be very much appreciated.
      How can you know how to properly look after a child if you've never had one before?
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      If they can't afford maintaining a child, then don't have one.
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      watching Jeremy Kyle you would think so but some times terrible parents give birth to kids that grow up to wonderful people
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      (Original post by Memetics)
      That is very inspirational of you to be able to admit to yourself that you have a problem and take steps to help yourself. Thank you for sharing your situation.
      May I ask if you would have rather your parents had taken this test or another equivalent form of precaution before they had you. Or others in your situation. It i people like you that I have in mind when I talk about this, and people like you I would want to help.
      Thanks. Recognising these patterns of thought and behaviour, and how damaging they are is a step towards breaking at least some of them. My mother is starting to take care of her anger issues now. I had a long emotional conversation with her about how I was treated has affected my life, how the subsequent neglect or blame placed on me my for mental and physical illness haunts me. It was genuinely surpising news to her that I still had nightmares about daddy strangling her, or her trying to stab him, or being snatched from the house or her holding me by my collar under the computer desk because a teacher mistakenly reported me absent, when I did nothing wrong. Or her lecturing me about getting fat at 9 years old and my subsequent eating disorder.

      I can say, at least she is being receptive and apologetic now and we have a much better relationship. She realises there are things she needs to sort out in her relationship with HER abusive, alcoholic father now which changes how she handles herself and treats others. My dad on the other hand is still in denial about his many issues and dangerous temper. He will fly into a rage if you so much as mention that he might be wrong or has a problem. So whilst there is some healing and progress with my mother, he doesn't get it

      Yes I wish to God they both got their heads straightened out before having me, because I have lived through some shocking, shocking things I cant share on here and dealt with a hatred towards myself they made me feel I deserved. Consequently I let myself become a target for abuse all my life. I think some sort of counselling or screening would have helped my mother realise she was in an abusive relationship too, and would have hopefully promoted my dad to make changes before having me (or face criminal charges) and saved HER a lot of heartache.

      After all I've been through though, at least I have a broad perspective and having a greater ability to empathise with people (despite being autistic) because I have have been through just about everything.
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      No one understands how much pressure It is to raise a child, there is currently a young mums to be training course and it is extremely successful so to say it is patronising is ridiculous! Not everyone knows how to read to a child, how to play, the basics aren't just feeding and changing its engaging its to do with a relationship! It is much more patronising to ask a parent to attended a play class or parenting course... These do run and are amazing!!

      They are not patronising at all, they are successful! I work for a health visiting team btw!

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      (Original post by TheHistoryStudent)
      How can you know how to properly look after a child if you've never had one before?
      It's not that you have to have the core skills required to maintain and raise a child. You aren't supposed to know how to change the perfect nappy, form the most nutritious packed lunches etc. It's just that you have the right mentality, understand what you are getting into and be able to potentially provide a safe environment for the child to flourish in.

      And we should learn from others. Many animals do it and we do to.
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      There already is a test to become a parent...A pregnancy test
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      (Original post by Memetics)
      Science doesn't work with one person. A large pool of people would obviously have to come to a decision. With a large and diverse enough pool, individual prejudices don't come into the light.
      It would be done in a democratic society of course, and society is definitely not ready to vote for something like this.
      Who regulates the Prime Minister after he makes a new law? Who regulates the head of police? Those who regulate will have to believe in what they enforce.
      I still think it's the wrong approach, people should be given a chance and not have enforcers jump to conclusion.

      On another note, there are lots of 'harmful' things to children as they grow up which can affect their development, independent of their parents (bullying, bad experiences in school, etc). The simple thing to do is accept these things unfortunately happen and try not to let it bring you down.
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      (Original post by Memetics)
      It's not that you have to have the core skills required to maintain and raise a child. You aren't supposed to know how to change the perfect nappy, form the most nutritious packed lunches etc. It's just that you have the right mentality, understand what you are getting into and be able to potentially provide a safe environment for the child to flourish in.

      And we should learn from others. Many animals do it and we do to.
      Fair enough I suppose.

      As for the original question - honestly I think it would be too difficult to implement, and next to impossible to enforce. The only way I could see it working is if the government took control of who could reproduce, and when. Something like that would require an enormous amount of privacy and liberty to be sacrificed on the part of the ordinary person, and even then it would not be possible to work 100% of the time.

      Furthermore, I think good parenting also depends on the circumstances you're in at the time you have your child. While I know anecdotes aren't hard evidence, take the example of a friend of mine who's parents divorced when the mother was either pregnant with her 3rd child, or had had him perhaps a year earlier. The older 2, X & Y, despite being in their early and late teens, have turned out relatively fine from the traumatic affair, a bumpy ride no doubt, but relatively fine - these 2 grew up with both parents in a stable relationship.

      The 3rd child, Z, is now (at age 3-4) a pain in the backside according to my friend Y, throwing tantrums, hitting, not toilet trained etc etc - basically worse than you would expect a kid starting primary school to be. While he's been growing up over the last 3-4 years, his mother who he lives with has gone through such things as financial melt-down, divorce (her husband had an affair), attempted suicide (though thankfully she survived), and now studying for a degree - all very stressful and so forth, and so this kid has virtually had his own way forever. He's learned bad behaviour because AFAIK his mother has caved in on the discipline front due to her circumstances.

      That's what I mean basically - circumstances can affect the quality of parenting, which along with the liberty side of things, would make such a test simply impractical to ever be used effectively.
     
     
     
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