Help, Muslim Asian family and don't know what to do! Watch

anwarpwnsall
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#61
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(Original post by studentEMG)
GEOGRAPHY IS GOING TO BE THEY KEY TO MANAGING THE FUTURE - ALL OUR MAJOR PROBLEMS ARE GEOGRAPHY RELATED! FOOD DEFECIT THROUGH DESERTIFICATION AND SUCH LIKE! maybe if you show them how passionate though you're personal statement?
They know how passionate I am, I often relate things to geography at home, I've won a geography award at school numerous times and they know it's my favourite subject. I guess they can't show off to all of their friends and family with a degree in geography (well thats what they say anyway )
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Ggmu!
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
I see what you mean about they can be convinced by a scholar but I don't think they would be persuaded, they are very 'stuck in their ways' so to speak.
In regards to not being a muslim anymore. I can see it will be upsetting for my parents but I need to be truthful to myself too, I just don't know what to do
I'll say you should not follow any belief system of your heart is not in it, especially one that is so full on.

Al-Mudaari made a great suggestion regarding using a scholar. If your parents won't listen to a scholar so is well versed knowledgeable, does that mean they are ignoring Islam? Would they do that?

I really feel for you mate, everybody should have the basic freedom of being themselves and yours is being taken. And it's not the fault of religion to be honest. This happens in Hindu homes too. It's a South Asian family generation clash.


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anwarpwnsall
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(Original post by Ggmu!)
I'll say you should not follow any belief system of your heart is not in it, especially one that is so full on.

Al-Mudaari made a great suggestion regarding using a scholar. If your parents won't listen to a scholar so is well versed knowledgeable, does that mean they are ignoring Islam? Would they do that?

I really feel for you mate, everybody should have the basic freedom of being themselves and yours is being taken. And it's not the fault of religion to be honest. This happens in Hindu homes too. It's a South Asian family generation clash.


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My family don't really like scholars as many say different things in Islam :/ but it was a nice idea. And yeah, South Asian family generation clash is a good way of explaining it, I've seen many British born South Asians that have had families in a more relaxed manner. And yeah that's why I don't blame Islam, it's just not for me, just my parents try to back it up with religion and stuff
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studentEMG
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
One of my friends was suggesting that, I don't want anything to distract me from college work, it's tough (as it is for everyone) but I really need to work hard and everything is confusing, but thanks
your college work is in vain if you don't pursue something you enjoy, and as for religion, you have years to decide upon what you believe, and surely your god would only love you more for being true to the brain he gave you and exploring the facts and actively choosing him rather than following blindly like any person can. If you decide upon no religion, you have no hell to worry about anyway! I honestly feel for you, I'm currently homeless and living in a car with my partner, cant even get hostel accommodation as its too far from my schools village so I'd have no way of getting there! knowing I'll be able to read law at uni is all that's keeping me going and I know it can be the same for you. I have no family, after caring for my disabled mother for years she kicked me out to marry her on/off boyfriend who disliked me, but I do have my partner and a great few friends. As hard as it may be I urge you to make your friends your family and pursue YOUR life. If your family come back then great, if not, do you want such people in your life? At then end of the day its your choice but you only live once (lets argue for the sake of ease that there is no afterlife) and what a waste of a beautiful creation if you do not pursue your dreams and thoughts. Anyway I'll leave you to the other wisdoms of TSR but genuinely good luck!
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anwarpwnsall
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(Original post by studentEMG)
your college work is in vain if you don't pursue something you enjoy, and as for religion, you have years to decide upon what you believe, and surely your god would only love you more for being true to the brain he gave you and exploring the facts and actively choosing him rather than following blindly like any person can. If you decide upon no religion, you have no hell to worry about anyway! I honestly feel for you, I'm currently homeless and living in a car with my partner, cant even get hostel accommodation as its too far from my schools village so I'd have no way of getting there! knowing I'll be able to read law at uni is all that's keeping me going and I know it can be the same for you. I have no family, after caring for my disabled mother for years she kicked me out to marry her on/off boyfriend who disliked me, but I do have my partner and a great few friends. As hard as it may be I urge you to make your friends your family and pursue YOUR life. If your family come back then great, if not, do you want such people in your life? At then end of the day its your choice but you only live once (lets argue for the sake of ease that there is no afterlife) and what a waste of a beautiful creation if you do not pursue your dreams and thoughts. Anyway I'll leave you to the other wisdoms of TSR but genuinely good luck!
Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot, I hope things get better for you soon! I'm happy that Law keeps you going and hope you get there, you deserve it! Thank you for the help, this has really helped me to think more clearly about what I want and how to go about it, thank you
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kfcisopen
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
Hi, I'm 18, last year of Sixth Form. I have a number of issues so bear with me.

•I want to choose Geography/Politics at uni but my parents want me to do something more vocational like Law. I don't want to do this, and I don't want to go to my local uni. I want to apply for unis in London but my parent's/siblings said they'd disown me if I did

•I'll be having an arranged marriage sometimes soon, and I really don't want one. I didn't used to mind but as I've gotten older, I've realised it's really not for me. Especially since I'm gay (you see my problems). I have no idea what to do as if I tell them that they'll hate me more and really affect my family, which I really do love. I can't imagine what my parents will go through if I told them.

•I'm not really a Muslim anymore. I'm the most Western of my family members, and I think with this I've become less religious too. But my parents are planning to take me to do Umrah next year to make me believe more. I don't think I'll be mentally able to do that. I do not believe at all.

I have no idea what I'm doing. If I told my parents any one of these they'd flip and I'd have to leave, but where to? I have no where to go, and I can't imagine how my parents/family would feel. I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

Please some advice, I just want to be happy without upsetting or hurting my family.
Thanks!
Personally, I would think more about relationships etc. later on as this is quite serious and could be a burden on your life now (education, health etc.). But, you should try to convince your parents to let you study in London by emphasising how much better London Uni's are. Also, don't study Law if you aren't passionate as down the line you might regret not picking what you wanted to.
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anwarpwnsall
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(Original post by kfcisopen)
Personally, I would think more about relationships etc. later on as this is quite serious and could be a burden on your life now (education, health etc.). But, you should try to convince your parents to let you study in London by emphasising how much better London Uni's are. Also, don't study Law if you aren't passionate as down the line you might regret not picking what you wanted to.
Not passionate for Law at all, and even if I did get on the course, I don't think I'd do too well. And I will keep trying to persuade but I think they're just stuck in their ways!
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Ggmu!
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
My family don't really like scholars as many say different things in Islam :/ but it was a nice idea. And yeah, South Asian family generation clash is a good way of explaining it, I've seen many British born South Asians that have had families in a more relaxed manner. And yeah that's why I don't blame Islam, it's just not for me, just my parents try to back it up with religion and stuff
Surely there can be people who can speak to your parents. I also understand Asian families are very secretive and despise anything (in mine, even good!) getting out.

Jesus I wish there was something i could do, I just hate knowing people are basically being throttled in life like this.

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Kutta
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Well its quite a simple scenario, you have two options:

- Listen to your Parents and go to a good uni near your own place.

- Do what you want and move away with the risk that your parents may not like you ever again. But trust me when i say you do need family.

your problems seem like the problem every desi has, its our culture. its not biggie.
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anwarpwnsall
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(Original post by Kutta)
Well its quite a simple scenario, you have two options:

- Listen to your Parents and go to a good uni near your own place.

- Do what you want and move away with the risk that your parents may not like you ever again. But trust me when i say you do need family.

your problems seem like the problem every desi has, its our culture. its not biggie.
I've never really talked to any other Asians really so really not sure but seemed confusing for me
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Kutta
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
I've never really talked to any other Asians really so really not sure but seemed confusing for me
http://images.wikia.com/friends/images/d/da/Shocked.gif

Really?

Its a very common problem within Indian/Pakistani/Bangladesh households.
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Ggmu!
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(Original post by Kutta)
Well its quite a simple scenario, you have two options:

- Listen to your Parents and go to a good uni near your own place.

- Do what you want and move away with the risk that your parents may not like you ever again. But trust me when i say you do need family.

your problems seem like the problem every desi has, its our culture. its not biggie.
C'mon man that's not fair. If my parents were trying to force me to have an arranged marriage (let's not play down the significance of marriage), believe in Hinduism blindly (as all my hypothetical family do, deeply), force me to study a degree which I have no interest in (I am already interested in a well respected field) and on top of all that, I THINK I'M GAY!

Would you honestly tell me to just listen to my parents and say it's not a biggie?

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anwarpwnsall
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(Original post by Kutta)
http://images.wikia.com/friends/images/d/da/Shocked.gif

Really?

Its a very common problem within Indian/Pakistani/Bangladesh households.
Yeah haha, I'm in a quite White area, and go to a mostly white school. I don't go to mosque really so only talk to other non-asians

But what do most choose then? Stay or go?
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Kutta
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(Original post by Ggmu!)
C'mon man that's not fair. If my parents were trying to force me to have an arranged marriage (let's not play down the significance of marriage), believe in Hinduism blindly (as all my hypothetical family do, deeply), force me to study a degree which I have no interest in (I am already interested in a well respected field) and on top of all that, I THINK I'M GAY!

Would you honestly tell me to just listen to my parents and say it's not a biggie?

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Haha

I'm assuming you made up a hypothetical scenario lol We just need to find the right balance and if your parents do not let you do something then persuade them with your best hopes
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Kutta
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(Original post by anwarpwnsall)
Yeah haha, I'm in a quite White area, and go to a mostly white school. I don't go to mosque really so only talk to other non-asians

But what do most choose then? Stay or go?
I see I see

Well I was lucky in the sense that I wanted to do Law and i lived in London so it was pretty much a no brainer..

What area do you live in, Any good universities nearby?
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Ggmu!
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(Original post by Kutta)
Haha

I'm assuming you made up a hypothetical scenario lol We just need to find the right balance and if your parents do not let you do something then persuade them with your best hopes
I think a balance is what we need. I do believe in preserving our culture through how we live and think. But if you wish to raise your children in countries where this is the norm, parents must expect culture clashes. It's selfish of parents to insist that a son/daughter continue following a religion, or forcing a marriage, or choosing a degree. It's simply not right.

But I also feel I can talk so bravely because I have such incredibly forward thinking and liberal, but deeply religious parents. Bloody hell, did I get lucky! Even today in the car we were talking a lot about religion and I could comfortably say I see no value in prayer and I never pray. But my dad said his children compel him to pray, and I had no counter for that

But being open with your kids and talking about things instead of shutting them off is destructive and will lead to self destructive behaviour in some cases (I've known self harmers due to parents being forceful on religion).

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Schap
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You should seek protection from your local police and/social services. You are in danger of being murdered by your family


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Kutta
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(Original post by Ggmu!)
I think a balance is what we need. I do believe in preserving our culture through how we live and think. But if you wish to raise your children in countries where this is the norm, parents must expect culture clashes. It's selfish of parents to insist that a son/daughter continue following a religion, or forcing a marriage, or choosing a degree. It's simply not right.

But I also feel I can talk so bravely because I have such incredibly forward thinking and liberal, but deeply religious parents. Bloody hell, did I get lucky! Even today in the car we were talking a lot about religion and I could comfortably say I see no value in prayer and I never pray. But my dad said his children compel him to pray, and I had no counter for that

But being open with your kids and talking about things instead of shutting them off is destructive and will lead to self destructive behaviour in some cases (I've known self harmers due to parents being forceful on religion).

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Yep Agreed

Im lucky in that sense to as religion was never forced on me, i recall a car conversation with my dad telling me that I could do whatever i want lol which was a bit odd. If i did not pray nobody would give a crap. But you could say that our parents got it right in the sense that we still follow our culture and religion and we still respect them. Which is essentially what our culture is

Now to dodge the arranged marriage bullet!

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/192...et-dodge-o.gif
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Kutta
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(Original post by Schap)
You should seek protection from your local police and/social services. You are in danger of being murdered by your family


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Ggmu!
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(Original post by Kutta)
Yep Agreed

Im lucky in that sense to as religion was never forced on me, i recall a car conversation with my dad telling me that I could do whatever i want lol which was a bit odd. If i did not pray nobody would give a crap. But you could say that our parents got it right in the sense that we still follow our culture and religion and we still respect them. Which is essentially what our culture is

Now to dodge the arranged marriage bullet!

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/192...et-dodge-o.gif
It's so true, isn't it? My parents never forced religion onto me, i had no friends who weren't white and I am here, more knowledgeable on my religion than the average Hindu, although I'm not committed in a religious sense, however you could say I practice jnana yoga (path of knowledge), so I am a practicing Hindu :cool::cool::cool::cool:

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