I love my girlfriend but don't find her sexually attractive Watch

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Snowwhitex
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#61
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#61
This is not fair on her. You're restricting her from being loved and adored, and sexually lusted after by a man, who will find her sexually attractive. Let her go, if you really love her.
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Anonymous #6
#62
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#62
Just dump her ffs and go back to the dating pool fighting over the top 20% of women with everyone else. Stop wasting her time, your behaviour is in no way noble- it's entirely selfish.
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Superman88
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#63
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(Original post by GradMed)
I'm sorry but I don't think you can be truly in love someone you don't find physically attractive. You may care about them a lot and get on with them as friends but there is more to a relationship than that just as there is more to a relationship than sex. It's a mixture of all of these factors which is why it's not easy to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Surely you can never even tell her she looks beautiful/sexy or if you do, you must be lying?
Of-course you can. Personality makes people more attractive too. I think what the OP means is that while she is not attractive in the conventional sense he loves her regardless. He still does find this difficult though as everyone imagines themselves been with someone who they see as gorgeous.


OP: Has the situation been resolved now?
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IndianDancer
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#64
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You sound like such a nice girl. I realise I probably sounded like quite a jerk there!

I didn't literally mean I would simply dump her for a prettier girl. But I think that because this issue the relationship probably wouldn't last very long in the future.

I think if I would meet a pretty girl I really liked, it would probably make me realise there is no need for both of us to be in a relationship that isn't so great. However, I wouldn't just tell her one day that now it's over I have someone else, as I would never want anyone do that to me.

To be honest I'm not that scared of being lonely, but rather losing her from my life because she is important to me regardless of the issue.

I talked with her face to face and tried explaning how I like her but how certain things don't feel to be working out very well. I would never actually tell her that I don't find her attractive, but I explained that I just sometimes feels that she is more like a friend to me.

It was very upsetting for both of us, but to be fair she had realised some things were wrong. She likes me regardless and wants to continue seeing me, but now she knows that it probably won't last long in the future.

Maybe it isn't quite fair on her anyway, as I know she is more into our relationship than I am, but at least I was being more honest with her and I think that is better.
Yeah any updates OP?
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Dreamszx
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#65
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[QUOTE=Superman88;46460802]Of-course you can. Personality makes people more attractive too.

Totally agree, if you like her as much as you say you do then even if she's the ugliest creature on this earth, she becomes beautiful to you.


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silverbolt
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#66
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(Original post by Caedus)
A year and a half with someone you've never found physically attractive - what's wrong with you?
yep

this is what happens when you follow the dreamworld idea that "looks dont matter"

of course looks matter people who say looks dont matter are

lying
settling
trying to convince themselves that thats true
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bj27
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#67
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(Original post by silverbolt)
yep

this is what happens when you follow the dreamworld idea that "looks dont matter"

of course looks matter people who say looks dont matter are

lying
settling
trying to convince themselves that thats true
This.
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feeling damaged
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#68
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I think I know how the OP feels. I've been in a similar relationship 2.5 years now. I love my gf so much and I've been working for a long time trying to be more attracted to her. With time and with communication, things have gotten slightly better over the past year. But last night we almost broke up because she is confused about why I get so uncomfortable with the idea of a long term commitment. It's in those conversations where I'm forced to face reality. Do I want this relationship or not? I care so much about her, but I don't think I care as much about our romantic relationship. It makes me feel like a monster. Reading this thread has helped sort out my feelings a bit.

It is easy to say that the OP is being selfish, but when you're growing you don't always know how you're 'supposed' to feel. Long term relationships are challenging. If you encounter one bump in the road and decide to jump ship, well then maybe you're just being a coward and one could say you're being selfish by doing that rather than trying to work at it. So no matter what, the OP is in a really tough situation. Kudos to him for knowing he should seek guidance.
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LightBlueSoldier
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[QUOTE=Dreamszx;46460817]
(Original post by Superman88)
Of-course you can. Personality makes people more attractive too.

Totally agree, if you like her as much as you say you do then even if she's the ugliest creature on this earth, she becomes beautiful to you.


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Oh come on this is such bull****.


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Amandablanks
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#70
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#70
Break up with her & find someone you fancy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Superman88)
Of-course you can. Personality makes people more attractive too. I think what the OP means is that while she is not attractive in the conventional sense he loves her regardless. He still does find this difficult though as everyone imagines themselves been with someone who they see as gorgeous.


OP: Has the situation been resolved now?
(Original post by IndianDancer)
Yeah any updates OP?
Just randomly logged onto TSR today and saw my post up on the forum, I'll reply now

We are still together. We nearly broke up at one point because of this and other trouble we were having, but ended up wanting to stay together. This was probably a mistake from my part as I always just come back to the point where I'm telling myself that this is not going to work.

However, I have learned a lot during all this time. A relationship like this simply cannot work in the long run, as many have already said. I have also made it clear to her that this cannot become a long term relationship (I know it already is so far:/) and that I am not ready to "settle down" with her. I did not tell her the reason, but there are other career related issues that will come on the way of our relationship in the near future.

(Original post by feeling damaged)
I think I know how the OP feels. I've been in a similar relationship 2.5 years now. I love my gf so much and I've been working for a long time trying to be more attracted to her. With time and with communication, things have gotten slightly better over the past year. But last night we almost broke up because she is confused about why I get so uncomfortable with the idea of a long term commitment. It's in those conversations where I'm forced to face reality. Do I want this relationship or not? I care so much about her, but I don't think I care as much about our romantic relationship. It makes me feel like a monster. Reading this thread has helped sort out my feelings a bit.

It is easy to say that the OP is being selfish, but when you're growing you don't always know how you're 'supposed' to feel. Long term relationships are challenging. If you encounter one bump in the road and decide to jump ship, well then maybe you're just being a coward and one could say you're being selfish by doing that rather than trying to work at it. So no matter what, the OP is in a really tough situation. Kudos to him for knowing he should seek guidance.
Great to see that there is someone else feeling exactly the same way.

I think the bottom line is that a relationship like this simply can't work, or is not a "real" relationship. Just like you said, we are growing and learning and this is my first relationship. I can only dream how good it feels to be with someone you love both physically and emotionally and hopefully that day will come soon.

A good question is that what's the meaning of "love"? I do love my girlfriend, but I am not 'in love' with her. Why do I stay with her then? Well, because she's a fun person to spend time with and we do truly have a great time together. I know a relationship like this is not fair for either of us, but at least I have been a little more honest to her about the way I feel.

I think the worst thing is, that I feel that I have so much love in me waiting to be "released" on the right person. I truly believe I could make a girl really happy and give a lot into a relationship. In our relationship, however, I'm only able to "release" only a fraction of my love, which is quite sad for both of us.

Anyways, she is rather together with me knowing the way I am and that I'm not feeling so great, and I'm happier being with someone nice rather than spending my days alone. She knows it will not last forever, and I really hope one day we both find better matching partners for each other.
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AlexKay99
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#72
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I'm a girl and I understand that its hard to be physically attracted to a personality because we all need a physical representation of that personality in terms of looks.
May be you should call it a break and go out with someone you consider sexually attractive no matter if her personality is not great and see which you rather prefer?
Lets face it, nowadays, people that are attractive in both senses are virtually enigmatic and it could take you such a long time to find one....that's probably why I'm such a loner!

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Viva Emptiness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just randomly logged onto TSR today and saw my post up on the forum, I'll reply now

We are still together. We nearly broke up at one point because of this and other trouble we were having, but ended up wanting to stay together. This was probably a mistake from my part as I always just come back to the point where I'm telling myself that this is not going to work.

However, I have learned a lot during all this time. A relationship like this simply cannot work in the long run, as many have already said. I have also made it clear to her that this cannot become a long term relationship (I know it already is so far:/) and that I am not ready to "settle down" with her. I did not tell her the reason, but there are other career related issues that will come on the way of our relationship in the near future.



Great to see that there is someone else feeling exactly the same way.

I think the bottom line is that a relationship like this simply can't work, or is not a "real" relationship. Just like you said, we are growing and learning and this is my first relationship. I can only dream how good it feels to be with someone you love both physically and emotionally and hopefully that day will come soon.

A good question is that what's the meaning of "love"? I do love my girlfriend, but I am not 'in love' with her. Why do I stay with her then? Well, because she's a fun person to spend time with and we do truly have a great time together. I know a relationship like this is not fair for either of us, but at least I have been a little more honest to her about the way I feel.

I think the worst thing is, that I feel that I have so much love in me waiting to be "released" on the right person. I truly believe I could make a girl really happy and give a lot into a relationship. In our relationship, however, I'm only able to "release" only a fraction of my love, which is quite sad for both of us.

Anyways, she is rather together with me knowing the way I am and that I'm not feeling so great, and I'm happier being with someone nice rather than spending my days alone. She knows it will not last forever, and I really hope one day we both find better matching partners for each other.
You are kidding yourself if you think she is happy with this situation. She's telling herself that you'll change your mind given more time, and she'll think it's all her fault when you don't. You really need to do the decent thing here.
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Anonymous #1
#74
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(Original post by Viva Emptiness)
You are kidding yourself if you think she is happy with this situation. She's telling herself that you'll change your mind given more time, and she'll think it's all her fault when you don't. You really need to do the decent thing here.
You are right.. :/ But I mean she is happier being with me like this than not being with me at all. I have never told her that I don't find her attractive of course, that would be a horrible thing to do to someone.
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Viva Emptiness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You are right.. :/ But I mean she is happier being with me like this than not being with me at all. I have never told her that I don't find her attractive of course, that would be a horrible thing to do to someone.
Of course she is, she's a dying man clutching at straws. In the short term she's probably relieved, but in the long run this will ruin her for future boyfriends. She is going to be full of hurt, distrust and low self-esteem.

To be honest I know I'm wasting my time telling you this, because I know you're not going to leave her until you see the light at the end of the tunnel (the prospect of someone better).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Viva Emptiness)
Of course she is, she's a dying man clutching at straws. In the short term she's probably relieved, but in the long run this will ruin her for future boyfriends. She is going to be full of hurt, distrust and low self-esteem.

To be honest I know I'm wasting my time telling you this, because I know you're not going to leave her until you see the light at the end of the tunnel (the prospect of someone better).
You are right, very well said. I'm so stupid for taking this so far..

But she knows its going to end, the reason being we will be relocating due to our careers and way too far from each other. She will hopefully think that this is the only reason it has to end.
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Tai Ga
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OP, what is it you don't find attractive about your gf? Is it anything that can possibly be resolved through gym work, or simply altering her appearance? (i.e. Hair, makeup etc...)
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Splenge007
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#78
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"i just don't like how she looks naked"

lost it.
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Splenge007
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#79
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"i just don't like how she looks naked"

i probably laughed to hard at this
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tai Ga)
OP, what is it you don't find attractive about your gf? Is it anything that can possibly be resolved through gym work, or simply altering her appearance? (i.e. Hair, makeup etc...)
It's not, its just the overall appearance. I'm sexually into a completely different body type, not going into details. I'm not looking for a "perfect girl" either if that's what some will think, but this girl just doesn't tick any of the boxes for me in terms of physical attraction.

I also believe attaction comes from more complicated things subconciously, such as movements of the face, looks, the way one speaks etc.

(Original post by Splenge007)
"i just don't like how she looks naked"

lost it.
Lol, can't believe I actually wrote that before. Sounds so horrible, I am horrible.
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