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Relationships before the age of 25 are pointless. Discuss. Watch

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    (Original post by Manic Boy)
    Why would you get married at 19? That's ridiculous! You'd be lucky to still be married at 35.
    I got married at 20; moved half-way across the globe with my partner; both ourselves and literally everyone arounds us (family, friends, acquaintances) fully expect our relationship to last. We've already done all the 'big' fighting and worked our differing life-expectations out. Now we're just seeing how life actually goes.

    What good non-speculative basis do you have for asserting that some particular relationship will not last?
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    (Original post by Robbie242)
    True but I still prefer the idea of long term commitment
    Looking at his comments he's just trying to **** on people in relationships/who prefer them, he's insulted me and and someone else for being in relationships/being married
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    IMO, a relationship is really not something you can put an age-minimum on, and is entirely dependent on the person. In terms of spending time with someone you get on with, although you can do that with friends and family, there is really nothing like the connection in between a male and female who like each other and are sexually involved.

    In terms of breaking up with the person and being left depressed/insescure, in a way that's one of the purposes of a relationship, to teach you things about yourself/life, and it's not something someone can tell you, it's only something you can know through experience. Also, the people you know who've missed job oppurtunities, done badly in exams, etc because they were in relationships, how do you know they regretted it? Also, who's to say that some exam or job is more important than your personal life?

    I understand what you said about how you know people who were in relationships who when they ended were left with no one, but that's a mistake that one has to try and avoid, and obviously it's not good to get completely cut off from the world. Also understand your personal viewpoint that you didn't like being in a relationship because it took a lot of time and commitment, but I guess that's your personal feeling, and maybe at some point in the future when your situation's changed you'll feel different ,but you can't apply that standard to everyone else.
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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    Looking at his comments he's just trying to **** on people in relationships/who prefer them, he's insulted me and and someone else for being in relationships/being married
    Exactly, and its stupid to assume problems I've faced = problems you'll face because you aren't him! :lol:
    • #2
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    (Original post by Rump Steak)
    I'm of the opinion that serious, committed relationships before reaching your mid-twenties are pointless. What's the point? People are literally wasting their time, and indeed their lives, being in relationships. And it's pathetic. The number of people breaking down, and claiming their lives have "fallen apart", and all this **** - why do people do it? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you? Why not use the time to earn some money, get a decent degree, travel the world, succeed in some way or another - why do you choose to waste your time with someone who you are almost definitely going to break up with (badly), and leave you feeling depressed and insecure for ages afterwards? I know loads of people who've done badly in exams, missed uni offers, job opportunities, the list goes on, because they've spent all their time focused on their relationship.

    ...

    So answer me this TSR, why do people invest so much time, effort, emotion and money into something that invariably is going to end in tears anyway?
    People have made the point with their anecdata - but just to add... relationships that start in the teens/early 20s do not invariably end in tears! Sometimes you do meet the right person, even if it's earlier than you might have planned & you don't want to miss the opportunity. I think the right relationship is supposed to enhance your life not destract from things by taking too much time. Your criticism is of people who have drama-filled-relationships, neglect other aspects of their lives and have post-break-up-issues.

    So - I met mine in 2003 during our the first term at university & we married after 7 years together. We have occasionally joked that we found each other a little too early (!) & a bit more field-playing at Uni might've had its upsides but I wouldn't have changed things. Ours careers are both where we want them to be right now & we're on track to having a big family relatively young as we wanted.

    Prior to this we'd both had 1 'serious relationship' - so perhaps that was pointless?
    But I'd argue not for the same reasons that other people have given - sometimes you need to 'practise' things, relationships do involve some social skills and if you've never done it before at all you're going in blind! I think reflecting on the issues in the previous one definitely helped my current one to succeed in the tricky early stages when you hit some bumps.

    Another thing to consider is perhaps the numbers game (especially if you don't believe in the ridiculous idea of there only being 'the one' for you - but instead various people who would be a good enough fit) - when you're younger fewer people will be in committed relationships - so your mate selection pool is definitely wider... but then this diminishes. My husband was warned by his father to 'find a good one at University before the best are taken'as he'd met and married his wife at a similar age - they've been together for over 40 years now if we want some longer-anecdata!
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    (Original post by Robbie242)
    Exactly, and its stupid to assume problems I've faced = problems you'll face because you aren't him! :lol:
    Yeah, it's like the people who say to me "you'll miss out because you're in a relationship", no I won't, because I don't actually WANT to do those things. People like different things
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    I completely disagree, especially with the idea that you're wasting your life by being in a relationship when you're under 25. Relationships are amazing when you really care and love the person, and you can experience plenty whilst being in one; they're not really stopping you from doing much. Plus, I personally want children quite young so starting relationships at 25 wouldn't be ideal.

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    (Original post by Manic Boy)
    Why would you get married at 19? That's ridiculous! You'd be lucky to still be married at 35.
    I answered the why somewhere in this thread. And why presume it won't last? People back in the olden days married at around that age and the majority of the marriage were successful so I don't see why mine wouldn't be?

    EDIT: Just to add to this, I can easily say my marriage have as much chance of survival as those who married later in life. I know this because me and my husband have survived a miscarriage, death in family, disability diagnosis, several relocations and being so financially unstable we went hungry and bills weren't paid a few times. And that's all before we're both 25.
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    I do think that relationships pre-uni or even before you're 20/21 are pretty doomed. However I've had boyfriends since I was 17 and, yes, even though I was naive in thinking that I the guy I was with at 19 would end up being my husband, I'm glad for the experience my 'failed' relationships have left me with. I'm 25 now and have just started a new relationship, and would be uneasy if it was my first ever boyfriend.

    At the end of the day, relationships make people happy. Their sole purpose isn't to secure a life partner. If someone wants love and companionship before the age they want to settle down then why not? Even if it is pointless in the scheme of things, it's not pointless to them at that moment in time.
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    Well by looking at the replies, I'm doomed then 😶


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    I'm 26, been with my boyfriend 3 and a half years.

    We met when I was 23. At that time I was struggling to find a job, so was on benefits. He was working in management in a supermarket - a job he hates.

    However, since we've been together we've both changed a lot. He is studying for his AAT exams, and I'm in University studying Law. I work, and study. We go one regular holidays abroad, and we holiday in the UK occasionally. He is a bit of a 'nerd' as the American's would say - he's into anime, manga etc, but he has got me into all of that. We're watching new genre's of films, we're trying new foods. Doing all this new stuff with someone that I love, and who is my best friend, is what has been great.

    We push each other to succeed, and support when we don't.

    These type of threads usually come up either when the OP has had a bad breakup, or the OP has never had a girlfriend, and never will.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Rump Steak)
    (And finally, before anyone says I'm saying this because I'm bitter, I'm not. I've been in a few relationships; with people I've properly clicked with, and ended them because I hated the commitment; realising how many hours it was taking out of my life, and for what?)
    So answer me this TSR, why do people invest so much time, effort, emotion and money into something that invariably is going to end in tears anyway?
    I know this is a controversial opinion, but I feel I've given reasonable enough reasons to show why I don't think it's a ridiculous standpoint.
    I think the main point here is that you hate commitment. If you hate commitment then you're obviously not going to want to be in a relationship anyway, regardless of if you're an 18 year old commitment-phone or a 40 year old commitment-phobe. It doesn't matter if you're talking about relationship commitment, time commitment etc, if you view if that way then you're just not ready for a relationship, and that's absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with wanting to be single. The point is that the majority of young couples don't view their relationships as a chore, they view it as a shiny addition to their life, someone that they can share moments with and make memories.

    A lot of people will agree that it can be hard to find the right person to be in a relationship with. If you find someone at a young age, it makes sense to be with them. Why would you throw away a good guy/girl who you genuinely really like and connect with just because you think it won't work?

    You could meet someone in your thirties but there's still no guarantee that it'll work out.

    It's nice to "grow up" with someone and go through stages of life together.There are a lot of obstacles but a lot of young couples are more mature than others may give them credit for.

    I know plenty of married couples who dated since they were in school, and I know plenty that met later in life.

    I don't think age really matters much. If you meet someone you connect with then you should go for it. You shouldn't say no to it just because "it probably won't work out". If we went by that logic then you could say that about any age.

    I think this isn't so much about what's right or wrong, it's just a difference of views. You see relationships as time consuming, but perhaps you just haven't met the right person for you to think differently.
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    (Original post by Rump Steak)
    I'm of the opinion that serious, committed relationships before reaching your mid-twenties are pointless. What's the point? People are literally wasting their time, and indeed their lives, being in relationships. And it's pathetic. The number of people breaking down, and claiming their lives have "fallen apart", and all this **** - why do people do it? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you? Why not use the time to earn some money, get a decent degree, travel the world, succeed in some way or another - why do you choose to waste your time with someone who you are almost definitely going to break up with (badly), and leave you feeling depressed and insecure for ages afterwards? I know loads of people who've done badly in exams, missed uni offers, job opportunities, the list goes on, because they've spent all their time focused on their relationship.

    I understand there are upsides, but you DON'T need to be in a relationship to get them;
    1. Spending time with someone you get on with: You've got friends/family for that. Why spend so much time with one person, when you could use your time better and use it to meet more people and make more close friends? Plenty of people I know have isolated themselves from their friends to be in a relationship, and once they've broken up, they've got none left to turn to.
    2. The sex - you don't have to be in a serious, time-consuming relationship for that - there's one night stands, or friends with benefits (if you want to be exclusive)
    3. Conforming to social expectation: "All my mates are in relationships, so I should be too". if you're in a relationship for this, you're a right pleb.

    Now, I'm not against relationships in general. It's just I believe they should be after Uni at least, or when people are stable and independent in their lives, because at least then there's a chance of a future together. (The 25 in the title was an arbitrary figure; take it with a pinch of salt). Before-Uni relationships very very rarely work out. So why put yourself through all that effort?
    (And finally, before anyone says I'm saying this because I'm bitter, I'm not. I've been in a few relationships; with people I've properly clicked with, and ended them because I hated the commitment; realising how many hours it was taking out of my life, and for what?)
    So answer me this TSR, why do people invest so much time, effort, emotion and money into something that invariably is going to end in tears anyway?
    I know this is a controversial opinion, but I feel I've given reasonable enough reasons to show why I don't think it's a ridiculous standpoint.
    I wanted sex and couldn't find a 'friend with benefit' or a one night stand so I had to take 'official' relationships.But yes I agree on the other bit
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I answered the why somewhere in this thread. And why presume it won't last? People back in the olden days married at around that age and the majority of the marriage were successful so I don't see why mine wouldn't be?

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    that was before divorce was invented
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    that was before divorce was invented
    Divorce has been going on for hundreds of years matey
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    that was before divorce was invented
    It existed. If a couple are willing to work hard then a marriage can work.

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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    Divorce has been going on for hundreds of years matey
    Is it?Wasn't there some religious ban?I mean if you could be arrested for contradicting the Bible I don't see how you could divorce
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    Is it?Wasn't there some religious ban?I mean if you could be arrested for contradicting the Bible I don't see how you could divorce
    It wasn't encouraged, but yeah, you could divorce. Problem was that women didn't have any rights really, and so most wouldn't because their husbands would take all their stuff
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    It existed. If a couple are willing to work hard then a marriage can work.

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    what is the point?
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    what is the point?
    the point is if a couple wants to stay together and are willing to work through their problems then divorce shouldn't really happen. it's up to the people at the end of the day.
 
 
 
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