Would you be OK if your partner did this? Watch

Red one
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#61
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#61
(Original post by Tai Ga)
when did worth as a woman come into this? The OP didn't even specify gender :rolleyes:

It's about equal division of responsibilities. Why should I go out and bust my ass to make a living, while my partner does **** all around the house? You just seem like a parasite tbh. You want to do all these fun things like brunch with the girls, manicures, shopping, getting your hair done etc...Who's funding them? It's not you because you're not working :lol:

Preparing a simple meal and just maintaining house cleanliness (which isn't that difficult to do unless you're a right slob) isn't that much to ask for. No one is asking you to sport maid attire and clean till your back is bent.
Did my previous post hit a nerve because you sound upset here. I'm not a parasite as there are things to contribute in a relationship beyond food and a clean house, I'm frankly a little concerned that you are fixated on those two things as your job as a woman. You know making conversations, having a sense of humour and being a someone who your partner can confide in.

I have some of my own inheritance money but my spouse will support me as well, I wouldn't marry someone who isn't happy with my lifestyle.

(Original post by BullViagra)
i think you need to get a grip. stop acting like you're talking on behalf of women, and stop talking like you're engaged to OP XD
I'm not sure whether I should laugh or be offended.
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WitnessMO
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#62
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#62
No because I would be worried and concerned about their state of happiness. Not going out to work, having no career and just living for one or your children with little social life, in the way Western societies is designed could make them isolated and depressed.
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1001Shab
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#63
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#63
(Original post by kka25)
Assume you have a 9-5 job. You have a partner at home. Your partner:
-makes healthy breakfast for you or breakfast of your choice
-makes the bed
-washes the plates and cleans the table
-irons your clothes
-makes lunch and dinner
-cleans the house
-allows you to have random sex (assuming they are not busy with the dishes)

BUT

Your partner doesn't work. They will need to use your money to buy groceries and pay the bills.

Would this be OK with you?
Assuming there is a child in the picture and he has voluntarily decided to stay at home to look after the child as well as cook and clean, on a temporary basis, it's acceptable. I would expect him to go back to work afterwards. He's not relaxing on the sofa at home, while I'm working my ass off to provide for the family. It wouldn't be fair.
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Tai Ga
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#64
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#64
(Original post by Red one)
Did my previous post hit a nerve because you sound upset here. I'm not a parasite as there are things to contribute in a relationship beyond food and a clean house, I'm frankly a little concerned that you are fixated on those two things as your job as a woman. You know making conversations, having a sense of humour and being a someone who your partner can confide in.

I have some of my own inheritance money but my spouse will support me as well, I wouldn't marry someone who isn't happy with my lifestyle.


I'm not sure whether I should laugh or be offended.
Nope. No nerve was hit. Unlike you I have no intentions of becoming a parasite and living solely off my partner. You're not understanding. This isn't about me as a woman. I'm speaking in a general sense, so please stop trying to make this into a gender issue. If I'm working a 7-7 job I expect (yes expect) dinner on the table. If you're in the house all day and it needs cleaning, it should be done. No one is denying that there's obviously an emotional contribution you make in a relationship, but speaking from a practical sense if your spouse is working and you're not, you should be taking up the bulk of the chores. It's just fair that way.

Your spouse will support you and you're reluctant to prepare a simple meal for him each day? Talk about being a sponger :lol: (lol and even they to some degree help out). Good luck finding someone to support you with that lifestyle choice. I have a feeling you're gonna be single for a while.
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syrettd
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#65
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#65
Assuming I make enough to support us? Definitely! He can do all the boring housework things I hate and I can go and enjoy my job knowing I'm coming home to a clean home and food on the table
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ArabianPhoenix
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#66
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#66
It'd be fine if i knew he had a reputable degree up his sleeve, in case something happens.
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joker12345
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#67
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#67
(Original post by Red one)
If you truly believe that your worth as a woman is measured by how clean the house is and how well you can cook then you might want to get some self-esteem or a self-help book. Expecting it is taking things a step too far imo, it's nice if the dinner is prepared and the house is cleaned but expecting dinner and a clean house every day is laughable. I'm sorry but I'm worth more than that.
Stop making things about sexism when they aren't; this is nothing to do with worth as a woman, it's about contributing to a partnership. If you want to contribute in other ways, go out, work and earn money.
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joker12345
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#68
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#68
(Original post by Red one)
There's contributing and then there's doing the whole housework, child-rearing and meal preparing all on my own. Expecting all 3 every day of the week is ridiculous if not practical. You're doing a paid job that's why you work 7-7, a housewife on the other hand doesn't get paid to do the housework she does it because she wants her house to be clean and for her kids to be fed not because the breadwinner expects it.

You're married to a real Human being with real feelings you cannot expect them to behave like a robot and do everything on their own while you're out of the house and they're stuck at home. Like I said in my previous post I expect to have time for my friends and family as well going shopping if I feel like it. There's no obligation for me to do the housework, I certainly wouldn't be involved with someone who expects me to do everything around the house.
People manage to do that on top of a full time job, so I'm pretty sure it would be manageable within work hours, even with taking breaks and relaxing. She doesn't get paid for it? No, but her partner is essentially paying for her, subsiding her lifestyle, her living, her rent, her food. So an equal contribution can damn well be expected.
No one is saying they must be a robot - working is not called being a robot. If they feel they are 'stuck at home' they can go out and earn. If they choose to be a housewife, they choose to work at hoe essentially.
If there's no obligation for you to do the housework there's no obligation for him to work hard to pay for you, you should fully expect to contribute equally to rent/food/bills/mortgage payments etc.
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joker12345
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#69
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#69
(Original post by Red one)
Do some housework but not ALL of the housework. I'll be going out with friends attending luncheons and perhaps doing a spot of eBaying. There are also stuff like manicures, going to the hairdressers and shopping. Or do you expect me to be in pajamas with bedraggled hair looking shabby?
Where's your husband's time for the luncheons and going out with friends?
You could easily go out for a couple of hours 3 days a week and still manage the household chores.
Your attitude is disgustingly entitled and you give the decent, hardworking women out there a bad name. Fyi guys, most women don't expect you to work and fund their lifestyle of luxary while refusing to even do the household chores since they aren't working!
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joker12345
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#70
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(Original post by Georgie_M)
Totally this.

I am completely shocked by some of the opinions on this thread; 'I pay for everything so you will do my everything I say'. That is such a bizarre way to approach a relationship.
A relationship is a partnership and both roles if decided equally between the parties should be respected. Not domineering and controlling because you are economically superior.

Being a stay at home parent is incredibly difficult and the contribution should be respected as such. Children have better outcomes with a parent at home so that is significant.

I started uni when my son was 2weeks old so decided to take the first summer off and it was the most dull, monotonous and depressing time of my life. I love my son to death but having nothing outside of the home, doing something 24/7 7 days a week (apart from when you are asleep which is dictated by the child's sleeping patterns) and having to think of fun interesting activities every 20minutes as well as preparing nutritious meals (and everyone you know is at work = no adult convo). But most of all being completely looked down on by society and told that you are privileged that your partner works so hard. It's hard to contemplate until you actually do it but the psychological effects are more than the physical effort.

Working is 100x easier and you are respected for what you are doing and your contribution. For me going back to uni and work was a break, and I applaud those who can stay at home.

If your partner is an amazing stay at home parent and enjoys the monotony without complaint then I feel as though you should be happy not moaning that you have to go to work a few hours a day and pay the bills.

Sorry for the rant, I just get annoyed with these immature, naive views on what it means to be a parent and in a relationship!
Difference is that you stayed at home cos you had a kid, looked after it and then went back to work. You don't expect to be provided for while you just sit on your ass, go out for 'luncheons' etc - you actually had a reason to be at home,
Sure, it's a partnership where roles are decided by both partners - if one partner stays at home but decided not to do housework and instead hang around, go out etc, leaving the other to work and then come home and do housework. That's not a fair and equal contribution from both partners. Yes, both contributions should be recognised, but that doesn't mean it's fair not to contribute.
As for your comment about society, you ARE privileged to be supported by a partner who works. To say you're not is to not recognise their contribution.
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Georgie_M
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#71
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#71
(Original post by joker12345)
Difference is that you stayed at home cos you had a kid, looked after it and then went back to work. You don't expect to be provided for while you just sit on your ass, go out for 'luncheons' etc - you actually had a reason to be at home,
Sure, it's a partnership where roles are decided by both partners - if one partner stays at home but decided not to do housework and instead hang around, go out etc, leaving the other to work and then come home and do housework. That's not a fair and equal contribution from both partners. Yes, both contributions should be recognised, but that doesn't mean it's fair not to contribute.
As for your comment about society, you ARE privileged to be supported by a partner who works. To say you're not is to not recognise their contribution.
Yeah I wasn't actually talking about women who sit on their arse and 'do lunch' my comment was in reference to an employee-employer type relationship which this idea of privilege promotes.

Just because i didn't feel privileged to stay at home (I did at first but I soon realised it was a crock of ****) does not mean I didn't respect my partner's contribution. Respect connotes equality and understanding of differences in roles whereas 'privilege' suggests superiority.

Yes there are some women who revel in the joys of stay-at-home motherhood, does not mean for most people it is incredibly difficult. I think work and staying at home should be equally respected. To be honest if you have a family and all you have to do is go out and work for 8-10hrs a day and not take on any household and childcare responsibilities then I think that's pretty privileged.

I have worked and done 95% of the household chores/childcare on top of that and it is still easier than being a stay at home parent for me. If as a partnership you choose for one person to stay at home then you are both equally privileged. You have probably chosen the roles which suit your family and you as individuals the best.

All this privilege nonsense is a form of control over the person in the house. And by the way I do realise that families where you can afford to stay at home as opposed to having to work (even when you don't want to) are privileged. But the person who stays at home is no more privileged than the person who goes to work.
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silverbolt
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#72
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#72
(Original post by Red one)
That's like having a house slave. Random sex, are you serious?


When I mention being housewife I don't plan to be the type with the apron on and always either on her knees scrubbing the floor or standing over a stove. There are cleaners for that sort of thing.
Yes, how dare he? How dare he assume that in an adult relationship the spark should be kept alive through random spontaneous sex rather than it being regimented. Tut tut.

And if you intend to be a housewife what do you intend to do all day if not the housework while your partner is at work.


Anyway my partner is a full time carer to the eldest lad so she cant work and she cooks and cleans but so do i and i work. I think it comes down to whatever works for each couple. There is no set down rule book for it
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Viva Emptiness
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#73
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#73
Absolutely not. One income would nowhere near cover the sort of lifestyle I'm accustomed to.
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PinkMobilePhone
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#74
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#74
(Original post by kka25)
Assume you have a 9-5 job. You have a partner at home. Your partner:
-makes healthy breakfast for you or breakfast of your choice
-makes the bed
-washes the plates and cleans the table
-irons your clothes
-makes lunch and dinner
-cleans the house
-allows you to have random sex (assuming they are not busy with the dishes)

BUT

Your partner doesn't work. They will need to use your money to buy groceries and pay the bills.

Would this be OK with you?
So they're a househusband / housewife basically? If you can afford for one partner to not work, then yes, why on earth not? If I were working and my husband weren't, I'd expect him to take care of the house and kids, and we'd live off one wage - nothing wrong with that. Same the other way around.

We don't separate our money, we never have done. We're a unit. Our money is OUR money. If we were both working, but one of us had a lesser wage than the other, it would make no difference because it would all just go into our joint bank account.
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PsychadelicScarf
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#75
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#75
(Original post by Red one)
There's contributing and then there's doing the whole housework, child-rearing and meal preparing all on my own. Expecting all 3 every day of the week is ridiculous if not practical. You're doing a paid job that's why you work 7-7, a housewife on the other hand doesn't get paid to do the housework she does it because she wants her house to be clean and for her kids to be fed not because the breadwinner expects it.

You're married to a real Human being with real feelings you cannot expect them to behave like a robot and do everything on their own while you're out of the house and they're stuck at home. Like I said in my previous post I expect to have time for my friends and family as well going shopping if I feel like it. There's no obligation for me to do the housework, I certainly wouldn't be involved with someone who expects me to do everything around the house.
But you would be getting paid, in the sense that you would have free board and lodgings, your clothes paid for and your food paid for.
If you do the house jobs right, then they shouldn't take you all day, so of course you would have time to be with your friends. BUT do you think your partner would have time for their friends during the day? What if they worked in a way that had limited interaction with other people? What if the people they worked with simply weren't their friends?

It sounds like what your asking from life is to be let off easy.
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