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Is it weird that I wouldn't want my Dad to walk me down the aisle? Watch

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    (Original post by beccagood95)
    I don't feel it's "disrespectful". I just happen to think my plans won't necessarily need to HAVE him walking down the aisle. It's not needed. He'll be involved in other ways, and in ways that I think he'll enjoy a lot more. He'll probably be at the entrance of the aisle (if there is an aisle) with my mother and I'll probably give them both a quick peck on the cheek and then maybe walk down with the person I'm marrying. He'll also still have his speech (he loves writing a good speech) and a dance.
    It's not just about what you feel it's about what he feels too. He may not admit if you ask, most men hide their feelings but I can assure you he'd be very hurt.
    What you're doing seems very selfish to me and to pretty much everyone else on this thread judging by the responses but hey it's not my wedding or my fathers feelings you're destroying so it doesn't really matter to me.
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    I have a father but he's a horrible one and has been absent for most of it. I probably won't have anyone walking me down the aisle (although I do feel a little badly about it but in my eyes he doesnt deserve it) Is it still selfish?
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    (Original post by beccagood95)
    1. No, I might not get married.
    2. Urm, who said I was keeping the rest of it "normal"? I certainly didn't.
    3.I don't believe in hell and I also don't believe that there's anything wrong with having children outside of marriage.
    4. He doesn't mind who walks me down the aisle.
    5. My relationship is none of your business, actually. But yes, it's long and it's happy because I'm not actually a selfish person. I love him more than anything else, and the wedding would be about the two of us, not just me. Our families may be "joined" in a way, but that means my father isn't any more important than the other 3 parents involved in the ceremony. They will all have a role to play, including my own father.
    1. clearly.
    2. you didnt lead me to question otherwise. almost like the only thing you had an issue with was the whole giving away part of the traditional ceremony. implying that you were cool with keeping the rest of the traditions up.
    3. i didnt think you did not many do but i was explaining the historic purpose of marriage. and how those needs were practical and how nowadays its all just about dressing up and having basically an adult play time.
    4. really... so if your ex-boyfriend walked you down the isle he'd be cool with that.
    5. your wedding isnt my business either but thats what you get when you post your business online. your very confident that your not a selfish person... hmmm... and its not all about u? but let me guess... he himself has no special requests for the wedding?
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    (Original post by TSA)
    It's not just about what you feel it's about what he feels too. He may not admit if you ask, most men hide their feelings but I can assure you he'd be very hurt.
    What you're doing seems very selfish to me and to pretty much everyone else on this thread judging by the responses but hey it's not my wedding or my fathers feelings you're destroying so it doesn't really matter to me.
    I personally feel people are making too much of a big deal out of a tradition that doesn't really have to mean a damn thing. My Dad will have more important roles to play throughout the wedding. Not all weddings need to be the same. I will also not just say "Dad, you won't be walking me down the aisle. Sorry."
    I would say to him "I think it would be really nice if you and mum stand here with me and then watch me walk down with Joe, and then you walk together, hand in hand behind me, with his parents after you two and then you go to your seats at the front. "
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    (Original post by beccagood95)
    I personally feel people are making too much of a big deal out of a tradition that doesn't really have to mean a damn thing. My Dad will have more important roles to play throughout the wedding. Not all weddings need to be the same. I will also not just say "Dad, you won't be walking me down the aisle. Sorry."
    I would say to him "I think it would be really nice if you and mum stand here with me and then watch me walk down with Joe, and then you walk together, hand in hand behind me, with his parents after you two and then you go to your seats at the front. "
    I don't think you're understanding this from your fathers point of view. It all seems to be "me, myself and I".
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    (Original post by fojodef)
    1. clearly.
    2. you didnt lead me to question otherwise. almost like the only thing you had an issue with was the whole giving away part of the traditional ceremony. implying that you were cool with keeping the rest of the traditions up.
    3. i didnt think you did not many do but i was explaining the historic purpose of marriage. and how those needs were practical and how nowadays its all just about dressing up and having basically an adult play time.
    4. really... so if your ex-boyfriend walked you down the isle he'd be cool with that.
    5. your wedding isnt my business either but thats what you get when you post your business online. your very confident that your not a selfish person... hmmm... and its not all about u? but let me guess... he himself has no special requests for the wedding?
    I'm really sorry but your English isn't the best, but I'll try and guess what you're trying to say.

    1. Mm, yes. "Clearly". Me and my boyfriend are happy with a long term relationship without marriage. It's worked for my Aunt, she's been with my Uncle for probably 25+ years and they have 2 children, but have never been married.
    2. Because I decided to focus on this particular tradition. I don't know if people wanted a thread in which I discuss my hatred of fruit cake or Canon in D.
    3. Hm.
    4. I do not have an ex-boyfriend. My and my current boyfriend have been together for quite some time, so he is my first and only boyfriend.
    5. No, my wedding isn't your business, but I didn't mind people discussing it as that was the topic I posted. However, I didn't invite people to question my relationship.
    He has several wedding requests. But that was not what this thread was about.
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    (Original post by Peachykeen09)
    I have a father but he's a horrible one and has been absent for most of it. I probably won't have anyone walking me down the aisle (although I do feel a little badly about it but in my eyes he doesnt deserve it) Is it still selfish?
    no. he wasnt there for you when times were bad. he doesnt have the right to just swoop in when times are good.

    in the advent of so many single parent house holds i've seen brothers taking their sisters down the isle before.
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    (Original post by TSA)
    I don't think you're understanding this from your fathers point of view. It all seems to be "me, myself and I".
    Well, that's because it's supposed to be mine and my boyfriend's wedding. Not my parents. Yes, it might be selfish, but are we not allowed to have one day where we have what WE want? Because in the future it will be filled with visiting both sets of parents and celebrating things in the way they want, and when we have children in the future, it's going to be ALL about them.
    That who the family will want to see the most and splurge the cash on. When we won't have that much time to ourselves anymore and will probably only get a date night every so often. I won't have a problem with that, because that's just what happens when you have kids. But it would be good to have a day where you can plan it yourself and just focus on the relationship between the two people getting married.
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    You definitely shouldn't do it if you don't want to or just because 'it's tradition'. Think people are being pretty rude trying to guilt you into doing it just because it might upset your dad if you don't- they don't even know your dad ! It is a pretty outdated tradition with obvious roots in male ownership of women, along with taking your husband's last name. But equally both of those things are perfectly fine if you want to do them and I wouldn't consider them degrading to women or anything
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    There is nothing wrong with walking down the isle on your own, or anyone other than your dad.
    Whats with all the "I feel sorry for your father" talk?, no offence but a wedding is supposed to be the couples happiest moment. If not walking down with her father makes her happy, then so be it. No need for the guilt card to be pulled.

    If I were to have it my way, I would have either my best friend since childhood walk me down, or my mother (lol) because they've been there for me more than my father ever has. I don't really like the idea of being "given away" either, but having someone with you when you walk down makes things less awkward lol
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    (Original post by fabstrawberry)
    I think I'm weird because I hate the idea of a big wedding with lots of people there, I mean I want to get married but tbh I wouldn't want any sort of ceremony in a church with people there for it. A few witnesses will be fine, then just leave.. :rolleyes:

    But yeah, I think it would be your own choice in what you want so when you are going to get married just explain it to your dad c:
    I wouldn't want a big wedding either, I think I'd feel uncomfortable. I think I'd just want a small venue with mine and the groom's family and close friends there.

    At OP: Its your own choice. Itd be yours and your husband to be big day afterall, no-one elses. Im sure your dad will understand and respect your choice if you explain your reasons. I think some of the posters on this thread are being a bit dramatic personally; its not like he isnt going to have a role in the wedding. I probably wouldn't have anyone giving me away when/if I get married; my dads dead and I doubt my brother would particularly want to do it and I'm not going to force him just for the sake of tradition.

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    You sound a bit like bridezilla to me.
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    I'm not having my father walk me down the aisle as he's been absent most of my life (even though my parents are still married :rolleyes: ) My mother will probably do it and if not, either my brother or my sister.

    Honestly, at the end of the day, it's your wedding and your decision. So yeah, do whatever you like.
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    Suck it up, it is tradition.
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    It depends on how traditional your perspectives are I guess. Brides get married in grey coloured dresses now, not just the "pure white" one tradition dictates so as far as eyebrow raises from society is concerned, it just depends on what kind of a society you belong to, rather than generally-speaking because it shouldn't make much difference at all !
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    (Original post by beccagood95)
    Now, I'm not intending to get married anytime soon, especially since me and my boyfriend are still at university.
    But I was watching something on youtube about weddings, and it got me thinking.
    I HATE the idea of having someone "give" me away. I love my Dad, but he does not own me and I wouldn't be his to give away. I would have been the one that said yes to the proposal.
    And I am not giving myself to my fiance anymore than he is giving himself to me.
    I've never really seen myself as much of a feminist, other than just wanting to be respected as a person, but I found that I feel quite strongly about this.

    I know that if I told this to my parents, they would both be very upset about such a thing. My mother's dad gave her away, and also felt sad that she was the only one of his 4 daughters that he gave away before he died. I am also my Dad's only daughter and I imagine he'd want to walk me down the aisle since it's a tradition that he expects. So hopefully it will be a while before I get married. :erm:

    Does anyone else feel like this too?
    I agree with you. Everyone's saying "it's just a tradition, get over it" but I can't escape the historical meaning and significance of being given away. Traditions have specific meanings, you can't just ignore that!

    If you aren't comfortable telling them this is how you feel, how about both your parents walk you down the aisle? I know you're still walking with someone but at least it wouldn't be the same as tradition so wouldn't necessarily carry the significance of being given away.

    Weddings are a delicate balance of what you and your spouse want and what your families want, especially if they are contributing financially. If you don't want this (which is totally fair) you should talk to them about other things that aren't important to your parents and work hard to include those things!
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    Don't have it if you don't want it but be prepared for your dad possibly being hurt.

    Personally I didn't have a dad to give me away and I would have had my gran to do it but she lives in another country so a family friend did it. I saw it as the person who raised me taking me to the next stage of life kind of thing.

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    Your feelings if your Dad walks you down the isle: Not too bothered, although a 'stupid tradition'. Doesn't really matter.

    Your Dad's feelings if he isn't allowed to: Absolutely gutted, misses out on a huge milestone that he's looked forward to for years. Makes him feel silly and unwanted.

    This tradition means more to others (ie your Dad) than it does for you. Suck it up and stop being so selfish.
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    People love going against tradition for the sake of it. Who cares?! If you don't wanna do it, then don't.
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    (Original post by beccagood95)
    And if it REALLY upset my Dad that much, I'd let him, but to be honest I think my Dad is a reasonable person and has influenced the way I think so there's a good chance that he'd understand and would be completely okay with it.
    (Original post by beccagood95)
    I know that if I told this to my parents, they would both be very upset about such a thing. My mother's dad gave her away, and also felt sad that she was the only one of his 4 daughters that he gave away before he died. I am also my Dad's only daughter and I imagine he'd want to walk me down the aisle since it's a tradition that he expects. So hopefully it will be a while before I get married. :erm:
    Which is it?

    You might be independent, but your dad still cares about you and wants protects you. In a sense, he is "giving" this responsibility to another man.

    As a lot of other people have said, I think you should dismount that high horse you're on and do the decent thing.
 
 
 
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