Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Did your parents influence your choice of university or course? Watch

    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Samual)
    :lolwut:

    There's quite a bit of difference between the normal, day-to-day expectations people have of each other and expecting your child to do a particular kind of job, which may impact the rest of their lives - if you can't appreciate the difference then you're not worth replying to. I've never been the rebellious type. :rolleyes:
    Yeah but the other user never said that, here's the exact quote

    "I did tell her there is an expectation on her "

    So your claims that he expected his daughter to get a particular job are just wrong, due to the fact that he never stated his exact expectations he just said that they existed, so I find it odd that you appeared to think it was wrong for a parent to have any expectations of their children


    Getting back to the thread, yeah my parents helped me choose a degree, but I did some extra research just to make sure that it was what I wanted as well, after completing A2 History I couldn't stand doing it at university, I'm quite glad I was persuaded tbh
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by diggy)
    Yeah but the other user never said that, here's the exact quote

    "I did tell her there is an expectation on her "

    So your claims that he expected his daughter to get a particular job are just wrong, due to the fact that he never stated his exact expectations he just said that they existed, so I find it odd that you appeared to think it was wrong for a parent to have any expectations of their children


    Getting back to the thread, yeah my parents helped me choose a degree, but I did some extra research just to make sure that it was what I wanted as well, after completing A2 History I couldn't stand doing it at university, I'm quite glad I was persuaded tbh
    That expectation can mean grades or whatever not necessarily job.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by donutaud15)
    That expectation can mean grades or whatever not necessarily job.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Exactly. The statement is ambiguous we can speculate all day about what it means, so it makes no sense for Samual to get his knickers in a bunch over a phrase that could mean anything
    • TSR Support Team
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Clearing and Applications Advisor
    (Original post by diggy)
    Yeah but the other user never said that, here's the exact quote

    "I did tell her there is an expectation on her "

    So your claims that he expected his daughter to get a particular job are just wrong, due to the fact that he never stated his exact expectations he just said that they existed, so I find it odd that you appeared to think it was wrong for a parent to have any expectations of their children
    It was quite clear what Alfissti meant. Unless he posts to contradict me, it is perfectly reasonable to assume he meant that his daughter either goes to a certain university, does a certain degree course, enters certain a profession or earns a certain salary. I think you're arguing for argument's sake. I have nothing else to say so I won't be replying to you anymore.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah, my family in general insisted that I wouldn't be able to cope in a different country by myself, because I'm not very independant lol

    I sort of agreed with them though. I decided to stay at home to go university, and that I'd travel to different countries by myself when I was a bit older.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    My dad always wanted me to become a nurse or something like that. I'd originally wanted to be a vet when I was younger. However, being pressured into going into nursing overshadowed hopes of being a vet. Not only that, he'd practically chosen my GCSE options for me (none of which were suitable to get the qualifications to become a nurse), and I resent him for that. Surprise, surprise, I no longer speak to him.

    My parents never went to university, but I've always been pressured into going. So I eventually did a course that would hopefully have gotten me a career in the Film industry - however, I hated the course, and the living environment that I was in. I left, and the financial implications (I had to have been able to terminate my accommodation contract) had put me off university for a while.

    I've since done a BTEC Business course, with top grades, and, still feeling the pressure, I'm doing a HND in Business, at the University Centre that my college has.

    After the two years, I may consider going back to Lincoln (the former university) and doing Business and Marketing.

    Nobody has pressured me to go to a certain university, however I've always felt pressured to go to a university.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    My parents don't know anything about university and didn't care where I went or what I studied. When I dropped out they were fine with it too. Now I'm going back to a different uni closer to home and my dad is just glad he doesn't have to drive as far as Dundee anymore.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Samual)
    It was quite clear what Alfissti meant. Unless he posts to contradict me, it is perfectly reasonable to assume he meant that his daughter either goes to a certain university, does a certain degree course, enters certain a profession or earns a certain salary. I think you're arguing for argument's sake. I have nothing else to say so I won't be replying to you anymore.
    You won't be replying to me any further because you're wrong.

    Anyway whats an assumption ? You can't just go around assuming things, thats as good as trusting a gut feeling.

    So in layman's terms you told a man he was raising his child incorrectly based off a gut feeling lol.

    I applaude you Sir I truly do, long live Samual and his assumptions

    Who needs factual evidence when you have your assumptions?

    Your audacity is an awesome spectacle, it truly is.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    No, though it wasn't for want of trying. They both tried to persuade me to change my mind about both course and university, despite the fact that I'm 48! As far as parents are concerned we're always misguided teenagers, and I'm sure mine will still be trying to run my life when I'm drawing my old age pension.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    As a parent who has been actively involved in son's uni application process (researching courses/suggesting subjects he had not heard of before/attending open days etc) I read this with interest. I don't have preconceived ideas about the jobs he should do, but I would like there to be a job eventually! I also think I have a pretty good idea about where his strengths lie and some relevant life/work experience that an 18 year old simply can't have gained, however well-informed.
    So whilst the courses and unis were his decision, we gave him a lot of guidance because he was under a great deal of pressure at school last year and a bit unsure about whether to apply for 2014 or not. I do agree that in an ideal scenario, he would have undertaken all of the research independently, but people don't all mature at same rate or have a clear goal about what they want to do after school and I had more time to do the research than he did, so was trying to be helpful and to give him options to consider.

    My expectation is simply that he will make a reasonable effort to come out of university with the best degree he's capable of (or thereabouts!) and that he'll make the most of some of the non-academic opportunities university life offers too. If he is not prepared to do that, then he would be better off taking a gap year or seeking an apprenticeship/job and we could save the huge amount it'll cost us to put him through uni. Of course if he makes the wrong choice, under-performs, or decides that uni is just not for him, it won't change how we feel about him in any way or the level of support/encouragement we're prepared to offer in the future.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Well, I haven't applied yet but I'm in the process of applying. My parents have come with me on open days, but whilst they give me general advice, they just want me to go where I've decided I'll be happiest. They won't have any input on the specific unis I choose, and they didn't have any particular say in my course choice, but that's because they didn't go to uni and they figure I can work out what I want to do better than anyone else
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by albee)
    As a parent who has been actively involved in son's uni application process (researching courses/suggesting subjects he had not heard of before/attending open days etc) I read this with interest. I don't have preconceived ideas about the jobs he should do, but I would like there to be a job eventually! I also think I have a pretty good idea about where his strengths lie and some relevant life/work experience that an 18 year old simply can't have gained, however well-informed.
    So whilst the courses and unis were his decision, we gave him a lot of guidance because he was under a great deal of pressure at school last year and a bit unsure about whether to apply for 2014 or not. I do agree that in an ideal scenario, he would have undertaken all of the research independently, but people don't all mature at same rate or have a clear goal about what they want to do after school and I had more time to do the research than he did, so was trying to be helpful and to give him options to consider.

    My expectation is simply that he will make a reasonable effort to come out of university with the best degree he's capable of (or thereabouts!) and that he'll make the most of some of the non-academic opportunities university life offers too. If he is not prepared to do that, then he would be better off taking a gap year or seeking an apprenticeship/job and we could save the huge amount it'll cost us to put him through uni. Of course if he makes the wrong choice, under-performs, or decides that uni is just not for him, it won't change how we feel about him in any way or the level of support/encouragement we're prepared to offer in the future.
    Eminently sensible in every way.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    My mum wasn't too involved, though I did discuss things with her.

    My dad on the other hand has actively tried to control my decisions, and unfortunately somewhat succeeded in that I ended up changing my insurance to his choice to avoid him trying to prevent me going at all (believe me he would-he's very controlling) but at least I still like my insurance and it's an improvement from how he was before, initially he tried to stop me going at all because he didn't like the fact I want to study psychology and eventually become a neuroscientist. He wanted me to be a doctor and completely ignores that I don't want to do medicine. So yeah, he's going to be furious either way in September because I plan on moving out even if I get into my insurance, his plan picking it was that I would live at home, he says it's for financial reasons but I belive it's just so he can continue to control me tbh :mad: so yeah, all fun eh?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    My dad has never tried to have any influence over my uni decisions, and my mum has tried, only to be shot down numerous times by myself and my dad.

    Both of my parents went to Hull university, where they met. My dad completed the three years in his chemistry degree, but failed, and never returned. Despite having a failed degree, he has a fantastic and well paid job, and so he doesn't feel the need to pressure my sister and I about what we choose to do with our lives. When I chose to drop out of university after a year due to a whole host of problems he was really supportive, claiming that he knew I wasn't happy and, as a parent, all he wanted was for me to be happy.

    My mum passed her degree in International Studies, and now works as a primary school headteacher. When I told her I didn't want to go back to university she was fuming, but eventually came around and finally confessed that she never really enjoyed university herself.

    When I chose to go back to university my mum nitpicked my decision, reminded me of past failures (she has a habit of doing this for every life decision I make; she doesn't really like change :P), but concluded I was making the right choice for the right reasons this time. My parents came to none of my open days, and the most influence they had was my mum refusing to believe I might not go to my home university, but one of two at either end of the country. I chose to go to Aberdeen, which is more than 8 hours from home, and my dad assured me I have their support. My mum's come around now though and is very excited for a possible holiday in the Scottish Highlands
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by carnationlilyrose)
    Eminently sensible in every way.
    Thank you
    It seems that all my research may be called upon soon for clearing purposes, as his IB results mean he has missed both his firm and insurance offers, although nothing has altered on Track yet.

    I am a firm believer in the idea that sometimes the doors you don't mean to open are the right ones!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by albee)
    Thank you
    It seems that all my research may be called upon soon for clearing purposes, as his IB results mean he has missed both his firm and insurance offers, although nothing has altered on Track yet.

    I am a firm believer in the idea that sometimes the doors you don't mean to open are the right ones!
    I too tend towards a belief in things usually working out well in the end. It's also a sad fact that the most independent kid often becomes a child again when things go wrong. I'd be inclined to give both universities a call to see if they have made a decision yet, just in case, so that your hard work still to come doesn't turn out to be a waste of effort.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by carnationlilyrose)
    I too tend towards a belief in things usually working out well in the end. It's also a sad fact that the most independent kid often becomes a child again when things go wrong. I'd be inclined to give both universities a call to see if they have made a decision yet, just in case, so that your hard work still to come doesn't turn out to be a waste of effort.
    Thanks, he has written to both of them, as has his school, explaining that a number of his papers are being re-marked since they were very close to upper grade boundary and that family circumstances at exam time were hideous (bereavements and serious illness). I suspect it won't change anything, but at least he has provided them with the information to consider.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by albee)
    Thanks, he has written to both of them, as has his school, explaining that a number of his papers are being re-marked since they were very close to upper grade boundary and that family circumstances at exam time were hideous (bereavements and serious illness). I suspect it won't change anything, but at least he has provided them with the information to consider.
    Yes, post-event mitigating circs don't cut much ice, I'm afraid, but it isn't over until it's over. I'd call them, myself. Human contact is much more immediate and likely to be successful in getting the information. (It won't change the outcome of their decision.) They seem to be taking their time updating Track this year. I don't have anything to do with IB, but a mosey over to that section out of interest seemed to suggest that no one had had theirs updated this morning. Of course, it could just be that the only ones posting about it were those whose Track hadn't updated.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Yes! Wasn't 'allowed' to go anywhere too far....


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by carnationlilyrose)
    Yes, post-event mitigating circs don't cut much ice, I'm afraid, but it isn't over until it's over. I'd call them, myself. Human contact is much more immediate and likely to be successful in getting the information. (It won't change the outcome of their decision.) They seem to be taking their time updating Track this year. I don't have anything to do with IB, but a mosey over to that section out of interest seemed to suggest that no one had had theirs updated this morning. Of course, it could just be that the only ones posting about it were those whose Track hadn't updated.
    Yes, and I guess that those who are in limbo are far more interested in track being updated than those who know they met their offer conditions! He is only a point off his insurance offer, so we are still optimistic that they'll take him as it's a large course (300) and his predicted grade was well above the entry requirement. It may well be a case of sweating until 14 August as many unis won't decide without knowing 'A' level outcomes.

    Will stop hi-jacking this interesting thread and let everyone get back to complaining about their parents
    As an aside, mine gave some advice, but more or less left me to it. I used to think that that was a bit slack, whereas I now realise that they trusted me to make the right choices and that it's really quite difficult to strike the right balance between interested and controlling!
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
    Applying to uni

    All the essentials

    The adventure begins mug

    Student life: what to expect

    What it's really like going to uni

    Graduates celebrate

    How to write a good personal statement

    Expert PS advice from the people who will read it

    Uni match

    Uni match

    Can't decide where to apply? Our tool will help you find the perfect course

    Two students working together

    A-Z of universities

    Read our guides to unis and colleges from around the UK

    A student working on a computer

    Personal statement help

    Use our tool to get your ideal PS quickly!

    Hands typing

    Degrees without fees

    Discover more about degree-level apprenticeships.

    A student looking down a microscope

    Planning open days

    Find upcoming open days and get advice on preparing.

    Help out other students

    These questions still need an answer

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.