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Female bullying in the workplace - what do I do Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She did say that.

    Me have empathy?! To someone who's essentially mocked my phobia and treated my like **** because I happen to come from a wealthy background? Sorry, what? I've tried to be nice to her. What should I empathise with? She has no reason to dislike me. Jealousy is a horrible trait.

    Sharing it was ****ty how? :confused:
    She seems like she lacks empathy too. It's not nice to be treated badly in a new place, and if she had a hard time when she first came she should have understood. However, she's told you why she dislikes you and you still can't understand. Jealously might not be nice, but we all experience it, right? You seem to have everything she wants; expensive clothes, make-up, confidence, a good relationship with the boss etc. Again, I'll stress that this doesn't excuse her behaviour but you might get on better in life if you try to understand things from the other side.

    From where I'm standing, there have been plenty of reasons for her to take a dislike to you but you're refusing to think about that. That you bought her stuff shows that you don't understand her; you probably think it was a nice thing to do, but when someone dislikes you because they perceive you as a show-off, you don't go and flaunt your money in front of them!

    I know that people are like "you shouldn't have to change who you are" etc etc. but in some situations you've got to compromise to get along with people. In work you're going to have to work with lots of different people and it's best for everyone if we change a little from who were are outside of work. I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I said I have generalised anxiety...

    Employers have to make reasonable adjustments for disabilities, you know, so they don't treat is badly? For example having someone else do the bins and me mop the floor (which I'm fine with because I don't have to touch it) is a reasonable adjustment. I'm not saying I won't do any if it, just that one specific thing.

    Yes, they do
    Has your boss clearly told you that you do not need to do the bins?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you really good advice
    I don't think it is. You're just going to be making a bigger issue of it and you will distance yourself further from them.

    This is not work place bullying, you are provoking them by buying them makeup and by having your entitled attitude. Other people might be jealous, but does this mean you need to carry on with your thoughts of 'I can afford it, it's not my fault they can't."

    The best thing for you to do is try and find common ground and try and be friends with the girls. Join in their conversations about TV shows and things. Don't make a martyr of yourself.
    • #2
    #2

    "I know that people are like "you shouldn't have to change who you are" etc etc. but in some situations you've got to compromise to get along with people. In work you're going to have to work with lots of different people and it's best for everyone if we change a little from who were are outside of work. I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs."

    I totally agree.

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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    She seems like she lacks empathy too. It's not nice to be treated badly in a new place, and if she had a hard time when she first came she should have understood. However, she's told you why she dislikes you and you still can't understand. Jealously might not be nice, but we all experience it, right? You seem to have everything she wants; expensive clothes, make-up, confidence, a good relationship with the boss etc. Again, I'll stress that this doesn't excuse her behaviour but you might get on better in life if you try to understand things from the other side.

    From where I'm standing, there have been plenty of reasons for her to take a dislike to you but you're refusing to think about that. That you bought her stuff shows that you don't understand her; you probably think it was a nice thing to do, but when someone dislikes you because they perceive you as a show-off, you don't go and flaunt your money in front of them!

    I know that people are like "you shouldn't have to change who you are" etc etc. but in some situations you've got to compromise to get along with people. In work you're going to have to work with lots of different people and it's best for everyone if we change a little from who were are outside of work. I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs.
    Genuinely good advice. Not the delusional and apologetic, self-serving justifications that red ferry and chickenmadness are churning out
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think it is. You're just going to be making a bigger issue of it and you will distance yourself further from them.

    This is not work place bullying, you are provoking them by buying them makeup and by having your entitled attitude. Other people might be jealous, but does this mean you need to carry on with your thoughts of 'I can afford it, it's not my fault they can't."

    The best thing for you to do is try and find common ground and try and be friends with the girls. Join in their conversations about TV shows and things. Don't make a martyr of yourself.
    How is it not bullying? And please tell me how I'm entitled? I'm not showing off, am I not allowed to use my stuff because some people are jealous? Why should I? That's not fair.

    We don't have any. They watch TV shows like TOWIE and high street shopping. I like foreign language films and department stores. She likes girls holidays to Ibiza. I prefer city breaks to Milan or Florence. She goes clubbing. I prefer to go out for a meal.

    There's nothing wrong with either but we are very different
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    She seems like she lacks empathy too. It's not nice to be treated badly in a new place, and if she had a hard time when she first came she should have understood. However, she's told you why she dislikes you and you still can't understand. Jealously might not be nice, but we all experience it, right? You seem to have everything she wants; expensive clothes, make-up, confidence, a good relationship with the boss etc. Again, I'll stress that this doesn't excuse her behaviour but you might get on better in life if you try to understand things from the other side.

    From where I'm standing, there have been plenty of reasons for her to take a dislike to you but you're refusing to think about that. That you bought her stuff shows that you don't understand her; you probably think it was a nice thing to do, but when someone dislikes you because they perceive you as a show-off, you don't go and flaunt your money in front of them!

    I know that people are like "you shouldn't have to change who you are" etc etc. but in some situations you've got to compromise to get along with people. In work you're going to have to work with lots of different people and it's best for everyone if we change a little from who were are outside of work. I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs.
    And it's a stupid reason. Jealousy is malicious and vile. I don't get jealous of people and I have little sympathy for those who do - it's nasty

    It wasn't flaunting money. It was a "you mentioned you wanted to try it so I thought I'd share my money with you". How is that showing off?

    Why is my bag inappropriate? It's not even THAT expensive.
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    (Original post by james22)
    Has your boss clearly told you that you do not need to do the bins?
    No, she said they have to buy bin bags in handles (they don't) and help me if I can't do it/if I'm having a bad day and they need to be understanding.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No, she said they have to buy bin bags in handles (they don't) and help me if I can't do it/if I'm having a bad day and they need to be understanding.
    I would go back to your boss and ask for something more concrete.

    As it is, your boss has just given your collegues vague instructions.
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    #1

    (Original post by james22)
    I would go back to your boss and ask for something more concrete.

    As it is, your boss has just given your collegues vague instructions.
    Yeah that is vague, I will ask, thanks
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    #3

    I am sorry, but germs is not a phobia, I do not consider it as a phobia. Actually, it is very silly. Try doing a job e.g. as a Healthcare worker which requires that you do toileting, with no other means of livelihood, I bet you, you would forget about having a phobia for germs :lol: I mean germs, really? That is a silly excuse to not put the bins out, which the others did, and you acted spoiled. You could wash your hands using sanitizers/ antibacterial gel. Your "problem" really is a non issue. GET OVER IT PLEASE, THERE ARE WORSE THINGS HAPPENING IN SOCIETY. A CHILD FROM AFRICA, THAT GETS GIVEN YOUR JOB, WOULD NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR "GERMS PHOBIA"!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And it's a stupid reason. Jealousy is malicious and vile. I don't get jealous of people and I have little sympathy for those who do - it's nasty

    It wasn't flaunting money. It was a "you mentioned you wanted to try it so I thought I'd share my money with you". How is that showing off?

    Why is my bag inappropriate? It's not even THAT expensive.
    You don't get jealous of anyone... ever? Wow, OK. I'm not sure I believe you but then maybe that's because I do experience it and I'm just assuming everyone else does. Jealousy is involuntary; it is not a pleasant feeling for the person experiencing it. There's nothing wrong with being jealous of others; what's wrong is when you treat others badly because of it. I try to use jealousy productively - instead of being like "that person is so confident, I hate them", I try to look at how they do it and use those things to improve myself. Obviously it doesn't work for things like wealth and looks, but I'm saying that jealousy doesn't have to be 'malicious and vile'. It's just a normal human emotion that can have some negative consequences

    You might not think it was flaunting money, but I'm sure that's how see perceived it. Seriously, learn some empathy. It can be learnt - just takes a bit of practice. Remember that your point of view is not the only one.

    I don't know what your bag looks like - it may have been fine. But if others pointed it out, it probably wasn't. :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think you need to tone yourself down at work. You do seem to make yourself into a diva. Buying makeup for other people, designer bags, and refusing to do the bin = you're just making yourself a target.

    You're all getting the same wage to do the same job, what makes you think you deserve special treatment?

    You have to try and fit in at work if you want to get along with people.
    Are you dumb?
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    I do not support the jealousy though. I HATE Jealousy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No, she said they have to buy bin bags in handles (they don't) and help me if I can't do it/if I'm having a bad day and they need to be understanding.
    Have you thought of bringing rubber gloves to work? Then you wouldn't be directly touching the bin bag.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am sorry, but germs is not a phobia, I do not consider it as a phobia. Actually, it is very silly. Try doing a job e.g. as a Healthcare worker which requires that you do toileting, with no other means of livelihood, I bet you, you would forget about having a phobia for germs :lol: I mean germs, really? That is a silly excuse to not put the bins out, which the others did, and you acted spoiled. You could wash your hands using sanitizers/ antibacterial gel. Your "problem" really is a non issue. GET OVER IT PLEASE, THERE ARE WORSE THINGS HAPPENING IN SOCIETY. A CHILD FROM AFRICA, THAT GETS GIVEN YOUR JOB, WOULD NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR "GERMS PHOBIA"!!
    You are very stupid, germaphobia is real. I hate people like you, "oh, a child in Africa blah, blah, blah".
    • #2
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    (Original post by EatAndRevise)
    Are you dumb?
    What makes you think I am?

    I've worked in an office environment for 3 years where this sort of behaviour goes on. I've worked out how NOT to make myself a victim, even though I possess some of the qualities the OP has.
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    Genuinely good advice. Not the delusional and apologetic, self-serving justifications that red ferry and chickenmadness are churning out
    You didn't read my comments did you. I said the same thing as this person. I merely pointed out that you look as though you have zero life experience.
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    She seems like she lacks empathy too. It's not nice to be treated badly in a new place, and if she had a hard time when she first came she should have understood. However, she's told you why she dislikes you and you still can't understand. Jealously might not be nice, but we all experience it, right? You seem to have everything she wants; expensive clothes, make-up, confidence, a good relationship with the boss etc. Again, I'll stress that this doesn't excuse her behaviour but you might get on better in life if you try to understand things from the other side.

    From where I'm standing, there have been plenty of reasons for her to take a dislike to you but you're refusing to think about that. That you bought her stuff shows that you don't understand her; you probably think it was a nice thing to do, but when someone dislikes you because they perceive you as a show-off, you don't go and flaunt your money in front of them!

    I know that people are like "you shouldn't have to change who you are" etc etc. but in some situations you've got to compromise to get along with people. In work you're going to have to work with lots of different people and it's best for everyone if we change a little from who were are outside of work. I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs.
    "I would say that very expensive bags are inappropriate for most jobs."

    No that is wrong, it is not someone's fault if they have expensive bags. Why should they go out of their way and buy a cheap bag just to fit in? It is not their problem that they have invested in a nice bag.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    You didn't read my comments did you. I said the same thing as this person. I merely pointed out that you look as though you have zero life experience.

    And you look like a girl in your avatar. See how that works?
 
 
 
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