Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My boyfriend slept with his landlord to pay his rent Watch

    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, but I honestly don't know what to do, which is why I desperately made this thread. I'm going to take a breather and hopefully then I'll have a clearer idea.

    I don't think he would've shown us the texts if something was happening earlier :/
    You don't send sexual texts unless you have reason to believe they reciprocate.

    He has a proven history.

    As circumstantial evidence goes, that's a strong case.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm so, so confused now. I know we have so much to talk about (as someone said, a thing I never even thought about, what's going to happen next month, what's going on with us, etc.) But I'm not sure if I want to. I could hardly take it the other night, and I can't even reply to the inbox his brother sent me. I'm not sure if I should just rip the band aid off and talk to him or wait.

    Also, we were both going to go to this gig in a few days with our friends. Would it be better to talk to him there or before then? I have to go because my friends are expecting me to go, and I haven't told them anything about it. It'd be kind of weird if I bailed now when we've had it planned for a while. I wouldn't even know what to say to them :/

    Sorry for writing/spamming loads, I literally have no one to talk to about this. No one knows. I wouldn't even know how to tell anyone else.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rakas21)
    You don't send sexual texts unless you have reason to believe they reciprocate.

    He has a proven history.

    As circumstantial evidence goes, that's a strong case.
    Not necessarily. I have received weird texts of creeps who I have given no reason to believe that I would want that!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rakas21)
    You chose to be with a depressed, promiscuous, coke addict. It was always going to end badly.

    The fact she was sending such texts suggest something happened much earlier.

    He was a bad investment, write him off and move on.
    The way you talk about another human being, as an object, as garbage to be discarded, is really ****ing awful.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldn't even want to ponder that question.



    I have no idea what's going to happen next month. Obviously we haven't spoken about it yet :/ That's another worry I have.



    Thanks a lot for the advice!

    He doesn't have problems with drugs anymore, but he's forced to see an addictions counsellor. He says it doesn't help at all, though, and always mocks it, so I doubt other forms of counselling would be any better.



    Thanks for the post. It was nice to get another perspective on things.

    I'm actually asking myself the first two questions, which is why I haven't left him already. It's weird because before this experience I had no clue how deeply I felt about him. I knew I had strong feelings for him, but I didn't know how strongly.



    It's so nice to hear a success story. I'm happy for you

    I hope things will work out for us, even if we aren't together :/
    OP if I was you I would query something. Why does his landlady send him so many flirtatious texts.
    1.Surely if it was not reciprocated she would stop, most people certainly would.
    2. For arguments sake, say she's dense, why didn't he just mention that he has a girlfriend and it's inappropriate. Infact why not tell her these texts are inappropriate full stop. A LL has no right to be constantly contacting their tenant unless it's to do with the rental property.
    She cant kick him out for asking her not to persistently text him, if he asked her stop what she's doing is harassment, not only that but he has a legally binding contract to stay there as long as he pays rent.

    Personally I don't understand why she would randomly start texting him anyway even if she did find him attractive let alone keep it going without it being reciprocated. It just doesn't make sense or ring true, sorry OP.Going back what yo radical said, I also think he's a bull****ter. To not take money from your family because of pride but then prostituting yourself (what happened to pride) and cheating on your gf as a consequence. Again this is a huge contradiction and doesn't make sense.













    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I seriously cant believe the amount of people on here that are saying he's vulnerable and his LL took advantage and raped him. For serious?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I could never, ever be with someone who was like that.

    I'd rather lick a toilet seat - and I can't imagine it being pleasant in the least!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Erm you were warned and this happens. Don't be fooled again.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rakas21)
    You don't send sexual texts unless you have reason to believe they reciprocate.

    He has a proven history.

    As circumstantial evidence goes, that's a strong case.
    Exactly


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by suzannataylor)
    Not necessarily. I have received weird texts of creeps who I have given no reason to believe that I would want that!
    But I assume you weren't showing them off to to everyone, laughing about it and then conveniently sleeping with them a few weeks later to pay your rent


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    This is a troll, it's so obvious omg
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Musie Suzie)
    I don't think he is in the right place to have a relationship, in all honesty. He needs to sort his **** out, get some qualifications (college for A levels is free, FFS), get a job, and become stable and self-sufficient. It's obviously not an overnight process, but I think it will help him to overcome a lot of his demons, which seem rooted in not feeling good enough and unable to provide for himself, let alone others.

    Do not take him back as he is now. By all means get back in touch when you've had a chance to recover, encourage him to better himself, and see how things go, but if he refuses to go to college (which I see as being the best option, tbh) you need to cut ties and move on.
    No he may have to pay depending on how old he is
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    He must be pretty good looking (no homo) if she was willing to overlook 3 months rent for sex. Maybe if he truly loved you he would be willing to overcome his pride about asking his parents for money.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm not going to lie, if I could solve my money problems with sleeping with people, I would.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by miscounted_time)
    OP if I was you I would query something. Why does his landlady send him so many flirtatious texts.
    1.Surely if it was not reciprocated she would stop, most people certainly would.
    2. For arguments sake, say she's dense, why didn't he just mention that he has a girlfriend and it's inappropriate. Infact why not tell her these texts are inappropriate full stop. A LL has no right to be constantly contacting their tenant unless it's to do with the rental property.
    She cant kick him out for asking her not to persistently text him, if he asked her stop what she's doing is harassment, not only that but he has a legally binding contract to stay there as long as he pays rent.

    Personally I don't understand why she would randomly start texting him anyway even if she did find him attractive let alone keep it going without it being reciprocated. It just doesn't make sense or ring true, sorry OP.Going back what yo radical said, I also think he's a bull****ter. To not take money from your family because of pride but then prostituting yourself (what happened to pride) and cheating on your gf as a consequence. Again this is a huge contradiction and doesn't make sense.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    The flirtation and stuff started really early on, even before we started going out. He said that he just ignored her because he thought she'd stop, and he feared if he said anything then she'd kick him out anyway.

    (Original post by ZeroName)
    This is a troll, it's so obvious omg
    I know it sounds so unbelievable. In fact, I still don't believe it. But why would I make this up? I just want someone to talk to because I literally have no one irl, and I have no idea what to do.

    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    No he may have to pay depending on how old he is
    Yeah, he's 22, so he has to pay.

    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    He must be pretty good looking (no homo) if she was willing to overlook 3 months rent for sex. Maybe if he truly loved you he would be willing to overcome his pride about asking his parents for money.
    I know he never will do that, though, and I accept it because I knew very early on that it was one of the driving forces in his life.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I, personally, really do not think that he seems 'vulnerable' or was raped in any way. As somebody else pointed out, he was free to leave if he chose to; she wasn't forcing him.
    Yes he may have money problems - doesn't he get a jobseeker's allowance? I fail to see why he can't get a job anyway... Work in a supermarket/shop pays well enough to keep a small flat down! If he no longer has problems with drugs, why does he never have any money? What does he spend it on? If he has the money to go out to a gig with you and your group of friends, he must have some sort of income?

    How old are you (if you don't mind me asking). I'm guessing you're around 18 if you're set to go to uni. Is there no way he could have stayed with you at your parents' home for a couple of weeks? Do your parents not approve of the relationship? I'm only asking because I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half, and I know that if anything ever happened to him, my mum would definitely let him come and stay with us until he sorted things out!

    Anyway, I honestly think that there are only two explanations. Either he found the idea of sleeping with an older, married woman really sexy and wanted to do it, or he is so messed up/full of pride that he saw it as the only option. Personally, I find it difficult to believe that someone could be so full of pride that they would rather cheat on their partner than admit defeat to their parents, no matter what the circumstances in his family life.

    Take as long as you need to think about it. Let him know that you're taking some time out, and try to cut contact as much as you can. Are you sure you're unable to tell any of your friends irl? You could have a sleepover and try to take your mind of things a bit, with a little pamper night or something.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    You chose to date the guy, knowing full well what he was like. Not entirely sure why you would be surprised by his behaviour. Advice here is not needed. You will not listen to what people say and end up going back to him. He will end up cheating and you will cry again. Rinse and repeat.

    I can't believe people are saying he was raped. I assume he did not feel threatened or forced to have sex. If he thought that was the only way he would be able to stay without paying rent, that was his own choice.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Lets remember that WAS NOT his only option.
    He COULD have borrowed money from his family...but instead he chose to cheat on you.
    If he loved you, he would have swallowed his pride and asked his family.

    I hope you find happiness
    xoxx
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    There's just been too many sexual fantasies -.-
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by libertinegirl96)
    I, personally, really do not think that he seems 'vulnerable' or was raped in any way. As somebody else pointed out, he was free to leave if he chose to; she wasn't forcing him.
    Yes he may have money problems - doesn't he get a jobseeker's allowance? I fail to see why he can't get a job anyway... Work in a supermarket/shop pays well enough to keep a small flat down! If he no longer has problems with drugs, why does he never have any money? What does he spend it on? If he has the money to go out to a gig with you and your group of friends, he must have some sort of income?

    How old are you (if you don't mind me asking). I'm guessing you're around 18 if you're set to go to uni. Is there no way he could have stayed with you at your parents' home for a couple of weeks? Do your parents not approve of the relationship? I'm only asking because I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and a half, and I know that if anything ever happened to him, my mum would definitely let him come and stay with us until he sorted things out!

    Anyway, I honestly think that there are only two explanations. Either he found the idea of sleeping with an older, married woman really sexy and wanted to do it, or he is so messed up/full of pride that he saw it as the only option. Personally, I find it difficult to believe that someone could be so full of pride that they would rather cheat on their partner than admit defeat to their parents, no matter what the circumstances in his family life.

    Take as long as you need to think about it. Let him know that you're taking some time out, and try to cut contact as much as you can. Are you sure you're unable to tell any of your friends irl? You could have a sleepover and try to take your mind of things a bit, with a little pamper night or something.
    It costs so much because he lives outside of the city, and he lives there to stay close to his friends and brother. If he moved somewhere cheaper then it'd still cost loads in gas/public transport money, as he spends all of his time in the city. He tells me he's tried to get jobs before, but they're either too far away, which would again be pointless because he'd have to pay for transport money, or there's nothing going nearer the city. I don't know if he's just not trying hard enough...He truly believes he's going to make a career for himself as a personal trainer soon.

    He does get job seeker's allowance, and he's not using drugs anymore, but he's still indebted to a lot of people from that time. This is another money issue. We don't normally do things like going to gigs either, normally just stay in, which is why I can't just bail on it. It'd be really weird to everyone if I did.

    Yeah, I'm 18. My parents don't approve of ANY relationship, to be honest. They're too over-protective, so I doubt they would let him stay, even if he wasn't how he is.

    I hope he didn't want to do it. I can't even consider that Oh God, I'm defending him so much. I honestly don't mean to, it's just all flowing out :/

    I think friends was kind of a loose term. We don't really talk, besides making plans to go out. I don't even know what you'd call us...Just a group of people that go out together? When we're out, though, we do act like friends, so maybe I could tell them then. But until then I have no one to talk to about this at all, which is probably why I'm ranting like a loser on some student forum.

    I want to take time away, but I know I'll have to go to that gig :/

    Anyway, sorry for ranting, but you seem like a nice understanding person Thank you so much for your input. I was wary to reveal my age because I thought it'd give people another reason to tear apart the relationship, so it's good to hear someone in the same age-range. Also good to let everything out and have some more advice to think about.

    (Original post by ldsbabe)
    Lets remember that WAS NOT his only option.
    He COULD have borrowed money from his family...but instead he chose to cheat on you.
    If he loved you, he would have swallowed his pride and asked his family.

    I hope you find happiness
    xoxx
    Thank you
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 18, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.