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Guys, would you marry a single mother or accept her as a long term partner? Watch

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    I have 3 kids living with me since their mother decided to leave me to be with someone else, I have somewhat decided that the 4 I have will be the only children I have. Was it my fault their mother left? Possibly you could say I didn't do enough to keep her but I did what I could do.

    Dating a woman with a child? Sorry that IS a deal-breaker. It isn't that it is something I haven't tried before. Tried and decided it wasn't for me after 3 times.

    Reasons the first one failed :-
    She has 2 kids aged 4 and 6 that were essentially attached to her limbs. Her kids were priority #1-10 at all times and expected I did the same except I don't even put my kids #1 every time. She kept trying to put wedges between my kids and me and often used some of the most dramatic excuses she could manufacture. I drew the line when she said my kids could only be at the house when it was convenient. I told her my house is their house and they will be free to come and go at any time they want.

    Reason second one failed :-
    She has 2 kids aged 9 and 13 that essentially always were hostile as they viewed it that their mother left their father for me. End of the day my kids didn't accept her or her 2 kids as they essentially saw them as threats and it did become rather hairy when a dispute took place. I told her the relationship simply can't work as she expected her kids would be treated equally but yet she hardly treated mine equally and essentially they viewed my kids with resentment at all times. Finally it ended when she suggested I ask my ex to take custody of the kids so they aren't always around. Oh yeah and her marvellous ex was very much still into her and would have murdered me if he had the opportunity.

    Reason third one sort of is failing :-
    She isn't your average single mother, she has a son aged 8, the same as my son. She is quite the wealthy woman and good looking too, she isn't a bad woman. My son and her son get together to play quite often and it isn't anything unusual for him to spend the night at their house. The problem is more along the lines that she wants a "dad" figure for her son, you could say I'm selfish but it isn't something I'm interested in and I always tell my kids their dad has a car that can only carry 4 passengers because he only has 4 children thus no room for others. My son likes her son and don't mind sharing his games, toys and time with but I doubt he wants to share his dad. I guess it will fail as she isn't interested in a relationship as a partner but wants one where she gets to play "mum" as well and she does want another child eventually which for me isn't something I want as the 4 I have now is all the children I ever want.
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    (Original post by Architecture-er)
    Not really, he listed:

    "She's not committed" (scenario she left)
    "She makes poor choices in men" (he left or she left because he's a ****)
    "Sexually irresponsible" (she had a child after not being careful)

    Apart from being raped or adopting said child there aren't any more scenarios. Her previous partner could have been uncommitted and sexually irresponsible too, but he's not the one we'd be dating so it's irrelevan


    I wouldn't marry/date a single mother long-term because it's full of unnecessary hassle and complications - if I was to have a family I'd want to dedicate my time and energy raising my own children and not someone else's

    Errr... the man could die.
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    Tbh as I read more and more of the posts on this thread I get a growing sense that, to put it simply, people are idiots.
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    (Original post by RayApparently)
    Tbh as I read more and more of the posts on this thread I get a growing sense that, to put it simply, people are idiots.
    I would not have put it so mildly.

    My instinct tells me these would be the same people who would do a runner and wriggle out of responsibility if they suddenly found out their girlfriend was pregnant.

    I suspect the same guy's treat women with disdain, to be used and thrown away as it suits and therefore responsible for the majority of single parents with children living in poverty.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    x
    Assuming you actually believe that, then you my friend are explicitly naive to the real world real peoples problems and I can only conclude that you just live in a bubble?

    As always OP, it depends on the person. Love and relationships aren't defined by a set of characteristics you find attractive in an individual per se, we don't live in a f*cking American rom-com. It's alot more complex than that
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    well here's my 2 cents.

    so you want a wife? you want to have a nice wife & kids family?
    single mother ruins that.
    shes shown either that she's not committed
    shes shown that she makes poor choices in men
    it shows that shes sexually irresponsible

    then on top of that
    if you want to be in this womens life? your not just getting her.
    your getting her left overs from a previous relationship too.
    so if you marry her. your marrying that child and the childs father.
    that child is gonna be attached to her for the rest of her life.
    and therefore the father is gonna be attached to the child and therefore her for the rest of his life.

    then in regards to what about your family?
    hows this other child going to get a long with your child?

    her child is going to be extremely damaged. its going to feel like it hasnt got a propper father and its going to be jealous of what you and your kids have with its mom. and it may have a problem with this stranger banging its mom too.

    a lot of single moms are also bad parents and can be more obsessed with finding a new man than looking after their kids. many never wanted their kids. but them due to stupid puppy love or by being sexually negligent.

    a lot of single moms struggle financially and look for a sort of sugar daddy to come in and pay for her and her kids.

    a lot of single moms have multiple kids from different guys and seem to collect them.

    if you date a girl with a kid the father of the child might be a problem for you. he might be hostile.

    some single moms who have had psycho ex-boyfriends that they had kids with look to escape the violence of their crazy ex by getting with a more violent guy. or a guy that they think is more violent. which could be u.
    so know your acting as a body guard to this women from a pyschopath that wants to see his kid.

    its basically a mess.
    and high risk where a lot can go wrong.
    nobody plans on falling in love and settling down with a women who already has kids. so that your some kind of tag along in her half built and malfunctioning life.
    Wow O.o
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    My mother was with my father happily for 6 years, then out of the blue when she was pregnant with me he started to develop a drinking problem and quickly became a raging and abusive alcoholic. My mum was clearly an idiot woman who makes bad decisions because she couldn't predict the mental decline of my father whilst heavily pregnant with me 6 years down the line :rolleyes:
    he developed a drinking problem out the blue yea?

    let me tell you know. without revealing too much personal information. i can tell you know. that NO ONE becomes an alcoholic "out of the blue"

    i'm sorry but i just don't agree. that men are suppose to be these... robots.
    that exist in a vacuum. and that their break down and issues within the relationship were simply an out of the blue malfunction.

    men are not robots.
    we do not live in a vacuum.
    and when stuff goes wrong in a relationship. its not like the women was expecting a service from the man in the same way she expects her mobile phone to work. and then when the mobile phone breaks its something thats to do with the manufacturer and not her.

    why am i saying men and not people? because if the tables were turned people would be looking at in such a black and white good vs bad way.

    its only men that afford this 100% blame for their role in family units.

    in reality its just not that simple. despite what one sided story your mother tells you.

    am i saying that your dads a victim? no. am i saying we should feel sorry for him because he got drunk and beat your pregnant mom? no. am I saying your mom is to blame for his actions? no. but your mom was responsible for his selection, vetting and sponsorship into a family unit. and i highly doubt that your father showed 0% signs of his future behaviour.

    your mom was probably in love and overlooked obvious signs before making the bad decision to get pregnant.
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Assuming you actually believe that, then you my friend are explicitly naive to the real world real peoples problems and I can only conclude that you just live in a bubble?

    As always OP, it depends on the person. Love and relationships aren't defined by a set of characteristics you find attractive in an individual per se, we don't live in a f*cking American rom-com. It's alot more complex than that

    You accuse me of being naive. based off what?

    can you provide any quote of mine that you think illustrates your points that I am:
    Naive
    Live In a Bubble

    because without highlighting anything I've said as a reason behind your opinion then its just a cheap empty statement.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    he developed a drinking problem out the blue yea?

    let me tell you know. without revealing too much personal information. i can tell you know. that NO ONE becomes an alcoholic "out of the blue"

    i'm sorry but i just don't agree. that men are suppose to be these... robots.
    that exist in a vacuum. and that their break down and issues within the relationship were simply an out of the blue malfunction.

    men are not robots.
    we do not live in a vacuum.
    and when stuff goes wrong in a relationship. its not like the women was expecting a service from the man in the same way she expects her mobile phone to work. and then when the mobile phone breaks its something thats to do with the manufacturer and not her.

    why am i saying men and not people? because if the tables were turned people would be looking at in such a black and white good vs bad way.

    its only men that afford this 100% blame for their role in family units.

    in reality its just not that simple. despite what one sided story your mother tells you.

    am i saying that your dads a victim? no. am i saying we should feel sorry for him because he got drunk and beat your pregnant mom? no. am I saying your mom is to blame for his actions? no. but your mom was responsible for his selection, vetting and sponsorship into a family unit. and i highly doubt that your father showed 0% signs of his future behaviour.

    your mom was probably in love and overlooked obvious signs before making the bad decision to get pregnant.
    Seemingly out of the blue, of course he clearly had underlying issues but just because he did does not mean my mother could detect them. So it seemed to come out of the blue, probably triggered by the pregnancy.


    Okay nowhere did I say men should be robots? You're spouting rubbish and putting words into my mouth now.

    0% signs? Probably not, but everyone including his own mother was thoroughly surprised by his rapid decline. There were no obvious signs in my father, you know people often keep the darkest things about themselves under wraps? Not a single person I know probably knows any of the troubles I face on a day to day basis, I keep it to myself and hide it well as do so many other people including my father.

    For you to think you can easily spot a budding alcoholic in all cases is ridiculous and naive.
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    Alot of these comments on this thread sicken me. I totally understand if guys don't want to go out with single parents. That's fine, obviously its a scary thought raising someone else's child.

    However some people on here seriously seem to think that's its the mothers fault. Do you really think that women choose to become single parents? 99.999% of the time they don't. It takes two to tango and if you are going to portion out blame and belittle the single mother then you have to portion out the same amount of blame to the father especially if he's chosen to go zero contact with the child.

    Some of the responses on here show a depth of immaturity that won't stand you in good stead to keep ANY woman.
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    Of the reverse, no. I wouldn't look down on him or anything but I just don't want kids. Why would I raise someone else's?
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    Maybe, but probably not.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    -a lot of single moms struggle financially
    -if you date a girl with a kid the father of the child might be a problem for you. he might be hostile.
    Those were the only plausible points you made in your original post. The rest is quite literally almost incoherent nonsense I'm afraid. You base all of your assumptions on individual on black and white stereotypes portrayed to you in films and in the media, as opposed to actually studying the structures of societies and those that inhabit it. As someone who has been through many of the motions you have suggested, I can confirm outright that I myself, nor my family, nor any of the individuals I have met who meet the definitions of a single mother with child, meet the quite ludicrous amateur psychiatric evaluation you're so eager to provide.

    Remember, when it comes to leaving your house for the first time don't stay out for too long. I wouldn't want you to be overwhelmed.
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    Lol never. I'd run a mile.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    she always is. a relationship is a 50/50 thing. shes always at least 50% at fault.
    She's always at least 50%, but then if she's more than 50%, he's less. So why is she always at least 50% responsible, and he isn't always at least 50% responsible, if they're 50/50?
    Surely then they must always both be exactly 50% responsible.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    a lot of em are stupid n lonely n care more about themselves than their kids.

    a lot of pedophiles target single mums to date them n win their trust so they can molest their kids
    The world that we live in, it scares me...
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Seemingly out of the blue, of course he clearly had underlying issues but just because he did does not mean my mother could detect them. So it seemed to come out of the blue, probably triggered by the pregnancy.


    Okay nowhere did I say men should be robots? You're spouting rubbish and putting words into my mouth now.

    0% signs? Probably not, but everyone including his own mother was thoroughly surprised by his rapid decline. There were no obvious signs in my father, you know people often keep the darkest things about themselves under wraps? Not a single person I know probably knows any of the troubles I face on a day to day basis, I keep it to myself and hide it well as do so many other people including my father.

    For you to think you can easily spot a budding alcoholic in all cases is ridiculous and naive.

    easily? perhaps not. but i'm sure you could go to an al-anon/alateen or alcoholics anonymous meeting and they would say its not hard to notice.

    there could be a whole load of signs that your father felt showed things were wrong. but maybe just nobody cared. you say his own mother was surprised? maybe she was sh*tty mother and thats why he hates women.

    thats why when i try and find out about people i wanna meet their parents to see what kind of environment they grew up in. i wanna see the friends they've selected to keep in their life. because if the individuals keeping stuff hidden. their company may tell you more.


    at the end of the day. if i have a wife and kids. and she runs off on me. people may "feel my pain" or empathise or cry tears of sympathy.
    but none of that is going to fix my family or make things easier. the world can be cruel and mean and unfair. and no amount of tears is gonna make it go easier on you. thats why i take myself as an individual and make myself as responsible for everything as i possibly can. if i get i a bad relationship i blame my self and look at what i could of done differently and how to better my self.

    i dont just lie down on the floor crying pointing my finger at the world. cuz i know the world doesnt care.

    you have to look after yourself. and selecting a good partner is part of that.


    also my comparison to robots was a reference to the fact that people keep thinking humans are so simple and straight forward... like a robot.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    My mother was with my father happily for 6 years, then out of the blue when she was pregnant with me he started to develop a drinking problem and quickly became a raging and abusive alcoholic. My mum was clearly an idiot woman who makes bad decisions because she couldn't predict the mental decline of my father whilst heavily pregnant with me 6 years down the line :rolleyes:
    Is that why you hate men? My dad was an ******* too, didn't make me hate an entire sex though.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    easily? perhaps not. but i'm sure you could go to an al-anon/alateen or alcoholics anonymous meeting and they would say its not hard to notice. You seem to sure of everything you say. I'm not sure at all by anything you have said.

    there could be a whole load of signs that your father felt showed things were wrong. but maybe just nobody cared.Very big assumptions you are making. you say his own mother was surprised? maybe she was sh*tty mother and thats why he hates women. Not even in the slightest my nan is a lovely woman and she was a wonderful mother, my father had a very good childhood and upbringing, he says so himself he loves his mum. Again you are aiming baseless assumptions. Also my father does not hate women, he has an alcohol problem and did bad things but that doesn't make him an woman hater for all of eternity.

    thats why when i try and find out about people i wanna meet their parents to see what kind of environment they grew up in. i wanna see the friends they've selected to keep in their life. because if the individuals keeping stuff hidden. their company may tell you more. That is fair enough.


    at the end of the day. if i have a wife and kids. and she runs off on me. people may "feel my pain" or empathise or cry tears of sympathy.
    but none of that is going to fix my family or make things easier. the world can be cruel and mean and unfair. and no amount of tears is gonna make it go easier on you. thats why i take myself as an individual and make myself as responsible for everything as i possibly can. if i get i a bad relationship i blame my self and look at what i could of done differently and how to better my self.

    i dont just lie down on the floor crying pointing my finger at the world. cuz i know the world doesnt care.

    you have to look after yourself. and selecting a good partner is part of that.


    also my comparison to robots was a reference to the fact that people keep thinking humans are so simple and straight forward... like a robot.
    I don't think human beings are simple at all.
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    (Original post by StevieA)
    Is that why you hate men? My dad was an ******* too, didn't make me hate an entire sex though.
    I don't hate men I love men. You are making assumptions about me which I do not appreciate.
 
 
 
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