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    (Original post by Ziggy Sawdust)
    Or in other words... being a good/kind/thoughtful/caring person counts for diddly squat?
    No, it means it counts for as much as bathing. It is important, but it is also expected as standard. Being nice is just basic. A girl has a dozen guys who are nice to them, if you can't offer her anything extra one of them will.
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    (Original post by Welsh_insomniac)
    Unless I'm missing other peoples definitions of friendzone? But that's what I meant. It's a situation where you find someone attractive but they don't find you attractive and so you've ended up in a situation where one has feelings but the other doesn't but you still spend time together because it's fun and theres a level of familiarity so you're friends.

    The rejection is because of a lack of attraction but some people are just too scared to do the right thing and just cut off the friendship and instead go along and hope they will change their mind but that never really happens. Have you never liked someone who's never liked you back?
    Yeah but that's exactly what I'm trying to say. Friendship essentially has nothing to do with the rejection because if they found you attractive, they'd give it a go regardless of being friends; hell, they'd probably even prefer going out with someone who they already know is a fun and interesting person, if the attraction was there.

    I have experienced unrequited feelings for a friend once and ended up cutting her out of my life when she did not reciprocate the feelings. More people should do that, as you said many people pretend to be happy with the friendship following a rejection in the hopes that eventually that person will change their feelings, which seldom happens and draws out the process substantially. Very rarely do people stay friends because they're genuinely happy with being only friends and nothing else.

    I don't like using the term friendzone to describe it though, it seems like tacky newspeak for unrequited love. Besides no one is 'stuck' there -- it's entirely within your own power to leave.
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    (Original post by ilem)
    Yeah but that's exactly what I'm trying to say. Friendship essentially has nothing to do with the rejection because if they found you attractive, they'd give it a go regardless of being friends; hell, they'd probably even prefer going out with someone who they already know is a fun and interesting person, if the attraction was there.

    I have experienced unrequited feelings for a friend once and ended up cutting her out of my life when she did not reciprocate the feelings. More people should do that, as you said many people pretend to be happy with the friendship following a rejection in the hopes that eventually that person will change their feelings, which seldom happens and draws out the process substantially. Very rarely do people stay friends because they're genuinely happy with being only friends and nothing else.

    I don't like using the term friendzone to describe it though, it seems like tacky newspeak for unrequited love. Besides no one is 'stuck' there -- it's entirely within your own power to leave.
    Yeah I agree it's usually better to cut the cord. Sometimes that brings a response like some of the posters here are saying that "you were only in it for sex. as soon as your nice routine didn't work out you weren't such a 'nice' guy after all!" though but who cares I guess. I should make a habit of moving on but sometimes I'm a bit of a fool and stick around for a few months longer than I should have.
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    (Original post by Welsh_insomniac)
    Yeah I agree it's usually better to cut the cord. Sometimes that brings a response like some of the posters here are saying that "you were only in it for sex. as soon as your nice routine didn't work out you weren't such a 'nice' guy after all!" though but who cares I guess. I should make a habit of moving on but sometimes I'm a bit of a fool and stick around for a few months longer than I should have.
    Just ignore them. Self preservation is not morally wrong and she's no more entitled to your friendship than you're entitled to a relationship with her
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    I like to think I am always a gentleman to any woman I encounter and will always be "nice" but if I like them then straight off the bat I will be flirty and make it obvious I am interested in getting to know them better and being more than just a friend, I agree that being nice don't entitle you to expect that person to like you, or even be nice back in return, anyone who thinks this is clearly a moron.

    As for the "friendzone" it's your own fault if you mislead your own emotions and fall for a girl you have never made aware you have an attraction too, I was friends with my gf for over a year before I decided I liked her and started to flirt with her and I know other people who have been friends longer and done it, but I didn't expect her to like me back and would have got over it and still kept her as a friend if that was the case.

    And then at the end of the day some women just won't find you attractive, and that works out both ways so you can't really be a ***** about it, instead move on to the next one.
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    (Original post by Welsh_insomniac)
    The friendzone, or unrequited love is real. I don't get why people saying that it's impossible for a man or a woman to make their intentions clear to someone they like but they're rejected because the person they like doesnt want to lose them as a friend.

    It's more common than you think.
    I'd say it's a more of a fictional construct some people (mostly male) have created in order to justify the situation they're in as a result of being rejected. It's a method of dealing with disappointment and somewhat of a comfort technique because who enjoys that experience, right?
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    From my experience, my flatmate starting flirting with me and told me outright his feelings for me.

    While a few other guys at my uni hate me for "friendzoning them". Oh dear. :rolleyes:
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    I think a large part of it comes from how films and TV tell us that people get together by cryptically hinting at each other for ages until that magical moment when their eyes meet and they finally kiss.

    Of course in real life all this leads to is the guy finally saying something months down the line and confusing the girl, who thought he just wanted to be a friend.
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    (Original post by DannyYYYY)
    I'd say it's a more of a fictional construct some people (mostly male) have created in order to justify the situation they're in as a result of being rejected. It's a method of dealing with disappointment and somewhat of a comfort technique because who enjoys that experience, right?
    It's not a method though. It's the situation. Boy fancies girl. Boy makes it obvious. Girl turns down because she's not attracted to boy. Boy sticks around because they are friends but he's hoping for something more but he knows nothing will come about it.

    The friendzone isn't being turned down because you're a friend. It's a situation where you're still being their friend despite being turned down. It's basically a problem with the boy (in this example) not cutting ties and moving on but instead making it more painful on themselves by sticking around in hope of something happening.
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    (Original post by Welsh_insomniac)
    It's not a method though. It's the situation. Boy fancies girl. Boy makes it obvious. Girl turns down because she's not attracted to boy. Boy sticks around because they are friends but he's hoping for something more but he knows nothing will come about it.

    The friendzone isn't being turned down because you're a friend. It's a situation where you're still being their friend despite being turned down. It's basically a problem with the boy (in this example) not cutting ties and moving on but instead making it more painful on themselves by sticking around in hope of something happening.
    Yes but I'm emphasizing the term 'friendzone'. It's a made up word to summarise a situation a guy is in because the girl he likes doesn't return the feelings.

    A lot of guys use 'friendzone' as a way to place the blame for this situation on the girl.
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    (Original post by DannyYYYY)
    Yes but I'm emphasizing the term 'friendzone'. It's a made up word to summarise a situation a guy is in because the girl he likes doesn't return the feelings.

    A lot of guys use 'friendzone' as a way to place the blame for this situation on the girl.
    I never really saw it that way. I guess I now know why people have a problem with the term.
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    I cannot believe what I am reading. So females consider niceness to be a standard thing that every prospective partner should posses? This cannot be the case, as even monsters such as Adolf Hitler were married. What it seems to me is that women consider dating a kind of exchange or trade agreement, wherein they consider what they'll get (handsome, rich, alpha attitude etc) to what they'll have to give up (sex, time etc). People who are just nice human beings attempting to fill the void in their soul for a passionate relationship fall by the wayside because they do not offer any exceptional resources to the women. I suppose it's like the empire of Rome choosing to trade with a far-flung nation because they have rare luxury resources, over another nation with resources similar to themselves.
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    If a good looking guy is 'nice' he's caring and romantic.

    If an average guy is 'nice' he's boring and plain.

    If a good looking guy is a douchrbag he's funny and thrilling.

    If an average guy is a douchebag he's annoying and rude.

    Keep in mind this is the reaction of average girls towards these guys.

    I've summed up the underlying problem of nice complex in a few lines yet no one touched on it in 8 pages.
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    This article says it all (and written by a male, all credit to him):
    http://nosleeptilbrooklands.blogspot...l?spref=tw&m=1
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    (Original post by what is this)
    If a good looking guy is 'nice' he's caring and romantic.

    If an average guy is 'nice' he's boring and plain.

    If a good looking guy is a douchrbag he's funny and thrilling.

    If an average guy is a douchebag he's annoying and rude.

    Keep in mind this is the reaction of average girls towards these guys.

    I've summed up the underlying problem of nice complex in a few lines yet no one touched on it in 8 pages.
    If you really think the only guys who get girls are 'good looking' then you are deluded. Plenty of genuinely nice and average guys with girlfriends/interest. You will get called plain and boring if you are plain and boring. Just like funny and thrilling guys can pull because guess what...? :rolleyes:

    The underlying problem of the nice complex is the fact these guys don't acknowledge their obvious deficits or believe that being polite/not opinionated/passive/humourless/a doormat should mean that they get romantic interest not just from any old girl but specifically the girl they want.
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    But being nice tends to be out of the ordinary when it comes to guys unfortunately.
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    Its partly girls' faults for being too polite.

    What they say: "I'm sorry, I do really like you too but I wouldn't want to risk spoiling our wonderful friendship".

    What they mean: "date you? I'd rather gouge out my eyes with a spoon. Keep the **** away from me you creepy little ****".
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    (Original post by what is this)
    If a good looking guy is 'nice' he's caring and romantic.

    If an average guy is 'nice' he's boring and plain.

    If a good looking guy is a douchrbag he's funny and thrilling.

    If an average guy is a douchebag he's annoying and rude.

    Keep in mind this is the reaction of average girls towards these guys.

    I've summed up the underlying problem of nice complex in a few lines yet no one touched on it in 8 pages.
    That's somewhat true if you replace "good looking" with "attractive" in the more general sense - ie including both physical looks and other factors like being confident and funny.
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    (Original post by what is this)
    If a good looking guy is 'nice' he's caring and romantic.

    If an average guy is 'nice' he's boring and plain.

    If a good looking guy is a douchrbag he's funny and thrilling.

    If an average guy is a douchebag he's annoying and rude.

    Keep in mind this is the reaction of average girls towards these guys.

    I've summed up the underlying problem of nice complex in a few lines yet no one touched on it in 8 pages.
    Eventually you'll meet a guy who isn't good looking who gets ****loads of girls and realise things are more complex than you realise.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Eventually you'll meet a guy who isn't good looking who gets ****loads of girls and realise things are more complex than you realise.
    So if a 1 in a million average guy manages to get a lot of girls it means that it invalidates what I'm saying?
 
 
 
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