Turn on thread page Beta

I just hit my mother watch

Announcements
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HelenTheCupcake)
    I know its not justified, hitting the one who gave you life is morally wrong, im aware. I snapped, i honestly did. I have been bullied my whole life, and my own mother said " why do you think you get bullied? No one wants you" and " why do you think you dont have a boyfriend? Even with makeup on your still worthless". At that point, i lost it, 10 minuets before that, she had pushed me, and slapped me across the face. My mum has beaten me up multiple times ( she has anger issues ) and takes it out on me. Im moving school, because i was being bullied in my last one, she said because i didn't clean her room, or the kitchen she was going to cancel the application for my new school, as soon as she said that, i looked at her for a few seconds, and left the room, i was hurt by the fact she would even consider that. She followed me out, then hit me, and tried to smash up the things in my bedroom. I pushed her out and stood against the door to stop her from destroying everything ( i paint and she wanted to destroy my sets) then she said shes calling the school to cancel the application, i followed her out and told her to stop, she proceeded to insult me. I tried to
    Take my own life earlier on last year, and also suffer from bulimia, she mocked me, and told me I couldn't even get killing myself right and laughed, she then said i should eat less cause im fat. At that point, i ripped down the blinds and smashed a plate ( i was trying so hard not to take out my anger on my mum) but then, she said ( laughing ) your crazy, no one wants u, and everyone will see you for the dirt you are) at that point, i pulled her hair and hit her, while this was happening she was laughing and calling me weak. I called her a cruel **** and walked away (in tears ) i stayed in my room, when my dad came back, she told him " Helen just beat me up, all because i told her to clean the kitchen" now my entire family refuse to talk to me, im ashamed, but, its been 14 years of torture, emotionally, several beatings i have received from her, it all came out, but at the end of it, i still love her, and i wish i didn't so much.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Hey,
    I can see why you might be reluctant to call the police on your mother but the way she is treating you is morally wrong and can be very damaging. Is there anyone at all at school you can talk to? Even if it just to get some verbal support? You will be surprised at how completely not alone you are in this and it will definitely help to speak to a teacher you trust or a counselor perhaps?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Read up on Psychopathy. Good luck OP and pm me if you like.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    OP - please contact the NSPCC or ChildLine. You need protection; what your mother is doing is wrong.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Has your dad witnessed her abusing you, either verbally or physically?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DiddyDec)
    A crime is still a crime. It doesn't matter whether you have mental health problems or not. If you are dangerous which her mother clearly is, she needs to be imprisoned or sectioned.

    You may not want to believe that parents can be that cruel to their own child, but it does happen. That is why we have organisations such as the NSPCC to try and help those who cannot help themselves.

    We only have one side of the story which we should take very seriously indeed. The police should be involved in something this serious, it does not matter if you think this is a family matter.
    Yes, although it would be MUCH better for everyone if she could get her the help she needs before turning to getting her arrested.

    I missed out *anyone in a normal state of mind. I do think that someone who would abuse their own children have underlying problems themselves.

    Indeed, although I think it's important if the people on TSR are going to make judgement of the situation we should hear the full story. If OP feels like calling the police would help then she should do so, personally I would try to sort the situation out through other methods first as going to the police would have a major impact on the whole family and by the sounds of it, would just make OP's family "hate" even her more.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SkAlley)
    Oh and to the idiots on her saying that 'you shouldn't have hit her she's your mother' 'my mums hit me when I was younger and I'd never hit her back' 'blah blah blah.....you're just as bad as her......blah blah blah', you make me sick and you need to seriously evaluate your life if you think that this kind of thing that her 'mother' is doing to her child is acceptable or something that doesn't warrant retaliation.

    WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU INSENSITIVE PEOPLE, CAN'T YOU SEE SHE IS HURTING AND INDEED OF SOME REASSURANCE AND ADVICE, NOT THE B.S ADVICE YOU'RE GIVING HER!?!?!

    Talking to this monster of a woman obviously isn't going solve anything, apart from further emotional abuse and self-loathing.

    Oh, and it doesn't matter if it's her parent so she shouldn't hit back, respect works both ways and you don't automatically deserve it because you're a parent! You need to show your child that you have some form of respect for them too, at least enough respect not to abuse them everyday......and I don't mean your typical slap on the bum beats you'd get when you're like 7 or so.

    Seriously people, get your **** together or just piss off!
    Apart from the fact that you wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them and the fact that they've presumably given you food, shelter and clothing all your life of course...
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ankabout)
    Ok, I understand.

    EDIT:
    Just to clarify, I'm not saying the mental condition is the mother's fault.... I meant her overall behaviour. Not all of her behaviour can be attributed to bipolar tbh (even though it is affecting her to an extent). The mother is still accountable for her actions.

    My point was that the mother has her own issues (e.g. getting abused by her own mother and continuing the cycle) which have absolutely nothing to do with the OP.
    I agree with that; having bipolar disorder is not an excuse for child abuse.

    Accountability is an extremely grey area when it comes to certain mental illnesses (for example, in Bipolar type I, people experience psychosis - I'm not sure you can hold someone accountable in that situation). However, I do think that they have a moral obligation to take the best care of themselves possible if there is a risk that they could harm someone else (which is evidently the case here).

    In any instance, we're in agreement that none of this is the OP's fault.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I know of a way to stop your mother from doing this things to you, and also a way for you to be safe. This advice is quite dangerous Helen. Only do it if you can't take it any more, or if you can't get any help. Reply back only when you need the help and you have no choice. It is something to do with manipulating your mind and other peoples mind partially. It will force your mum to stop doing those things in a way and make you feel confident, and won't even let you get bullied any more.
    Please don't reply to me unless the situation is very urgent and you have no one to talk to- not even in internet. Because once I tell you this it will be quite hard to get rid off.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by *pitseleh*)
    I agree with that; having bipolar disorder is not an excuse for child abuse.

    Accountability is an extremely grey area when it comes to certain mental illnesses (for example, in Bipolar type I, people experience psychosis - I'm not sure you can hold someone accountable in that situation). However, I do think that they have a moral obligation to take the best care of themselves possible if there is a risk that they could harm someone else (which is evidently the case here).

    In any instance, we're in agreement that none of this is the OP's fault.
    Ok, thanks for the info.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Serpentine111)
    Apart from the fact that you wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them and the fact that they've presumably given you food, shelter and clothing all your life of course...
    Yeah fair enough, I mean if they have been basically 'caring' for you for your younger years and abuse and neglect you most of your life, they still do deserve respect. You're absolutely right :nah:
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SkAlley)
    Yeah fair enough, I mean if they have been basically 'caring' for you for your younger years and abuse and neglect you most of your life, they still do deserve respect. You're absolutely right :nah:
    I wasn't talking about in this case, just in general. Don't really see the need for the inverted commas or sarcasm - giving someone food, shelter and clothing is caring for them in the way that they've not left them to starve or they've not thrown them in the loo or a bin like some cases in China for example.

    Also, just because you use capitals letters and cuss words all you like, doesn't mean people are going to listen to or "respect" you more
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know what it is like to have a mother who acts like this. You will know to expect this, but to warn you anyway, she will later make you out to be and try to convince you, you are a bad person who has serious issues. If it is anything like what I know, her game is to push and push someone for a reaction, and then make you to be the bad one when you react. It's like women who deliberately push for a reaction from their husbands so they can then cry to their family/friends about how 'violent' their husband is. Know yourself, you are not a bad person or daughter. You reacted as any normal person might. Don't let her convince you otherwise.

    I know those saying phone the police etc, its not always as easy as that. With a woman like this, she will manipulate and It will only give her ammunition. She will tell everyone that her daughter called the police on her because she was asked to clean the kitchen or something equally as reductionist and unfair. If you feel up for it, get help though.

    She kicked me out and told me how terrible and horrible I was once because I had, after half an hour of being screamed literally right in my face really cruel personal things, screamed at her in her face to get out of my bedroom and leave me alone. The argument had initially started because I had forgotten to turn the washing machine on. She then told everyone that I was being aggressive and nasty to her because she asked me to do the washing machine. Recently, as I then moved abroad and had returned to the UK for a few days visit, instead of spending the little quality time we had, kicked me out again, pretty much same story, because she had asked me to clean the kitchen whilst she was out and had planned to be out the whole day so I took my time, but she returned after an hour and demanded why it wasn't done yet. When I was younger, your age, should would hit me too and use anything she could to manipulate me.

    Otherwise, I don't have any good advice. If I had known how to deal with a bullying mother I would have. I'm a little older now and don't live with my parents anymore, which is easier as when my mother starts being cruel I just leave and go home, and she has less to blackmail me (before she would refuse to sign forms or do things I required her to do, now I don't have to rely on her for much)

    Just remember, you are not the bad one. Even if you cant persuade others of that, its frustrating I know, but make sure you know it yourself.
    I agree with you on this. I get where you're coming from completely, it's a difficult position to be in. I'm sorry that you had to deal with what you did and glad that you're in a better place. It wasn't her (thread starter's) fault at all. It is simply a human reaction that was to be expected. Don't be sorry or guilty for being human! And it does get better when you won't have to rely on her as much and you can be financially independent. I don't want to advice you to 'lay low' and try to wait it out till you're older but please seek help if you feel you need to!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Serpentine111)
    I wasn't talking about in this case, just in general. Don't really see the need for the inverted commas or sarcasm - giving someone food, shelter and clothing is caring for them in the way that they've not left them to starve or they've not thrown them in the loo or a bin like some cases in China for example.

    Also, just because you use capitals letters and cuss words all you like, doesn't mean people are going to listen to or "respect" you more
    OK but in general I still think it's the case that respect works both ways and that parents don't automatically deserve 100% of it just because they do care for their child in the way of food, shelter etc. Unconditional love and kindness is equally as important as the practical stuff that parents do and without both, I personally wouldn't respect my parents at whatever age if they are not looking after me. May seem absurd but that to me seems genuinely reasonable.

    And during my rant where I was using capitals and swearing, that wasn't to earn respect from anbody, that was me being angry at the crap I read about her not defending herself against the abuse etc. I was trying to get it through to some people that what she did was completely justifiable.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I've been watching this thread since it started and I'm sad to see that, as with a lot of controversial topics, it's come to users directly (or indirectly) attacking others simply because they have different views. If the OP were a hypothetical scenario presented to spark debate then this wouldn't be such an issue, but as the purpose of this thread is for advice on a serious problem that concerns someone's physical and mental well-being, I don't think it's appropriate to use it as a forum to slander others and their opinions. It won't help this girl in any way - by all means post your opinions, but not in a way that is intended to deride or offend others, it's not fair on those who are looking for genuine advice.

    No doubt I'll be receiving some hateful responses soon.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Yaz97)
    I've been watching this thread since it started and I'm sad to see that, as with a lot of controversial topics, it's come to users directly (or indirectly) attacking others simply because they have different views. If the OP were a hypothetical scenario presented to spark debate then this wouldn't be such an issue, but as the purpose of this thread is for advice on a serious problem that concerns someone's physical and mental well-being, I don't think it's appropriate to use it as a forum to slander others and their opinions. It won't help this girl in any way - by all means post your opinions, but not in a way that is intended to deride or offend others, it's not fair on those who are looking for genuine advice.

    No doubt I'll be receiving some hateful responses soon.
    Yeah you are right and as a user who was involved in slamming other people's opinions (not sorry) I will say I am sorry to Helen if me and others took the spotlight away from you by getting into a spat
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    You need to get help for this, before you snap again and you end up being the one who gets in trouble with the police for assault or worse. It sounds like your mother is emotionally abusing you, as well as physically. I admire your love for her despite everything, but you deserve so much better than this. You've had a tough enough time at school to have this at home too.

    Tell a teacher, tell a friend, contact the police, contact childline...anything- there's people out there who can help you.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    How old are you Helen?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    My husband is a police officer. He says this is something the police could deal with, but it would be temporary. The officers involved would assess the risk to you and your mother and deal with any immediate criminal offences, but it would not be a long term solution. It's clearly a family in crisis that needs help. Where there's a situation like this, the police would deal with any immediate problem or danger but they don't deal with any long term problems. That is something that Childline, the NSPCC or social services have the knowledge and the expertise to address.

    Helen, you need to understand that social services doesn't just take children away and put them into care willy-nilly. There isn't the resources to do so, and they'd much rather sort the problem within the family. You are also (it seems) at least 14. You would have a say in what happens. So long as you are not in immediate danger, putting you into care isn't going to be at the top of anyone's list. Rather, they would focus on getting the family the help - whether medical, psychological, or parenting skills - that it so very clearly needs.

    Even if you feel that you need to leave your family, social services would normally prefer to place you with another family member or a friend of the family, rather than a foster home.

    Best wishes.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SkAlley)
    Oh and to the idiots on her saying that 'you shouldn't have hit her she's your mother' 'my mums hit me when I was younger and I'd never hit her back' 'blah blah blah.....you're just as bad as her......blah blah blah', you make me sick and you need to seriously evaluate your life if you think that this kind of thing that her 'mother' is doing to her child is acceptable or something that doesn't warrant retaliation.

    WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU INSENSITIVE PEOPLE, CAN'T YOU SEE SHE IS HURTING AND INDEED OF SOME REASSURANCE AND ADVICE, NOT THE B.S ADVICE YOU'RE GIVING HER!?!?!

    Talking to this monster of a woman obviously isn't going solve anything, apart from further emotional abuse and self-loathing.

    Oh, and it doesn't matter if it's her parent so she shouldn't hit back, respect works both ways and you don't automatically deserve it because you're a parent! You need to show your child that you have some form of respect for them too, at least enough respect not to abuse them everyday......and I don't mean your typical slap on the bum beats you'd get when you're like 7 or so.

    Seriously people, get your **** together or just piss off!
    Your methods/advice to solve OP's plight is disgraceful. In this situation what she needs to be is calm and assertive. You don't need to hit back if someone is hitting you. You can either report them to the authorities or communicate.

    If communication isn't working, then obviously you leave the house.

    If she reports this matter to the cops, the "mum" could go even more ballistic on her, and the entire family could destroy her psychologically.

    She needs to be calm and evaluate her options. Hopefully she will forget whatever was read from your post.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Your mother deserves to be put in jail, OP. Well, actually she needs to be in a psychiatric institution, because she's clearly completely loopy and deranged (either that or a truly vile, evil excuse for a human being). You were in the right OP, she deserved a massive smackdown. You need to call ye police or a child protection service. How old are you?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 10, 2015
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?
Useful resources

Quick link:

Unanswered relationship abuse Q&A threads

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.