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Please be honest: would you date a girl who has had one night stands? watch

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    (Original post by slade p)
    As long as she has changed her ways and is not a feminist then I would for a serious relationship.

    Why did you think you were not worthy for a long term relationship?
    Umm no I'm not a feminist and I've been celibate for two years. I think if I were to do it again it would mess me up so much more I can't ever go there.

    I didn't think I was worthy because I'm really quiet so my personality never has the chance to shine, I'm not pretty enough to catch anyone's eye and I grew up in a rural area where I got teased for looking different i.e. non white.
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    (Original post by EAT_URVEG)
    Hahhahaah this made my day :gah::nah::rofl:
    So what is your view?
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    (Original post by zyzzyspirit)
    She'll be more mature and less likely to be tempted to try something 'new'.
    In some cases yes. For me I've only had those 5 encounters, only one was actually penetrative so I have no clue about sex really despite my high number. Someone who has been with one person for a longer time would probably know more about sex and experiment more than me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't mind other people having casual sex. And I wouldn't have a problem with a guy who had in the past so long as he remained loyal to me. What I am trying to say is that I personally have been very negatively affected by it for the reason that only had casual sex because I felt bad about myself rather than wanting to having fun, pleasure etc. I now know the only space I can personally explore my sexuality is within a monogamous relationship where we both love and care for each other. This does not mean I want to police what others do in the bedroom. The reason I ask this question is because the reality is that women more so than men are looked down upon for sleeping around. I also recently started to date a guy who is a virgin. It's early days of course but should this continue I will find myself telling him this same story and I won't lie I am nervous about this.
    Women are more judged than men for sleeping around, but do you really want a sexist guy who subscribes to that? There's plenty of guys now who think women should be judged the same as men.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In some cases yes. For me I've only had those 5 encounters, only one was actually penetrative so I have no clue about sex really despite my high number. Someone who has been with one person for a longer time would probably know more about sex and experiment more than me.
    When most people give their number, they're talking about penetration. It doesn't matter, but say you've shagged one guy and feel better about yourself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much my low self esteem is definitely holding me back probably more so than the men I slept with. My self esteem has come on leaps and bounds over the past few years but I've still got quite a journey to go

    I suppose I need to forgive myself rather than call myself worthless etc. I have learnt from the past and need to put it behind me. I like your analogy of the box with the bow I might just visualise that in doing so
    Good! :-)

    Yes you DO need to forgive yourself. Because you didn't do anything wrong! Sex is a perfectly normal human desire. Yes it is more fulfilling with someone you love, but it is not the big deal you seem to feel it to have had some meaningless rolls in the hay...

    You say you are quite religious. Is a part of this a sense that sex outside marriage is somehow sinful?

    The other thing is that the fact that the men so wanted you shows that you are very attractive. And it is clear from how you write that you are an interesting, intelligent person capable of self awareness and of love. Who has good values, decent values.

    Here's some more advice. Build up your self esteem of course, and make yourself in a position, confidence wise to attract the right guy. It is 90% confidence.

    But when you think you may have found it still don't talk about your sexual history too early. Make sure you can trust him before you share.

    Another thought. If you think about it a man who loves you and whom you love has more cause to be jealous of someone you were in love with rather than just slept with.

    You kept your love for him alone. Of course a lot of guys have to put up with previous lovers not just partners!

    We can cope with whatever it is, for the right girl.. :-)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So what is your view?
    As long as you are true to yourself and accept who you were and who you are now then most people will not care too much for what your sexual history is.

    I would date a girl who has had one night stands.
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    I don't care if you've had occasional casual sex. Nothing to worry about. If it's a different bloke every week, i have no reason to think you'll be loyal to me. But if you change then you change. Not gonna begrudge you your fun years if your behavioral patterns change.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had 5 to be precise over the course of 5 years, although my last was over 2 years ago (I'm 26 now). Two were with strangers and three with guys that I knew and I only had 'full' intercourse with one. I was single during all of them and no longer speak with the guys that I knew. Also for the record I am disease free.

    If I'm honest I had these because I had low self esteem and wanted to feel close to someone and didn't feel worthy of anyone long term. My way of thinking was I'm not good enough for a relationship only to be used... That someone could only feel sexual desire for me but never anything meaningful so I thought I should take what I can get. I deeply regret it all and hate my past self for it so much. I've learnt from the experience and I take responsibility for what happened to me. I have been abstinent since I feel sick when I think about the things I did. I'm in therapy for general anxiety and we sometimes work through this too.

    I just feel like a used up wh**e. Please don't talk about how casual sex can be fun etc. because I can't speak for anyone else but for me it was very unhealthy to let people into my body who didn't give a damn about me.

    So guys what do you think? Would you run a mile? Or would you consider dating a girl like this? Give me you thoughts and don't hold back!
    Any guy who cares you should not care about. And apart from them, everybody else does not care. Don't be restricted to people's outdated views of what a woman should/shouldn't do. Do whatever you want!
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Women are more judged than men for sleeping around, but do you really want a sexist guy who subscribes to that? There's plenty of guys now who think women should be judged the same as men.
    No I don't want one and he would probably run a mile from me anyway so I suppose this is a bit of a filter in some ways. It's funny you mention it and this is going to sound crazy for a while I was attracted in some strange way to very sexist guys because I knew they would chastise me and hate me for what I did. I've thought about it and I think maybe it was because I knew these guys would be emotionally unavailable for me as I felt I deserved rejection of the worst kind i.e. been called a wh**e, good for nothing etc. I know I'm weird I'm just being honest!
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    (Original post by banterboy)
    I don't care if you've had occasional casual sex. Nothing to worry about. If it's a different bloke every week, i have no reason to think you'll be loyal to me. But if you change then you change. Not gonna begrudge you your fun years if your behavioral patterns change.
    If only it would have been fun for me I might not feel so bad! But thank you
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    When most people give their number, they're talking about penetration. It doesn't matter, but say you've shagged one guy and feel better about yourself.
    True strictly speaking I have only had sex with one. Some see the rest as fooling around and forget about it but my guilt won't let me let it go.
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    (Original post by Juichiro)
    Any guy who cares you should not care about. And apart from them, everybody else does not care. Don't be restricted to people's outdated views of what a woman should/shouldn't do. Do whatever you want!
    Yes I'm sure someone who truly cares can see past it and look forward to a future with me, thank you.
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    Not really.I would prefer someone who doesnt do ONS.However if your past it,I would consider.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had 5 to be precise over the course of 5 years, although my last was over 2 years ago (I'm 26 now). Two were with strangers and three with guys that I knew and I only had 'full' intercourse with one. I was single during all of them and no longer speak with the guys that I knew. Also for the record I am disease free.

    If I'm honest I had these because I had low self esteem and wanted to feel close to someone and didn't feel worthy of anyone long term. My way of thinking was I'm not good enough for a relationship only to be used... That someone could only feel sexual desire for me but never anything meaningful so I thought I should take what I can get. I deeply regret it all and hate my past self for it so much. I've learnt from the experience and I take responsibility for what happened to me. I have been abstinent since I feel sick when I think about the things I did. I'm in therapy for general anxiety and we sometimes work through this too.

    I just feel like a used up wh**e. Please don't talk about how casual sex can be fun etc. because I can't speak for anyone else but for me it was very unhealthy to let people into my body who didn't give a damn about me.

    So guys what do you think? Would you run a mile? Or would you consider dating a girl like this? Give me you thoughts and don't hold back!
    You know you don't have to tell people about your one night stands right? They don't show up on your credit history either so there's a good chance you can still get a mortgage :yy:
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    Just move on and do what you want in the future. It doesn't really matter. I have noticed guys being spiteful about attractive girls who make use of their appeal, but in reality they are often keen to join the queue.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you it's not that ONSs are bad in themselves but they affected me in bad way possibly because of the way I was raised where sexuality (outside of unprotected missionary in the bounds of marriage) was disgusting and demonized so 2 years ago I chose to keep my sexuality within a committed relationship as I feel this will be healthiest for me. For me it's not even that I had them it was the place I was coming from meaning I was doing it because I felt worthless rather than doing it for enjoyment or pleasure if that makes sense. I don't think that guy is isolated in his views but as you say there will surely be quite a few guys who will accept me as I will likewise accept the skeletons in their closet!
    I hope you feel better now and are comfortable with your sexuality. :hugs:I'm glad that mindset has not stuck with you, but it is horrible that is what you have been brought up with. Do what is best for you and what you feel happiest doing. The right guy will not care about your history and yeah there will be guys that care, but they're not worth any girl's time.
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    Would you ever know, unless the men concerned or her friends were indiscreet?
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    (Original post by SmashConcept)
    You know you don't have to tell people about your one night stands right? They don't show up on your credit history either so there's a good chance you can still get a mortgage :yy:
    I know that I could just not mention it but I value honesty in a relationship, even if that means I might lose the other person.
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    (Original post by barnetlad)
    Would you ever know, unless the men concerned or her friends were indiscreet?
    None of my friends really know the full extent (they would not blurt it out anyway) and I'm not in contact with any of the men whatsoever so there's not much chance of a man finding out from third parties.

    However when the time was right I would feel the need to disclose this to a future partner for myself.
 
 
 
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