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'Banter' annoys me. Is it my problem or my friend's? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Banter, in this context, means taking the piss out of someone for a laugh.

    I have a lot of queries about how I feel about this so this might be quite a long post. Please read through it and reply to what you can.

    Why do people find it funny to mock you? For example, if you was playing football with some mates and you trip up, is that funny? Perhaps. I could give that some leeway. But if it continues to be a topic amongst your group of friends that is used to ridicule you, is that funny? Personally, I don't think it is.

    What if the topic that is being mocked is or could be true? For example, if you get dumped by your girlfriend and tell your mates, then a week later they lay into you about it. They can say anything from your willy is too small or she cheated on you or whatever in a relentless fashion. One of those jokes could actually be true and that would mean that you are joking about something that could have caused me to be upset.

    Also, expanding on the point example I made above, if you raise the issue you have with your friends making jokes about you splitting up with your girlfriend, you could either be open to more ridicule or they stop and respect you. Let's assume that they stop making jokes about you and your girlfriend. Does this mean they will stop mocking you for everything? Probably not. In this case, do they respect you?...Is it my fault for being touchy or their fault for being insensitive.

    Why do people mock as a form of humour? Is it because they have insecurities, self confidence issues or self esteem issues? Is it because you have those issues? If someone constantly puts you down for their pleasure, is it your fault for being open to ridicule because you have feelings or is it their fault for having some kind of emptiness in their life or they are plainly stupid, they are not intelligent enough to realize what they are doing?

    I've been going through blog posts and random articles about slighting (the event of being offended by someone's actions). In the comments, most people say that if you cannot take a joke then you are boring, you have no sense of humour and noone will like to hang out with you. This type of comment puzzles me. I have a great sense of humour. I love stand up comedy. I am seen as a funny and witty person by some of my friends. I just don't understand why taking the piss out of someone is enjoyable, especially if they subject could potentially be a sensitive one for the recipient. The funny think is that your friends won't engage in such communications with you unless you're a friend. To do it to a stranger is to ask to get punched in the face. Yet, it's only banter right? Why should I allow my friends to insult me if I won't let a stranger insult me?

    If you have to mock people to get people to laugh or make yourself laugh, what does that mean? Does that mean you are not smart enough to engage in other forms of humour? Does it mean that you do not care about the other person's feelings? Does it mean that you have a better sense of humour than someone that is offended by what you say?

    When a banterish joke is made and I determine it has malicious intent but the perpetrator uses the 'banter' disclaimer, it annoys me. I know that the perpetrator intentionally seeks topics that I or other people will find humorous which are normally negative on a society wide basis. For example, they cannot mock me for being good at Maths. In fact, I get mocked for making simple addition errors. This is why I find it malicious because I am proud of my mathematical skills and it annoys me when I am challenged on it. I often wonder, if I wasn't annoyed by it, would my friend still do it. Probably, the humour is not reliant on my reaction. If it is funny to the perpetrator then it is funny. Obviously, I can't react too aggressively because that would leave me to experience more ridicule. It's a vicious circle. If I remove that topic from the acceptable banter topics, I will seem like a killjoy.

    I know it sounds petty to be concerned or proud about my mathematics skills to the extent of being offended but then what's the point. If you have friends that try to insult you at every opportunity and not let things go, what do you do? If I dish it out, I know it will lead to conflict so I don't. If I ignore it, they will do it for the rest of my life. If I address it, we could cease to be friends.

    I just do not understand how it is funny and tbh my friend wouldn't like it if I did it to the level they do. It would turn into fights because I am quite vengeful and will really go for the juglar. Nothing will be off the table. Mums, grandmas everything. Maybe that is the only way to make them realize that what they do is actually bad. You don't do it to strangers. You shouldn't enjoy belittling people. How the hell does that make sense?

    Being disrespectful and spiteful to your friends should be the last thing you want to do.

    Is it a healthy relationship if you all mock each other???

    Is it my problem or my friends'?
    mate, that isn't banter -- banter is sarcastically taking the piss out of your friends, because they know and you know that they don't really think that. what you are describing is bullying.
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    I agree with OP. It's not fair. If it's upsetting you, tell them, if they don't change, find new friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What do you do then mate? Explain.

    They can drag it on forever. I've stopped laughing. But it continues or they go to a touchy subject like your mum. When someone talks about my mum, it's on.

    At the end of the day, banter stems from a process of treating you like you're nothing. You can't ridicule someone you respect. But you can still have a laugh with them. There are other ways to be humorous.

    Even the calm down, it's only banter thing can be seen as you're too sensitive. Why do you feel offended? We are only joking even-though the joke is you. You are the joke. They are making a mockery of you for their pleasure. It's as simple as that. There aren't two ways about it.
    What did I do? I delt with it as best I could and then after high school stopped assosiating with them.

    There is a fine line between banter and bullying some people don't seem to realize.
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    It's all context and intent. If some random bloke started some "banter", I wouldn't find it amusing. But taking the piss out of each other as friends is funny. You take it and you give it. It's good to laugh about negatives, including negatives relating to yourself. Honestly, if you can't laugh at yourself, that suggests heavy insecurity and a serious flaw in your sense of humour. Some things can get tiresome, sure, but that's life. Stop being a little doo doo head

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    Reading OP's replies, comes across like they may be a bit autistic.

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    You're way too sensitive and touchy. Do you not understand socializing? Banter is what makes school life exciting, you don't wanna be the guy who has no banter and is just too serious all the time, you have to comeback with something witty. Like all my friends take the piss out of each other constantly and it's hilarious because everyone knows it's a joke.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Banter, in this context, means taking the piss out of someone for a laugh.

    I have a lot of queries about how I feel about this so this might be quite a long post. Please read through it and reply to what you can.

    Why do people find it funny to mock you? For example, if you was playing football with some mates and you trip up, is that funny? Perhaps. I could give that some leeway. But if it continues to be a topic amongst your group of friends that is used to ridicule you, is that funny? Personally, I don't think it is.

    What if the topic that is being mocked is or could be true? For example, if you get dumped by your girlfriend and tell your mates, then a week later they lay into you about it. They can say anything from your willy is too small or she cheated on you or whatever in a relentless fashion. One of those jokes could actually be true and that would mean that you are joking about something that could have caused me to be upset.

    Also, expanding on the point example I made above, if you raise the issue you have with your friends making jokes about you splitting up with your girlfriend, you could either be open to more ridicule or they stop and respect you. Let's assume that they stop making jokes about you and your girlfriend. Does this mean they will stop mocking you for everything? Probably not. In this case, do they respect you?...Is it my fault for being touchy or their fault for being insensitive.

    Why do people mock as a form of humour? Is it because they have insecurities, self confidence issues or self esteem issues? Is it because you have those issues? If someone constantly puts you down for their pleasure, is it your fault for being open to ridicule because you have feelings or is it their fault for having some kind of emptiness in their life or they are plainly stupid, they are not intelligent enough to realize what they are doing?

    I've been going through blog posts and random articles about slighting (the event of being offended by someone's actions). In the comments, most people say that if you cannot take a joke then you are boring, you have no sense of humour and noone will like to hang out with you. This type of comment puzzles me. I have a great sense of humour. I love stand up comedy. I am seen as a funny and witty person by some of my friends. I just don't understand why taking the piss out of someone is enjoyable, especially if they subject could potentially be a sensitive one for the recipient. The funny think is that your friends won't engage in such communications with you unless you're a friend. To do it to a stranger is to ask to get punched in the face. Yet, it's only banter right? Why should I allow my friends to insult me if I won't let a stranger insult me?

    If you have to mock people to get people to laugh or make yourself laugh, what does that mean? Does that mean you are not smart enough to engage in other forms of humour? Does it mean that you do not care about the other person's feelings? Does it mean that you have a better sense of humour than someone that is offended by what you say?

    When a banterish joke is made and I determine it has malicious intent but the perpetrator uses the 'banter' disclaimer, it annoys me. I know that the perpetrator intentionally seeks topics that I or other people will find humorous which are normally negative on a society wide basis. For example, they cannot mock me for being good at Maths. In fact, I get mocked for making simple addition errors. This is why I find it malicious because I am proud of my mathematical skills and it annoys me when I am challenged on it. I often wonder, if I wasn't annoyed by it, would my friend still do it. Probably, the humour is not reliant on my reaction. If it is funny to the perpetrator then it is funny. Obviously, I can't react too aggressively because that would leave me to experience more ridicule. It's a vicious circle. If I remove that topic from the acceptable banter topics, I will seem like a killjoy.

    I know it sounds petty to be concerned or proud about my mathematics skills to the extent of being offended but then what's the point. If you have friends that try to insult you at every opportunity and not let things go, what do you do? If I dish it out, I know it will lead to conflict so I don't. If I ignore it, they will do it for the rest of my life. If I address it, we could cease to be friends.

    I just do not understand how it is funny and tbh my friend wouldn't like it if I did it to the level they do. It would turn into fights because I am quite vengeful and will really go for the juglar. Nothing will be off the table. Mums, grandmas everything. Maybe that is the only way to make them realize that what they do is actually bad. You don't do it to strangers. You shouldn't enjoy belittling people. How the hell does that make sense?

    Being disrespectful and spiteful to your friends should be the last thing you want to do.

    Is it a healthy relationship if you all mock each other???

    Is it my problem or my friends'?
    I used to be like you, then I gained a sense of humour.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So it's acceptable for your friends to think of you as an object of ridicule? In order to do so they have to find issues that annoy you. In order to do that they have to forgo the act of being a friend.

    There are too many double standards. If I indulge in 'banter' I could easily offend them but they don't say they are offended. Instead they go further. Then this could easily turn into a fight and are you suggesting fighting your friends is a laugh? No.

    If you can't make people laugh without ridiculing a friend, you're dumb.

    If you don't care about your friend, you ridicule them for cheap laughs.

    That's facts. Undeniable.

    Two wrongs don't make a right. If I'm wronged, I shouldn't have to try and wrong you but thats the social construct here. You insult me. I can't be offended. I just have to dish it out. Noone says they are offended and if they do it leads to a conflict.
    "I'm dumb?"

    No. Way. :cry2:

    Anyway seriously, guy?

    Life is too short for a post this long. I pray you get a sense of humour, Idk.
 
 
 
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