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Discuss: The benefits and risks of a girl asking a guy out? watch

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    Yeah I do haha. What kind of promises? In general pretty good
    (Original post by LeyK)
    Sounds like you just need a confidenve boost How good are you at keeping promises (espesh your own ones)??
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    Yeah I can see that haha. Yeah that's true..my cousin has asked a guy out who seemed very interested in her and he rejected her. It was shocking for me and her friends because we were all 100% convinced that he liked her..she took some time to get over it and now will never try again. So that kind of put me off because I guess guys are harder to read than I thought but I think one day I'd like to try it for myself.
    Let's face it, everyone's hard to read (like in your example), so there's no real point in considering your chances of success. So what matters is how you deal with rejection.

    Now I may sound like an overly ponderous career guidance counsellor here, but I've been in a position where I have faced rejection after rejection and I believe I have some good advice for this.

    I understand how soul-crushing it is to be looking for the perfect company to work for and tailoring your application to specially suit that company, only for your dreams to evaporate instantly because of a curt rejection email. All that effort and hopes gone in an instant. Or worse still, to be invited to an eight hour-long assessment centre, where you realise after two hours that you're not doing well and will not be picked eventually. The embarrassment in watching yourself struggle to keep up with the other assessment centre candidates is excruciating.

    Rejection humiliates us, destroys our self-confidence, and makes us feel unworthy, inferior compared to our peers. But this is all largely self-inflicted: the interviewers and other candidates will forget you after a few days, and you may never see them in your life ever again, and your self worth is determined not by others, but by yourself. These feelings are but products of your active imagination, and so what you have to do is to block out these negative experiences from your mind (though you should treat them as learning examples to correct any wrong actions) and maintain or even boost your self-confidence and self-worth when you apply for the next job.

    Slowly but surely, rejections get easier and easier to cope with. Periods of despair become shorter and shorter. The whole process in fact becomes a little fun. And sooner or later, you might just get lucky, as did I.

    PS: it seems that someone on this thread has taken a liking towards you - maybe you should resume your email conversations with him.
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    Yeah I do haha. What kind of promises? In general pretty good
    Okay this might help then. Though you need to have the motivation

    Righty. Have a day to build up to the day of change (For me it was New Year Day AKA NY Resolution)

    While building up, set up your personality trait/s of the future. Which for both of us is/was confidence.

    When the 'Day of Change' comes emerse yourself with your built up personality for a while and make a promise to keep this trait
    Also taking risks that you normally don't try helps, not saying you should sky dive but doing something you feel will make your heart race (it helps if people are there too)

    ---
    I wish I was on a laptop for this so it could be more presentable and I'm sorry I didn't make it as funny as I usually do (so that it's remembable)
    But thats a general way I kinda changed my character Hope it helps
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    (Original post by bluemax)
    OP you're just pathetic now. Maybe you should've done this topic for your Ph.D
    I laughed a bit more than I should've
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    Please thoroughly discuss the benefits and risks of a girl asking a guy out. I've been thinking about this a lot and want to understand whether I should approach a guy someday or not.

    Thanks
    As a guy there are zero risks, it gets boring when society puts all the stress on us to do the deed
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    I want to understand whether I should approach a guy someday or not
    Sometimes there's little or no risk involved - after all, girls hitting on guys is not exactly unheard of in this day and age - but to mitigate risk the best thing to do is to show interest and drop hints (ideally subtly, at least to begin with), even if it means practically suggesting dates without ever actually asking him out :borat:

    P.S. I can't reply to your PM as your inbox is full but 'hi'
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Sometimes there's little or no risk involved - after all, girls hitting on guys is not exactly unheard of in this day and age - but to mitigate risk the best thing to do is to show interest and drop hints (ideally subtly, at least to begin with), even if it means practically suggesting dates without ever actually asking him out :borat:

    P.S. I can't reply to your PM as your inbox is full but 'hi'
    Thanks for the advice, yeah if I did approach it would be very subtle
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    (Original post by Bupdeeboowah)
    Let's face it, everyone's hard to read (like in your example), so there's no real point in considering your chances of success. So what matters is how you deal with rejection.

    Now I may sound like an overly ponderous career guidance counsellor here, but I've been in a position where I have faced rejection after rejection and I believe I have some good advice for this.

    I understand how soul-crushing it is to be looking for the perfect company to work for and tailoring your application to specially suit that company, only for your dreams to evaporate instantly because of a curt rejection email. All that effort and hopes gone in an instant. Or worse still, to be invited to an eight hour-long assessment centre, where you realise after two hours that you're not doing well and will not be picked eventually. The embarrassment in watching yourself struggle to keep up with the other assessment centre candidates is excruciating.

    Rejection humiliates us, destroys our self-confidence, and makes us feel unworthy, inferior compared to our peers. But this is all largely self-inflicted: the interviewers and other candidates will forget you after a few days, and you may never see them in your life ever again, and your self worth is determined not by others, but by yourself. These feelings are but products of your active imagination, and so what you have to do is to block out these negative experiences from your mind (though you should treat them as learning examples to correct any wrong actions) and maintain or even boost your self-confidence and self-worth when you apply for the next job.

    Slowly but surely, rejections get easier and easier to cope with. Periods of despair become shorter and shorter. The whole process in fact becomes a little fun. And sooner or later, you might just get lucky, as did I.

    PS: it seems that someone on this thread has taken a liking towards you - maybe you should resume your email conversations with him.
    Wow, great advice, so true!! I just don't want any guy to think I'm in love with him or desperate if I approach..so I want to be really subtle and cool about it if I ever do it..but after reading this I know if I did get rejected I'd make sure not to get too bothered. Thanks!!
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    (Original post by LeyK)
    Okay this might help then. Though you need to have the motivation

    Righty. Have a day to build up to the day of change (For me it was New Year Day AKA NY Resolution)

    While building up, set up your personality trait/s of the future. Which for both of us is/was confidence.

    When the 'Day of Change' comes emerse yourself with your built up personality for a while and make a promise to keep this trait
    Also taking risks that you normally don't try helps, not saying you should sky dive but doing something you feel will make your heart race (it helps if people are there too)

    ---
    I wish I was on a laptop for this so it could be more presentable and I'm sorry I didn't make it as funny as I usually do (so that it's remembable)
    But thats a general way I kinda changed my character Hope it helps
    This sounds like an interesting and challenging thing to do! I'll definitely try it Did you keep up with that new personality after New Years continuously? I'd love to know how thing improved etc.
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    (Original post by bluemax)
    OP you're just pathetic now. Maybe you should've done this topic for your Ph.D
    How rude.
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    OP it's great that you're giving it a go for once You'll feel like the confident teenager you used to be
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    Thanks I'm trying to get better at this and change things in my life. I just hope I don't change my mind next week lol
    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    OP it's great that you're giving it a go for once You'll feel like the confident teenager you used to be
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    (Original post by sparklenshine)
    This sounds like an interesting and challenging thing to do! I'll definitely try it Did you keep up with that new personality after New Years continuously? I'd love to know how thing improved etc.
    Yeah. Definitely. I'm not that shy anymore .
    It has changed to a point where I'm confident to make a complete fool of myself in public AKA lively as a buddy called it (Even entered a 'Mr and Mrs School' event/show , didn't win tho ).
    Plus my voice is much more louder (people used to say it sounds like I mumble )
 
 
 
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