Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage watch

    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chemting)
    Not really an expert on marriage, and definitely not on Islamic marriage... and I don't mean to judge but to me your criteria seems a bit vague and also shallow (1. Islam 2. Educated)... Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi has a PhD in Islamic studies so does he match your criteria?

    You have reached 18 so technically your brain has developed enough so you can make your own decision... so I guess you (and your father) can only know if you are ready for marriage - not TSR users.
    :toofunny:
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks, i feel awkward talking about it with my dad, i talk to my stepmum about these things. she thinks i am ready for marriage. idk i heard its the norm to have sex on the wedding night but i dont feel like i could do it. yes i will meet him before hand and get to know him.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.
    Well one thing to keep in mind is that marriage will probably always be stressful. People who have known each other for a long time, and have been planning a wedding for a long time are usually still terrified when it comes down to it. It's because it usually comes with large changes to the way you will live your life. I would assume you would immediately start living with him after getting married, that would be a huge change. Maybe you should ask your stepmum different questions? Instead of saying you're not sure about marriage, talk about specific things about it that worry you. Like for example sex on the wedding night, maybe it could be arranged so that he would know you want to wait?

    By the way, are you sure that your education wouldn't be disrupted if you get married now? I guess I don't know how soon that would be if you agree to it, and while marriage itself wouldn't do much, if you were to get pregnant then that would surely get in the way. Then again,I guess getting married now, regardless of whether you would be having children immediately or not, gives you the option to have them the moment you decide you want to. Could be a bit annoying to finish your education, be ready for children and not have anyone to have those with for a while if you decided not to get married now.

    I would recommend waiting around until you get to know him before you decide. You may just end up not liking him anyway.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the bear)
    open your heart to Allah who knows all our desires. Pray that He will guide you in His infinite compassion and wisdom.
    Mashallah brother bear, nothing like vague platitudes to reassure the faithful.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i am planning to be educated. i am doing a degree atm and want to do a master after. i dont really want to work when married and my life goals are to be a good mother and wife. jugde me all you want thats my opinion
    If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chikane)
    If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?
    So that her options aren't limited to Abdul from Bradford and her cousin.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    So that her options aren't limited to Abdul from Bradford and her cousin.
    lol in case things go tits up when she does get married, makes sense to have a backup plan.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Free Kurdistan)
    Mashallah brother bear, nothing like vague platitudes to reassure the faithful.
    you're welcome
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by chikane)
    If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?
    I don't see why people are attacking her over this, she might want to learn for personal development or to inspire her future children. I think women should have the opportunity of working but being a career woman isn't nearly as fun and cool as women are conditioned to believe.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    idc what non muslims have to say tbh. it goes in one ear and out the other. if a man is rightous then he will follow the Quran and sunnah and treat his wife well.

    inb4 people bring the ayah about 'beating women'
    No problem. Follow what your heart tells you.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the bear)
    you're welcome
    Allah knows what truly lies in our hearts, trust in his infinite wisdom :moon:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chikane)
    If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?
    i believe that education opens up peoples minds. i am open to the option of working later on in life once my hypothetical children are older.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Free Kurdistan)
    Allah knows what truly lies in our hearts, trust in his infinite wisdom :moon:
    (Original post by the bear)
    you're welcome
    are you both muslim?
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    From your OP, it doesn't sound like you are ready if I'm honest. You yourself aren't absolutely sure either.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    are you both muslim?
    I'm not, I was being ironic.


    I don't think there is anything wrong with leading an Islamic life but I have noticed a trend that whenever someone who is religious has an issue which is causing them distress, other members of the religion will come out with really obvious, overused remarks which provide absolutely no spiritual or emotional sustenance and which don't even apply specifically to the situation at hand, as a means of quelling their unease.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    From your OP, it doesn't sound like you are ready if I'm honest. You yourself aren't absolutely sure either.
    i feel that i am ready but what makes me not so sure is that i think i may be ready but im actually not.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i believe that education opens up peoples minds. i am open to the option of working later on in life once my hypothetical children are older.
    I would get a degree then marry that is my opinion will he be okay with you studying?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Free Kurdistan)
    I'm not, I was being ironic.


    I don't think there is anything wrong with leading an Islamic life but I have noticed a trend that whenever someone who is religious has an issue which is causing them distress, other members of the religion will come out with really obvious, overused remarks which provide absolutely no spiritual or emotional sustenance and which don't even apply specifically to the situation at hand, as a means of quelling their unease.
    if you are on about the bear's comment i found it really helpful. you wont understand if you are a non muslim
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chikane)
    I would get a degree then marry that is my opinion will he be okay with you studying?
    yeah he definitely will. i dont want to explain it on here as i will give myself away but me doing my degree wont be an issue at all.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    if you are on about the bear's comment i found it really helpful. you wont understand if you are a non muslim
    What makes you think he's Muslim and if a non-Muslim can use his words you make you feel that way, how does asking for Muslims in particular benefit you?
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i feel that i am ready but what makes me not so sure is that i think i may be ready but im actually not.
    Well, my advice would be not to rush into it. Spend another couple of years finding yourself. Perhaps go through education or work etc.

    If you still feel the same way after that, then go for it.

    If you don't heed this, then at the very least get to know the guy you're gonna marry beforehand - don't leave it to chance surprises. Your parent/guardian should be doing the same as well.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 25, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.