Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by paradiddlepad)
    You're uni experience sounds A LOT like mine; I was at a good uni and thought that everything was going to be fine, but then the bullying started with my flatmates- they would have conversations about me and make fun of me in the flat when they new I was there and sometimes they would do so right outside my door.- At night too. My parents even intervened by speaking to the ring leader, but that just made it worse. Threats to tamper door my food was the last straw, so I reported it to the uni (formally), and I moved to another halls. That was much better than my other halls in the beginning; the flatmates seemed much more welcoming, and I made good friends with an international student from America- something I didn't get the the chance to at my old flat because they weren't very nice people.

    But soon my other flatmate (there were only three of us) was hell to live with, and she would bring a gang of boys over. They would mess up our communal area, get drunk and do some disgusting stuff (all at random hours of the morning, which really started to annoy my other flatmate and I). This even happened at exam season, despite the halls having rules about noise etc for those weeks.

    And if I thought it couldn't get any worse, the flatmate and her friends knew the other people that I lived with before and she started treating me weirdly, and her mates started harassing me; banging on my door and purposely doing stuff outside of it in order to wake me up and coax me out of my room.- This mostly happened when my other flatmate was away.

    I eventually got through exam season and finished the year, but after that I didn't want to go back- especially when the uni did nor do anything about the bullying, despite their so-called "zero-tolerance" policy.

    On top of that, I ended up failing one of my classes (despite working so hard on it), so I didn't pass the year.

    I find that whenever I get asked abour my time at uni (and when I was at uni), I always felt awkward and didn't know how ro explain what I felt about it because I couldn't see what was particularly good about it...I guess the best things were my course, coursemates and meeting my American friend- we cried and hugged when we said goodbye. The independence was also good; I loved the feeling of going out to get my shopping, late night study sessions in the library, the relief I felt after completing essay assignments after spending days on them, and I especially loved the feeling of travelling too and from home, across the country on the train by myself.
    this makes me feel a lot better but i am sorry you've been through a lot. If you won't go back are you going to another uni?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Sometimes I'd say that I enjoy uni and then sometimes I'd say that I don't. I really enjoy my course despite the high workload and get on really well with people on my course. I love my campus as well. It's just the life outside of my course that hasn't been great. I lived in halls for first year and it wasn't what I expected at all. My flatmates weren't interested in going out for freshers and everyone seemed to have formed their cliqués by day 2 so I barely met anyone at all during freshers, despite making an effort to talk to people. Over the year I just gradually started to give up and started to isolate myself in my room. In second year I met some new people and joined a new friendship group which was really great at first but then people started to clash and argue and there was a hostile atmosphere. I've just found that I've not really met any people, outside of my course, who are like me. A lot of people seem to be really social, with loads of friends and come from a middle class background whilst I like to have time to myself sometimes, come from a working class background but still like to have people to talk to and go out with.

    I'm now nearing the end of my second year and I feel pretty fed up. I still love my course and spending time with people on my course, it's just when I come back to my house that I feel rubbish. The people in my new friendship group like to talk all the time and spend loads of time together after uni whereas I feel like I need some time to myself to do work, etc. and I end up feeling like everyone thinks I'm weird and antisocial. I have lost so much confidence in myself since starting university and have developed pretty bad anxiety, I'm even starting to think that I've developed some social anixety. It's really strange because I'm fine when I'm actually at university, but when I'm at home in the evening I feel pretty lonely. I guess I'm just really sad that I haven't met any people like me and haven't had the amazing time I thought I would and when I see people having the best time at university I feel pretty upset.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Phoque)
    Sometimes I'd say that I enjoy uni and then sometimes I'd say that I don't. I really enjoy my course despite the high workload and get on really well with people on my course. I love my campus as well. It's just the life outside of my course that hasn't been great. I lived in halls for first year and it wasn't what I expected at all. My flatmates weren't interested in going out for freshers and everyone seemed to have formed their cliqués by day 2 so I barely met anyone at all during freshers, despite making an effort to talk to people. Over the year I just gradually started to give up and started to isolate myself in my room. In second year I met some new people and joined a new friendship group which was really great at first but then people started to clash and argue and there was a hostile atmosphere. I've just found that I've not really met any people, outside of my course, who are like me. A lot of people seem to be really social, with loads of friends and come from a middle class background whilst I like to have time to myself sometimes, come from a working class background but still like to have people to talk to and go out with.

    I'm now nearing the end of my second year and I feel pretty fed up. I still love my course and spending time with people on my course, it's just when I come back to my house that I feel rubbish. The people in my new friendship group like to talk all the time and spend loads of time together after uni whereas I feel like I need some time to myself to do work, etc. and I end up feeling like everyone thinks I'm weird and antisocial. I have lost so much confidence in myself since starting university and have developed pretty bad anxiety, I'm even starting to think that I've developed some social anixety. It's really strange because I'm fine when I'm actually at university, but when I'm at home in the evening I feel pretty lonely. I guess I'm just really sad that I haven't met any people like me and haven't had the amazing time I thought I would and when I see people having the best time at university I feel pretty upset.
    I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I just wanted to say that I think it is harder for people from working class backgrounds when going to uni - particularly the top unis. They're stuffed full of middle class people who act quite differently. Took me a long time to feel more comfortable in these environments, and I'm still not there, entirely.

    I feel like unis, as well as BME, women's, LGBT+, and disability committees, should have a people from lower seocio-economic backgrounds grouping as well. We're a massively under-represented minority, and talking to people about, it seems we often find university challenging as a result.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by intoxycated)
    this makes me feel a lot better but i am sorry you've been through a lot. If you won't go back are you going to another uni?
    I went back to college to improve my A-Level grades because during the summer the other unis that did my course wouldn't let me transfer; one didn't accept my 2:2 overall grade, and the other stopped accepting transfers the previous year. I have re-applied to UCAS this year hoping to go to a better uni and one where I can live at home.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I had bad flatmates first year, but i'm kind of a **** and like to stand my ground got into tonnes of arguments. On top of that I had serious trouble making friends on my course, just soldiered through though. Left uni with a longing for all of the friends I made, I think alot of people suffer with these adjustment issues and without sounding like a prick dropping out was a miatake. We're waaaay too coddled nowadays being encouragement to just give up is becoming far too commonplace.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Phoque)
    Sometimes I'd say that I enjoy uni and then sometimes I'd say that I don't. I really enjoy my course despite the high workload and get on really well with people on my course. I love my campus as well. It's just the life outside of my course that hasn't been great. I lived in halls for first year and it wasn't what I expected at all. My flatmates weren't interested in going out for freshers and everyone seemed to have formed their cliqués by day 2 so I barely met anyone at all during freshers, despite making an effort to talk to people. Over the year I just gradually started to give up and started to isolate myself in my room. In second year I met some new people and joined a new friendship group which was really great at first but then people started to clash and argue and there was a hostile atmosphere. I've just found that I've not really met any people, outside of my course, who are like me. A lot of people seem to be really social, with loads of friends and come from a middle class background whilst I like to have time to myself sometimes, come from a working class background but still like to have people to talk to and go out with.

    I'm now nearing the end of my second year and I feel pretty fed up. I still love my course and spending time with people on my course, it's just when I come back to my house that I feel rubbish. The people in my new friendship group like to talk all the time and spend loads of time together after uni whereas I feel like I need some time to myself to do work, etc. and I end up feeling like everyone thinks I'm weird and antisocial. I have lost so much confidence in myself since starting university and have developed pretty bad anxiety, I'm even starting to think that I've developed some social anixety. It's really strange because I'm fine when I'm actually at university, but when I'm at home in the evening I feel pretty lonely. I guess I'm just really sad that I haven't met any people like me and haven't had the amazing time I thought I would and when I see people having the best time at university I feel pretty upset.
    (Original post by TruckBear)
    I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I just wanted to say that I think it is harder for people from working class backgrounds when going to uni - particularly the top unis. They're stuffed full of middle class people who act quite differently. Took me a long time to feel more comfortable in these environments, and I'm still not there, entirely.

    I feel like unis, as well as BME, women's, LGBT+, and disability committees, should have a people from lower seocio-economic backgrounds grouping as well. We're a massively under-represented minority, and talking to people about, it seems we often find university challenging as a result.
    The working class things you guys have been saying makes so much sense. you're right, the middle class do act differently and i just don't know how to click with them and don't really understand their banter.

    It's a sad life isn't it
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Phoque)
    Sometimes I'd say that I enjoy uni and then sometimes I'd say that I don't. I really enjoy my course despite the high workload and get on really well with people on my course. I love my campus as well. It's just the life outside of my course that hasn't been great. I lived in halls for first year and it wasn't what I expected at all. My flatmates weren't interested in going out for freshers and everyone seemed to have formed their cliqués by day 2 so I barely met anyone at all during freshers, despite making an effort to talk to people. Over the year I just gradually started to give up and started to isolate myself in my room. In second year I met some new people and joined a new friendship group which was really great at first but then people started to clash and argue and there was a hostile atmosphere. I've just found that I've not really met any people, outside of my course, who are like me. A lot of people seem to be really social, with loads of friends and come from a middle class background whilst I like to have time to myself sometimes, come from a working class background but still like to have people to talk to and go out with.

    I'm now nearing the end of my second year and I feel pretty fed up. I still love my course and spending time with people on my course, it's just when I come back to my house that I feel rubbish. The people in my new friendship group like to talk all the time and spend loads of time together after uni whereas I feel like I need some time to myself to do work, etc. and I end up feeling like everyone thinks I'm weird and antisocial. I have lost so much confidence in myself since starting university and have developed pretty bad anxiety, I'm even starting to think that I've developed some social anixety. It's really strange because I'm fine when I'm actually at university, but when I'm at home in the evening I feel pretty lonely. I guess I'm just really sad that I haven't met any people like me and haven't had the amazing time I thought I would and when I see people having the best time at university I feel pretty upset.
    I wouldn't judge you on your background. I am middle class myself but I get along well with working class people, they are very down to earth.

    Honestly some people where I'm going to uni are a bit stuck up, especially the girls. I don't know if i'd want to be bothered with them to be honest.

    I know what you mean when you say you aren't making the best out of it. That's how I feel aswell, I kind of gave up after January because it was a waste of time. It's all about the people in your group I think. Looking on Facebook it seems to me that the people that get the most out of it are the extroverted type, I do suspect that they exaggerate alot though.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I reckon my uni experience is probably up there!

    So I originally started uni in 2007. After exactly one (horrible) week there, I took an overdose one night. Ambulance was called, ended up in hospital, intermitted for a year.

    Went back (same uni, same course) in 2008. In November 2008, my nan was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she died in January 2009. I also had major eating problems (to the point of consuming no calories at all for 10 days in a row).

    Second year started off better. I had almost no friends at uni due to severe social anxiety (I managed to go into the uni library a grand total of 3 times in my entire degree, and in the entire of my final year of uni I attended 4 lectures/seminars, so I was very isolated). And then in March 2010, not long before my second year exams my wonderful mummy was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I kept my happy act on at home, came back to uni and just completely broke down and went off the rails. The first day I came back after she was diagnosed I went to find my student advisor, and when she wasn't there, I just sat curled in the corner of the stairwell to the offices and just sobbed my heart out. I ended up detained under s.136 Mental Health Act by the police 6 times within 3 months (3 times within the space of a week during my exams, where I missed one exam due to being sectioned, and went to another exam about 5 hours after being discharged from section). Went back in my third year and I ended up in a psych ward for 3 days after being 136ed again, and then moved home. Spent my third year of uni living back at home, teaching myself the course material from books and online, and just being with my mum while she went through treatment. Graduated in July 2011 (with a First and a Final Year Prize, which I am stupidly proud of), and my mum died 4 weeks later.

    Had two years out and then went to do my MSc at another uni. Which was the best uni ever for me, so much smaller and such a nice atmosphere, actually developing a rapport with the lecturers, and with the help of the lecturer who taught us for our first two modules, he helped me to build up to actually managing to whisper a couple of words out loud, to communicating my thoughts via e-mail, and actually speaking to him. 100% attendance, 75-80% in all assignments, and I just loved my MSc course. Only I also developed severe anorexia nervosa, and in the space from July 2013 to April 2014, deterioriated so much that uni finally convinced me to take 6 months out, on the basis that they were veering towards taking it out of my hands because they couldn't watch me deteriorating like that anymore, so spent 5 months inpatient, went back to uni the week after I was discharged in September (and then had a pretty awful relapse, a suicide attempt and 3 months of attending day hospital twice a week), before finally finishing and graduating in October (2015).

    Pretty horrific few years tbh! But I absolutely love my MSc uni, and I loved my course, and I am so glad I did it, have made so so so much progress.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Aw that's terrible! I think the solution for many universities is to go mad and send people to mental health units which doesn't always help.

    Sadly alot of universities don't care about the well being of their students. At my university i've often got the "you came here so tough luck" attitude rather than some help.

    I'm going to try it next year and see how it goes, if I don't like it I will just transfer. Reading your story makes me feel like i'm not that bad.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Liv1204)
    I reckon my uni experience is probably up there!

    So I originally started uni in 2007. After exactly one (horrible) week there, I took an overdose one night. Ambulance was called, ended up in hospital, intermitted for a year.

    Went back (same uni, same course) in 2008. In November 2008, my nan was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she died in January 2009. I also had major eating problems (to the point of consuming no calories at all for 10 days in a row).

    Second year started off better. I had almost no friends at uni due to severe social anxiety (I managed to go into the uni library a grand total of 3 times in my entire degree, and in the entire of my final year of uni I attended 4 lectures/seminars, so I was very isolated). And then in March 2010, not long before my second year exams my wonderful mummy was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I kept my happy act on at home, came back to uni and just completely broke down and went off the rails. The first day I came back after she was diagnosed I went to find my student advisor, and when she wasn't there, I just sat curled in the corner of the stairwell to the offices and just sobbed my heart out. I ended up detained under s.136 Mental Health Act by the police 6 times within 3 months (3 times within the space of a week during my exams, where I missed one exam due to being sectioned, and went to another exam about 5 hours after being discharged from section). Went back in my third year and I ended up in a psych ward for 3 days after being 136ed again, and then moved home. Spent my third year of uni living back at home, teaching myself the course material from books and online, and just being with my mum while she went through treatment. Graduated in July 2011 (with a First and a Final Year Prize, which I am stupidly proud of), and my mum died 4 weeks later.

    Had two years out and then went to do my MSc at another uni. Which was the best uni ever for me, so much smaller and such a nice atmosphere, actually developing a rapport with the lecturers, and with the help of the lecturer who taught us for our first two modules, he helped me to build up to actually managing to whisper a couple of words out loud, to communicating my thoughts via e-mail, and actually speaking to him. 100% attendance, 75-80% in all assignments, and I just loved my MSc course. Only I also developed severe anorexia nervosa, and in the space from July 2013 to April 2014, deterioriated so much that uni finally convinced me to take 6 months out, on the basis that they were veering towards taking it out of my hands because they couldn't watch me deteriorating like that anymore, so spent 5 months inpatient, went back to uni the week after I was discharged in September (and then had a pretty awful relapse, a suicide attempt and 3 months of attending day hospital twice a week), before finally finishing and graduating in October (2015).

    Pretty horrific few years tbh! But I absolutely love my MSc uni, and I loved my course, and I am so glad I did it, have made so so so much progress.
    Just read this and have got to say you are an amazing person with what you've gone through and I really hope everything in the future turns out the way you want it to!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Omg it's not just me!! I actually hate uni. I find all of the work too difficult despite being a straight A student before coming to uni. Mots of the lecturers are useless so much so I feel like I may as well just stay at home than turn up to them!! And to top it off my choices of modules for next year are awful!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Liv1204)
    I reckon my uni experience is probably up there!

    So I originally started uni in 2007. After exactly one (horrible) week there, I took an overdose one night. Ambulance was called, ended up in hospital, intermitted for a year.

    Went back (same uni, same course) in 2008. In November 2008, my nan was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she died in January 2009. I also had major eating problems (to the point of consuming no calories at all for 10 days in a row).

    Second year started off better. I had almost no friends at uni due to severe social anxiety (I managed to go into the uni library a grand total of 3 times in my entire degree, and in the entire of my final year of uni I attended 4 lectures/seminars, so I was very isolated). And then in March 2010, not long before my second year exams my wonderful mummy was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I kept my happy act on at home, came back to uni and just completely broke down and went off the rails. The first day I came back after she was diagnosed I went to find my student advisor, and when she wasn't there, I just sat curled in the corner of the stairwell to the offices and just sobbed my heart out. I ended up detained under s.136 Mental Health Act by the police 6 times within 3 months (3 times within the space of a week during my exams, where I missed one exam due to being sectioned, and went to another exam about 5 hours after being discharged from section). Went back in my third year and I ended up in a psych ward for 3 days after being 136ed again, and then moved home. Spent my third year of uni living back at home, teaching myself the course material from books and online, and just being with my mum while she went through treatment. Graduated in July 2011 (with a First and a Final Year Prize, which I am stupidly proud of), and my mum died 4 weeks later.

    Had two years out and then went to do my MSc at another uni. Which was the best uni ever for me, so much smaller and such a nice atmosphere, actually developing a rapport with the lecturers, and with the help of the lecturer who taught us for our first two modules, he helped me to build up to actually managing to whisper a couple of words out loud, to communicating my thoughts via e-mail, and actually speaking to him. 100% attendance, 75-80% in all assignments, and I just loved my MSc course. Only I also developed severe anorexia nervosa, and in the space from July 2013 to April 2014, deterioriated so much that uni finally convinced me to take 6 months out, on the basis that they were veering towards taking it out of my hands because they couldn't watch me deteriorating like that anymore, so spent 5 months inpatient, went back to uni the week after I was discharged in September (and then had a pretty awful relapse, a suicide attempt and 3 months of attending day hospital twice a week), before finally finishing and graduating in October (2015).

    Pretty horrific few years tbh! But I absolutely love my MSc uni, and I loved my course, and I am so glad I did it, have made so so so much progress.
    I almost cried reading this. All I can say is I am so so so sorry for everything and I'm really proud of you for not giving up.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Phoque)
    Sometimes I'd say that I enjoy uni and then sometimes I'd say that I don't. I really enjoy my course despite the high workload and get on really well with people on my course. I love my campus as well. It's just the life outside of my course that hasn't been great. I lived in halls for first year and it wasn't what I expected at all. My flatmates weren't interested in going out for freshers and everyone seemed to have formed their cliqués by day 2 so I barely met anyone at all during freshers, despite making an effort to talk to people. Over the year I just gradually started to give up and started to isolate myself in my room. In second year I met some new people and joined a new friendship group which was really great at first but then people started to clash and argue and there was a hostile atmosphere. I've just found that I've not really met any people, outside of my course, who are like me. A lot of people seem to be really social, with loads of friends and come from a middle class background whilst I like to have time to myself sometimes, come from a working class background but still like to have people to talk to and go out with.

    I'm now nearing the end of my second year and I feel pretty fed up. I still love my course and spending time with people on my course, it's just when I come back to my house that I feel rubbish. The people in my new friendship group like to talk all the time and spend loads of time together after uni whereas I feel like I need some time to myself to do work, etc. and I end up feeling like everyone thinks I'm weird and antisocial. I have lost so much confidence in myself since starting university and have developed pretty bad anxiety, I'm even starting to think that I've developed some social anixety. It's really strange because I'm fine when I'm actually at university, but when I'm at home in the evening I feel pretty lonely. I guess I'm just really sad that I haven't met any people like me and haven't had the amazing time I thought I would and when I see people having the best time at university I feel pretty upset.
    I relate to you so much. I also feel quite antisocial and lonely, and have a little social anxiety. Unfortunately, my academic life is also suffering. I am happy to hear that you enjoy your course. Best wishes to you, I hope your holistic experience will eventually become positive.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    Hi,

    I can't say I've had 'the worst' uni experience, but it hasn't been good.

    I was really excited to come to uni. A typically withdrawn person, I was excited to make an effort and make friends, enjoy my course and enjoy living independently.
    Everything went well for the first 3-4 months, I made a friendship group, my course was going well.. I'd signed for a house for second year with my friends..

    Then everything went downhill. My 'friends' started to isolate me and started to ignore me because of my mental health problems. They said awful stuff, and I know this because my friend was in the room when they did it. They second-guessed illnesses, called me childish, said I needed to grow up and that I'd be a nightmare to live with. They stopped inviting me places, deliberately sending my snapchats of them all on nights out. The one time I dared ask why they didn't invite me, they spun it round on me, blaming it on me. 'Well you're always invited, just come along.'
    Erm, hang on. How can I possibly know where to meet you or where to go if you don't tell me?

    Anyway, I fell out with one of them over an argument on a Facebook post which was beyond pathetic, I stuck up for myself which i don't find a big deal. Anyway the lot of them got together and started scheming ways of getting me to leave university so they didn't have to live with me in second year. I assure everyone here that I've done nothing wrong and just been myself (I know sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I choose to stay in when I'm feeling down) but I personally don't think that's any excuse to be treated like that.

    Hopefully my second experience will be better. I've applied for 5 new universities to start this year, so a fresh start
 
 
 
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.