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Picked an obese girl over me... I feel offended, does this make me a bad person? watch

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    girl i get u , is it bad its been 16 years and i have no bf yet in my life...yay ur in the friend zone sometimes its just not meant to be and i m sure ill find someone better , he's out there trust me
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    (Original post by Anonymous;[url="tel:64028891")
    64028891[/url]]Yeah I guess we all can lose out sometimes. But how did I use an insult? She is obese, fact. A doctor for example would use the same term. Should I have used a euphemism like 'more to love', 'rubenesque' or something? But I agree I just need to move on and bounce back from this.
    Perhaps if used in a factual way, but to me it seemed weighted towards judgemental, with a contention, clearly not true in this instance, that an obsess person cannot be found attractive. Cannot comment on your appearance but there was certainly an inkling of an attitude that I would find unattractive in your post.
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Perhaps if used in a factual way, but to me it seemed weighted towards judgemental, with a contention, clearly not true in this instance, that an obsess person cannot be found attractive. Cannot comment on your appearance but there was certainly an inkling of an attitude that I would find unattractive in your post.
    Well, the OP had to include that piece of information in her description, otherwise we wouldn't understand what the reasons for her insecurities are.

    And she seems to be aware of her own flaw, as she's questioned whether her feeling insecure over this made her a bad person.
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    OP some men prefer women with some weight on them. Just put it down to individual preference. If we didn't have individual preferences we would all be robots.

    It's annoying for us females who put effort in work out, lift in the gym, maintain a decent diet and then we don't get picked. It's the same as for guys who spend all week lifting to stay 'ripped' only for girls to go and pick the skinny guy
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    (Original post by cosmic angel;[url="tel:64032537")
    64032537[/url]]Well, the OP had to include that piece of information in her description, otherwise we wouldn't understand what the reasons for her insecurities are.

    And she seems to be aware of her own flaw, as she's questioned whether her feeling insecure over this made her a bad person.
    Perhaps I am just confirming her suspicions. But I thought bad person was a bit strong, just insulting and judgmental in this situation. There is some appalling prejudice and insensitive behaviour directed towards overweight people.
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Perhaps I am just confirming her suspicions. But I thought bad person was a bit strong, just insulting and judgmental in this situation. There is some appalling prejudice and insensitive behaviour directed towards overweight people.
    It's just human nature, people tend to prefere healthier looking people over unhealthy/unfit and so it's knocked op's confidence a bit. No political correctness will change people's natural reactions. Though it did come across as rather shallow and perhaps worded in a juvenile way I didn't really see hostility towards obese people in the op.
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    (Original post by indigofox;[url="tel:64036321")
    64036321[/url]]It's just human nature, people tend to prefere healthier looking people over unhealthy/unfit and so it's knocked op's confidence a bit. No political correctness will change people's natural reactions. Though it did come across as rather shallow and perhaps worded in a juvenile way I didn't really see hostility towards obese people in the op.
    Probably something I am a bit over sensitive to as my gf is overweight. Ive always found the female form in its many delightful expressions to be adorable. But it does make me sensitive to some pretty nasty remarks. No one is forcing anyone to fancy someone they don't but generally it's accepted we don't insult people gratuitously. And being overweight is often a complex issue not just greed as naturally skinny people tend to think.
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Probably something I am a bit over sensitive to as my gf is overweight. Ive always found the female form in its many delightful expressions to be adorable. But it does make me sensitive to some pretty nasty remarks. No one is forcing anyone to fancy someone they don't but generally it's accepted we don't insult people gratuitously. And being overweight is often a complex issue not just greed as naturally skinny people tend to think.
    Well people like different things which shows there's some truth in the saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. There are lots of guys who prefere some weight on women but people tend to talk in general terms so assume that a slim person will be considered more attractive (though as the op has found out it's not always true) . Dont let those who make nasty remarks get to you as people who want to be nasty will find any reason to **** someone off.
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    (Original post by indigofox)
    Well people like different things which shows there's some truth in the saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. There are lots of guys who prefere some weight on women but people tend to talk in general terms so assume that a slim person will be considered more attractive (though as the op has found out it's not always true) . Dont let those who make nasty remarks get to you as people who want to be nasty will find any reason to **** someone off.
    Whilst I agree with a lot of what you've said, I think we can't assume that the guy liked the other girl because of her extra weight. Especially as the guy in question also claims to fancy a number of skinny celebrities.

    Also, the other girl has also slept with a number of people and is into alcohol and drugs... Not exactly gf material. So there are a number of reasons besides just weight, why you'd not expect him to choose the other girl over her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So a guy friend of mine who I had been crushing on for years picked an obese girl over me, knowing that I liked him. I feel annoyed and offended by this. Perhaps this makes me evil. But I'm just being brutally honest.

    I feel really down about myself now. I suppose everyone is going to tell me that my personality must suck or that maybe my face is ugly. Without trying to big myself up I get told I'm pretty a lot even by strangers there's not a week that goes by without someone saying it to me and that is face to face not on line. This week I've had 3 people tell me so 2 at the gym and one friend of a friend. I get approached a lot but rarely asked out. When I look in the mirror at my face I don't feel pretty at all though but I do think I have a decent body only because I workout most days. I get told I'm nice, sweet and innocent but I actually think this is actually my downfall and the reason no one wants to date me.

    So what can I do?
    Am I a bad person?
    Should I care if I'm bad? Sometimes I think that's what I need to be.
    Ignore everyone saying "oh maybe she's nice". That's such PC bull$hit. If someone had picked an obese person over them, they'd feel offended and upset too.
    Not sure what you can do as you can't exactly ask him why he didn't go for you over her. I too wonder if I need to stop being nice... as I seem to have the same problem despite being told I'm pretty fairly often.
    Sorry I can't be of much help. Just wanted to let you know you're not a bad person for feeling this way
 
 
 
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