Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My dad just asked if I wanted to get engaged to a girl in a picture Watch

    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    In our culture, that's pretty much the same thing. Because you get married without even talking to your spouse-to-be.
    don't understand why?
    it's your life so why should they interfere? you love who you want it has nothing to do with them
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Seriously why are ppl acting if arranged marriages are the end of the world.
    Believe it or not there are actually successful arranged marriages. Yes shock horror.
    Srsly people grow up.
    And people do win the lottery.

    I think that its hard enough to find someone who you are compatible with and that you want to be with personally, how can you reasonably expect somebody else to make that decision for you and to get it right?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    Yup, definitely. I was really struggling in academics for the past couple years, so I bet he's ecstatic now that I actually got into Medicine, considering its a competitive program. And the fact that I'm studying outside is a big plus, apparently. I think I already have people looking at me as a viable son-in-law because one of our family's friends have a daughter around my age, and the mum added me on Facebook! Pretty sure that's a sign.



    In our culture, that's pretty much the same thing. Because you get married without even talking to your spouse-to-be.
    which culture is this? In my culture this is forbidden.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by dean01234)
    And people do win the lottery.

    I think that its hard enough to find someone who you are compatible with and that you want to be with personally, how can you reasonably expect somebody else to make that decision for you and to get it right?
    The way arranged marriages are meant to work (not those ****ed up forced marriages where girls are shipped back to pakistan), is you send out a "CV" and photo to families, the girl then decides if she wants to meet you, if you're an uggo you're kinda screwed at this point.

    you then have conversations (with a third party present) to see if you're compatible, some will fail at this point due to a lack of "chemistry" or simple disagreements. If the two find each other agreeable they then get married - it might not be as romantic as meeting a stranger on the street but you will very likely have a functional and loving marriage with higher probability of success than meeting that elusive stranger and winding up forever alone/ bouncing between partners till you're 50. Both scenarios can lead to incompatible partners this isn't exclusive to either one.

    Ultimately it's down to preference some people really want arranged marriages (as I know/knew a lot of females, my male cousins are asking me to reach out to their families, I also have a female cousin who has asked for my help) while others won't (I personally don't want an arranged marriage as I have found the "one" who I intend on marrying as soon as I am financially stable) neither is better or worse than the other.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefatone)
    don't understand why?
    it's your life so why should they interfere? you love who you want it has nothing to do with them
    Archaic culture and traditions.

    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    which culture is this? In my culture this is forbidden.
    Pakistan.

    Probably most of India and Bangladesh too. Those sorts of places.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    Archaic culture and traditions.



    Pakistan.

    Probably most of India and Bangladesh too. Those sorts of places.
    Tbh my family are indian and I'd be allowed to talk to my future partner before marrying him and ultimately I'd make the final decision after meeting him and talking to him. I guess your family are just quite strict and conservative.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    Archaic culture and traditions.



    Pakistan.

    Probably most of India and Bangladesh too. Those sorts of places.
    not Bangladesh, only the less educated/poorer families resort to forced marriages with no meetings.

    Most follow the sunnah of meeting, talking , going out (not so common but yes it's halal) and making sure the two are familiar with one another before the girl decides if she want's to marry the guy or not.

    For the sake of my cousins forced marriages would be a blessing lol, they're getting rejected left right and center imagine a 10/10 being forced to marry you when you're a 4/10 would make life easier for the uglier asians lol, forced marriages are haram though.

    I would have thought Pakistanis would be the same. Wont comment on india to avoid offense.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh my family are indian and I'd be allowed to talk to my future partner before marrying him and ultimately I'd make the final decision after meeting him and talking to him. I guess your family are just quite strict and conservative.
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    not Bangladesh, only the less educated/poorer families resort to forced marriages with no meetings.

    Most follow the sunnah of meeting, talking , going out (not so common but yes it's halal) and making sure the two are familiar with one another before the girl decides if she want's to marry the guy or not.

    For the sake of my cousins forced marriages would be a blessing lol, they're getting rejected left right and center, forced marriages are haram though.

    I would have thought Pakistanis would be the same. Wont comment on india to avoid offense.
    Yeah, its definitely the more restrictive ones. My family and surroundings are definitely not poor relative to the general economy of the village/city, but they are very restrictive and traditional. I mean my dad at least asked my sisters about it to make sure they agreed, when they got married. But obviously they were in a position where they knew they had to say yes, because they aren't that open minded and also think along those lines as well.

    Its unfortunate because my dad studied in the UK and my sisters have studied outside as well, but they all still share the same backwards views.

    I'd say, in my case my dad would probably be okay with me meeting my potential spouse. But if she comes from a family that has lived back home since forever, then I don't know how her parents would be. Either way, considering of both my married sisters, I have yet to see this sort of marriage work.

    My extended family is obsessed with family drama, and they just find ways to let it engulf them. Its so juvenile and pointless. We're definitely one of the worst ones.

    But I do agree that it is a very restrictive system and only some parts of those countries still go by it.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    Yeah, its definitely the more restrictive ones. My family and surroundings are definitely not poor relative to the general economy of the village/city, but they are very restrictive and traditional. I mean my dad at least asked my sisters about it to make sure they agreed, when they got married. But obviously they were in a position where they knew they had to say yes, because they aren't that open minded and also think along those lines as well.

    Its unfortunate because my dad studied in the UK and my sisters have studied outside as well, but they all still share the same backwards views.

    I'd say, in my case my dad would probably be okay with me meeting my potential spouse. But if she comes from a family that has lived back home since forever, then I don't know how her parents would be. Either way, considering of both my married sisters, I have yet to see this sort of marriage work.

    My extended family is obsessed with family drama, and they just find ways to let it engulf them. Its so juvenile and pointless. We're definitely one of the worst ones.

    But I do agree that it is a very restrictive system and only some parts of those countries still go by it.
    I'm with you with the whole family drama nonsense, i've detached myself from most of the older generation because of that stupid drama.

    Regarding the position of your sisters that's so ****ed up but common lol it's essentially finding a loophole in the religion to force the girls to marry who you want while technically not breaking any rules (this is still haram).

    e.g. an acquaintance of mine receives about 6 marriage proposals a month and says no to every single one waiting for a certain someone , her dad pulls his hair out but in the end will never be able to force her because of religion. I guess in situations like this religion is a good check to culture.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    I'm with you with the whole family drama nonsense, i've detached myself from most of the older generation because of that stupid drama.

    Regarding the position of your sisters that's so ****ed up but common lol it's essentially finding a loophole in the religion to force the girls to marry who you want while technically not breaking any rules (this is still haram).

    e.g. an acquaintance of mine receives about 6 marriage proposals a month and says no to every single one waiting for a certain someone , her dad pulls his hair out but in the end will never be able to force her because of religion. I guess in situations like this religion is a good check to culture.
    I'd say religion is what makes it worse. At least in my case.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    I'd say religion is what makes it worse. At least in my case.
    religion prevents bf/gf, if you have a gf religion would urge you to marry them to prevent committing further sin. In that sense religion is restrictive you can't have a gf.

    religion also prevents forced marriages however, so in the case of the south asian cultural phenomena of forcing individuals to marry this is nothing but haram, and religion can only curb this horrid trend as it is objectively against this practice.

    If you want a gf yeah religions making it harder, if you don't want a forced marriage and you think religions making it harder you probably have culture and religion confused.

    OT: If I wasn't spoken for and a fit girl was willing to marry me I would 100% say yes as long as she aint retarded.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Indeterminate)
    You must be Asian :rofl:

    I'd stay well away from this arranged marriage business if I were you
    lol U mad hahah
    look yeah fam
    if my parents showed me 10/10 boy i would be like when would i ever be able to chat him up in real life without messing it up so like yeah i would deffo take it lol
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Don't see anything wrong with arranged marriages.
    I mean, it worked for Apu Nahasapeemapetilon didn't it?

    He's landed a comfortable 8/10 while only being 4/10 at best.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    OT: If I wasn't spoken for and a fit girl was willing to marry me I would 100% say yes as long as she aint retarded.
    LMAO well in my case that will probably be true because I'm from apparently 'respectable' family and have 'great prospects in future success' so I think its safe to say that all my options will be fit (especially considering the girl in the aforementioned picture).

    So, if it has to be this way then I'll definitely take your advice. I'd probably be able to get set up with someone way fitter than I would get as a gf anyway
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    The way arranged marriages are meant to work (not those ****ed up forced marriages where girls are shipped back to pakistan), is you send out a "CV" and photo to families, the girl then decides if she wants to meet you, if you're an uggo you're kinda screwed at this point.

    you then have conversations (with a third party present) to see if you're compatible, some will fail at this point due to a lack of "chemistry" or simple disagreements. If the two find each other agreeable they then get married - it might not be as romantic as meeting a stranger on the street but you will very likely have a functional and loving marriage with higher probability of success than meeting that elusive stranger and winding up forever alone/ bouncing between partners till you're 50. Both scenarios can lead to incompatible partners this isn't exclusive to either one.

    Ultimately it's down to preference some people really want arranged marriages (as I know/knew a lot of females, my male cousins are asking me to reach out to their families, I also have a female cousin who has asked for my help) while others won't (I personally don't want an arranged marriage as I have found the "one" who I intend on marrying as soon as I am financially stable) neither is better or worse than the other.
    CV lmfao i didn't know the boy was applying for a job ahhahahha
    ok so hang on a minute when u say 3rd party present during the convo- i would feel really awkward talking to the boy in front of someone else i kind of feel that h wouldn't really get to know my personality unless he spoke to me alone so what do i do then
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Wow this actually made me laugh aloud
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MevMev)
    lol U mad hahah
    look yeah fam
    if my parents showed me 10/10 boy i would be like when would i ever be able to chat him up in real life without messing it up so like yeah i would deffo take it lol
    LOL exactly except I have who I want to marry I'A.

    (Original post by MevMev)
    CV lmfao i didn't know the boy was applying for a job ahhahahhaok so hang on a minute when u say 3rd party present during the convo- i would feel really awkward talking to the boy in front of someone else i kind of feel that h wouldn't really get to know my personality unless he spoke to me alone so what do i do then
    Idk islamically speaking you guys can do whatever go out for coffees etc. as long as you have a guardian present the second you're isolated it's haram. Culturally/ family speaking yeah your family could allow it, it's really not that awkward i'm the third wheel for cousins and they don't feel too shy.And yeah i'm serious CVs, I've known some hawt/educated friends in the past and now my family members want in, i'm being spammed with CVs like legit job CVs with degree etc.


    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    LMAO well in my case that will probably be true because I'm from apparently 'respectable' family and have 'great prospects in future success' so I think its safe to say that all my options will be fit (especially considering the girl in the aforementioned picture).

    So, if it has to be this way then I'll definitely take your advice. I'd probably be able to get set up with someone way fitter than I would get as a gf anyway
    Pretty much you see all these fat shits in weddings with smoking hot wives arranged marriage ftw.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Oilfreak1)
    LOL exactly except I have who I want to marry I'A.

    Idk islamically speaking you guys can do whatever go out for coffees etc. as long as you have a guardian present the second you're isolated it's haram. Culturally/ family speaking yeah your family could allow it, it's really not that awkward i'm the third wheel for cousins and they don't feel too shy.And yeah i'm serious CVs, I've known some hawt/educated friends in the past and now my family members want in, i'm being spammed with CVs like legit job CVs with degree etc.




    Pretty much you see all these fat shits in weddings with smoking hot wives arranged marriage ftw.
    nah but cmon like how can i honestly like let my personality come across to the boy if my dad is sitting there- I'm gonna constantly be like giving him side glances lol so that might affect what the boy thinks about me its so biased
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MevMev)
    nah but cmon like how can i honestly like let my personality come across to the boy if my dad is sitting there- I'm gonna constantly be like giving him side glances lol so that might affect what the boy thinks about me its so biased
    If you're not comfortable with your dad have someone else be there lol it just has to not be the 2 of you alone.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    The culture is so **** and embarrassing for others to read sometimes, smh, when will it die out. arranged marriages in this day and age, no comment.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 18, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.