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Opinions on stay at home girlfriends/wifes?

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Original post by childofthesun
Not all Arabs think the same or have the same attitudes, clearly. My views on this matter are shared by other arabs I know.

Perhaps reducing was the wrong word to use. I'd feel like I was wasting my potential;I have a very clear idea of what I want to do with my life, and I'm very passionate about the future career that I'm aiming for, so being a housewife would be very limiting and I know I wouldn't be happy living that kind of life.I have no doubt that it's not easy work, but it's just not something I want for myself.

I honestly never said they all do, it just seemed very strange since you seemed to clearly despise the concept of a"limited and shackled' role as a housewife. If one were to read theyd easily believe you to be some sort diehard feminist.

Eitherway I completely respect your decesion of pursuing that path, i just wanted to clarify that someone wouldn't be 'less than you' if they chose to be a housewife.

I also wanted to ask, do you plan to have children? If you do and your man makes enough income to support the household by himself and he wanted you to look after the children what would you say? Would you rather instead send your children to daycare?
Original post by donutellme
You can get a prenup. Only problem with that is how humiliating it is, cos it shows there's not alot of trust in the relationship.

Lool imagine half way through your wedding and the priest your bride and her family are waiting for you to say 'I do'. Then you pull out a scruffy contract and a pen and say 'sign here first please'.

But srsly i dnt think its having trust issues by agreeing to a prenup its just being realistic and smart considering the rate of divorce here in the UK
Original post by Mentally
I honestly never said they all do, it just seemed very strange since you seemed to clearly despise the concept of a"limited and shackled' role as a housewife. If one were to read theyd easily believe you to be some sort diehard feminist.

Eitherway I completely respect your decesion of pursuing that path, i just wanted to clarify that someone wouldn't be 'less than you' if they chose to be a housewife.

I also wanted to ask, do you plan to have children? If you do and your man makes enough income to support the household by himself and he wanted you to look after the children what would you say? Would you rather instead send your children to daycare?

I'm not some sort of 'diehard feminist'(whatever that means). I made no judgment on women who choose to stay at home, I'm just saying that I could not live that kind of life. All mothers(and fathers) who do their best to raise their children are deserving of respect, regardless of whether they work or not. Yes I do want children,and is his demand a permanent thing or just while the child is young? When the child is still young I'd want to dedicate my time to them and keep work to a minimum, but when they're of school age I'd return to work.
Original post by Mentally
Lool imagine half way through your wedding and the priest your bride and her family are waiting for you to say 'I do'. Then you pull out a scruffy contract and a pen and say 'sign here first please'.

But srsly i dnt think its having trust issues by agreeing to a prenup its just being realistic and smart considering the rate of divorce here in the UK


Ya I know, but imagine your wife/husband being really happy n stuff then you pull out a contract and start talking about if you guys get divorced....
Original post by Zargabaath
imo it should be the complete opposite. If you have kids, you should put their happiness before anything you may want. If you're raising another human life, unable to care for itself and totally dependant on you, it's selfish to compromise on that care for your own selfish wants and desires. Of course not everyone is in that position, but those that are able to should. We live in a very selfish generation, everything's me, me, me, people need to realise you can't raise a kid properly with that attitude.


That is obviously not how I wrote it, and how you should have taken it. But I don't think being happy is selfish, we live in a very sad world if that is the case. If you are happy with your life, you will be happy to come home and you will raise your children well and as a result you will have happy children. If you're and exhausted, drained, depressed (not all, but it can happen) stay at home mother, the father is working long hours and he is exhausted, tired, angry and falls asleep the minute he gets home, your children won't be very happy, will they?

If parents are happy, they work together and the family works in my opinion. It's not selfish to want to be happy, it really, REALLY isn't.

You cannot raise a kid in a sad home.
Original post by RivalPlayer
If they want to work then it's up to them. But where is the family time when both parents work high power jobs? How can a woman in such a position be an effective mother? It doesn't happen. It's kids that grow up in these kind of environments who usually become alienated and unloved because their parents are never around.


Can a man lose his high power job? or does it only apply to women in your opinion?
Original post by RivalPlayer
If they want to work then it's up to them. But where is the family time when both parents work high power jobs? How can a woman in such a position be an effective mother? It doesn't happen. It's kids that grow up in these kind of environments who usually become alienated and unloved because their parents are never around.

I don't think you understood my post at all..
Original post by donutellme
Ya I know, but imagine your wife/husband being really happy n stuff then you pull out a contract and start talking about if you guys get divorced....


I agree it's definately akward and embarrassing then again when she asks for a divorce and then takes the house and the kids you have no right to complain.

Also these kind of things were much more common in Europe in the past and is still very common in different cultures and religions. E.g in Islam we have something called the 'Nikkah' translating to a marriage contract.
Original post by donutellme
Didn't you know?

The husband could also be getting it on with his secretary as well.


Hmmmm true, true!
Original post by HAnwar
I personally would never be able to leave my kids in day care.
It's important to spend as much time with them as possible, you'll never get that time back.
If I grow old I want to have happy memories of me playing with my child, if I didn't have that I'd regret working those days.


Even though the Prophet (SAW) spent his first 5 years with Halima (RA)?


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Hydeman
Agreed.




I was going for the fictional one; I've always assumed that the idea of your username is to imply that you're the fictional Holmes's one and only. :tongue:


Oh I am, I wasn't sure what you were going for though! :tongue:
Reply 71
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HAnwar
17
Original post by rEaR vIeW
Even though the Prophet (SAW) spent his first 5 years with Halima (RA)?


Posted from TSR Mobile


Yes.
Original post by RivalPlayer
You're describing a woman who does a few hours a day in Tesco. I'm talking about the women who try to juggle motherhood with their high powered jobs and career aspirations. The kid ends up losing out.


Sure if he wants to be a stay at home dad. Although like I said I believe it's more important for a child to have its mother around.


Can I just point out you're not a woman, you don't know what it's like to be a mother and you never will. Just like how I don't know what its like to be a father. A working woman or a stay at home mum is a great mum if she loves her children and does her best for them. The kid doesn't "lose out" if a mum works, it simply doesn't work like that. A mum is important but in more ways than nurturing and nursing a child, mothers provide a lot for their children. A good mum is a mum who is able to raise a happy and content child.
Original post by RivalPlayer
How do you know that a kid won't lose out? Do you speak for every single child who has both parents working? Your opinion is essentially boils down to "I never had my mum around and I turned out fine so everyone else in a similar situation will be fine too".

The less time a mother has to spend with her child, the more difficult it will be to form a close bond.You seem to be indoctrinated with the idea that work trumps everything else in this world - i.e. any idle time a person has should be filled with work for fear of looking lazy. A good mum is more likely to raise a happy and content child if she actually has the time to do that.


Okay fine, perhaps that is a slight flaw I have. But still, whatever makes someone happy right? as I said happy mum equals a happy child. Well in my opinion anyway.
Reply 74
Avatar for TW3 Crew
TW3 Crew
Allah stated that it is the greatest honour a woman can have to look after children and the home and as a such he decreed that the value of a woman was worth 5 times the value of a man. When 50 years or so ago western feminism started undoing this gift from god/this perfect biological construct that is when the fabric of english society really started to fall apart. Better for the well being of everyone when men do the physical hard technical work and women the softer skills. There is no need really for women to leave the house if they dont want to, in laws will take of them isn't it.
Original post by Imperion
Prenup


Original post by donutellme
You can get a prenup. Only problem with that is how humiliating it is, cos it shows there's not alot of trust in the relationship.

Prenups can get thrown out. They need to fulfil a list of criteria and aren't strictly legally binding.

No thanks.

The prospect of marriage/divorce worries me.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 76
Avatar for Yazooo
Yazooo
9
How long have you monitored their relationships? They could just be taking a break from employment or something. Not everyone wants to work like a dog for the rest of their lives ¬_¬
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Straighthate
feeding a child and changing their nappies whilst they watch TV is hard work?
sign me up


You sound like you'd be a terrible parent.
Girlfriend?

Who am I? Her dad?

Same goes for wife without kids. With kids, totally different matter. In my opinion the one earning less should stay at home, regardless of gender. However, how long he or she should stay at home is a difficult choice. I firmly believe that at some point daycare or kindergarten is, yes I would go so far to say necessary. You cannot build social intelligence if all you do is stay with your mum/dad til you start school. So I would have no problem saying the primary carer can go work part time at some point and the child can go to playgroup or daycare for some time. But sending them there full time (and from more or less the get go as some people do) is not appropriate either imo. Also think about it this way, children are needy and they don't understand. They won't care that in life you have to work, they will see it as mummy and daddy caring more about their job than them.
Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes
Yes because our lives resemble porn.


I think you'd be surprised how often that does happen.

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