Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    18
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That just shows you don't really respect and like the person for who they are but want to jump into sex.
    I don't see why you consider the two to be mutually exclusive.

    If you truly have values and reapect for the person you will wait for them.
    Do you think that kissing/other non-penetrative intimate acts are compatible with having 'values and respect for the person?'

    Else the person really needs to move on from a person thay thinks like that.
    Agreed. :yy:

    Truly shame is fading away in this century....epecially in the west.
    And that's a bad thing? How sad that people are finally entitled to their own sexualities instead of having it dictated to them by people like you. :rolleyes:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    "To thine own self be true."

    You have a good value here, and though it flies in the face of what our casual sex culture says is acceptable, fun, even critically important, there are still plenty of people who share your values. It will be easier to live this value if the guys you date share it, so I suggest that you look to date guys in your faith, or that have a strong faith. Look for a guy who values sex as more than just fun and tension-relieving, but see it as the joining of the bodies AND the spirits of the two people involved (which is what I believe it is).

    Blessings on you as you live your life swimming upstream! I know you will be glad you respected yourself, your man, and your marriage enough to wait!
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    If that's what you want, then I don't see the problem, even though it's not a belief that I hold.

    I think the stuff about sexual compatibility is overblown. You're unlikely to run into problems as long as you are willing to communicate and keep an open mind about sex.

    Good luck.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Hydeman)
    I don't see why you consider the two to be mutually exclusive.



    Do you think that kissing/other non-penetrative intimate acts are compatible with having 'values and respect for the person?'



    Agreed. :yy:



    And that's a bad thing? How sad that people are finally entitled to their own sexualities instead of having it dictated to them by people like you. :rolleyes:
    I am sure deep down you very well know that it is a bad value to engage in intimacy/sex before marriage or with more than one person. Or maybe with 30-50 maybe more.

    But i know and can understand that people have been lead to thinking that it is ok. But if you truly look into and the consequences of many cases then i can't see for sure if a person still promoting sex before marriage as a good thing are being serious. Or maybe they don' want the society to keep good values and take relationships or feelings serious as they may fear that they will not easily able to their thing. That is to just hook up with a girl for intimacy/sex.

    I am just wondering sometimes. So don't get it the wrong way. By the way i am a girl and many times by bro have giving good teachings on guys and how to be careful. It is not that every guy will be like this who do get into long relationship before marriage and not agree to marriage yet...but it is the point of a guy asking for sex before the commitment/marriage shows straight away to me that they have lost patience and actually may not care that much to what the consequences maybe...or that they are not thinking as maturely enough yet.

    As your a guy i am sure u very we know this and would want you to say it truthfully.
    Offline

    18
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am sure deep down you very well know that it is a bad value to engage in intimacy/sex before marriage or with more than one person. Or maybe with 30-50 maybe more.
    I don't, and even if I did, I would not claim my sentiment to be evidence for an objective sexual morality as you are attempting to do. I've no reason to think that there's anything objectively reprehensible about intimacy/sex (and I'll take it that your answer to the question about kissing is that you don't think it acceptable) before marriage or with more than one person, so long as all parties are consenting.

    But i know and can understand that people have been lead to thinking that it is ok.
    I'm happy to defend my position on merit -- I'm not the one speculating about what the other believes 'deep down', so I can hardly be accused of peddling received wisdom.

    But if you truly look into and the consequences of many cases then i can't see for sure if a person still promoting sex before marriage as a good thing are being serious.
    What consequences are you referring to that would justify bringing back shame as a method of enforcing the morality of the few onto the many? There have been instances where it was justified to do so, but I don't see how premarital sex can be argued to be on the same level as those instances.

    Or maybe they don' want the society to keep good values and take relationships or feelings serious as they may fear that they will not easily able to their thing. That is to just hook up with a girl for intimacy/sex.
    You seem to be labouring under the misconception that premarital sex = one night stands, necessarily, which ignores the great many people in committed relationships who either are not yet married or don't intend to marry at all and who do take their relationships and feelings seriously.

    I am just wondering sometimes. So don't get it the wrong way. By the way i am a girl and many times by bro have giving good teachings on guys and how to be careful. It is not that every guy will be like this who do get into long relationship before marriage and not agree to marriage yet...but it is the point of a guy asking for sex before the commitment/marriage shows straight away to me that they have lost patience and actually may not care that much to what the consequences maybe...or that they are not thinking as maturely enough yet.
    What frustrates me most about those who argue against premarital sex is the false dichotomy they usually draw between wanting to have and enjoy sex and being interested in a serious relationship. You don't seem able to accept that sex can be and is an integral part of a relationship for most people. Quite simply, one's willingness to have sex before marriage is not a litmus test of whether they are inclined to commitment or not -- that you need a written, legally-binding guarantee before you kiss/have sex with someone you're in a committed relationship with implies some trust issues, I think. :holmes:

    As your a guy i am sure u very we know this and would want you to say it truthfully.
    I don't in fact know this to be the case and therefore decline to accept that it is. In fact, I'm quite the traditionalist in many respects myself, so I do think it slightly unfair that you're trying to dismiss my view as a product of my gender.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I don't see what the problem is. If that's what the OP wants to do then so what? I don't understand why some people are goading her to have sex with someone before marriage just because that's what the masses do. It's almost as if people are consumed with rage that someone in the UK still has a desire to wait until marriage.

    I think it's a reflection of how disturbingly sexualised British society is these days,. When I see some of the attitudes expressed among these posts, it doesn't me surprise that kids today are becoming highly sexualised at increasingly younger ages thru the sheer pressure to fit in and appear "normal". There's nothing wrong with waiting. If that's what you want to do based on your personal principles then stick to it and forget what everyone else thinks.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh I wouldn't blame someone for dumping me over it, it's just a pattern with me ATM and so I was wondering if it was weird. But that's kinda irrelevant now because I know in my heart that I want to wait until marriage and I want to be with someone who wants that to and won't resent me for it.

    For the record, I don't think the world is as black and white as good and evil. Everyone has good and bad inside of them, it's what you do with your life and the paths you choose that define you. Regarding the whole kinks thing well I'm not interested in 50 shades of grey activities so when such a topic came up of what he liked and and what I liked then I'd mention not wanting anything if that kind.

    I don't actually care if he's a Virgin or not, it's a personal choice and helps me to reconnect with my faith. So if he wasn't a virgin he could just tell me his preferences before marriage.

    Marriage isn't just a piece of paper to me, it's a coming together of 2 people and 2 families in the presence of God and expressing your love for each other and wishing to remain together always. It's also known that women who are Virgins when married are less likely to cheat/divorce so your notion that being a Virgini could lead to me later cheating is wrong, at least for me perosnally
    You seem solid in your beliefs. So stick to them.
    Offline

    18
    No, not at all. People can choose to not have sex before marriage, for whatever reasons.

    I personally go along the lines of 'try before you buy' but that's just me
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Abstinence is genuienly ridiculous. Even more so if you're doing it out of free will and not because of religion.

    If sticking a penis into a vagina ruins your relationship then you were never meant to get married in the first place.


    Although at least with faith, while i still disagree i can understand why they don't do sex before marriage. But there's no valid reason for an athiest to do it. All you're doing is putting off the majority of the other gender since many people don't practice it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by youareworthy)
    "To thine own self be true."

    You have a good value here, and though it flies in the face of what our casual sex culture says is acceptable, fun, even critically important, there are still plenty of people who share your values. It will be easier to live this value if the guys you date share it, so I suggest that you look to date guys in your faith, or that have a strong faith. Look for a guy who values sex as more than just fun and tension-relieving, but see it as the joining of the bodies AND the spirits of the two people involved (which is what I believe it is).

    Blessings on you as you live your life swimming upstream! I know you will be glad you respected yourself, your man, and your marriage enough to wait!
    Thank you so much so lovely of you to say
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    I don't see what the problem is. If that's what the OP wants to do then so what? I don't understand why some people are goading her to have sex with someone before marriage just because that's what the masses do. It's almost as if people are consumed with rage that someone in the UK still has a desire to wait until marriage.

    I think it's reflection of how disturbingly sexualised British society is these days,. When I see some of the attitudes expressed among these posts, it doesn't me surprise that kids today are becoming highly sexualised at increasingly younger ages thru the sheer pressure to fit in and appear "normal". There's nothing wrong with waiting. If that's what you want to do based on your personal principles then stick to it and forget what everyone else thinks.
    Thank you!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Yes it's weird, risky and immoral to have sexual relations before marriage.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Both really, I'd hate to give my Virginity to someone and then they dump me? I just want to have sex with one person who I love and spend my life with.. But also religious reasons, I've been trying to re establish my relationship with God and knowing that I'm following my faith really helps! It can just be rubbish when guys end it with me because they can't be bothered waiting and quote 'can get it somewhere else.'
    look at it this way, at least you find out if the guy is with you for the long term or just sex.

    It's not weird, its your choice and people have to respect it. There will be guys out there with the same mindset or willing to wait until marriage.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldn't personally just because I enjoy sex too much but if you want a relationship, look places like forums and stuff where people will be of a similar mind to yours. This might be Christian forums or dating. I'm not sure you'd have much look finding a guy who wasn't a christian that would wait til marriage, not in my experience anyway.
    • #6
    #6

    It's not weird,it's pretty much up to you

    From my experience, these thoughts change as years pass by,so you may have different thoughts few years down the road
    Offline

    18
    (Original post by Kraixo)
    Yes it's weird, and immoral.
    You may have misread the question, though I half-agree with your current answer.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I honestly think you're inhibiting your own quality of life if you're not being pounded twice a week.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    It's up to you. It doesn't matter your reasoning why, it's what matters to you. Wait until it feels right for you both, it should be a mutual decision rather than forced by one or obligatory
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    No, not weird at all (replying on title question). Everyone is different.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Just speaking from personal experience- but I'm waiting until marriage so that my first time goes to someone worthy (the love of my life)
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 23, 2016
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.