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Family want to set me up with cousin? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and my grandparents and aunts and uncles keep trying to set me up with my cousin, and I'm totally weirded out by it.

    She's not my cousin cousin - I think she's my "second cousin once removed" if I've worked it out properly. I'm not even attracted to her in the slightest, yet her parents seem to have been doing the matchmaking without my knowledge so when I went to some family reunion a couple of weeks ago, all of a sudden there was this random girl trying to get all over me, who it turns out "is who we've all been telling you about." It was really uncomfortable, and now she's practically stalking me. It's almost as if I've somehow ended up in this committed relationship without even knowing it, and people are confused angry that I haven't returned her (many, MANY calls), as if I'm some guy who keeps avoiding his wife to sneak off and have affairs. I've only been in the same room as her once, and even that was spent making as much conversation with everyone BUT her as possible.

    So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I've no bloody idea what to do. Mainly I want to pack my bags, move to the Alaskan wilderness and hide for the rest of my life. Or am I the one being weird, and it's completely normal to date your second cousin?

    In my books, it's a major no-go area and creeps me out. Help!
    You should better tell her that you have no interest in her and you are quite irritated when all of the family members discuss to put you both together. How can you have a forced relationship? You should also talk to your family members that they should stop making these unions. You want to live your own life. No one else can interfere in your life without your will.
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    (Original post by Tetragon213)
    Run for the hills as soon as you're financially stable. Run, run and never turn around.
    Your family has no right to determine who you must marry. Especially if it's a cousin to whom you are bound to by blood, and by a significant fraction might I add? You're both too closely related.
    If running isn't an option, flat out dig your heels into the ground and refuse to go out and marry someone with whom you share such a close common familial ancestor. Find someone you really do like, and ask them out. It'll be harder to force you to marry someone with whom you share so little, especially if you are 'taken'.
    Good luck, and best wishes for the future.
    Incidentally, while I can't say I recommend it, a second cousin once removed is not close enough in blood to cause any birth defects or issues. It's also perfectly legal.

    This is of course assuming there isn't any other inbreeding and she isn't also his sister and auntie.

    As for the OP, I strongly suggest you move out, tell her you're not interested in no uncertain terms and block her from anything. If your family don't like it, point out you're an adult and can do as you please.

    Probably skip family events for a few months (or years) also.
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    1) Say you've already developed a platonic relationship with her.

    2) Say you're gay / unsure about your sexuality so you think it's best to put it off for now.

    3) Say you're attracted to cougars.

    4) Say you're not attracted to anyone.

    5) Say you have fertility problems or you have erectile dysfunction.

    6) Say you have a girlfriend, or you're already infatuated with s.o. else.

    7) Say you're afraid of commitment.

    8) Say you're a jealous ***** and a really unpleasant person to be a relationship with at the moment.

    9) Chubby fetish? (Then show interest. )

    Can't think of any more immediate solutions...

    Edit #1: Simply say you're not interested in her?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and my grandparents and aunts and uncles keep trying to set me up with my cousin, and I'm totally weirded out by it.

    She's not my cousin cousin - I think she's my "second cousin once removed" if I've worked it out properly. I'm not even attracted to her in the slightest, yet her parents seem to have been doing the matchmaking without my knowledge so when I went to some family reunion a couple of weeks ago, all of a sudden there was this random girl trying to get all over me, who it turns out "is who we've all been telling you about." It was really uncomfortable, and now she's practically stalking me. It's almost as if I've somehow ended up in this committed relationship without even knowing it, and people are confused angry that I haven't returned her (many, MANY calls), as if I'm some guy who keeps avoiding his wife to sneak off and have affairs. I've only been in the same room as her once, and even that was spent making as much conversation with everyone BUT her as possible.

    So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I've no bloody idea what to do. Mainly I want to pack my bags, move to the Alaskan wilderness and hide for the rest of my life. Or am I the one being weird, and it's completely normal to date your second cousin?

    In my books, it's a major no-go area and creeps me out. Help!
    Get out of the situation asap if you play along and don't speak out you'll Acc end up marrying her. Scientific point of view, my mum as a doctor is always telling me about couples who are cousins and they have deformed babies and keep trying because 'blood ties are important' but no no no it's unfair and just not possible so don't do it. I know you won't by the sounds of things but it is so unnatural to date marry or have secs with your cousin.
    So get your butt to the wilderness.
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    You may tell her that you already are in a relationship and you can't betray your love. If you are not in view of having a relationship you can pretend to have one. Believe me your family can't force anything on you. It's your life and you should know how to live it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and my grandparents and aunts and uncles keep trying to set me up with my cousin, and I'm totally weirded out by it.

    She's not my cousin cousin - I think she's my "second cousin once removed" if I've worked it out properly. I'm not even attracted to her in the slightest, yet her parents seem to have been doing the matchmaking without my knowledge so when I went to some family reunion a couple of weeks ago, all of a sudden there was this random girl trying to get all over me, who it turns out "is who we've all been telling you about." It was really uncomfortable, and now she's practically stalking me. It's almost as if I've somehow ended up in this committed relationship without even knowing it, and people are confused angry that I haven't returned her (many, MANY calls), as if I'm some guy who keeps avoiding his wife to sneak off and have affairs. I've only been in the same room as her once, and even that was spent making as much conversation with everyone BUT her as possible.

    So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I've no bloody idea what to do. Mainly I want to pack my bags, move to the Alaskan wilderness and hide for the rest of my life. Or am I the one being weird, and it's completely normal to date your second cousin?

    In my books, it's a major no-go area and creeps me out. Help!
    The way I see it you have two options.
    1: Play it out and see what happens
    2: Get a different girlfriend
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    (Original post by Kajsajbas)
    Get out of the situation asap if you play along and don't speak out you'll Acc end up marrying her. Scientific point of view, my mum as a doctor is always telling me about couples who are cousins and they have deformed babies and keep trying because 'blood ties are important' but no no no it's unfair and just not possible so don't do it. I know you won't by the sounds of things but it is so unnatural to date marry or have secs with your cousin.
    So get your butt to the wilderness.
    First cousins is very different to a second cousin once removed.

    While I definitely think he should try to get out of the situation, for many reasons, they should be sufficiently far apart to avoid any issues with offspring/deformities.
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    I would say you appreciate them trying to hook you up but your not comfortable with a second cousin and that even if she wasn't your second cousin that you aren't attracted to her.

    If they don't understand that then ignore them and choose your own path.

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    Legally, marrying your 2nd cousin is ok but if you're not attracted to her then you need to tell your family that you're just not interested in her. If she is being creepy, then you need to tell her that you're not interested. Keep at it and she should back off.
    In my opinion, it is a bit weird but love is love.
    Good luck!
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    She's not my cousin cousin - I think she's my "second cousin once removed"

    Excuse my ignorance, but wtf does this mean? Someone care to explain?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's not my cousin cousin - I think she's my "second cousin once removed"

    Excuse my ignorance, but wtf does this mean? Someone care to explain?
    Second cousin - they share one of your great-grandparents as a relative.
    Once removed means that there is a one stage generation gap - your second cousin once removed could be your second cousin's child, or your parent's second cousin.
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    This is the time to stand up to your family and tell them no means no. You live in the UK (at least I assume you do) and this is the 21st century. Nobody should be expected to marry someone who they've only met once. This girl sounds insufferable, but I suggest you keep ignoring her and hope that she gets the message. Block her number, avoid her like the plague and keep carrying on with your life as normal. Talk to your own family about it but stand your ground. You must tell them confidently and adamantly that you refuse to marry this girl. I don't know if you're Muslim or not, but based on my own experiences Muslim families will take you a bit more seriously when you speak up. Be angry and show them how unhappy you are. Don't listen to any BS about your position in the family and treating your elders with respect - if they are treating you like this then don't be afraid to raise your voice to them. You are a young person and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Life doesn't revolve around marriage, especially with a pushy girl like her.

    Worst comes to worst, you can always make a scene like this:

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    (Original post by emmald583)
    Second cousin - they share one of your great-grandparents as a relative.
    Once removed means that there is a one stage generation gap - your second cousin once removed could be your second cousin's child, or your parent's second cousin.
    Surely it's grandparent, not great grandparent? As if it was your aunt's child that would be your cousin. If it is your mother's cousin's child, that is your second cousin?

    I agree with once removed. It's possibly also worth noting that "generation" gap doesn't necessarily mean they aren't similar in age - there are plenty of people with aunts/uncles who are the same age/younger than them due to ages of the parents having children.
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    why dont you just basically slate her infront of everyone, like say how ugly she is or something maybe they will all get the hint. just make sure you dont end up in a room with her after that or it could be awkward
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Surely it's grandparent, not great grandparent? As if it was your aunt's child that would be your cousin. If it is your mother's cousin's child, that is your second cousin?

    I agree with once removed. It's possibly also worth noting that "generation" gap doesn't necessarily mean they aren't similar in age - there are plenty of people with aunts/uncles who are the same age/younger than them due to ages of the parents having children.
    If it were a grandparent that you shared, you would be first cousins. Your aunt's child is your first cousin.
    Your mother's cousin's child is your second cousin, that is correct. Your mother's grandparents are their mother's grandparents, meaning you share great-grandparents.
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    (Original post by emmald583)
    If it were a grandparent that you shared, you would be first cousins. Your aunt's child is your first cousin.
    Your mother's cousin's child is your second cousin, that is correct. Your mother's grandparents are their mother's grandparents, meaning you share great-grandparents.
    Of course, right you are. I was getting confused between being the child of a grandparent and sharing a grandparent. They are of course two different things.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Surely it's grandparent, not great grandparent? As if it was your aunt's child that would be your cousin. If it is your mother's cousin's child, that is your second cousin?

    I agree with once removed. It's possibly also worth noting that "generation" gap doesn't necessarily mean they aren't similar in age - there are plenty of people with aunts/uncles who are the same age/younger than them due to ages of the parents having children.
    Great grandparents. Normal cousin is grandparent

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    (Original post by bolly_mad)
    Is that cousin from pakistan by any chance. :rofl:
    Even worse......... Lancashire :afraid::afraid::afraid::afraid:
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    So is there any update on this? Any joy OP?
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    I have said that you can marry according to your own will. I haven't said that arranged marriages are not allowed.
 
 
 
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