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Girlfriend refusing to have sex with me... Watch

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    (Original post by Metrododo)
    And then the guy you thought was "right" might cheat on you. Waiting doesn't change the human condition
    That's why I want to get to know the guy for a few years before I get married.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Not like you may do in future.. whole other level

    1) Try to identify why

    2) Try to work around/overcome it

    3) Call it and resolve to be good friends/part of a harem e.g. until such times as things change

    How quaint :hippe:

    People, like the guy you quoted, are only really just beginning to become alive to the insidious nature of the pharma-industrial-complex
    I hope they live up to my expectations

    Errrrmmm what?! Be part of a harem?! I'd slap the guy in the face and never talk to him again. *But if things don't change its not her fault. Not everything in life is fixable.*

    I am old fashioned and I've always stuck by my exs in the past in times of distress *

    Aye,I've had some very interesting convos with him,very wise young man*
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I hope they live up to my expectations
    Not a shred of doubt in my mind

    Be part of a harem?!
    Yup e.g. poor sexual compatibility/bringing my partner avoidable pain is unacceptable to me so sharing out the sexytimes would seem like a reasonable 'third way' vs. just walking away

    I'd slap the guy in the face and never talk to him again
    Not if it were me; you'd listen, calm and composed, to my point of view and rationalisation (as per the above), and either trust in my best judgement or else respectfully agree to disagree

    if things don't change its not her fault. Not everything in life is fixable
    Depends what the issue is really, but generally true re: particular physiological irregularities

    I am old fashioned and I've always stuck by my exs in the past in times of distress
    Hasn't always served you well, but you were just a kid, growing up, and didn't have the moral/inter-personal education you've now had, or the input/leadership of a guru come best friend/father figure

    Aye,I've had some very interesting convos with him,very wise young man*
    :top2:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Not a shred of doubt in my mind

    Yup e.g. poor sexual compatibility/bringing my partner avoidable pain is unacceptable to me so sharing out the sexytimes would seem like a reasonable 'third way' vs. just walking away

    Not if it were me; you'd listen, calm and composed, to my point of view and rationalisation (as per the above), and either trust in my best judgement or else respectfully agree to disagree

    Depends what the issue is really, but generally true re: particular physiological irregularities

    Hasn't always served you well, but you were just a kid, growing up, and didn't have the moral/inter-personal education you've now had, or the input/leadership of a guru come best friend/father figure

    :top2:
    no doubt :kiss:

    So basically,again,an open relationship. This is how diseases spread so easily man and then there's the issue of getting on of them pregnant and catching feelings. Any girl who truly loves her partner would never agree to such a thing,if she does it is usually because she probably just wants something light herself.

    I'm sorry but I could and would never ever agree to such a thing. I wouldn't let another girl flirt with my man,what makes you think I'd allow her to sleep with him?! That's too much. I'd honestly just up and leave(after crying a river for days on end)

    That is what I was missing all along :daydreaming:
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    (Original post by Betelgeuse-)
    So can fatties take all forms of the pill or not.. seems a few people had this misconception including myself if its a myth..
    If they are overweight (I don't know the exact cut off) and/or have high blood pressure then the combined pill isn't recommended.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    This is how diseases spread so easily man
    Not if you use protection/establish regular harem partners who only bunk up with thee

    Personally, I wouldn't aim for an open relationship as it is a bit of an (emotional/health) minefield and does not communicate value, though, aye

    Any girl who truly loves her partner would never agree to such a thing,if she does it is usually because she probably just wants something light herself
    Usually because she has low self-worth,* but sometimes, yes, because she too would prefer something light

    what makes you think I'd allow her to sleep with him?!
    Your capacity for humanity/to love selflessly :hippie:

    I'd honestly just up and leave
    Fair enough, I respect/would generally expect that

    That is what I was missing all along :daydreaming:
    True story
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Not if you use protection/establish regular harem partners who only bunk up with thee

    Personally, I wouldn't aim for an open relationship as it is a bit of an (emotional/health) minefield and does not communicate value, though, aye

    Usually because she has low self-worth,* but sometimes, yes, because she too would prefer something light

    Your capacity for humanity/to love selflessly :hippie:

    Fair enough, I respect/would generally expect that

    True story
    I think after a while,even the girl you're hoooking up with would be left wondering wtf is going on here :confused:*

    Even with protection,things spread. I would certainly feel cheap if I was in an open relationship sleeping with 2-3+ guys*

    But everyone should be looking out for their own interests first and an open relationship is certainly not one of them. The girl usually doesn't have much to gain from it*

    Aye,I'm not one to stand by and let things like that slide. It's about self worth and value/feeling appreciated *
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I would certainly feel cheap if I was in an open relationship sleeping with 2-3+ guys*
    For sure, but male and female sexuality are of course very different beasts, as you yourself have acknowledged

    everyone should be looking out for their own interests first
    According to whom? You're supposed to be a Christian, are you not? :confused:

    The girl usually doesn't have much to gain from it
    Indeed not, but the hypothetical under discussion is far from 'usual', isn't it
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    His reaction to her initial change in her desire for it.

    The way to improve things is to be supportive and helpful..

    .. not pressurise her, have 'big massive arguments about it', and have sex with her when he knows she doesn't really want to do it, but merely feels 'obliged to do it'.


    1. So you're telling me that his reaction AFTER she has already made up her decision is the reason why she changed her decision in the first place? Can OP time travel?

    2. Did you even read what I said? And read OP's post again. 12 months ago they were having sex once per month. 9 months ago it basically completely stopped. Do you seriously think that in those 12 months he hasn't tried to reason? And why would he be supportive? They're at a difference in opinions. The whole issue here is that they disagree with each other and your apparent solution is for him to u-turn and never have sex again. They're having big arguments because it's been 1 damn year since she started acting that way and she's shown no signs of change ever since.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    For sure, but male and female sexuality are of course very different beasts, as you yourself have acknowledged

    According to whom? You're supposed to be a Christian, are you not? :confused:

    Indeed not, but the hypothetical under discussion is far from 'usual', isn't it
    I know that *

    According to human nature. Be honest,you would first and foremost think about your own happiness before making anybody else happy. I think that's with all humans and tbh I see nothing wrong with it.if you don't look out for yourself first,people will just take advantage of your good will

    Perhaps so*
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    According to human nature
    Are we not able to supersede our animal instincts?

    you would first and foremost think about your own happiness before making anybody else happy
    Not true. My health comes first (survival), then the happiness of those I love dearly, then my own. You know this to be so, my child

    I see nothing wrong with it
    Then you may not call yourself Christian

    if you don't look out for yourself first,people will just take advantage of your good will
    Only if you are naive/weak and feeble
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Are we not able to supersede our animal instincts?

    Not true. My health comes first (survival), then the happiness of those I love dearly, then my own. You know this to be so, my child

    Then you may not call yourself Christian

    Only if you are naive/weak and feeble
    one may,if they wish*

    Hmmmm in the past you've always told me,in relation to specific aspects of your life,something along the line of why should I put your before mine and that's perfectly normally. In the past I've always put people's feelings ahead of mine and I didn't really get anywhere. This is why I do not blame people who look after #1

    I still feel love and compassion towards my friends and family and I'm always there to support them,that's a very Christian thing to do *

    Even the best of us fall prey to this *
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    Maybe the relationship has just run its course? Which admittedly sounds harsher than I intended. Just approach her and request (or demand if need be) honesty, tell her it is starting to be a major concern to you. Regardless, I hope you get the best possible outcome!
    No offence but maybe y'all should actually try and help this guy rather than debating over who's right, as this is happening to him right now.
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    (Original post by asoftersin)
    I've been with my girlfriend around about 18 months now. At the start of the relationship we had sex often, however around the 6 month mark that slowed down and would only do it once a month and then at the nine month mark it stopped completely, unless we had a big massive argument about it and she felt obliged to do it. She says the reason she doesn't want to do it is because she does not trust contraception and first told me just to wait a few weeks until the Christmas holidays until she could go and see the doctor in her home town, but she didn't go. She then said that she would go at Easter. She didn't go then. She said that she's a bit on the overweight side to go on the pill right now but will slim down over this summer and then get it at the end of the summer. We are due to move in together at the end of August and it seems she's not been trying. I'm getting worried that she won't feel like she's lost enough weight to want to go on the pill to be told wait until next Christmas. I've been really fair and understanding but I told her that it would be the end if she didn't go on the pill. I'm not bothered about her going on the pill if she was fine using condoms. It's really bothering me and stressing me out and everytime I bring it up I get shut down and told it's fine stop worrying it will get sorted.
    Turn her off and turn her back on again
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    Btw OP you are doomed. She's not into you anymore and will just find other excuses or ways to delay.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    why should I put your before mine and that's perfectly normal
    Correction: why should one put the happiness of someone else above one's own if that someone else acts callously towards thee(?)*

    In the past I've always put people's feelings ahead of mine and I didn't really get anywhere
    We've been over this, you dated a couple of douchebros, that was your mistake

    I still feel love and compassion towards my friends and family and I'm always there to support them,that's a very Christian thing to do
    That's common to most people not specific to Christians, who believe in broader self-sacrifice/love of humanity

    Even the best of us fall prey to this *
    Sure, when we're young, but not otherwise
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    (Original post by Lawliettt)
    1. So you're telling me that his reaction AFTER she has already made up her decision is the reason why she changed her decision in the first place?
    No, whatever caused the initial decline wasn't dealt with in any helpful way (by him) and he's now where he is.

    And read OP's post again. 12 months ago they were having sex once per month. 9 months ago it basically completely stopped. Do you seriously think that in those 12 months he hasn't tried to reason?
    The critical period was the three months between those two. 'I think you should have sex with me because...' isn't reasoning.

    And why would he be supportive?
    You're not in a relationship, are you?
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    (Original post by asoftersin)
    I've been with my girlfriend around about 18 months now. At the start of the relationship we had sex often, however around the 6 month mark that slowed down and would only do it once a month and then at the nine month mark it stopped completely, unless we had a big massive argument about it and she felt obliged to do it. She says the reason she doesn't want to do it is because she does not trust contraception and first told me just to wait a few weeks until the Christmas holidays until she could go and see the doctor in her home town, but she didn't go. She then said that she would go at Easter. She didn't go then. She said that she's a bit on the overweight side to go on the pill right now but will slim down over this summer and then get it at the end of the summer. We are due to move in together at the end of August and it seems she's not been trying. I'm getting worried that she won't feel like she's lost enough weight to want to go on the pill to be told wait until next Christmas. I've been really fair and understanding but I told her that it would be the end if she didn't go on the pill. I'm not bothered about her going on the pill if she was fine using condoms. It's really bothering me and stressing me out and everytime I bring it up I get shut down and told it's fine stop worrying it will get sorted.
    No offense but she sounds like a *****. I don't like women who play games like that and refuse to have sex for long periods of time
    You need to dump her cos if shes doing this now and your planning on moving in together or even worse if you get married she will do the same thing.
    She likes being in control and refusing you sex is the perfect way to make you suffer
    Find a girl that will sex you when ever you want or whats the point of being in a relationship ?
    But although it might be hard to find someone new and that you have a connection with but do you really want to spend the rest of your life living like that ?
    Tell her to get a coil fitted in her arm instead, tell her to ask her doctor about it or you can both ring up and make an appointment and go to a sexual health clinic to get it done
    I do understand that the pill makes women put on weight because that happened to me when i was on it but i only took it to stop periods because i hated it but i had to stop taking the pill and when i did i lost all the weight
    But she will always be fat and might never lose the weight anyway so you will have to put up with her mood swings and refusing you sex everytime she feels low or after an argument.

    Or your best bet is to order one of those real sex dolls from America
    Type Real Sex Dolls on You Tube and it will show videos of men who use them
    It's hillarious. Threaten her with it and say if you don't get sex on a regular basis you will get one of those dolls.
    She should count herself lucky that you don't mind her being over weight as lots of men prefer that.
    Turn the light off before bedtime then she won't feel embarrassed
    It sounds sick to me telling someone to wait a few weeks until the christmas holidays. She's taking the piss
    Grow some balls and man up
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Correction: why should one put the happiness of someone else above one's own if that someone else acts callously towards thee(?)*

    We've been over this, you dated a couple of douchebros, that was your mistake

    That's common to most people not specific to Christians, who believe in broader self-sacrifice/love of humanity

    Sure, when we're young, but not otherwise
    exactly my point. One should always protects one's interests because humans have the capability to betray or hurt you etc*

    I get that but it wasn't my mistake,it's just one of those life lessons*

    I do have love for humanity,no doubt about that *
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Correction: why should one put the happiness of someone else above one's own if that someone else acts callously towards thee(?)*

    We've been over this, you dated a couple of douchebros, that was your mistake

    That's common to most people not specific to Christians, who believe in broader self-sacrifice/love of humanity

    Sure, when we're young, but not otherwise
    exactly my point. One should always protects one's interests because humans have the capability to betray or hurt you etc. Consider the feelings/opinions but never allow it to cloud your judgement or guilt trip into making certain decisions

    I get that but it wasn't my mistake,it's just one of those life lessons*

    I do have love for humanity,no doubt about that *
 
 
 
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