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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It was his birthday, so I caved in and message him, and now he's said some stuff which has really confused me.

    So first of all he made a flirtatious comment about my body. Then later in the conversation, he told me he had something to ask me, but wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I asked what it was, and he asked me if i'd slept with anybody else since him. I told him, no, why? And he said he just wanted to know, and told me he hadn't either.
    then he started to talk about when we used to have sex, and said he'd been really turned on thinking about it, as well as the conversations we had, and asked if I wanted to do that again.
    Then he said he was really sorry, he shouldn't have said that; it was really stupid of him. etc.

    Wow, why is he so confusing, lol
    the cynical side of me is thinking maybe he just wants sex again
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    the cynical side of me is thinking maybe he just wants sex again
    He probably does, yeah... :s
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He probably does, yeah... :s
    anyway pleased to see you've found some other guys, hopefully one of them will be a good un
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah ,it could be, who knows! Just find it odd that he asked me if i've slept with anybody else

    No, it wouldn't be a good idea, and besides, we're not even in the same country lol.

    anyway, i've started to meet other guys and stuff so that's great
    Yeah...

    Haha true.

    Ohh that's great to hear!
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    #1

    Just writing again as I'm still confused as to what to do. the past 5 days we've been talking loads ,he's been really chatty and making a big effort with conversation, and we've been getting on great.

    The conversation got a little flirty the other day, too.

    he's really confusing.. he's moving away at the very end of September, and I'm not sure whether to see him again for a little before he goes or not. As the other poster has said, the cynical part of me is thinking that he's purely interested in sex. He's definitely interested in that, but I don't know if he maybe wants anything more.

    i have no idea..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    I think forgiveness is good and everything but it's ultimately up to you; if you think he's going to accept something more and maybe go for a long distance relationship then go for it :yep:

    I personally agree with the more cynical side of you tbh. It's happened once and you won't want it to happen again. You seem to be doing quite well moving on from him too. As I said earlier, he seems confused himself. So, he might not have the intention of having sex and ending it there; he could be hoping for that and more but the previous intimidation/ confusion could lead to another break up.
    If you feel you could visit him without it getting too flirty then I'd definitely advise that. I just don't think anything further than a platonic relationship would be good for now.

    It's your choice
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    #1

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    I think forgiveness is good and everything but it's ultimately up to you; if you think he's going to accept something more and maybe go for a long distance relationship then go for it :yep:

    I personally agree with the more cynical side of you tbh. It's happened once and you won't want it to happen again. You seem to be doing quite well moving on from him too. As I said earlier, he seems confused himself. So, he might not have the intention of having sex and ending it there; he could be hoping for that and more but the previous intimidation/ confusion could lead to another break up.
    If you feel you could visit him without it getting too flirty then I'd definitely advise that. I just don't think anything further than a platonic relationship would be good for now.

    It's your choice
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    yeah, I have no idea if he will or not! Maybe he wants to see how it goes. This is literally the 3rd time though!

    Yeah, I'm not sure! He made some very suggestive comments towards me the other day and I admit that I did too..

    I won't see him for another good few weeks anyway, but to be honest, there is that attraction between us, and I think if we saw each other alone, something would happen, as it's already happened 3 times this year.

    I have no idea; I'll see how I feel in a couple of weeks' time

    thanks
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    #1

    And twice this weekend when I've tried to end the conversation like 'right i'm going now', he's just continued it...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah, I have no idea if he will or not! Maybe he wants to see how it goes. This is literally the 3rd time though!

    Yeah, I'm not sure! He made some very suggestive comments towards me the other day and I admit that I did too..

    I won't see him for another good few weeks anyway, but to be honest, there is that attraction between us, and I think if we saw each other alone, something would happen, as it's already happened 3 times this year.

    I have no idea; I'll see how I feel in a couple of weeks' time

    thanks
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And twice this weekend when I've tried to end the conversation like 'right i'm going now', he's just continued it...
    Yeah seems like he does like you and it'll only work if he stops denying it (providing this is the actual reason for his behaviour).

    I mean, I'd only really go for it if I knew he wad willing to be there too.

    OK, that's a good idea. Go with what you feel you should do when the time comes

    No worries
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    yeah... I don't get why he is denying it, but no point going back into all that ,too complicated, haha

    I don't get it; we're not even in the same country atm, I'm sure if he really wanted to just sleep with someone then he could find someone there.. :s he told me he hasn't been with anybody since me at the end of April, not sure if it's true or not..

    I will see how the conversation goes over the next few weeks, and If i've got a got feeling, i'll suggest meeting up.

    He sort of hinted that he wanted to meet up; telling me he 'might come to the area'.

    Thanks again for everything, you've helped so much!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah... I don't get why he is denying it, but no point going back into all that ,too complicated, haha

    I don't get it; we're not even in the same country atm, I'm sure if he really wanted to just sleep with someone then he could find someone there.. :s he told me he hasn't been with anybody since me at the end of April, not sure if it's true or not..

    I will see how the conversation goes over the next few weeks, and If i've got a got feeling, i'll suggest meeting up.

    He sort of hinted that he wanted to meet up; telling me he 'might come to the area'.

    Thanks again for everything, you've helped so much!
    Haha yeah

    Indeed, you never know. OK, good luck whichever way you choose to go

    No worries
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have had strong feelings for a guy for just under 6 months now. The thing is, he WAS interested in me, twice, but says he isn't anymore, and I think i'm finding that harder than if he'd never been interested, and we've slept together a few times..

    I just want to forget him, even no contact doesn't work, and he sometimes starts conversations with me too.
    I liked him as soon as I met him, and so did he (as he told my friend I was nice and wanted to get to know me more!) We ended up talking on fb, admitted we liked each other, and then we had sex.
    He said he liked me in the beginning, but then he saw I was more into him than he was into me/was depressed at the time, and so he backed off a little. plus he was moving abroad in a couple of months so says he didn't want anything.
    Then we stayed in contact as friends, and I always liked him but felt a bit better ,started to be into other people etc. And then he started being into me again.. but he didn't want a relationship, he just wanted us to see each other but nothing serious since he was leaving.
    I said yes, but then I changed my mind a bit later; worried that i'd become too attached and that it'd be hard, and he understood. Plus he'd told me he didn't have feelings, but he was attracted.

    Then a few days later, I went on a date with someoen else and ended up telling him. he was jealous, and asked why i'd told him that, and it had made him realised he really liked me. he said he wanted to spend some time with me before he left as he'd regret it otherwise.

    He told me he really liked me a lot.
    We ended up seeing each other for a short time, which was lovely, but then it got closer to him moving abroad and I found myself falling in love. And then one day we were about to have sex, and then he just sort of froze and said he couldn't, and then I told him later that I didn't want to anymore as I was really falling for him and I wanted a relationship, and he said that he'd noticed I was getting attached and he froze, and he didn't want to do that anymore either.

    That was two months ago, and I'm still not over him. We tried to be friends, but it was quite awkward, and we carried on speaking on fb, and he sometimes really flirted with me a lot, and we met up a couple of times as friends but nothing happened.

    I just asked him why he wouldn't have a relationship with me if he liked me, and he ended up saying that he hadn't had a connection with me, he felt that I had everything ging for me, I was so nice, funny, intelligent and really attractive but I was more 'quiet and calm' than him and he just felt like it 'wouldn't work'.

    He said he 'saw I was getting too attached' and he freaked out, and he said he always knew I was more into him than he was to me, so he didn't want to be with me. Then he admitted he was stll in love with his ex (who he broke up with 2 years ago) and he hadn't really wanted a girlfriend since her.

    He's moved quite far away anyway, but it hurts me all the time. It's the fact that he'd been interested in me and then changed his mind twice. I told him that I found it irrational and I just didn't understnad, and he said that he's just indecisive.

    So i guess that now he has no interest at all in me. I think about him all the time, and as I said he sometmes begins conversations online; we talk for hours about everything and it's so hard. I asked him why he was contuining to be flirty (saying I have a hot body etc.) and he's stopepd that now.

    I am really depressed and have been for a while; I don't enjoy things anymore and I am obsessively checking whether he's been online; whether girls have posted anything on his wall etc.

    I cannot understand why he changed his mind so much. It's true I did make it known that I was very into him, but that'sjust hte way I am; I think life is too short to play games and it's not like I said I was in love and wanted to marry him, but I did tell him I liked him a lot.. .
    He was using you as a bum for sex, that's all, he probably thought you were cool with this. Some guys will tell girls anything they want to hear to get them into the sack, if already there then not need for anything deeper. He's probably moving onto next girl now, already bored of sex with you, the novelty worn off.
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    #1

    (Original post by Gavin2016)
    He was using you as a bum for sex, that's all, he probably thought you were cool with this. Some guys will tell girls anything they want to hear to get them into the sack, if already there then not need for anything deeper. He's probably moving onto next girl now, already bored of sex with you, the novelty worn off.
    yeah maybe .. :s

    but yeah we've not seen each other 2 months, we didn't speak for a while but we've started again, he messaged me asking if i've slept with anyone since him, and then told me he hadn't either. Then he started saying he missed our conversations and saying some pretty explicit sexual stuff.
    Aside from that, he's been making a lot of effort with conversation.

    He told me he'd maybe be in the area in a few weeks' time.

    I know that in just under 2 months he's moving to the other side of the world.. but deep down I know that it's probably that he just hasn't got laid in a while, is feeling horny/bored and wants to hook up again.. :s
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    #1

    So there's been yet another argument..
    I know i've been stupid and I shouldn't have got involved again. So yeah he'd started flirting heavily with me online, saying that i'm a massive turn-on, my body is amazing etc. and so I started doing it back. We were talking about other stuff but for about 2 weeks we started to talk dirty a lot.

    so I knew i'd be seeing him for sure at the end of September as he was going to take a flight from where i'd be, but he'd also mentioned he may be coming at the very start of the month, and I'd told him what date i'd be there etc.

    To be honest, I decided I wanted to play with him a little, and I knew he'd be moving away a month later and that nothing more would come. I was even telling myself I didn't think I had any more feelings ,and I knew he only wanted one thing, but it's my fault for getting involved again.

    He said in a conversation on Saturday 'I hope you know we won't be together, Idon't want you to get attached again'. And then I'd said I had to go, then a few hours later he made a new conversation with me; telling me about his day. I didn't reply, so he sent me more messages asking if I was on holiday etc.

    We got onto the subject of holidays, and he told me he'd be in my town, but the week before i'd be coming back, so that we'd miss each other. I admit that i was a little disappointed, but said ok no problem, we'll catch up anyway when you come to take your flight. And he said that after all, he wasn't sure he'd be taking it from there, he didn't know yet.

    So he said that the next time might be Christmas, but it's not sure that we'll be there at the same time. I felt really upset at the thought of not seeing him at all again, and I think that made me realise that I still had feelings for him.

    It was just that we'd had the chance to see each other in July but we didn't, and this would be the last chance to catch up before he moves away. I maybe shouldn't have said this, but I told him that if he'd really wanted to see me, I felt that he'd have made more effort this summer.

    He went ballistic, and started saying yeah, go on then, have a go at me all you like. I said I wasn't having a go; just explaining that i was disappointerd. He then started saying he doens't have time, he doesn't have the money ,he has loads of stuff to do etc. I said that I'd happily go to visit him too, but he said he 'didn't want me to get attached again'.

    I then asked why we were talking online so much in that case. I also asked him why he'd been flirting with me and saying that he wanted to have sex etc. if he had no intention of seeing me, I told him that there were surely girls a bit closer to home who he liked. He told me that he's not attracted to anybody apart from me.

    He then said again that he 'doesn't want a girlfriend at the moment'. I said that we'd already been through this and I already knew whathe'd told me. he says that when he moves away, he doesn't want to stay there for good, and that he's really not thinking about meeting someone there and settling down.

    He then said that it was clear that I wasn't completely over him and that we always ended up on the same subject. He said he shoukdn't have flirted with me again; it was stupid of him and he didn't realise it would hurt me, but I said that it wasn't his fault, and that I could have told him no.

    He said that we could talk online whenever I wanted, and that just because we won't see each other in person, doesn't mean we can't stay in touch.
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    #1

    I've been really stupid I know; I'm just upset that I'll potentially not see him until later next year. There's a chance i'll see him next month, but nothing's sure. I know i've brought this on myself, and I shouldn't have started speaking to him again. I suppose he is only interested in me sexually.. again, I'm confused as to why he'd be interested in doing that with me; i'm sure he could just go on Tinder or something, and he'd told me he only sees me as a friend and such.

    I think the 'don't want a girlfriend' stuff is nonsense. It's more 'I don't want you to be my girlfriend'. I suppose..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Wow, I have to say, this is quite a jump from where we were last time but we all make mistakes. In this case, I don't know if you can be blamed as much because his behaviour doesn't exactly help with the situation.
    I know I'm not adding anything from what you've said but the fact he doesn't want a girlfriend but still flirts is a bot confusing. It could potentially say more about him than it does about you. No he may not want a girlfriend right now but either he has feelings for you or simply wants to be flirtatious and you are the best person he feels he can do that with, without feeling the need to have to develop the relationship into a romantic status.

    I know it's hard but for now I'd say try to keep your attention on the opportunities you may have in the future and hey, at least you can still contact him online if need be. Continue doing what you have done thus far because that seemed to start working out well
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    #1

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    Wow, I have to say, this is quite a jump from where we were last time but we all make mistakes. In this case, I don't know if you can be blamed as much because his behaviour doesn't exactly help with the situation.
    I know I'm not adding anything from what you've said but the fact he doesn't want a girlfriend but still flirts is a bot confusing. It could potentially say more about him than it does about you. No he may not want a girlfriend right now but either he has feelings for you or simply wants to be flirtatious and you are the best person he feels he can do that with, without feeling the need to have to develop the relationship into a romantic status.

    I know it's hard but for now I'd say try to keep your attention on the opportunities you may have in the future and hey, at least you can still contact him online if need be. Continue doing what you have done thus far because that seemed to start working out well
    Posted from TSR Mobile

    We've just had a very long discussion/argument online.. and I have all of the answers I need now. I realise that he got angry with me the other night about what I said because there was some truth in it.

    I told him that we should not do that again; it's not a good idea, and he agreed it was silly, and was apologetic. He said he thought i'd gotten over him and so it would be ok.
    He said that we shouldn't have sex again either, because he's seen that it just ends up hurting me, and again, I agreed.

    I told him that what I felt was that he was attracted to me, and liked me as a friend, but that he'd never see me as a girl he'd go out with. He agreed; saying that in the very beginning he did want to, but then he changed his mind.

    He said it happened at a very bad time in his life; he doesn't know why, but after a while, he realised he could only see me as a good friend. I said, if I'm not your cup of tea personality-wise, please don't hit on me again. He told me that it was hurting him that i'd said that, because I was really cool, really nice and all, but he saw me as a good friend.

    He was apologetic after and said he knew he'd been an idiot, he felt bad etc. but that he couldn't force feelings. He said he's still into his ex even though he hasn't seen her for 2 years, and that he's been completely single and hasn't had any feelings for anyone else in these 2 years.

    He then said that when he told me he didn't want a girlfriend, he was telling the truth. He said that he was really sorry again, he didn't want to hurt me, and understands if I don't want to talk any more, but that I shouldn't see him as anything more than a friend.

    I told him it was ok, that I was sorry too, and I said that we could hopefully be friends in the future but that it was too painful right now. He told me to take my time, but that he wanted to stay in contact with me.

    I've removed him from my news feed; I am absolutely devastated. Just 3 days ago I was actually telling myself I didn't really have feelings for him anymore, but then finding out I wouldn't see him for a while just made me upset and realise that I did.

    I've gone back to square one, but I feel that it's my fault. I blame myself for him losing interest..

    I am just heartbroken again and I don't think we should talk for a long time. I think that will be it this time. At least I have answers now. I know he has zero feelings for me.. I'm just scared at seeing him with someone else, but I hope to have moved on by then.. thanks for your help once again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    I'm glad to hear that the two of you had a conversation which allowed you to find out what you wanted. I agree, by removing him from your news feed, you should have less distractions that lead in his direction. Fair enough, it does take time to accept things like this so just take your time, as he said, and don't lay too much blame on yourself! Remember that you're doing all of this for you and your wellbeing, which is a priority.
    Yes, hopefully that will be the case, and you will be a lot happier then. No worries, I just gave my thoughts on it; you did all the important parts
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    (Original post by Matrix123)
    I'm glad to hear that the two of you had a conversation which allowed you to find out what you wanted. I agree, by removing him from your news feed, you should have less distractions that lead in his direction. Fair enough, it does take time to accept things like this so just take your time, as he said, and don't lay too much blame on yourself! Remember that you're doing all of this for you and your wellbeing, which is a priority.
    Yes, hopefully that will be the case, and you will be a lot happier then. No worries, I just gave my thoughts on it; you did all the important parts
    Thank you very much I was doing quite well, and now i've gone right back to square one But i'll get there in the end. I have to.. fingers crossed
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you very much I was doing quite well, and now i've gone right back to square one But i'll get there in the end. I have to.. fingers crossed
    There's a quote I like which says something like "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is pulling you back, imagine that it is launching you into something great".
    Indeed
 
 
 
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