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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Respect is earnt
    Indeed it is, and I'm glad to see you know that much, my young padawan :yy:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no one's really told me how to move on though, i've just received a lot of insults on here.
    You are right though, I have had people say 'move on' but then they don't say how or what to do.
    *
    I think everyone moves on at their own pace. I have had friends not understand why I have been unable to move on from someone but they don't realise how much the person means to you etc. I find the best way is to avoid going to places that you spent time with them. Change your routine.

    Take up new hobbies and meet new people, not to forget that person as you may struggle to if you keep thinking I'm doing this to forget him. By doing the new hobbies and meeting new people will give you some focus and purpose and in time the person will fade from your memory. One day you will look back and think what was I thinking. Take baby steps. I found walking really helped me and getting back out in to nature.*
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    Don't worry,Everything will alright in one day


    Most People cheat because they're paying more attention to what they're missing rather than what they have.
    If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option,you'll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority.
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    Do something you've never done before OP. It makes you so much more confident about yourself.

    And time will heal a broken heart. I still love someone I could see a future with but he was weak and so ended it. But it's been a year and I still care. But I can safely say I'm in a better position today than a few months ago.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do something you've never done before OP. It makes you so much more confident about yourself.

    And time will heal a broken heart. I still love someone I could see a future with but he was weak and so ended it. But it's been a year and I still care. But I can safely say I'm in a better position today than a few months ago.
    Thank you, I'm sure you're right about the cheating. That's why I've decided to stay celibate. I'm glad you're recovering from your loss. I don't know why but somehow I can't get over it so easily. I keep myself busy but that doesn't help.
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    (Original post by Angel83)
    You are right though, I have had people say 'move on' but then they don't say how or what to do.
    *
    I think everyone moves on at their own pace. I have had friends not understand why I have been unable to move on from someone but they don't realise how much the person means to you etc. I find the best way is to avoid going to places that you spent time with them. Change your routine.

    Take up new hobbies and meet new people, not to forget that person as you may struggle to if you keep thinking I'm doing this to forget him. By doing the new hobbies and meeting new people will give you some focus and purpose and in time the person will fade from your memory. One day you will look back and think what was I thinking. Take baby steps. I found walking really helped me and getting back out in to nature.*
    I do have some hobbies but I don't enjoy anything much. I'm not good at anything.
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    Bump .
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    I dont wish to pretend to be an expert. Just somebody who is wise. Most people get through their relationship problems naturally over time but there are some exceptional cases. If you have been stuck in this loop for three years, this may be a problem that you cannot deal with on your own. I would suggest that you probably need help from an appropriately qualified counsellor/psychologist/psychotherapist to steer you out of it. Would suggest you contact your GP and get a referral for that kind of help.
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    (Original post by Scitobor)
    I dont wish to pretend to be an expert. Just somebody who is wise. Most people get through their relationship problems naturally over time but there are some exceptional cases. If you have been stuck in this loop for three years, this may be a problem that you cannot deal with on your own. I would suggest that you probably need help from an appropriately qualified counsellor/psychologist/psychotherapist to steer you out of it. Would suggest you contact your GP and get a referral for that kind of help.
    I've had therapy for other reasons but it hasn't really helped. I just fail to see how a doctor can help me. Most psychological therapy is just talking and guesswork, which is about as reliable as palmistry. I just feel like I've lost him forever, more like he's died than he's just got married. It's more like grief than envy.
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    (Original post by Scitobor)
    I dont wish to pretend to be an expert. Just somebody who is wise. Most people get through their relationship problems naturally over time but there are some exceptional cases. If you have been stuck in this loop for three years, this may be a problem that you cannot deal with on your own. I would suggest that you probably need help from an appropriately qualified counsellor/psychologist/psychotherapist to steer you out of it. Would suggest you contact your GP and get a referral for that kind of help.
    I've had therapy for other reasons but it hasn't really helped. I just fail to see how a doctor can help me. Most psychological therapy is just talking and guesswork, which is about as reliable as palmistry. I just feel like I've lost him forever, more like he's died than he's just got married. It's more like grief than envy. I miss him so much.
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    Get out that negative mindset and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Plenty of other people face worse stuff than you
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    There's no easy way of getting through this.

    I'd say don't give it too much of your deliberate attention. For example, don't write tons of diary entries on it because then nothing is being done to distract you or cause you to realise that there are other important things in your life.

    I think you could speak to a therapist. Could be helpful somewhat. Reach out to some one you trust for support- often in conversation some one will give you a different perspective which could lead you to think about the whole thing in a way that is more productive and objective.

    Time. Have to give it time.
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    I feel like I know who you are- you've made threads about him on TSR before haven't you, quite a while ago?
    The advice people can give now is the same as before, to help get over him you need to get rid of every trace of him in your life. (If you are who I think you are it may be a little difficult but there are apps that get rid of certain words when browsing and replace them with others etc)
    Identify why you liked him so much, and try to find those traits in other people? At the end of the day he is only human and you'll find others like him
    And as others have said, immerse yourself in something productive! The less you have time to think, the less your thoughts can wonder
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    (Original post by Poooky)
    I feel like I know who you are- you've made threads about him on TSR before haven't you, quite a while ago?
    The advice people can give now is the same as before, to help get over him you need to get rid of every trace of him in your life. (If you are who I think you are it may be a little difficult but there are apps that get rid of certain words when browsing and replace them with others etc)
    Identify why you liked him so much, and try to find those traits in other people? At the end of the day he is only human and you'll find others like him
    And as others have said, immerse yourself in something productive! The less you have time to think, the less your thoughts can wonder
    I'm not sure who you think I am, there are many threads of the same nature in this forum.
    I haven't had contact with him in months but that doesn't stop me thinking about him. I've ruled out relationships completely now so hopefully this sort of thing won't happen again. That's the best I can hope for.
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    (Original post by neal95)
    Get out that negative mindset and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Plenty of other people face worse stuff than you
    That's not helpful.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Most psychological therapy is just talking and guesswork.
    I do not agree with those words. There are, out there, professional psychologists. Real psychotherapy is very skilled. There are also untrained or lightly trained counsellors who probably would fit that description. Furthermore, there are specialisations within psychology, particularly abnormal psychology.
    You have said that you have had psychotherapy for different reasons. That tells me that you have an inherent underlying psychological vulnerability which could well be linked to your inability to move on.
    I am convinced that you need therapy from the right professional. If you were my friend I would trawl the net, find a professional and pay for your first appointment. You may find that you need money for a course of therapy. If you are not happy with the approach of a doctor, I suggest you fund a first appointment with a qualified therapist then get the therapist to write to your doctor about the recommendation. That might result in you getting funding.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Scitobor)
    I do not agree with those words. There are, out there, professional psychologists. Real psychotherapy is very skilled. There are also untrained or lightly trained counsellors who probably would fit that description. Furthermore, there are specialisations within psychology, particularly abnormal psychology.
    You have said that you have had psychotherapy for different reasons. That tells me that you have an inherent underlying psychological vulnerability which could well be linked to your inability to move on.
    I am convinced that you need therapy from the right professional. If you were my friend I would trawl the net, find a professional and pay for your first appointment. You may find that you need money for a course of therapy. If you are not happy with the approach of a doctor, I suggest you fund a first appointment with a qualified therapist then get the therapist to write to your doctor about the recommendation. That might result in you getting funding.
    thanks but ive been seeing different therapists for years. It doesn't help. Not all problems can be solved medically.
    Thanks though, I can see you mean well.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks but ive been seeing different therapists for years. It doesn't help. Not all problems can be solved medically.
    Thanks though, I can see you mean well.
    Definitely REMOVE him from all social media, NEVER ever look for his pictures or news about him from friends, every time you feel you miss him, remind yourself that he has absolutely zilch to do with your life and ambitions. Know that you're missing out on A LOT of other more enjoyable and fruitful things by focusing your attention on him. Meet up with friends - talk to them like you used to. Go out shopping - splurge on anything that makes you happy. It's your life and the ONLY person that matters is yourself. Don't let thoughts of him make you sad or stop you from achieving other things. It's not wrong to think about him at times, but you should never feel sad or distressed by it. It's okay - heartbreak is part and parcel of life. Everyone will suffer from it at one point and everyone moves on at their own pace. Just remember that it used to be worse and it now has gotten better hasn't it? Sure you don't feel perfectly fine but you'll get there eventually.
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    (Original post by BWV1007)
    Definitely REMOVE him from all social media, NEVER ever look for his pictures or news about him from friends, every time you feel you miss him, remind yourself that he has absolutely zilch to do with your life and ambitions. Know that you're missing out on A LOT of other more enjoyable and fruitful things by focusing your attention on him. Meet up with friends - talk to them like you used to. Go out shopping - splurge on anything that makes you happy. It's your life and the ONLY person that matters is yourself. Don't let thoughts of him make you sad or stop you from achieving other things. It's not wrong to think about him at times, but you should never feel sad or distressed by it. It's okay - heartbreak is part and parcel of life. Everyone will suffer from it at one point and everyone moves on at their own pace. Just remember that it used to be worse and it now has gotten better hasn't it? Sure you don't feel perfectly fine but you'll get there eventually.
    My only ambition in life was to be with him
    But yeah I've already removed him from my contacts. Not that we've been in touch at all since he married anyway. The initial shock of his marriage is over but I'm still struggling to live without him.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by BWV1007)
    Definitely REMOVE him from all social media, NEVER ever look for his pictures or news about him from friends, every time you feel you miss him, remind yourself that he has absolutely zilch to do with your life and ambitions. Know that you're missing out on A LOT of other more enjoyable and fruitful things by focusing your attention on him. Meet up with friends - talk to them like you used to. Go out shopping - splurge on anything that makes you happy. It's your life and the ONLY person that matters is yourself. Don't let thoughts of him make you sad or stop you from achieving other things. It's not wrong to think about him at times, but you should never feel sad or distressed by it. It's okay - heartbreak is part and parcel of life. Everyone will suffer from it at one point and everyone moves on at their own pace. Just remember that it used to be worse and it now has gotten better hasn't it? Sure you don't feel perfectly fine but you'll get there eventually.
    I think he'll always be a part of me in some way.
 
 
 
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