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Is it bad for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old? Watch

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    (Original post by Devify)
    That's fine but you should wait a bit longer than until the job is finished. Anyone seeing you go out will automatically assume it was going on while you were a mentor and are now just open about it. Keep in touch and chat and see where it goes but don't just jump in as soon as it's over
    Yeah I get that, I was going to talk to her on facebook or something then give it a few weeks after the job finishes before we actually meet up.
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    (Original post by JoeyTr)
    As eden3 said, the mental age gap is huge. You said it yourself that you two "flirt", you're at different stages of your lives, the things that you share in common are minimal, you're not both looking for a long lasting loving relationship, even though I'm sure you'll argue otherwise. Basically what all this means is that this is about nothing more than sex. And using your age as a lever to have sex with a girl who is 16 is wrong.

    Even though you won't admit it, and she won't realise it quite yet, that's all it is, and when she's older and does realise, that won't be a nice realisation for her. The fact that you explicitly said "so I'm not doing anything illegal" proves my point.
    I haven't actually been thinking about sex. We just get on really well and she is just someone I would like to hang out with after my job is finished, sex hasn't actually crossed my mind.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know the law that's why I said I was going to wait until I am no longer her mentor before actually doing anything so I am no longer in a position of trust.
    Seriously? Here's what you originally said and imma just point out something...

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 20 and I've recently been working as a mentor with a group of 16 year old students. Anyway I've gotten quite close to one of them and we get on really well. She flirts with me a lot and sometimes I do flirt back and I've started to realise that I do like her. I wouldn't do anything while I'm still at work since it isn't allowed but I was thinking about asking her out when my job has finished. Do you think this is a good idea or not and why? Do you think it's ok for a 20 year old guy to date a 16 year old girl?
    ...Do you realise how closely you are treading the line between legal and illegal? You may wait until afterwards, but face the facts: you already started forming a relationship with her before you finished your job. You said yourself, you have become close to her and you flirt with her? Even if you did wait until after the job, if you were ever to be questioned you would not be able to defend yourself. You were her mentor. You both started initiating a relationship while you were in a position of trust over her. This can be seen as grooming/taking advantage of her, considering her age, and if you were ~together~ she could easily decide to report you and the consequences could be severe.

    Are you seriously going to risk everything just so you can have a relationship with this girl? The real question should be why can't you just find someone your own age and why are you being so persistent to have a relationship with this one person?! If you created this thread then some part of you must know that it is wrong!

    There is a reason that these laws were created, and trying to get past them on a "technicality" doesn't bode well for your moral compass! Just find someone your own age!
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    " It is an offence for a person aged 18 or over to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 18 if the older person holds a position of trust (for example a teacher or social worker) as such sexual activity is an abuse of the position of trust."

    Read more at http://www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law...pvBRBIwJycf.99

    You built your relation with her through a position of trust and so it's irrelevant if you wait to stop your mentoring.

    Go find someone your own age mate.
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    Also just because you ask her out and she says yes, doesn't mean you will literally be taking her to bed the next day.
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    (Original post by JamaicanMeKrazy)
    If he breaks the law he's in big trouble, but you must be joking if you think your employer is allowed to police your sexual history. If go to a gay bar and get with a Black man do you think I should be allowed to be discriminated against on that basis?
    if he's in a relationship with an ex service user then I'm pretty sure an employer would disclose that... it's a pretty serious breach of rules and safeguarding concern to anyone potentially hiring OP... sleeping with a vulnerable 16 year old service user is NOT in any way comparable to being gay or in an interracial relationship which are both perfectly normal
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    if he's in a relationship with an ex service user then I'm pretty sure an employer would disclose that... it's a pretty serious breach of rules and safeguarding concern to anyone potentially hiring OP... sleeping with a vulnerable 16 year old service user is NOT in any way comparable to being gay or in an interracial relationship which are both perfectly normal
    Which is why he proposes to wait until after the placement ends.
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    (Original post by JamaicanMeKrazy)
    Which is why he proposes to wait until after the placement ends.
    how does that make it okay? it is less likely his employer finds out, although there's still a good chance... he is still openly initiating this relationship while working there (by flirting with her and he already intends to start a relationship) and my guess is that his employer will have their own regulations which usually involve no personal contact until the person is over 18

    this is a massive warning sign that he could continue this sort of behaviour in the future (grooming and exploiting young girls) if he works with them so if you think any employer would just let that go because he doesn't work there you're crazy
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    how does that make it okay? it is less likely his employer finds out, although there's still a good chance... he is still openly initiating this relationship while working there (by flirting with her and he already intends to start a relationship) and my guess is that his employer will have their own regulations which usually involve no personal contact until the person is over 18

    this is a massive warning sign that he could continue this sort of behaviour in the future (grooming and exploiting young girls) if he works with them so if you think any employer would just let that go because he doesn't work there you're crazy
    He's not grooming ffs, he's not even planning on having sex :rofl: I'm not surprised guys grow up messed up given that people seem to think OP is a paedophile who is going to end up unemployed and in prison.

    Once he's left he's under no obligation to follow their regulations, it's the same with doctors. If a GP ends up thinking they might begin a relationship with one of their patients, they'll just ask them to request they change their GP before beginning a relationship, it's not like they'll cut them off and never speak with them ever again for fear of being accused of using their job to find hook ups.
    • #1
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    how does that make it okay? it is less likely his employer finds out, although there's still a good chance... he is still openly initiating this relationship while working there (by flirting with her and he already intends to start a relationship) and my guess is that his employer will have their own regulations which usually involve no personal contact until the person is over 18

    this is a massive warning sign that he could continue this sort of behaviour in the future (grooming and exploiting young girls) if he works with them so if you think any employer would just let that go because he doesn't work there you're crazy
    My employer has said that as soon as the job is over you are free to keep in contact with them or have relationships etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My employer has said that as soon as the job is over you are free to keep in contact with them or have relationships etc.
    Well done for checking, this is obviously how it works in the real world, wait until the job is over, ignore the manchildren on tsr and use protection, or just don't have sex. Some people are in a relationship but wait a while before they take these steps.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't see how I am overstepping my position since I haven't don't anything inappropriate and I don't intend to do anything until my job is finished and I'm no longer her mentor.
    You've said that she flirts with you and you flirt back. Overstepping. Doesn't matter if you're not doing anything physical.
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    Ignore the tools here. She's legal!
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    (Original post by JamaicanMeKrazy)
    He's not grooming ffs, he's not even planning on having sex :rofl: I'm not surprised guys grow up messed up given that people seem to think OP is a paedophile who is going to end up unemployed and in prison.

    Once he's left he's under no obligation to follow their regulations, it's the same with doctors. If a GP ends up thinking they might begin a relationship with one of their patients, they'll just ask them to request they change their GP before beginning a relationship, it's not like they'll cut them off and never speak with them ever again for fear of being accused of using their job to find hook ups.
    he wants a relationship but doesn't want to have sex with her? alright...

    have you seen a 16 year old girl? they are children... there is a reason you aren't allowed to be in a relationship over someone you have power over - it's easy to influence and exploit people when you're in that position... anyone who (at 20) would consider a relationship with a 16 year old mentee is seriously messed up and disgusting

    this is nothing like a GP who would presumably never be considering a relationship with someone so young...

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My employer has said that as soon as the job is over you are free to keep in contact with them or have relationships etc.
    then your employer is seriously screwed up (almost as bad as you...) ... who is your employer?
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    (Original post by wickedisgood)
    You've said that she flirts with you and you flirt back. Overstepping. Doesn't matter if you're not doing anything physical.
    I said I sometimes flirt back and by that I just mean I have complimented her a few times and it's normally on the work shes doing because shes being doing well.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    he wants a relationship but doesn't want to have sex with her? alright...

    have you seen a 16 year old girl? they are children... there is a reason you aren't allowed to be in a relationship over someone you have power over - it's easy to influence and exploit people when you're in that position... anyone who (at 20) would consider a relationship with a 16 year old mentee is seriously messed up and disgusting

    this is nothing like a GP who would presumably never be considering a relationship with someone so young...



    then your employer is seriously screwed up (almost as bad as you...) ... who is your employer?
    I don't see how it is screwed up. There will be no relationship at work, and if there ever is a relationship it will be months after the work has finished. I'm not exploiting her at all and I really don't see how I'm messed up. What i said about sex is that it hasn't crossed my mind yet. I like her personality and we just get on really well and that's why I want to hang out with her more when my job has finished so I'm not just doing this for sex.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    he wants a relationship but doesn't want to have sex with her? alright...
    Lots of people who are in relationships wait a while before doing sexual stuff, this is the other side of TSR's relationship inexperience, they think the fact she agreed to go on a date with you means you're going to be ravaging her in yo manbed the same night


    (Original post by doodle_333)
    then your employer is seriously screwed up (almost as bad as you...) ... who is your employer?
    Ahahaha, it was exactly how I said it would be :cool:


    So long as people obey the law, it's not for their former employers to police their sex lives, that's so perverted and it crosses such a moral line it defies me that you could possibly think the employer is wrong here.
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    Even if he were to date the girl while being her mentor, provided he doesn't engage in sex acts with her the chances are he's not going to be breaking the law. I don't think he should since it breaks company policy, but it shows just how ridiculous 80% of the posters here are being when they tell him he's wrong even though he's not breaking the law, nor company policy.
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    Waiting until the job finishes is a good idea and I wish the best to you!



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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I said I sometimes flirt back and by that I just mean I have complimented her a few times and it's normally on the work shes doing because shes being doing well.
    Complimenting on work is not flirting so I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant. You know what you really mean by flirting. You can try and justify it all you like, but you are the one that asked whether it was bad or not; being in denial about it when someone then gives the answer you didn't want to hear begs the question why you bothered asking in the first place.

    Long story short: I do think it is bad. What you do with that information and whether you want to accept that is up to you.
 
 
 
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