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Divorcing your wife because she's infertile Watch

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    (Original post by poohat)
    I'm not sure why you think its an MRA thing. The scientific literature is very clear on this: most aspects of human character including things such as intelligence and personality are extremely heavily influenced by genetics, and parenting/environment has little impact (especially after the child is over 1-2 years old). If you adopt a kid then it isnt going to have any of your characteristics - it wont look like you, it wont behave like you, its intelligence will be uncorrelated to yours, and so on. You are basically just raising someone else's kid. If you are fine with that then cool, but its not surprising that many arent.

    The other less savory aspect is that children who end up for adoption arent a random subset of the population, and often end up there because their parents are dysfunctional, or have made poor decisions. Now remember that most human personality traits are strongly influenced by genetics, and put two and two together.
    I think you misunderstood the emphasis in my post. As I said, it's clear adoption isn't for everyone, for lots of the reasons you've highlighted, and I also said it wasn't something we wanted if we couldn't have biological children. My objection was to the boys saying "dump the *****" based on their imagined importance of their name/bloodline, rather than considering the complexities of the scenario.
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    It's stupid to me. There is always a route for adoption so why would you do that? Also shows that it wasn't real love in the first place if you divorce for something trivial like that.
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    It's up to you. I've been dumped before, twice, because I'm a barren as well. It depends how much kids mean to you so just do what you want. It's a *****y feeling to the person being dumped though. Really *****y. Made me feel unwanted and worthless, but ah well, **** happens in life. Sorry for all the swearing.
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    Of course.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    Did she become infertile after marriage?

    Because if it was before, she should have told me before we got married. Divorce for not telling me
    A lot of the time you won't be necessarily aware that you're infertile, for example if you never tried to conceive before
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    No worry about contraception.
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    As I said to a friend just now via PM, I don't think it's morally acceptable to break up with a woman for this reason because you should love your woman for who she is in the moments you are together, rather than because of an ideal you implant upon her, however I have noticed that a fair amount of people on TSR think breaking up with guys for no reason is ok and as a guy it makes me sad so I wanted to ask the same question in a more emotive context.


    As someone who wants to get married one day, it bothers me the ease with which people give up on others
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    (Original post by Prince of Punani)
    As I said to a friend just now via PM, I don't think it's morally acceptable to break up with a woman for this reason because you should love your woman for who she is in the moments you are together, rather than because of an ideal you implant upon her, however I have noticed that a fair amount of people on TSR think breaking up with guys for no reason is ok and as a guy it makes me sad so I wanted to ask the same question in a more emotive context.


    As someone who wants to get married one day, it bothers me the ease with which people give up on others
    so basically you're just salty as ****
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    (Original post by Trapz99)
    Personally I just don't think it's the same as having your own children who are half you and half the person you love. Adoption is great but it's not something that I'd want to do. I would want my own children.
    They are half you in a very abstract sense (in the same sense that you and your hypothetical brother are the same person). You wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know that person a is your kid. That's why baby swaps are often difficult to detect.
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    It's a conversation I had quite early in relationship but I think our answers can change when we know our partner better or our biological clock starts ticking. For me, whilst I'd like to know what pregnant felt like, I could love any child as if it were my own. It wouldn't need to have my DNA so to me barren or impotent makes no difference to me if I decided I wanted children.

    And I'm lucky to be with a man who doesn't place an over importance on his own sperm. If either of us couldn't conceive but we wanted children..the end product is more important than the way the child came into being.

    I think society is more accepting of women who can't conceive but still want children, than women who don't want children full stop. Even when they are honest about their lack of desire for a child, people believe it's a phase or they'll eventually change their mind..or more grotesquely, some men will accidentally on purpose try to make her pregnant.
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    (Original post by poohat)
    I'm not sure why you think its an MRA thing. The scientific literature is very clear on this: most aspects of human character including things such as intelligence and personality are extremely heavily influenced by genetics, and parenting/environment has little impact (especially after the child is over 1-2 years old). If you adopt a kid then it isnt going to have any of your characteristics - it wont look like you, it wont behave like you, its intelligence will be uncorrelated to yours, and so on. You are basically just raising someone else's kid. If you are fine with that then cool, but its not surprising that many arent.

    The other less savory aspect is that children who end up for adoption arent a random subset of the population, and often end up there because their parents are dysfunctional, or have made poor decisions. Now remember that most human personality traits are strongly influenced by genetics, and put two and two together.
    I'm glad you've managed to solve the nature versus nurture debate that has been going on for decades..

    Children in position of needing to be adopted and have had dysfunctional parents will have also experienced that environment - hence why the debate continues to exist.

    Another point to remember is that a lot of DNA is not actually fixed. We can change certain characteristics on a molecular level by changing our behaviour. We can have a biological leaning towards a particular way of being or mental illness but our environment can be the thing that triggers us in either direction. And whilst some twin studies have shown that separated twins can have similar characteristics, this doesn't outweigh individual differences or the impact a role model has. Or the effect of a good role model later on in life. We can change our characteristics if we are motivated to do so.
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    (Original post by silverfox44)
    so basically you're just salty as ****
    They could use me to flavour walker's crisps
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    Blood doesn't make a family. A child doesn't have to have my DNA, in order for them to be mine!

    Likewise, just because you share DNA with someone, doesn't mean that you will automatically have a connection with them
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    It's a tricky situation and I know some people are very big into starting their own family and not necessarily wanting to adopt. Plus it's not really something she had control over*
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    It sounds terrible, but I would, children are my main goal in life and more important to me than anything. If I could find another option with a partner then I would try (one ex, for example, told me he'd never adopt which I would've been fine with). If children are your goal in life, I'd understand it.
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    I'd never marry a woman who couldn't have kids, and if she didn't tell me before we got married I'd be furious and get a divorce straight away.

    Would never want to adopt, I'd feel like a cuck if my wife took another man's child as her own.
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    (Original post by richpanda)
    I'd never marry a woman who couldn't have kids, and if she didn't tell me before we got married I'd be furious and get a divorce straight away.
    I would divorce my wife too for sly deception like that. But what if she didn't know she was infertile herself? It can happen.

    It's a really depressing situation to begin with.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    It's a tricky situation and I know some people are very big into starting their own family and not necessarily wanting to adopt. Plus it's not really something she had control over*
    Agreed. I feel really sad when I hear about couples not being able to have children.
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    (Original post by Prince of Punani)
    As I said to a friend just now via PM, I don't think it's morally acceptable to break up with a woman for this reason because you should love your woman for who she is in the moments you are together, rather than because of an ideal you implant upon her, however I have noticed that a fair amount of people on TSR think breaking up with guys for no reason is ok and as a guy it makes me sad so I wanted to ask the same question in a more emotive context.


    As someone who wants to get married one day, it bothers me the ease with which people give up on others
    Just my opinion but if the girl thinks its not going well and if she/him or even both of them are unhappy in the relationship they are well within there rights to leave. Girls usually have a reason to break up with guys even if its small and most of the people on the website probably have a reason.
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    (Original post by Pridejxjs)
    Just my opinion but if the girl thinks its not going well and if she/him or even both of them are unhappy in the relationship they are well within there rights to leave. Girls usually have a reason to break up with guys even if its small and most of the people on the website probably have a reason.
    This is what I mean, people just give up, blahblahblah, she has her reasons. This is why I changed the question to see if people's views would change if the situation is framed in an alternative manner.
 
 
 
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