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Are certain things inappropriate in a relationship? Are boundaries bad? watch


    This is such a good reply. Can't believe that just came across it! Been missing out on much of foo's words of wisdom it seems!

    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Well, you're entitled to your opinion, however impracticable it may be
    Consider squaring this ‘relationships-light’ prescriptive with the matrimonial cornerstone: Love, honour, obey
    They can be friends, sometimes even friends in a sense that never deviates from the strictly platonic, but this is very rare, and exceptionally rare where girls who are above average in the looks department are concerned, as males are hardwired to hanker after a wide variety of women a la the urge to ‘spread the seed’

    They only tend to make a particular effort* when there’s more than a pure, platonic interest there, aye. A small minority of guys are just genuinely friendly and not at all subject to hormones that (periodically) drive them to lust after female companions

    Don’t be fooled, many girls understand this, they just prefer not to engage with the truth; more often than not this relates, as you say, to the fact that they like the ego boost/mild thrills involved, plus social/reputational tokens associated with others knowing they have fanboys. Girls are often far more socially intelligent than they let on (unfortunately acting dumb has become a thing, in youth culture), and generally streets ahead of young guys!

    If sobriety is all that is stopping you from cheating then the problem is not drinking, it’s you. People are weak/immature/ignorant and get into inappropriate relationships only to wind up cheating and using things like alcohol as an excuse. Never once have I been tempted whether tipsy or not to cheat on a partner, but then I only had my first serious relationship in my mid 20’s so I had done a lot of growing up by the time I was in positions in which I may have been tempted, so I suppose I am viewing this through the prism of maturity/having one’s **** together/knowing what one wants

    Respect is everything. As above, love, honour, obey = respect

    Doesn’t matter whether they’re new random friends or step brothers they’ve known their whole life, as I said it’s about the type of male you’re dealing with vs. how attractive your girl is

    Bottom line: If you know your partner wouldn’t be impressed (were they present), just don’t go there

    • Sexual health?

    • Emotional infidelity?

    • Relationship stability?

    • Capacity/incentive to invest in a high quality relationship e.g. particularly one with a future?

    • Providing a sound and sustainable inter-relational basis for future matrimony/family?

    • Avoiding psychosexual harm associated with high risk/promiscuous behaviour?

    • Mitigating other psychological/physiological harm associated with a (vulnerable) girl potentially putting herself in harms way?

    • Self-worth and self-respect?

    • Expectations of others (e.g. family/friends) and their acceptance/rejection of your partner vs. social reputations?
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