Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Family is stopping me from having sex before marriage watch

    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    :lolwut:
    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wish my parents and family weren't so backwards, they cannot be reasoned with and they'll get me married off to a guy who has similar thinking to them I feel so bleak about my life My mum regardless of what you tell her believes the hymen breaks during sex, she says it did for all her sisters and her but j tried to tell her that was probably a tear to the vaginal wall because the guy was being forceful. I don't want to wait until marriage but they've instilled such a fear in me that I can't bring myself to have sex outside marriage now even if I wanted to. My mum denies that my bedsheets will be shown around to prove I am a virgin but that my future husband will see it and he won't trust me and think i wasn't a virgin if he doesn't see blood. For this reason she won't let me use a tampon, she had such a go at me when I asked if I could use one :/
    Are you looking for casual sex? What does sex mean to you? Are you okay with the emotional consequences of sex? If sex is not just physical to you, but part of a deep relationship, will you be okay if the person leaves you ( because he just wanted sex?)
    Look, if you are choosing this lifestyle for you, you have to have a clear picture. The reason why you are 'saving' yourself until marriage is because you want the marriage based on other things, that ideally will make it last. If you are basing your relationship on sex, you have to be ready to let go also because sex is readily available for both of you in this society. You may find the one, but good luck. It's very hard, generally, whether Muslim, Atheist, Christian, to have someone who will stick with you, through thick and thin. I just think, without family being involved or any other thing, that guy can just walk away one morning and never talk to you again, while you have put everything at stake for him.
    In the end, your parents are just stopping you for your own good. At the moment you are their responsibility, they will do their best to always protect you, prevent that guy from harming you or take action in case anyone hurts you. But if you want to walk along this path, you have to walk alone.
    Also, it's not just Muslims it's anyone who is religious who does not have sex until marriage. You can decide what you want for yourself.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Just have sex and don't tell them how would they know anyway
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    It's your body and nobody has the right to tell you not to have sex.


    Your hymen can break in ways other than engaging in sexual intercourse so it's ridiculous to forgo sex as an attempt to preserve it, also you don't want to marry someone who would become angry or violent because your pussy didn't bleed when he first shagged you, because he's likely to mistreat you in general.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you looking for casual sex? What does sex mean to you? Are you okay with the emotional consequences of sex? If sex is not just physical to you, but part of a deep relationship, will you be okay if the person leaves you ( because he just wanted sex?)
    Look, if you are choosing this lifestyle for you, you have to have a clear picture. The reason why you are 'saving' yourself until marriage is because you want the marriage based on other things, that ideally will make it last. If you are basing your relationship on sex, you have to be ready to let go also because sex is readily available for both of you in this society. You may find the one, but good luck. It's very hard, generally, whether Muslim, Atheist, Christian, to have someone who will stick with you, through thick and thin. I just think, without family being involved or any other thing, that guy can just walk away one morning and never talk to you again, while you have put everything at stake for him.
    In the end, your parents are just stopping you for your own good. At the moment you are their responsibility, they will do their best to always protect you, prevent that guy from harming you or take action in case anyone hurts you. But if you want to walk along this path, you have to walk alone.
    Also, it's not just Muslims it's anyone who is religious who does not have sex until marriage. You can decide what you want for yourself.
    Except being a virgin doesn't mean her future marriage is likely to last or be good, I know of tonnes of religious people where the father cheated on his innocent bride. Successful marriages happen because both partners have that gritty determination and that's something you're either born with or you will never have, not because you waited a bit before having sex.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And my mum says other muslim guys from our culture will call me second hand goods and no one will marry me if I'm not a virgin. these kind of things really depress me because it makes me feel as if i have no worth or power in my life, as if someone is only marrying me to have sex with me. meanwhile the guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants and no one will know
    and those boys are not people you want to marry because nobody loves somebody because of their virginity which you will lose anyway if you get married, you could stay a virgin until marriage, lose your V on your wedding night and get cheated on and have to divorce him whereupon you will no longer be a virgin. I'm not saying you will get cheated on girl, I'm saying you should find good people who don't care about made up BS because those people are the ones who are capable of loving you as a person rather than as an idea.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    See?
    You'd clearly want your husband to lose his virginity on you, right?
    So, why would you go out your way to lose your virginity before marriage and then expect your husband to be pure for you?
    Where's your logic in that.
    No I don't, nowhere did I say I wanted to marry a virign. I could not imagine anything worse than marrying a virgin, imagine two inexperienced virign 20 something year olds having sex, how awkward. I don't want my first time to be even more awkward. I want an experienced guy. Just because you're a virgin Muslim guy doesn't mean I want one, also come off anon, you have nothing to hide all you're doing is commenting on this, you're not revealing anything about yourself like I am. Don't be a coward

    (Original post by Marzy-Sama)
    By getting married to him before doing it. How else?
    Nice sassy helpful reply. Well done
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TheMaskedLady)
    What's your problem with waiting till marriage to have sex??? Are you that desperate? Why not get to know those guys that your mum keeps introducing to you? Then there is a chance of you falling in love and getting married and then having sex
    How is having sex before marriage going to benefit you in anyway if you want a guy to wait till marriage?

    I'm so confused. Aren't you a muslim?? why are you even talking about sex before marriage if you know it's bad?
    Get off your high horse, it's nothing about desperate ness it's the fact my mum has had an iron clad over me my entire life and this control problem. She shouldn't be able to decide for me if I'm a Muslim or not or if I want to have sex before marriage or not. I'm not brainwashed like you are, I don't accept the way of life our parents have enforced on us
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do you find a guy who's willing to wait till marriage?
    It's not an easy task but you some guys who have already had sex may be willing to wait for you if they think you are something special. When I start dating I will not tell a guy I am waiting until marriage until the 3rd date so they get to know me first and then when I tell them they may be up for the challenge of waiting.

    However, be careful with these sort of guys as the may tell you they are willing to wait but then they will try and seduce you. To avoid this happening I have made a rule for myself that I will never go to a guys house (unless to have dinner with his parents).
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    You go, girl!
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Just do it? Your parents aren't with you 24/7. They can't stop you lol.


    You're an adult just go against them.

    Get a job. Move out. Do your own thing. If you have to block your parents out of your life so be it. If they love you eventually they will want their daughter back and will let you do what you want. If they don't love you then good riddance.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Get off your high horse, it's nothing about desperate ness it's the fact my mum has had an iron clad over me my entire life and this control problem. She shouldn't be able to decide for me if I'm a Muslim or not or if I want to have sex before marriage or not. I'm not brainwashed like you are, I don't accept the way of life our parents have enforced on us
    Your life is for living - live it, girl. X
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    if theres one thing that is genuine, you aint gonna find us lads waiting for you for marriage. its blunt but thats the truth.
    dont rush yourself tho, if you really want to wait for the right person, theyll come along. but your muslim tho, do you wanna be with a non-muslim who goes against your entire beliefs. choose wisely g
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Get off your high horse, it's nothing about desperate ness it's the fact my mum has had an iron clad over me my entire life and this control problem. She shouldn't be able to decide for me if I'm a Muslim or not or if I want to have sex before marriage or not. I'm not brainwashed like you are, I don't accept the way of life our parents have enforced on us
    Clearly your desperate if you're talking to TSR about having sex. If you care so much about being a virgin you should just go and do it then. It's not like your mum has a tracker on you. Just grab a guy and go shag him in the alleyway

    Sorry hon but i aint brainwashed. My parents havent ever been controlling. I make my own choices so im sorry your mother is so controlling and the only solution you see is having sex before marriage Honestly YOU'RE the one thats been brainwashed by society. It's society that alienates people that want to have sex after marriage. Can't you just wait a little longer and get married or do you have to have sex right now?

    Honestly speaking you're an adult and if you wanted you could just leave and make your own living far away from your controlling parents. What's stopping you? Maybe it's the fact that you know your mum is right???

    And whats so bad about meeting those guys that your mum talks about? Clearly you have no love life to talk of so why don't you create a love life with one of those guys? I mean like if you cant find anyone in uni then maybe get to know one of those guys and they could even be the one for you? You never know. Worth giving it a try at least. You might even fall in love with a guy your mum chose for you.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    (Original post by TheMaskedLady)
    Clearly your desperate if you're talking to TSR about having sex. If you care so much about being a virgin you should just go and do it then. It's not like your mum has a tracker on you. Just grab a guy and go shag him in the alleyway

    Sorry hon but i aint brainwashed. My parents havent ever been controlling. I make my own choices so im sorry your mother is so controlling and the only solution you see is having sex before marriage Honestly YOU'RE the one thats been brainwashed by society. It's society that alienates people that want to have sex after marriage. Can't you just wait a little longer and get married or do you have to have sex right now?

    Honestly speaking you're an adult and if you wanted you could just leave and make your own living far away from your controlling parents. What's stopping you? Maybe it's the fact that you know your mum is right???

    And whats so bad about meeting those guys that your mum talks about? Clearly you have no love life to talk of so why don't you create a love life with one of those guys? I mean like if you cant find anyone in uni then maybe get to know one of those guys and they could even be the one for you? You never know. Worth giving it a try at least. You might even fall in love with a guy your mum chose for you.
    lol so are you in an arranged marriage, hows it like?
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheMaskedLady)
    What's your problem with waiting till marriage to have sex??? Are you that desperate? Why not get to know those guys that your mum keeps introducing to you? Then there is a chance of you falling in love and getting married and then having sex
    How is having sex before marriage going to benefit you in anyway if you want a guy to wait till marriage?

    I'm so confused. Aren't you a muslim?? why are you even talking about sex before marriage if you know it's bad?
    This whole post is absolutely ridiculous.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BigMan Ting)
    lol so are you in an arranged marriage, hows it like?
    :clap2:

    Hahaha that's funny. You're funny. I applaud your funniness.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    It's a myth that all girls bleed when their hymen breaks. Many will attest to not bleeding at all when losing their virginity so your husband can't use that as a fool proof way to test you. If you want to have sex then do it, your mum doesn't need to know.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    (Original post by TheMaskedLady)
    :clap2:

    Hahaha that's funny. You're funny. I applaud your funniness.
    nah im genuinely asking a serious question, why u so adamant on op going thru marriage for her mum to find her partner for her.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by loveleest)
    This whole post is absolutely ridiculous.
    This whole thread is stupid and ridiculous.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 16, 2016
Poll
Are you going to a festival?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.