When is it too late for the no contact rule?

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    (Original post by Lockra)
    I'm very sorry to hear that, I hope you're not feeling to bad.
    It's been over a year now mate, you learn to cope

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    Right everyone let me spell this out very clearly: I'm looking for STORIES, or people who've spent time away from their ex after getting dumped. I want to hear from you about how talking to them afterwards went, regardless if you reconciled or got pushed away.

    Gentle reminder to keep your responses relevant to the subject please.
    #1

    A while ago my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn't actively go into no contact with him, but I didn't message him after we broke up because I knew anything that came out of me would only be soppy and annoying, like "I can't live without you" or "I'll never love again". I just went about my normal life as best as I could and hung out with some friends and attended some parties (though I did cry a lot I didn't do that in public). My boyfriend told me afterwards he did bump into me a couple of times because we live near each other. A week a so later he asked if we could get back together. I really don't agree that "an ex is an ex for a reason and should stay that way" because a lot of times the problems could be resolved. *
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A while ago my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn't actively go into no contact with him, but I didn't message him after we broke up because I knew anything that came out of me would only be soppy and annoying, like "I can't live without you" or "I'll never love again". I just went about my normal life as best as I could and hung out with some friends and attended some parties (though I did cry a lot I didn't do that in public). My boyfriend told me afterwards he did bump into me a couple of times because we live near each other. A week a so later he asked if we could get back together. I really don't agree that "an ex is an ex for a reason and should stay that way" because a lot of times the problems could be resolved. *
    Thanks for the insight, I don't want to selectively only listen to good stories but I will say that this was an interesting one. I really agree with the last bit.
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    Thanks for the insight, I don't want to selectively only listen to good stories but I will say that this was an interesting one. I really agree with the last bit.
    Glad to be of any help! I saw your other thread and totally understand how uncertain the situation can feel. The only advice I can give is to not count on anything and keep your chin up, but I do wish you the best of luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Glad to be of any help! I saw your other thread and totally understand how uncertain the situation can feel. The only advice I can give is to not count on anything and keep your chin up, but I do wish you the best of luck!
    Glad you reached out 😊, and yes I'm not certain it'll work, but it'd be very nice if it did. I think since she dumped me I've just got to come back a better man and see if she does anything to reconcile, it has to be her idea really.
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    From experience I say No contact rule does work. He dumped me because I moved out to uni and he couldn't bear the thought of a long distant relationship. He took himself out of post break up loneliness by getting into a rebound relationship which failed miserably. But when I heard about his relationship at first I cried. I thought how could he get over me so quickly? *We were in no contact for 8 months until he reached out to me. The girl he was with was really materialistic whereas I never asked for anything or any favours. He was always comparing her to me because I was his first. However after 8 months he started playing the victim and ranted how his ex tried to manipulate him and it was never meant to be. He was disappointed why we never worked out. I felt a little relief and told him I have moved on, I was actually in a relationship. It was too late for him to get back and the fact that I was his plan B felt awful.
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    (Original post by ~scorpio~)
    From experience I say No contact rule does work. He dumped me because I moved out to uni and he couldn't bear the thought of a long distant relationship. He took himself out of post break up loneliness by getting into a rebound relationship which failed miserably. But when I heard about his relationship at first I cried. I thought how could he get over me so quickly? *We were in no contact for 8 months until he reached out to me. The girl he was with was really materialistic whereas I never asked for anything or any favours. He was always comparing her to me because I was his first. However after 8 months he started playing the victim and ranted how his ex tried to manipulate him and it was never meant to be. He was disappointed why we never worked out. I felt a little relief and told him I have moved on, I was actually in a relationship. It was too late for him to get back and the fact that I was his plan B felt awful.
    This really intrigued me, I've heard so many stories about heartbroken people doing no contact and their ex coming back begging, but then they don't care anymore. Mind you I'm a lad dumped be a girl and I feel like long-term girls do get over these things faster, although that is no doubt a generalisation.

    Maybe something similar will happen to me, I don't know, but thanks for the story it was very insightful 😊
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    Before I even start this thread I want to say that if anyone tells me "no contact isn't about getting your ex back its for you recovering", save your energy. I know this and I understand it full well. It isn't relevant to the conversation.
    The title of your thread "how effective is..." will prompt that kind of response because its a bit too strong to see no contact as an strategy for getting an ex back. However I understand that you want to hope for getting your ex back so the standard answers "get over her man **** someone else" are not helpful.

    I don't necessarily believe you have to "accept she'll never come back" like most people say. People do get back with exes so it's not a zero chance game. What you need to accept is that it's mostly out of your control. The best way you can view you having control over the situation is that in the aftermath of a break up many people do things which completely scupper their chances of getting back together, and the best thing you can do is just avoid doing this and give fate the best chance. This is where no contact can help - because by not being in contact, you can get her to wonder and to miss you, whereas often when you're affected by the emotions of a break up any actions you do take to try and get back will be badly judged.

    I've just seen it with my female housemate and her ex. When she broke up with him she was genuinely conflicted for a few weeks - and I saw it - but he came on in a passive-aggressive attempt to try and get back with her, first showing her how cut up he was and couldn't live without her, then obviously trying to make her jealous on facebook, and then coming back begging her. It basically made her get over him because she talked about it all to her friends and they were all like LOL what a joker and that just diminished him. I could see this happening and this poor guy is just making bad decisions out of emotional stress of missing her but the best thing he could have done was keep a dignified silence and maybe she'd have gone back to him.

    Just keep to no contact, and accept that maybe she will come back, maybe she won't, but the best thing you can do is work on yourself to make yourself a better person in case she does - or in case someone else does (I know you don't want to think about that but it is also a possibility that someone new will come in to your life).
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    The title of your thread "how effective is..." will prompt that kind of response because its a bit too strong to see no contact as an strategy for getting an ex back. However I understand that you want to hope for getting your ex back so the standard answers "get over her man **** someone else" are not helpful.

    I don't necessarily believe you have to "accept she'll never come back" like most people say. People do get back with exes so it's not a zero chance game. What you need to accept is that it's mostly out of your control. The best way you can view you having control over the situation is that in the aftermath of a break up many people do things which completely scupper their chances of getting back together, and the best thing you can do is just avoid doing this and give fate the best chance. This is where no contact can help - because by not being in contact, you can get her to wonder and to miss you, whereas often when you're affected by the emotions of a break up any actions you do take to try and get back will be badly judged.

    I've just seen it with my female housemate and her ex. When she broke up with him she was genuinely conflicted for a few weeks - and I saw it - but he came on in a passive-aggressive attempt to try and get back with her, first showing her how cut up he was and couldn't live without her, then obviously trying to make her jealous on facebook, and then coming back begging her. It basically made her get over him because she talked about it all to her friends and they were all like LOL what a joker and that just diminished him. I could see this happening and this poor guy is just making bad decisions out of emotional stress of missing her but the best thing he could have done was keep a dignified silence and maybe she'd have gone back to him.

    Just keep to no contact, and accept that maybe she will come back, maybe she won't, but the best thing you can do is work on yourself to make yourself a better person in case she does - or in case someone else does (I know you don't want to think about that but it is also a possibility that someone new will come in to your life).
    Thanks for the answer, interesting stuff. My last thread was basically me worrying that I'd left it too late to make NC work after staying as 'friends' for a couple weeks, but thankfully I didn't do a lot of desperate begging. Maybe we will maybe we won't but I am exploring some other options just incase she never makes that decision, thanks 😊
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    I think this post has been merged with one of the older one just to avoid confusion.
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    UPDATE: I'm on day 7 of no contact now and I've kept to it. I have been taking to a different rather cute girl, but ultimately it's just not the same as my ex. Not even close.

    I told her not to message me when I broke it off and thankfully she hasn't, because if she did, I think it would be really hard to keep no contact. Last time I tried this she just bugged me and bugged me.

    I'm 99.99% sure she doesn't have a new boyfriend, but she is one of those people who aren't often single so I worry that by the time I message her again she'll be gone. Either way talking to her won't stop that I suppose.

    Anymore no contact stories?
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    UPDATE: I'm on day 7 of no contact now and I've kept to it. I have been taking to a different rather cute girl, but ultimately it's just not the same as my ex. Not even close.

    I told her not to message me when I broke it off and thankfully she hasn't, because if she did, I think it would be really hard to keep no contact. Last time I tried this she just bugged me and bugged me.

    I'm 99.99% sure she doesn't have a new boyfriend, but she is one of those people who aren't often single so I worry that by the time I message her again she'll be gone. Either way talking to her won't stop that I suppose.

    Anymore no contact stories?
    The cute girl is a great distraction but as you arent over your ex you are just using the new girl as a rebound which isnt working. Once you are over your ex you will realise that she wasnt that special.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    The cute girl is a great distraction but as you arent over your ex you are just using the new girl as a rebound which isnt working. Once you are over your ex you will realise that she wasnt that special.
    The new girl is really nice and if something happens between us I'll be very honest with her about my situation and not lead her on. But yes, she is 100% distraction.
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    Also it's worth noting that my ex doesn't seem to be taking me going off the radar too well. A few days prior to me doing it she said she was worrying that I was growing distant, she became a bit clingy even, and since I've cut her off totally it's all been quite sad social media. I've kept mine happy. I don't know of any other hardships in her life that would be making her feel down so I strongly suspect it's over me, we've never spent this long apart since we met. But then again maybe I'm being egotistic.
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    HELP: I saw her in town today (I was in a car and she was on the street so she didn't see me) and it's drove me a bit crazy. Good news is I haven't contacted her as a response! Onto day 8!

    I've looked a lot into what I should do when I contact her again and basically I just need to be not serious, not talk about the relationship failures, be casual, not clingy etc just like I was when we first met and I also should not shower her with any affection unless she clearly wants it.

    But no contact is hard. How can I stop myself messaging her and messing up my one honest shot?
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    Reading the title, I thought this question was about not touching strippers.

    In which case, it's too late when you've been thrown out of the club and are being kicked the **** out of by two bodyguards in the alley outside
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    (Original post by JohnGreek)
    Reading the title, I thought this question was about not touching strippers.

    In which case, it's too late when you've been thrown out of the club and are being kicked the **** out of by two bodyguards in the alley outside
    Thank you for brightening my internal crisis with that comment, I appreciate it 😂
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    Guys I don't think it was too late. I'm on day 9 and I have a clear startegy got when I re-establish contact. I think I can do this.

    I'll keep you posted.
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    I know this because I messaged someone from two years ago with a positive reaction using similar messages and although I'm not pursuing her, I could. It's never too late.
 
 
 
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