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Mum isn't letting me move out for university and I really want to. Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I checked on the student finance calculator and I think it was £8538 or something like that. I did read that estranged students get the maximum loan from Student finance and I don't mind proving evidence I'm estranged. I'm planning to get a part time job to save up too and my mum's boyfriend has said he doesn't mind helping me on the quiet.
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    I'd say stick it out for a year. Work hard on your A-levels and get the best grades you can. Applying this year sounds like it'll make your life hell, so you might not even get the grades you are capable of.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I checked on the student finance calculator and I think it was £8538 or something like that. I did read that estranged students get the maximum loan from Student finance and I don't mind proving evidence I'm estranged. I'm planning to get a part time job to save up too and my mum's boyfriend has said he doesn't mind helping me on the quiet.
    You have to prove you are estranged.

    Am I ‘irreconcilably estranged’ from my parents?

    You are eligible to be considered for independence on the basis of being ‘irreconcilably estranged from your parents’ if you have not had verbal or written contact with both of your biological, adoptive parents or your only living parent for a significant period of time and this will not change. A significant period of time is usually considered twelve months or longer prior to the start of your course, but this can also depend on your circumstances.Many people feel unsupported by their parents financially and/ or emotionally, but you won’t be eligible to claim estranged status simply because your parents are on low income and don’t support you financially. You will need to provide statements from an independent person with good standing in the community that can verify that there has been no communication with both of your biological or adoptive parents, or only living parent, for a substantial period of time before the start of your course, and that your estrangement from them is irreconcilable.


    Its going to be much harder proving that if you are under the same roof.
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    (Original post by HopelessMedic)
    I'd say stick it out for a year. Work hard on your A-levels and get the best grades you can. Applying this year sounds like it'll make your life hell, so you might not even get the grades you are capable of.
    I'm aiming for ABB so I should be okish. I'd love AAB but that's unrealistic tbh.

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You have to prove you are estranged.

    Am I ‘irreconcilably estranged’ from my parents?

    You are eligible to be considered for independence on the basis of being ‘irreconcilably estranged from your parents’ if you have not had verbal or written contact with both of your biological, adoptive parents or your only living parent for a significant period of time and this will not change. A significant period of time is usually considered twelve months or longer prior to the start of your course, but this can also depend on your circumstances.Many people feel unsupported by their parents financially and/ or emotionally, but you won’t be eligible to claim estranged status simply because your parents are on low income and don’t support you financially. You will need to provide statements from an independent person with good standing in the community that can verify that there has been no communication with both of your biological or adoptive parents, or only living parent, for a substantial period of time before the start of your course, and that your estrangement from them is irreconcilable.


    Its going to be much harder proving that if you are under the same roof.
    The charity I'm looking at says they'll help provide evidence that you wanted estrangement especially if you didn't tell anyone of it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm aiming for ABB so I should be okish. I'd love AAB but that's unrealistic tbh.



    The charity I'm looking at says they'll help provide evidence that you wanted estrangement especially if you didn't tell anyone of it.
    OP, I think you should let your mum see this chat. Give her a last chance to redeem the situation in your eyes. Though with the way you are seeing things, I feel you will walk out either way.

    You clearly have no respect for your parents, which is sad, then again I don't know your situation so I won't comment. Just don't regret the decision you make, since you are essentially going it alone.

    I hope you can learn in your spare time how to pay your tv license, poll tax, subscription charges, setting up direct debits, credit card bills and other charges. I hope you learn how to manage your savings, how to set up an ISA, how to invest (though this may be far fetched for you given your background). It's not easy going it alone, sure there is no one to tell you what to do, but then again there is no one to save you when you are wrong.
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    OP, I think you should let your mum see this chat. Give her a last chance to redeem the situation in your eyes. Though with the way you are seeing things, I feel you will walk out either way.

    You clearly have no respect for your parents, which is sad, then again I don't know your situation so I won't comment. Just don't regret the decision you make, since you are essentially going it alone.

    I hope you can learn in your spare time how to pay your tv license, poll tax, subscription charges, setting up direct debits, credit card bills and other charges. I hope you learn how to manage your savings, how to set up an ISA, how to invest (though this may be far fetched for you given your background). It's not easy going it alone, sure there is no one to tell you what to do, but then again there is no one to save you when you are wrong.
    Right thank you.
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    Respect works both ways in all areas of life, and especially so in relation to parents. No one, and especially a mother has a right to respect just because she is a mother.
    I am sure the OP will do just fine - plenty of good advice here. She will make friends who will help her. She will find things difficult to begin with going it alone, but there is more help out there now than there was when I was 18 in 1966.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right thank you.
    I do wish things work out whatever you do, but always think over a decision. Plenty of people get burnt in the heat of the moment, time is a wonderful healer.

    It's always best to make a move when you are financially sound and you are just a few years away from that. You will be a lot more mature as well, you could spend the next few years learning how to live on your own, or even better mend the situation with your mum.

    You can move out at 22 once you have a job and your mum can visit, best of both worlds.
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    Had a similar situation , didn't even bother applying to unis in my city because of it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    The charity I'm looking at says they'll help provide evidence that you wanted estrangement especially if you didn't tell anyone of it.
    Well you had better contact the charity if they think its possible to swing it based on juts your evidence and with you living under the same roof. I thought estrangement had to be something evidenced hence the living apart and having no contact.


    They will treat things on a case by case basis though. You obviously need to be interviewed so they cna leanr about your circumstances in more detail.


    quote
    What supporting statements do I need to provide to show I am ‘irreconcilably estranged’ from my parents?supporting statementA supporting document or statement is a letter or statement of evidence by a an independent person with good standing in the community which satisfies Student Finance England, Wales or Northern Ireland that you are irreconcilably estranged from your biological, adoptive or only living parents. The operatives will look at these documents and make a decision about your case.If you are asking to be considered as independent and ‘irreconcilably estranged from parents’ you must send at least one primary supporting statement from an independent person with good standing in the community.

    This person should normally have known about your situation for a substantial amount of time, and can verify that you don’t have contact with your biological, adoptive or only living parents. This person must not be related to you or be a close friend of the family.
    You can also send additional secondary statements from a family friend or another family member that can verify your circumstances and your estrangement from your biological parents. But this alone will not be sufficient to verify your circumstances, and you will need an additional supporting statement from an independent person who is not related to you and with good standing in the community
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    I do wish things work out whatever you do, but always think over a decision. Plenty of people get burnt in the heat of the moment, time is a wonderful healer.

    It's always best to make a move when you are financially sound and you are just a few years away from that. You will be a lot more mature as well, you could spend the next few years learning how to live on your own, or even better mend the situation with your mum.

    You can move out at 22 once you have a job and your mum can visit, best of both worlds.
    Yeah that's not going to happen. Thanks.
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    I've been in a similar situation to you, so I hope you respect this as you read it.

    Using university as an excuse to escape your family is a really bad idea. When I was nineteen I wanted to go to university to escape my parents, this was 12 years ago but I realised this wasn't realistic because I would have needed fiancial support from my parents. As much as I would like to tell you to go for it, your loan is tied to your mothers income and I do not think you would be able to get estrangement critiea applied - that said if you want to try, you should but don't be overly disappointed if SFE pull a 'computer says no'.

    Ultimately, the only way you are going to achieve this is by achieving emancipation by being finanically independent, and think current rules state two years of it. My advice to you would be while you finish your A Levels would be to get a part job, save up enough to move into a flat/house share, then look at university when you don't feel the pressure of wanting to get away from your mother. You don't have to go straight from school to uni. Taking a year out might be good for you. It will prep you for living on your own without the pressure of study and give you more thinking space over precisly when, where you want to go while being able to provide proper estrangement.

    Ultimately, for me, it work out like this - I moved out at the age I had wanted to go to uni, got a decent job, met a guy, married, had kids and I've only just started my degree this week at the tender age of 31.

    Good luck with whatever you do tho.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have looked at alternatives and decided uni is the one for me. I've applied for part time jobs so I can save up for university and I know I'll be working over the summer. One of my friends offered to let me stay at hers for the summer and I'm planning to contact a charity that helps with estranged students and helps them get grants/bursaries.

    Honestly, I don't think I can live with her for another two years. I've suffered so much mentally.
    Ah that's good. As long as you are aware of the options you have and what to do if uni doesn't work out.

    You mention mental suffering, do you have anything in writing or some sort of evidence? I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to suggest here, I'm thinking along the lines of disability funds except for people that have suffered in other ways and may not necessarily be disabled. I guess it'd equate to a hardship fund of some sort.

    Also if you've got decent grades the university may offer you something along the lines of a scholarship or bursary. I was surprised just how many different bursaries and general aid my university offers when I started looking into it.
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    Ah that's good. As long as you are aware of the options you have and what to do if uni doesn't work out.

    You mention mental suffering, do you have anything in writing or some sort of evidence? I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to suggest here, I'm thinking along the lines of disability funds except for people that have suffered in other ways and may not necessarily be disabled. I guess it'd equate to a hardship fund of some sort.

    Also if you've got decent grades the university may offer you something along the lines of a scholarship or bursary. I was surprised just how many different bursaries and general aid my university offers when I started looking into it.

    I have depression and I was diagnosed abroad by a psychologist. I could get it in writing from her.

    Oh what uni did you go to?
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    (Original post by profoundlyfaded)
    I've been in a similar situation to you, so I hope you respect this as you read it.

    Using university as an excuse to escape your family is a really bad idea. When I was nineteen I wanted to go to university to escape my parents, this was 12 years ago but I realised this wasn't realistic because I would have needed fiancial support from my parents. As much as I would like to tell you to go for it, your loan is tied to your mothers income and I do not think you would be able to get estrangement critiea applied - that said if you want to try, you should but don't be overly disappointed if SFE pull a 'computer says no'.

    Ultimately, the only way you are going to achieve this is by achieving emancipation by being finanically independent, and think current rules state two years of it. My advice to you would be while you finish your A Levels would be to get a part job, save up enough to move into a flat/house share, then look at university when you don't feel the pressure of wanting to get away from your mother. You don't have to go straight from school to uni. Taking a year out might be good for you. It will prep you for living on your own without the pressure of study and give you more thinking space over precisly when, where you want to go while being able to provide proper estrangement.

    Ultimately, for me, it work out like this - I moved out at the age I had wanted to go to uni, got a decent job, met a guy, married, had kids and I've only just started my degree this week at the tender age of 31.

    Good luck with whatever you do tho.
    I'm going to try speaking to my biological dad first and then see what happens. And I'm going to try getting a part time job obviously. I don't want to class myself as estranged but I think if I tell my dad what she doesn't want anyone to know he'll end up supporting me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Had a similar situation , didn't even bother applying to unis in my city because of it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have depression and I was diagnosed abroad by a psychologist. I could get it in writing from her.

    Oh what uni did you go to?
    Well there's no guarantee but if you have a diagnosis it may help somewhere down the line. Even if it just amounts to some support from the university.

    I'm currently at Portsmouth, just started my first year.

    Oh and good luck when you start studying languages!
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    Well there's no guarantee but if you have a diagnosis it may help somewhere down the line. Even if it just amounts to some support from the university.

    I'm currently at Portsmouth, just started my first year.

    Oh and good luck when you start studying languages!

    Oh cool my friend's in her final year there!

    Thank you
    • #4
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    Pardon me if i am wrong but you haven't even got a definitive answer from your mum about whether you can live out for uni and whether she will help finance it. i would suggest you speak to your mum first and get a final answer before considering everyone elses advice. .
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    (Original post by profoundlyfaded)
    I've been in a similar situation to you, so I hope you respect this as you read it.

    Using university as an excuse to escape your family is a really bad idea. When I was nineteen I wanted to go to university to escape my parents, this was 12 years ago but I realised this wasn't realistic because I would have needed fiancial support from my parents. As much as I would like to tell you to go for it, your loan is tied to your mothers income and I do not think you would be able to get estrangement critiea applied - that said if you want to try, you should but don't be overly disappointed if SFE pull a 'computer says no'.

    Ultimately, the only way you are going to achieve this is by achieving emancipation by being finanically independent, and think current rules state two years of it. My advice to you would be while you finish your A Levels would be to get a part job, save up enough to move into a flat/house share, then look at university when you don't feel the pressure of wanting to get away from your mother. You don't have to go straight from school to uni. Taking a year out might be good for you. It will prep you for living on your own without the pressure of study and give you more thinking space over precisly when, where you want to go while being able to provide proper estrangement.

    Ultimately, for me, it work out like this - I moved out at the age I had wanted to go to uni, got a decent job, met a guy, married, had kids and I've only just started my degree this week at the tender age of 31.

    Good luck with whatever you do tho.
    TBF thats not what the OP is doing, what came across is they want to go to Uni to do the course they want at the place they want. Escape from family is just a bonus. I did suggest the previoys steps of gaining a degree of financial independence first previously.
 
 
 
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