Black and worried Watch

graemematt
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#61
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#61
(Original post by Philosoraptor)
Sorry to detract from a very serious post but :rofl:
Hahahahaha
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Rokit
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#62
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(Original post by Boybetterknow2007)
one more thing if you are worried then you can always go down the micheal jackson lane .....lol i thought all people who went to oxford were more intrested in their degrees than boys
Yeah I thought the degree would come before anything else too :rolleyes:
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Anonymous #1
#63
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#63
(Original post by Anonymous)
I go to Oxford, I'm an Asian girl and I've gotten together with 4 guys (none just randomers, all people I got to know and fell for to varying degrees) this year at uni, and they're all white. One of them I've been going out with for several months now. So don't worry!
(anon coz there are people on here who I don't want knowing the details of my lovelife!)
Not to be rude or anything, and I totally get you're trying to help but the situation for black and asian girls is completely different. Alot of people think black and asian can be lumped into the same category of 'ethnic' but in my experience that usn't true. In my experience, guys will pick an asian girl over a black one simply because that is closer to 'white' in many ways e.g. hair type and various other factors...
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Anonymous #6
#64
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I'm headed to Oxford as a fresher too and I have the jungle fever- I have it bad! I've talked to many other guys and girls and it is NOT unique for guys to be chasing after nonwhite girls (especially black girls) OVER white girls because of just inherent bias or rumors of special sexual prowess. LaTeisha, I will POUNCE on you!
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Anonymous #6
#65
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#65
Also, this is MORE prevalent in upper class white communities, i.e., OXFORD!
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Anonymous #7
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well i am going to hull and i am black
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Y'anami!
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#67
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not to be rude or anything, and I totally get you're trying to help but the situation for black and asian girls is completely different. Alot of people think black and asian can be lumped into the same category of 'ethnic' but in my experience that usn't true. In my experience, guys will pick an asian girl over a black one simply because that is closer to 'white' in many ways e.g. hair type and various other factors...
I think there's always that thought that the other gets it better. Now that we're both saying this, I'm hoping we both realise that there's no end to this :p: and that we're just gonna have to deal and find cool people XD
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Quistis)
Oh, God, I think I made that post, didn't I? I'm so, so sorry it's worried you.

Right. It's certainly fair to say that a lot of my guy mates and male acquaintances at Oxford seem to express a preference for blondes over anything else. When I've spoken to guys I know at Oxford, I've been surprised to hear them describe some girls I consider to have seriously ugly faces as "attractive", seemingly for no reason other than they have blonde hair (and often big boobs). Lots of girls at Oxford dye their hair blonde - sometimes I'd be in a room and, of 10 girls, I might be one of only 2 or 3 non-blondes. Furthermore, as caustic87 has alluded to, one of the papers has a "Fit College" feature, and the girls featured almost always have long, blonde hair, if memory serves.

But. I certainly don't fit the "blonde, wears short skirts, giggles all the time" mould I complained about in the random hookups thread, and I have still had plenty of boyfriends - I was hardly ever single during my 3 years at Oxford. In terms of serious relationships, personality is a huge factor, and a guy who might not think you're his 'type' if he saw you in a club might develop feelings for you because of how well you get on when you get to know each other.

When I wrote that post, I was writing as a white girl with brown hair who has noticed white girls with blonde hair getting more attention than her, regardless of their overall attractiveness, and who was sick and tired of seeing mostly blonde girls featured in Fit College. I didn't mean to imply that I haven't had plenty of male attention regardless, or that blondes are the only girls at Oxford to be considered attractive. Because I'm not black, I think it would be patronising of me to now say "oh, don't worry, race won't be an issue!" I have not been a black student at Oxford, so I think I would be a horrid, patronising person if I tried to make assumptions about what it's like to be black at Oxford. Does that make sense? But I can tell you that there are lots of mixed-race relationships at Oxford - I am in one at the moment, and was in one during my first year (both times with an Asian guy). I hope everything'll be fine, and I'm sorry my throwaway remark worried you so much.
Thanks very much Quistis for replying. I did actually used to look at Cherwell from time to time to see if I could geta 'feel' for Oxford student life. And yup, I noticed Fit College and it worried and scared me. I think the few times they featured girls in it who weren't of that stereotype, the other side won.
Now I'm not so naive as to think that there aren't a multitude of far more important factors determining who won - college pride being one etc etc. and of course there aren't that many black girls to feature. But what it did confirm for me is that
a) being blonde (and white foremost) is the generally accepted 'fit' stereotype, and anything that isn't that is considered second best, an idea which I hate.
and worse
b) Between me and a not necessarily as attractive/nice/interesting etc etc but white girl, guys will automatically go for the white girl.

Also, I saw my college's entry - Aryan is an understatement - and it was extremely successful. Having done 'research' on my college's demographic (some say Facebook stalking) this has only confirmed my idea that yeah, its really not that diverse, though I wasn't naive enough to be surprised by that.

I mean Quistis, if you as someone who sort of half falls into that category (white but not blonde) notices she gets less attention than other girls, how do you think I - not white, not blonde - will fare?!
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Anonymous #1
#69
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#69
(Original post by Anonymous)
hi, iam currently in my first year at uni and whilst i didnt have that fear, i think it was an issue. Im sorry to say it is a sad fact but most guys as seen in previous threads on tsr do not prefer black girls. Im a black girl at the moment, and it is difficult. The only way ive had boyfriends is through being friends with them first and talking to them etc, (letting my personality shine through) but there has never been any instant attraction.

Furthermore this will sound offencsive but agn when people say they like "black girls", they mostly mean mixed raced girls (e.g Alica Keys) and not dark skinned girls.

I also think everyone is being very harsh in stating "she should focus on her educaton, as her main priority" and whilst this is true, uni is about new experiences and so who doesnt soe freshers fun in their first year.

All i can to the OP is u will find someone who finds u attractive, it may not be straight away but it does happen. good luck xx
Think this has been the same for me.
Also I am BLACK black e.g. oprah, kerry washington, kelly rowland (destiny's child).
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King4eva
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#70
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(Original post by Popa Dom)
I wouldnt worry, half the boys at oxford are happy just to be talking to a girl, never mind the colour...
haha
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Quistis
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#71
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks very much Quistis for replying. I did actually used to look at Cherwell from time to time to see if I could geta 'feel' for Oxford student life. And yup, I noticed Fit College and it worried and scared me. I think the few times they featured girls in it who weren't of that stereotype, the other side won.
Now I'm not so naive as to think that there aren't a multitude of far more important factors determining who won - college pride being one etc etc. and of course there aren't that many black girls to feature. But what it did confirm for me is that
a) being blonde (and white foremost) is the generally accepted 'fit' stereotype, and anything that isn't that is considered second best, an idea which I hate.
and worse
b) Between me and a not necessarily as attractive/nice/interesting etc etc but white girl, guys will automatically go for the white girl.

Also, I saw my college's entry - Aryan is an understatement - and it was extremely successful. Having done 'research' on my college's demographic (some say Facebook stalking) this has only confirmed my idea that yeah, its really not that diverse, though I wasn't naive enough to be surprised by that.

I mean Quistis, if you as someone who sort of half falls into that category (white but not blonde) notices she gets less attention than other girls, how do you think I - not white, not blonde - will fare?!
I'm starting to wonder whether guys only ever feel 'instant attraction' to blonde girls with big boobs in short skirts... :mad: One guy who asked me to marry him (!) told me that when he first met me, in a crowded room, he'd hardly noticed me - he only started to find me physically attractive after a couple of hours of hearing me talk made him give me a second glance. I suppose it depends what the end result you want is - okay, I very rarely get guys wanting me instantly, but I have had plenty of boyfriends and plenty of guys who were interested. It just took a little time (which could be as little as a few minutes in conversation). So if you want a boyfriend, you can still get one, even if you're not a Fit College stereotype who guys drool over instantly.

Would it help to talk to a black girl already at Oxford? I think there are a couple over on the Oxford subforum, and, failing that, I have a lovely friend who'd probably be happy to drop you a line and tell you how she's found dating, and Oxford life in general.
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Anonymous #1
#72
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#72
(Original post by Quistis)
I'm starting to wonder whether guys only ever feel 'instant attraction' to blonde girls with big boobs in short skirts... :mad: One guy who asked me to marry him (!) told me that when he first met me, in a crowded room, he'd hardly noticed me - he only started to find me physically attractive after a couple of hours of hearing me talk made him give me a second glance. I suppose it depends what the end result you want is - okay, I very rarely get guys wanting me instantly, but I have had plenty of boyfriends and plenty of guys who were interested. It just took a little time (which could be as little as a few minutes in conversation). So if you want a boyfriend, you can still get one, even if you're not a Fit College stereotype who guys drool over instantly.

Would it help to talk to a black girl already at Oxford? I think there are a couple over on the Oxford subforum, and, failing that, I have a lovely friend who'd probably be happy to drop you a line and tell you how she's found dating, and Oxford life in general.
Well thanks, but I'd rather just stay anon on here.
I suppose I'll just have to wait and see how things go in a few months then.
If anyone has anything else to say on thee matter I'd love to hear it.
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jus-mi
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#73
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i know nuff black people that goes to oxbridge(oxford in particular), tho you may be a minority im sure there are plenty of guys out there that would fancy you,.....
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Anonymous #8
#74
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi, iam currently in my first year at uni and whilst i didnt have that fear, i think it was an issue. Im sorry to say it is a sad fact but most guys as seen in previous threads on tsr do not prefer black girls. Im a black girl at the moment, and it is difficult. The only way ive had boyfriends is through being friends with them first and talking to them etc, (letting my personality shine through) but there has never been any instant attraction.

Furthermore this will sound offencsive but agn when people say they like "black girls", they mostly mean mixed raced girls (e.g Alica Keys) and not dark skinned girls.
it's not offensive, it's sadly true. alot of the time they are attracted to black women with certain white features rather than black women with totally black features. but this is just an observation so I'm sure there are millions of exceptions!

but taking one of my friends for example, she is a dark skinned Ghanaian and she is GORGEOUS; Lauryn Hill gorgeous, but with better lips.

I'm mixed black/white (medium light skintone) and despite the fact that she is much much prettier than me, when we go out together she mostly gets attention from black guys whereas I will get more attention from both black and white guys.

when guys say they like black women it's always Beyoncé, Rihanna, Alicia Keys, Halle Berry etc, light-skinned black women wearing European hair weaves; and rarely someone like Kelly Rowland, Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott or Gabrielle Union.

there is a HUGE imbalance: these women are just as beautiful, if not more so, but for some reason because they have natural afro hair or African lips and nose, they are never perceived as being equally beautiful.

anywaaaays making this relevant to the OP, regardless of wht I've just posted and regardless of how 'black' you look, you WILL find someone. once you make a solid circle of friends the issue of race barriers between you disappears. and even if your college is dry and full of blonde girl-chasing rugby players, don't limit yourself and get to know more people through societies or a part time job or something.

good luck!
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m4n0ran
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#75
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Just don't play the victim because you are black, not all people are racist radicalists you know. If you do meet racist people then scum like that are not worthy of your, or anyone else's time.
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Anonymous #9
#76
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Have a bit of sympathy for the Afghan atheist male who doesn't even get along with the 3 other afghans in the whole unviersity :P

Hmmm, the ammount of girls that buggered off after finding out 'he' was Afghan...
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cheese_fondue
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#77
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i mean really, who wants to go out with guys who only like blonde, big-boobed women anyway? just because the majority of women in playboy are big-boobed, white and blond doesn't mean that EVERY guy only wants a girlfriend like that

*sighs* girl, you've really got to stop thinking in stereotypes, it makes you sound a bit stupid.

i've got glasses, black/brown hair and i'm quite tall, i've got quite a big nose and freckles. and yet i've never been single for longer than 3 months max.

what's more, when i was seriously overweight i had THREE guys drooling after me (while i was in a relationship!), so DON'T BE WORRIED!
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Anonymous #1
#78
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#78
(Original post by m4n0ran)
Just don't play the victim because you are black, not all people are racist radicalists you know. If you do meet racist people then scum like that are not worthy of your, or anyone else's time.
I'm not playing the victim - I said earlier that I don;t think it makes guys at Oxford necessarily racist. It just presents a problem for me, is all.



I think my situation is quite hard for many people to full understand - I'm sure there are even other black girls who think I'm just being paranoid. I'm just going on what I've heard/experienced/seen with my own eyes.
Yeah, I'm going to uni for a degree - but I think its gonna really depress me if I fancy a guy who just hasn't noticed me.
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EskimoJo
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#79
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(Original post by Seven_Three)
No she isn't. She is mixed African and Creole. But that is practically black anyway, I am being pedantic.
Isn't that a 'black' race? :confused:

(Original post by cheese_fondue)
i mean really, who wants to go out with guys who only like blonde, big-boobed women anyway? just because the majority of women in playboy are big-boobed, white and blond doesn't mean that EVERY guy only wants a girlfriend like that

*sighs* girl, you've really got to stop thinking in stereotypes, it makes you sound a bit stupid.

i've got glasses, black/brown hair and i'm quite tall, i've got quite a big nose and freckles. and yet i've never been single for longer than 3 months max.

what's more, when i was seriously overweight i had THREE guys drooling after me (while i was in a relationship!), so DON'T BE WORRIED!
I don't think she sounds stupid at all (and I wouldn't even if I didn't agree with her worries). That's quite rude of you to say that! :hmmm:
Good general advice though. You sound like a confident bubbly person who will never have problems finding a partner and since the OP is also popular and good-looking, she should be fine.

OP, the responses in this thread have made me change my mind! I think, because of my lack of confidence in my looks and my assumption that white guys won't like me, I never approach any situation thinking anything will happen and always assume guys are taking the wee-wee on the (very rare) occasions that one talks to me - so I never get attention and then I believe that my theory is right when I could just be self-fulfilling it. The white guy I said I liked before is often chatty and occasionally flirty with me, but he's flirty with other girls too and when I see him with then, I get upset because I think he must like them, yet when he's like that with me, I assume he's taking the piss or just trying to be nice to make me feel better about my lack of attention! :rolleyes: Perhaps if I flirted back instead of clamming up and getting taken aback he might be a bit more interested (you never know!).
As long as you remain confident and be yourself and never think you are worth less than anyone else and don't set mental restrictions based on assumptions (like me) when talking to white guys, you'll be perfectly fine.
Also, give black guys a chance, even if you prefer white.

All the best.
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Seven_Three
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#80
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(Original post by EskimoJo)
Isn't that a 'black' race? :confused:
Creole isn't part of the negroid African race, creole isn't a part of what people call the black race.
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