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    (Original post by IDukem)
    I understand this because I feel the same at times too. During the period of November 2012 - early March 2013, I felt like people who were trying to be nice to me are doing it for something to gain/taking advantage of me. Yet I felt so low that I welcomed it because I liked having some attention and perhaps had the false hope of them sticking with me in the long run. When people compliment me on this thread, I do take it into account and it does make me happier and raises my spirits because I know that people here will try and help me in one way or another. People like you, Fireflies, Sarah' and everyone else on this thread does provide some hope that a lot of the people in real life are helpful and kind like you guys. So when people are being kind to me on here, it makes me lower my guard a bit in real life and welcome people being kind in real life.
    we're all different though and it does take longer for people to warm up to people being kind to them

    I know it'll be hard to take in, but honestly Batee you are kind, you are compassionate, you are helpful etc. I know i'm some internet dude from the...internet But from what I can gather is someone who has warm and pure personality. You may not think that way now, but hopefully one day you will

    :hugs:
    :jumphug: Thanks hun. Sorry you felt like that though, you don't deserve and shouldn't feel like that cause you really are brilliant. :yes: I'm glad you're able to accept some of the things said on here though :hugs: Obviously it's nice to hear that but I can't help but feel as though you wouldn't think the same in real life. I'm quite dull, and blank, and lifeless, and whilst inside I really do feel sorry for people and want to help them in times of trouble, I can't quite translate it into a human, normal response. I used to be quite popular, and social, but now I just distance myself from people as I'm worried about getting hurt. But then I hurt people, unintentionally by doing so. I'm just not a great person tbh. I feel as though I have nothing to give and no life left inside. I find no enjoyment in anything anymore.I feel like a completely different person now and it's horrible :sad:


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    Unsurprisingly, psych appointment wasn't particularly helpful.
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    Hi,

    Is it possible to have some advice please:
    A now-ex friend of mine has the habit of blaming his depression on others and manipulates people. In my case, I asked him to stop contacting me and his reaction was to blame me for what's happened and then claim that it's all my fault. I've done nothing wrong. I just don't want to come on Facebook all the time and find messages from him. They're usually him asking the same thing over and over again.

    He also said that if he ends up in hospital again, it's my fault. I've done nothing wrong. I'm not the one blackmailing others when I don't get my own way.

    Unfortunately, he isn't someone I can avoid, which makes it worse.
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    (Original post by eddie4921)
    I got good news today because student finance have accepted my compelling personal reasons (depression) as the reason i suspended my last course, and they're giving me all 3 years funding :groovy: to start a new one (psychology) so im really pleased. Im only meant to have 2 years funding left but i literally begged them to give me another year in my letter and it worked!!

    Yeah so that made my day.

    Buuuut im back to being sad again now. I dont know if i'll ever escape this
    Is this doable then? I'm considering my options and am at the point where it looks like I'm going to have to redo some of the 2nd year. I don't know what sort of finance options there are, but pregnancy must be a compelling personal reason!!
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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Hahaha... you rub it in, and I'll... and I'll... I dunno what I'll do but it won't be pleasant haha :L... I'm only joking I would indeed be proud and happy that you'd have found someone :yep: mind you that's my sleep pattern as always haha so hey ho, but it's annoying when I'm up half the night and no one else is awake

    That's good then <--- nice shiny teeth like this dude here Hope you have a fun Sunday

    Ehhhhhhhhh 50/50 haha.

    :lovehug:
    I'm terrified, I better hide under my bed As I will when you'll find one Dayum i'm sorry to hear that I hope the sleeping pattern improves soon :yep:

    My teeth a fairly white actually but not quite THAT white I'm buying stuff and getting treated, of course i'll lke it haha. Whack out coursework tomorrow, treat myself Sunday...good plan me thinks

    :hugs: How come?

    :lovehug:

    (Original post by 08batee)
    :jumphug: Thanks hun. Sorry you felt like that though, you don't deserve and shouldn't feel like that cause you really are brilliant. :yes: I'm glad you're able to accept some of the things said on here though :hugs: Obviously it's nice to hear that but I can't help but feel as though you wouldn't think the same in real life. I'm quite dull, and blank, and lifeless, and whilst inside I really do feel sorry for people and want to help them in times of trouble, I can't quite translate it into a human, normal response. I used to be quite popular, and social, but now I just distance myself from people as I'm worried about getting hurt. But then I hurt people, unintentionally by doing so. I'm just not a great person tbh. I feel as though I have nothing to give and no life left inside. I find no enjoyment in anything anymore.I feel like a completely different person now and it's horrible :sad:


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    I still from time to time obviously and it really drags me down, but this thread has been helpful and I greatly appreciate the help i've received and that includes you! :yep: It's hard because I know I would but I can't prove that. I appreciate the fact I know you guys at all - even if it's on TSR. I can't prove to you that i'd say the same things to you in real life, even though I know I would and I understand that. I'd classify you as an internet friend of mine because although i've never met you in real life, you've still had some impact on my life in a good way. I know someone in real life who felt the same and it made me want to get to know her even more because well (in a non romantic way), I could see that she was so scared to communicate and wanted to be sociable that I often spoke to her because I knew that within was something beautiful. We became great friends and she felt fairly comfortable with me and lowered her guard down. I also used to be fairly popular and sociable and then suddenly I started going down a downward spiral and I distance from people often to avoiding getting hurt like yourself. Although it may not be similar to real life, but you're popular on here. I've sung your praises many times as has so many others and maybe we can be the foundation of you raising your self-esteem slowly but steadily I used the compliments and advice people on here gave me and it caused me to slowly come out of my shell a bit to the extent where i'm starting to maintain conversations with people. I couldn't have done it with the help of you and the thread no way So when you say you have nothing to give, well I believe you have because you along with the thread collectively has sometimes given me a reason to smile on days where smiling seems like such an effort. If you find no enjoyment out anything, maybe it's time to try something new? Something positive and fund and ultimately what YOU want No matter what type of person you are (I believe you're a compassionate person) we ALL like you! And no matter what, this thread will always be by your side...always :hugs:
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    (Original post by usernameishard)
    my mother (who i care for) has and i also have the same problems but dont consider myself bad enough to need DLA just yet. ive sat in a tribunal and heard them say things like 'WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES'
    if i were you i would be in touch with social services to help you fill out the form and if they say no (which they are to most people) make sure you appeal and go to the tribunal with representation which you can also get through social services. good luck!
    My social worker told me that I'd more than likely be eligible for DLA, so she ordered a form for me. It hasn't arrived yet, but I'm worrying a little about the possibility of stressful assessments.
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    :hugs: I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go well. :console:

    It went way better than I expected. Way, way better. However, I then had dinner with my aunt and I forgot how triggering she can be (ED triggers, not gonna write what she said). I had lots of nice free food though so she and my old ED can stick it :P
    Awesome, well done Do you have any more to go?


    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Feeling bit warm and mushy. Had a supervision this morning, on some exam practice essays I wrote. At the end I was like "going to be blunt, you know this hasn't been the best year for me personally. To be honest, I'll still be disappointed if I get below a 2.i but I just wanted to know how you think it's going."

    Director of Studies was like "You're going to get a 2.i. Working more at this point is to get a 1st and I know you want to do the best you can, but if you'll be happy with a 2.i then you need to prioritise your health, and you will get a 2.i."

    Is lovely cos she could have been all "work work work, that's the most important, you need to get a 1st!" or even told me that I need to work harder if I want to get a 2.i to add more pressure. Makes me feel much more relaxed, which is also conducive to getting more work done. It's good to have some supportive people.
    Awesome!

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Finally got my referral to CMHT today.. Really scared but really hopeful that this will help. Can anyone explain to me what the original assessment is like? Could do with some reassurance.. Trying to avoid panicking!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    It shouldn't be so bad, generally they'll just ask about your current symptoms and how they're affecting you plus a bit about your history and your living situation. Shouldn't be too dissimilar to your first doctors appointment. Then they should discuss what some of the options going forward might be for you. Try not to worry about it, they'll have done dozens of assessments and will understand it's nerve wracking.

    (Original post by Little Isis)
    Sometimes i get suspicious of people who are too nice. I think they're plotting against me, that's why they're being nice to me....
    That can't be very fun. :console:
    I don't think there's any sinister motive behind her behaviour, it just makes me feel incredibly guilty. We're not even properly friends yet she is doing so much for me, she really can't see how unworthy I am. Also she has literally saved my life lots of times now and I hate her for it cos is so wrong.
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    (Original post by IDukem)
    I'm terrified, I better hide under my bed As I will when you'll find one Dayum i'm sorry to hear that I hope the sleeping pattern improves soon :yep:

    My teeth a fairly white actually but not quite THAT white I'm buying stuff and getting treated, of course i'll lke it haha. Whack out coursework tomorrow, treat myself Sunday...good plan me thinks

    :hugs: How come?

    :lovehug:
    Hahaha :yep: run away now otherwise you feel the full force of the FireFly :lol: Haha you'll be waiting a while ... Ach I'm always like this.. I just get so bored at night and there's no one around to talk to

    Haha.. just imagine if they were :eek: You'd be radiating whiteness from your teeth everywhere you go haha well duhhh, but I'm just being nice and saying I hope you'll have an enjoyable time (does that sound better now haha).. very good plan indeed

    Meh, just this place really.. and a new nurse who really pissing me off

    :lovehug:
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    (Original post by lethean girl)
    It's coming up on nine months now. How long are you usually in, out of interest?
    Bloody hell, that's a long time. I'm usually in just a month - last few times I've sat out my Sec 2 and thats it. I haven't been in hospital since October last year though. Luckily, my diagnosis means it's harder for them to put me on a 3.
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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    Bloody hell, that's a long time. I'm usually in just a month - last few times I've sat out my Sec 2 and thats it. I haven't been in hospital since October last year though. Luckily, my diagnosis means it's harder for them to put me on a 3.
    They've renewed mine so many times, I've lost count. Sigh.
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    my own brain is suffocating me.
    i forgot to bring my twiddly to my boyfriends though
    although i am probably safer here than at home.
    dont know what to do. i cant run anywhere i cant do anything
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    My OCD has been really bad today. I'm usually able to keep my contamination fears under control but today has been awful. What's worse is I'm spending a few days at my flat and the people living here are so messy and every surface is caked with grime. I'm sitting in bed terrified in case I didn't properly clean any part of me but I'm terrified to go outside my room because it's so filthy and I don't want to touch anything. I feel sick. I'm terrified that really bad things will happen if I don't get up right now and disinfect literally everything but simultaneously terrified that doing so will cause even more things to go wrong. I've got a really bad headache and I'm worried that maybe I didn't wash my hands properly earlier or something. Really cannot cope with this. I can't breathe properly. I want to just leave the flat right now and catch the last train back home. :'(

    Spoiler:
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    I'm not cut out for uni and I'm not cut out for living with other people and I'm just a waste of space.
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    Not doing well tonight. This time of night is always so hard for me and I've been hallucinating, too :facepalm:


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    This is spoilered because I started out writing just a small paragraph about how I'm feeling right now and it turned into an essay. I don't really want anyone to read it unless they are going to help. I don't see how anyone can help though. Right now I'm lost. Also it could be triggering, but I don't know. I just need to put it out there.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Had a bath, now I feel crap. The alien in my belly is so uncomfortable. I want to scream or punch my belly, it just looks so gross. I don't hate the baby, I just hate the feeling of the movements and being pregnant in general. I hate it. I feel disgusting, dirty all the time. If I could spend the next 2 months in the bath, being all wrinkly it would be better than this. It literally feels like there is an alien in there, like it doesn't belong in there.

    I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

    It doesn't feel like my body any more, it feels like I'm someone else who is supposed to be stronger than me.

    I know people have said that I am coping well, but I don't see how. I feel completely useless, completely alienated from everyone, like I am drifting through the weeks as somebody else. Whenever I allow myself to take my mind off the fact that there is this weird creature growing inside me it kicks or moves about or flutters. I can't even refer to it as "he" or by its name because it all just feels so wrong. I wish I didn't have to go through this. I am sick of everything to do with it and I want it to end. It has been 3 weeks since finding out, and I have 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 weeks to go and I just want it to end now so that I can get on with looking after it and being a mum.

    I don't want my life to change either. I don't want to give up on my dream. I don't want to resign myself to a life of slaving away after a little screaming bundle of **** and vomit, and then when it is older a demanding little ******** who wants me to spend loads of money that I don't have on it. I am terrified that it will turn out like my brother was and be abusive towards me and my family and my partner, because I don't know how to discipline it properly.

    The worst thing is that I love it already and I would never ever give it up because even though there are days like this when I want to just curl up and scream at the world I know that in the end I'm just going to be like every other mum who loves their children. But I don't want that. I just want it to be me and my boyfriend and my cat and for it not to change until I am ready. I wanted to call the shots on when I had children - get married, plan it properly, have the financial stability. I don't have any of that. I am just another stupid girl overpopulating the country cos she couldn't control taking her pills properly.

    I didn't take them today either. I don't know why. I just didn't. I took them yesterday but not the day before. I can't seem to help it. I want my baby to have a good life but I know I'm never going to be able to give it that. I will never be able to buy a house so it is going to live in crappy rented accommodation for the rest of its life. I'm never going to be able to admit to it that I was the one who ruined its life by not taking my pills when I was pregnant. This is way too much.

    I'm really not coping. I'm really really not.
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    Not doing well tonight. This time of night is always so hard for me and I've been hallucinating, too :facepalm:


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Feeling the same as you :hugs: :jumphug: Hope you feel better soon!
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    Only just woke up. Fell asleep before I could go to the hospital to see my nan. Feel like a ****ty human being.
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    (Original post by lethean girl)
    Is anyone else applying for DLA (it still exists as DLA in my area) on mental health grounds? What should I expect if they ask for an assessment?
    I get DLA for Mental Health. I get highest rate care and low mobility. I didn't go for an assessment, I just filled in the form with some support from the CAB. Then my Social Worker and Psychiatrist gave evidence and they wrote a letter to me telling me they were awarding it.

    I don't think you can get it atm if you are inpatient, but I'm not sure.
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    So, so tired. I just want to sleep. Actual sleep tht is resting, not the sort where you wake up every hour covered in sweat and tears and screaming. dont want any more flkashbacks i just cant. i am really too bad and broken and ****ing weak for this. im sorry i know i shouldnt post anymore, i just hurt and i need it all to stop
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    ****ing neighbours have loud music on :mad:

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    ended up waking the boyfriend up and now hes refusing to sleep until im asleep. :sad:
    looks like another zopi filled night for poncho.

    i really dont know why he puts up with me, all i do is wake him up, or annoy him when hes awake. pretty sure thats my only role as his girlfriend :sad: hed get much more sleep and a lot less nagging if i wasnt with him, but i know hell disagree.

    im just sick of feeling like this i hope tomorrow is a good day because i sure need one. im so drained of feeling so down, yet i still have so much to complete at uni still. i have to go to placement and pretend im ok and happy.

    because i know my boyfriends about to read this i shall go get my zopi and turn off the light so i can sleep i guess. :yes:
 
 
 
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