Depression Society MkII Watch

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death.drop
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#8001
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#8001
joe been ireally nice to me itngith and i wanted tos stay out but i havse work int he morning
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Blue Rose
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#8002
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#8002
I can't think of the most suitable way I'd kill myself...hmm...no idea. Jumping off a bridge maybe onto a motorway but what if it isn't successful or it might not be painless. I want something instant and painless.

Drowning myself wouldn't work because I know how to swim and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from trying not to drown and I have something about water and not being able to breathe, I think it would be the most distressing way of dying, even when I see people underwater on TV I start to feel like I'm suffocating.

Though my mum dreamt the other night that I was drowning and she called about for help but no-one was there/couldn't hear her.
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blackfish
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#8003
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(Original post by Blue Rose)
I can't think of the most suitable way I'd kill myself...hmm...no idea. Jumping off a bridge maybe onto a motorway but what if it isn't successful or it might not be painless. I want something instant and painless.
You don't want to do that sweetie! We all like you here

I've been in a situation before where I tried to top myself. I've asked myself before whether it's worth carrying on. And to be honest, even though my life has various complications and people I deal with on a daily basis have no idea about them. I just wouldn't feel right pulling the plug.

You can PM me if you ever want to talk We are nice people.

I'm feeling quite weird today. My memory has completely gone weird. If someone asked me about something that happened 6 years ago, I could tell them... But if you asked me what number bus I got on today I couldn't tell you. Infact I don't remember being on a bus at all, but the ticket in my wallet suggests otherwise... :confused: Ah well, something to mention at the hospital tomorrow

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm recieving signals that are requiring my presence in the Buffet Car

:hugs: to whoever would like them
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Blue Rose
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#8004
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(Original post by blackfish)
You don't want to do that sweetie! We all like you here

I've been in a situation before where I tried to top myself. I've asked myself before whether it's worth carrying on. And to be honest, even though my life has various complications and people I deal with on a daily basis have no idea about them. I just wouldn't feel right pulling the plug.

You can PM me if you ever want to talk We are nice people.

I'm feeling quite weird today. My memory has completely gone weird. If someone asked me about something that happened 6 years ago, I could tell them... But if you asked me what number bus I got on today I couldn't tell you. Infact I don't remember being on a bus at all, but the ticket in my wallet suggests otherwise... Ah well, something to mention at the hospital tomorrow

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm recieving signals that are requiring my presence in the Buffet Car

to whoever would like them
Depression affects the memory, and in time it has been proved that it actually shrinks the size of the brain.

I can't remember anything lately either, even the tiniest things and my memory goes blank mid conversation and stuff. Everything I say is like "OMG I saw this really cool thing on TV where (then I explain) it was on..."what's the name of that program where...(explains) you know the one..

or I heard that that also happens in this country, I can't remember the name of it now but Ill tell you in a bit (continues story)...


I just can't remember ANYTHING.
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Blue Rose
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#8005
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(Original post by blackfish)
You don't want to do that sweetie! We all like you here

I've been in a situation before where I tried to top myself. I've asked myself before whether it's worth carrying on. And to be honest, even though my life has various complications and people I deal with on a daily basis have no idea about them. I just wouldn't feel right pulling the plug.

You can PM me if you ever want to talk We are nice people.

I'm feeling quite weird today. My memory has completely gone weird. If someone asked me about something that happened 6 years ago, I could tell them... But if you asked me what number bus I got on today I couldn't tell you. Infact I don't remember being on a bus at all, but the ticket in my wallet suggests otherwise... Ah well, something to mention at the hospital tomorrow

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm recieving signals that are requiring my presence in the Buffet Car

to whoever would like them
Your career...how did you know the right courses to take and stuff? When my career plans fail in science, I plan to move into the IT industry, so it would help me to know. I don't know anything, about anything, hence why I'm going to be unsuccessful and homeless and jobless.
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blackfish
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#8006
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(Original post by Blue Rose)
I just can't remember ANYTHING.
I feel your pain, I really do! I can be in sessions with my CBT person and be half way through saying something, then my mind just goes blank. It's not good! Makes you look weird.

I once stood at the ticket desk in Bristol Parkway station trying to buy a ticket, all very well and good, but could I remember where I needed to go?? Nope! After a good five minutes it hit me and I remembered. I was really embarrassed as well as it was a very good looking young lass serving me and I felt a right moron! She said as I was a polite regular customer and for having a certain railcard :rolleyes: that I was excused from looking silly!
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Malsy
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#8007
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#8007
i've been absolutely yearning for ''something'' for so long and i don't think i'm ever going to get what i want. and i mean ever, never ever in my lifetime. i'm so depressed over it and life can never be better
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death.drop
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#8008
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#8008
I have a funeral today and I really really don't want to go. last night was hard because all I could think about was my own death and the cremation and everything.
I had an amazing night saturday with this guy I've liked forever but it's upset my relationship/friendship with shane and he's joe's best friend so when he finds out we spent the night together again he's going to be pissed at us both.
I wonder, is it worth risking 2 important friendships just for a few great nights with someone who'll be gone again soon? we just get on so well and it's not often I can stay up all night just chatting and kissing. he's so gentle with me and it makes me feel so good, like I'm somebody else. somebody worth bothering with. these are the kinds of nights that you stay alive another week for. to think I spent about 7 years thinking he'd never be interested in me, and him thinking I'd never be interested in him. this is rubbish.
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Tufts
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#8009
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#8009
(Original post by BruceTaylor)
Throw yourself into the river. Or at least come achingly close to doing it. Some ****** spotted me so I couldn't.
Interesting but don't we humans have a reflex to swim?

I saw it on a pragramme about babies once :o:
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Barry Chuckle
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#8010
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#8010
(Original post by Tufts)
How do you drown yourself?
I think the idea is to jump off a high place and be knocked out by the impact (thus drowning ensues)..
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Vienna Cannon
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#8011
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#8011
I haven't been on here in a long time. I hope everyone is well. I feel like I've been going round in circles with everything. I want to lock myself away from everyone but I can't I don't have any room( have been sleeping on a sofa the past few weeks) I'm living with my mum now after being released from the psych ward. it was hell in there it made me feel so much worse i barely slept most days. and had horrid thoughts and heard voices telling me to hurt and kill everyone so i could be in silence again. I couldnt cope with that. I've hurt so many people. And i know I'm gonna hurt a hell of a lot more because of how I have been. I was put on fluoxetine 20mg and i stopped taking it because it was making me be really sensitive to evrything my body went strange and it made me sick. I took myself off it a few days ago but it has ****** with my head. Caused me to have a horrible nightmae and scared me so so much when i woke up. I don't know if fluoxetine is the best for mee. I feel like I am drowning in everything right now. I took an overdose nearly a month ago now, and everyday since i wish it had killed me. I've started thinking too much since not having a job anymore. Thinking how i wished the *******s had killed me when i begged them how i wish i never was born how the pain i have caused so many would never of happened if i had died in the first place. I think about all the good people in the world that deserve to live and i then think why couldn't I have died and one of them lived. I'm not worth anything to society I don't think I am worth anything to anyone in this world anymore. And anyone who thinks I am are clearly not thinking straight. No one deserves to put up with my misery. I want to be free from this misery free from this pain free from the fear free from the hurt, free from eerything and i know the only way i'll achieve that is if I die.
I know its selfish of me to think this, but inside I want it so badly. Just to be an echo, not even a memorie, I just think everyone would be better off if i was gone. Its gotten too much for me. I don't get much sleep and the sleep i do get isn't worth having when its constantly plagued by nightmares. I want to be the innocent young free 15yr old I used to be I want to never remember anything, to never of been hurt to never of lived. when i last saw the doctor at the psych ward I lied to him because I wanted to get out. He asked me if he the means in that very room to end it all, would I do it... I said no because i knew thats the answer he was wanting to hear. but inside there was no doubt that i wanted it.
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Blue Rose
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#8012
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(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
I haven't been on here in a long time. I hope everyone is well. I feel like I've been going round in circles with everything. I want to lock myself away from everyone but I can't I don't have any room( have been sleeping on a sofa the past few weeks) I'm living with my mum now after being released from the psych ward. it was hell in there it made me feel so much worse i barely slept most days. and had horrid thoughts and heard voices telling me to hurt and kill everyone so i could be in silence again. I couldnt cope with that. I've hurt so many people. And i know I'm gonna hurt a hell of a lot more because of how I have been. I was put on fluoxetine 20mg and i stopped taking it because it was making me be really sensitive to evrything my body went strange and it made me sick. I took myself off it a few days ago but it has ****** with my head. Caused me to have a horrible nightmae and scared me so so much when i woke up. I don't know if fluoxetine is the best for mee. I feel like I am drowning in everything right now. I took an overdose nearly a month ago now, and everyday since i wish it had killed me. I've started thinking too much since not having a job anymore. Thinking how i wished the *******s had killed me when i begged them how i wish i never was born how the pain i have caused so many would never of happened if i had died in the first place. I think about all the good people in the world that deserve to live and i then think why couldn't I have died and one of them lived. I'm not worth anything to society I don't think I am worth anything to anyone in this world anymore. And anyone who thinks I am are clearly not thinking straight. No one deserves to put up with my misery. I want to be free from this misery free from this pain free from the fear free from the hurt, free from everything and i know the only way i'll achieve that is if I die.
I know its selfish of me to think this, but inside I want it so badly. Just to be an echo, not even a memorie, I just think everyone would be better off if i was gone. Its gotten too much for me. I don't get much sleep and the sleep i do get isn't worth having when its constantly plagued by nightmares. I want to be the innocent young free 15yr old I used to be I want to never remember anything, to never of been hurt to never of lived. when i last saw the doctor at the psych ward I lied to him because I wanted to get out. He asked me if he the means in that very room to end it all, would I do it... I said no because i knew thats the answer he was wanting to hear. but inside there was no doubt that i wanted it.
:hugs:

I've just met you you can't go yet. I'm sure you're a lovely person, you don't mean to cause hurt, it's not like you're doing it intentionally.
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Vienna Cannon
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#8013
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#8013
(Original post by Blue Rose)
:hugs:

I've just met you you can't go yet. I'm sure you're a lovely person, you don't mean to cause hurt, it's not like you're doing it intentionally.
All i do is cause pain to people. I've hurt everyone close to me. I'm scared of letting people close because i'll hurt them
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blackfish
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#8014
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#8014
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
All i do is cause pain to people. I've hurt everyone close to me. I'm scared of letting people close because i'll hurt them
I feel like that sometimes. It turns you rather bitter after a while. I sometimes wonder what my purpose is in life. My friends all come to me with their problems and whilst I don't mind, I never have anyone to go to with mine!

I always sort my friends out with their issues, but no1 is their to sort me out
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Blue Rose
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#8015
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#8015
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
All i do is cause pain to people. I've hurt everyone close to me. I'm scared of letting people close because i'll hurt them
If they love your they'll understand that you can't help it and try to help you through it.

You haven't hurt me

But I know how you feel, I'm bi-polar and I've had "episodes" and then people don't believe me that I don't understand how it happened/what happened and...it's not good
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Blue Rose
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#8016
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#8016
(Original post by blackfish)
I feel like that sometimes. It turns you rather bitter after a while. I sometimes wonder what my purpose is in life. My friends all come to me with their problems and whilst I don't mind, I never have anyone to go to with mine!

I always sort my friends out with their issues, but no1 is their to sort me out
Awwwww :console:

I know how you feel completely.
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blackfish
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#8017
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#8017
One of my friends found me in town today and he was in a right state. He'd brutaly self harmed, had his money nicked and was in tears. He is also a voice hearer and it was evident that they were causing him grief! anyway it took me the best part of half and hour to get him home, when I did I made sure the onsite staff knew he was in a state and they said they would keep an eye on him.

Then by chance my other two friends turned up in their car (they live at the same place). To which they had brought home 2 girls who were rather good looking. We were in the lounge just chatting and one of them asked me for my facebook which was cool as noone has ever asked me for my facebook before!

We eventually decided to look for our friend I had brought back, he has done a runner. We can't find him and he said to me that he planned to kill himself.

I tried my best to make sure he was safe but it clearly wasn't enough as usual. My friends have gone out looking for him in the car so all I can do is sit and wait for news. The staff at his house can't report him missing until 24 hours from now, so unless he does do something stupid or commit and offence (i'm hoping neither but would prefer the latter). The police won't be interested in finding him.

(Original post by Blue Rose)
Awwwww :console:
Thanks, Did you get my PM??
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FizzBitch
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#8018
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#8018
(Original post by blackfish)
One of my friends found me in town today and he was in a right state. He'd brutaly self harmed, had his money nicked and was in tears. He is also a voice hearer and it was evident that they were causing him grief! anyway it took me the best part of half and hour to get him home, when I did I made sure the onsite staff knew he was in a state and they said they would keep an eye on him.

Then by chance my other two friends turned up in their car (they live at the same place). To which they had brought home 2 girls who were rather good looking. We were in the lounge just chatting and one of them asked me for my facebook which was cool as noone has ever asked me for my facebook before!

We eventually decided to look for our friend I had brought back, he has done a runner. We can't find him and he said to me that he planned to kill himself.

I tried my best to make sure he was safe but it clearly wasn't enough as usual. My friends have gone out looking for him in the car so all I can do is sit and wait for news. The staff at his house can't report him missing until 24 hours from now, so unless he does do something stupid or commit and offence (i'm hoping neither but would prefer the latter). The police won't be interested in finding him.
I hope your friends find him and that he will be okay. I'm surprised the staff can't report him missing for 24 hours, surely if your friend is in such a state the police would look for him...I guess not

Hope you are alright too! :hugs:
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jonathan122
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#8019
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#8019
:cry:
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Sabertooth
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#8020
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#8020
(Original post by jonathan122)
:cry:
:hugs: Want to talk about it?
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