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    eeeven though i knoww this i s so seflish i really with i had a safe person stilll cos i dont want to do this alonee again not tonight i just dont want it to happen. id ont understaand why this has to be why cant it all stop alraedy.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Did you get that email by the way? Hope nothing I said offended you, don't remember speaking to you since.
    Yeah I did, kept meaning to say thanks and then went away for a bit and kind of forgot - no offense, your comments were really helpful and I'm planning to go through it a final time tomorrow and then submit. Well done on the dissertation btw!

    It seems stupid and arbitrary for me to have quit doing this thing when I don't really deserve it and it's making everything harder not to. I just know that doing it would clear my head a bit and I'm feeling really horrible about some stuff I told my therapist recently, I think I need to do this. It's damaging and stuff but ultimately I think I need that. Main thing holding me back is that dealing with (the aftermath) takes effort and self-care that I just don't have. I dunno. Definitely deserve some kind of punishment.

    (Original post by Sultana)
    eeeven though i knoww this i s so seflish i really with i had a safe person stilll cos i dont want to do this alonee again not tonight i just dont want it to happen. id ont understaand why this has to be why cant it all stop alraedy.
    :hugs:

    I'll be on Skype all evening. Can either type or if talking out loud would help more I'm around (either on Skype or can call you - I have 300 minutes still to use in the next 9 days). I know talking to me might be the last thing you want to do, but I'm there if you need someone, and it's totally ok with me. :jumphug:
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Yeah I did, kept meaning to say thanks and then went away for a bit and kind of forgot - no offense, your comments were really helpful and I'm planning to go through it a final time tomorrow and then submit. Well done on the dissertation btw!

    It seems stupid and arbitrary for me to have quit doing this thing when I don't really deserve it and it's making everything harder not to. I just know that doing it would clear my head a bit and I'm feeling really horrible about some stuff I told my therapist recently, I think I need to do this. It's damaging and stuff but ultimately I think I need that. Main thing holding me back is that dealing with (the aftermath) takes effort and self-care that I just don't have. I dunno. Definitely deserve some kind of punishment.
    :yy: Glad I could help, hope it gets accepted!

    If you're thinking of doing what I think you are, then I really really don't think you deserve it. You're a good person who's had bad things happen to them, and it's not your fault. And you're supposed to tell your therapist that kind of thing, it's their job!
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    Congratulations superwolf! :jumphug:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Freedom and morality in Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. Fascinating stuff eh?
    no idea what that means but congrats
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    Congratulations superwolf! :jumphug:
    Thanks! :hugs:

    (Original post by SciFiRory)
    no idea what that means but congrats
    It means a whole load of philosophical *******s.
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    (Original post by luno)
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    I know how you're feeling but you're stronger than you think. Definitely stronger than the depression but it is tough and it will take time. But things will get better. You need to take one day at a time and count each day as an achievement because you made it.

    Is there anything you can do to help distract yourself from the bad thoughts? I find reading can help when I can actually concentrate but when I can't 30 min comedies or random youtube videos are good distractions.

    We're here for you. I am terrible at giving advice but the people on this thread are pretty awesome.

    Stay strong and don't lose hope :hugs:.
    The depression really has hold of me at the moment, and I really don't know what to do

    Sorry for the rubbish reply


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    Never thought I'd admit this but I think I need the haloperidol. Went to the gym and it was like everyone in there was all in on one big joke of laughing at me. Really hard to concentrate on working out when you just want to scream at the person next to you for laughing so openly. Now I'm home and listening to the Clash loudly but it's not blocking them out, they're telling me to do something really bad. I know I shouldn't but I'm actually kind of tempted, I mean things are deteriorating quickly and soon I'm going to be in the sh*t and I don't want to be there again. Really afraid of them having so much power again. :cry2:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :yy: Glad I could help, hope it gets accepted!

    If you're thinking of doing what I think you are, then I really really don't think you deserve it. You're a good person who's had bad things happen to them, and it's not your fault. And you're supposed to tell your therapist that kind of thing, it's their job!
    I dunno. Feels like maybe it would clear my head. And just be more right. I don't know, I think she's eventually going to realise I've been totally infected by the bad stuff and kind of melded with it in a horrible way. Urgh this is horrible. And I'm sorry I probably shouldn't be posting especially if it's that obvious what I'm talking about. Trying to make time **** off.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Never thought I'd admit this but I think I need the haloperidol. Went to the gym and it was like everyone in there was all in on one big joke of laughing at me. Really hard to concentrate on working out when you just want to scream at the person next to you for laughing so openly. Now I'm home and listening to the Clash loudly but it's not blocking them out, they're telling me to do something really bad. I know I shouldn't but I'm actually kind of tempted, I mean things are deteriorating quickly and soon I'm going to be in the sh*t and I don't want to be there again. Really afraid of them having so much power again. :cry2:

    Go see psychiatrist as soon as possible.
    Actually your current one sounds kinda dumb for not anticipating this, so find a new and better psychiatrist as soon as possible. Also tell your wife what's going on.

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    I dunno. Feels like maybe it would clear my head. And just be more right. I don't know, I think she's eventually going to realise I've been totally infected by the bad stuff and kind of melded with it in a horrible way. Urgh this is horrible. And I'm sorry I probably shouldn't be posting especially if it's that obvious what I'm talking about. Trying to make time **** off.
    You've not been infected by anything. :hugs: You're awesome and you do not deserve this. :nah:
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    I still get so miserable as hell about my working holiday not working out in the end, and being forced to return and be stuck in this depressing town. It's so frustrating not only to be made to feel so useless over my bad luck with jobs, but also upsetting not feeling like I can make the most of life and do everything that I want. I probably should just lower my expectations in life, but it's so difficult, especially with envy always getting in the way. This world can go **** itself, honestly :banghead:
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Definitely deserve some kind of punishment.
    Even if you would need it, you suffer way enough. And no, you don't deserve punishment. Why don't focus it on something else? Big hugs!
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    Can't do this. :cry2:
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    Hi, first time posting on here, I'm feeling really low and wondering what the point of anything is. I hate this feeling, I hate myself, I feel so alone and numb, I can't even cry I've had depression for about 2/3 years, now I've just started a levels and I feel like everything is spiralling out of control and I don't know how I'm going to get through this year... I can't eat, my sleeping is really irregular and i have really bad anxiety all the time but especially at school and around lots of people. There are so many thoughts and feelings going round in my head and I'm so scared, but then afterwards when I feel numb I am still telling myself that I shouldn't talk to anyone and I'm fine. I'm trying to get help at school but finding it really hard to talk about as I've been trying to cover it up for the past few years. I'm going to my GP tomorrow, but I don't know if he will realise how bad it is... I don't think anyone realises how bad it is in my head because when I'm around people I put on a positive, happy front but inside I am breaking down I feel really hopeless and rock bottom and scared, but no one sees me how I am now so no one understands how distressed I am I have no idea what to do, as I can't live like this...


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    Doing quite well right now, but I have fear, all come back, if university is beginning again. Any experiences? (Yeah, I know, that is a totally "What in the hell should we answer?" - Question, but I am getting insecure again, , Don't want to "waste" another year and I have the fear to get me too much work.) :'( I probably take more work than I can handle ... Sadly, it is my biggest wish ...
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    (Original post by superwolf)

    Go see psychiatrist as soon as possible.
    Actually your current one sounds kinda dumb for not anticipating this, so find a new and better psychiatrist as soon as possible. Also tell your wife what's going on.
    She kind of did. She told me to increase it again if this happens but I can't do that until I have the blood test on tuesday so I can work out the exact effect of each drug. Anyhow I need off of it so starting it again isn't an option. Stupid ****ing side effects...everything was great.

    Got the dissertation bound and ready to hand in?

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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    She kind of did. She told me to increase it again if this happens but I can't do that until I have the blood test on tuesday so I can work out the exact effect of each drug. Anyhow I need off of it so starting it again isn't an option. Stupid ****ing side effects...everything was great.

    Got the dissertation bound and ready to hand in?

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    :hugs: You do have the worst medical luck ever... :console: Are there any meds that used to work for you that you'd be willing to give another go? Might be that your tolerance has reduced back down again. It does seem like you go in cycles of drugs helping and not helping again, I reckon you should give your psych a detailed history and see what she thinks.

    Yep! :evilbanana:
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    (Original post by rosie97)
    Hi, first time posting on here, I'm feeling really low and wondering what the point of anything is. I hate this feeling, I hate myself, I feel so alone and numb, I can't even cry I've had depression for about 2/3 years, now I've just started a levels and I feel like everything is spiralling out of control and I don't know how I'm going to get through this year...
    Just for the record: You haven't talked to a professional about that, yet, or? (I will just assume it and answer.)

    I can't eat, my sleeping is really irregular and i have really bad anxiety all the time but especially at school and around lots of people.
    Things that can help:
    - reading the insomnia article on TSR and just force you to adjust to regular sleeping pattern, just for the sake of it. Singing lullabies helps, too.
    - Same with food: it is extremely difficult to feel well, if you don't eat. You just double the impact of "it" (Depression, anxiety, whatever). Can you cook? Buy fruits! See it as a very simple medication. (I have to admit, I am a big fan of good food, but it helps ... for me.)
    - anxiety: There is an anxiety society here, too. I think it is important to know, how many people feel scared, but you have to make sure, that you don't loose any contact. Have you friends around you? Anything that make it easier for you?

    There are so many thoughts and feelings going round in my head and I'm so scared, but then afterwards when I feel numb I am still telling myself that I shouldn't talk to anyone and I'm fine.
    No and please don't play "happy". Bad idea and many people won't believe you anyway.

    I'm going to my GP tomorrow, but I don't know if he will realise how bad it is...
    Depends ... I would write all down, especially if you are used to just cover it up. On the other hand, I would not let me hold back, if he is not too fast with a diagnosis and/or medication. That is not necessarily a bad thing to get a closer look, before giving treatment. (That's my opinion and don't get me wrong, with getting a closer look, I don't mean sending you home to see you in some months.) It is probably also important to tell him/her, how it affects you.
    I don't think anyone realises how bad it is in my head because when I'm around people I put on a positive, happy front but inside I am breaking down I feel really hopeless and rock bottom and scared, but no one sees me how I am now so no one understands how distressed I am I have no idea what to do, as I can't live like this...
    :hugs::hugs::hugs:
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    Dont think my new meds are working too great as i feel so bad i cant cope but not at home so cant go back to the drs


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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :hugs: You do have the worst medical luck ever... :console: Are there any meds that used to work for you that you'd be willing to give another go? Might be that your tolerance has reduced back down again. It does seem like you go in cycles of drugs helping and not helping again, I reckon you should give your psych a detailed history and see what she thinks.

    Yep! :evilbanana:
    My psychiatrist suggested olanzapine and I was like hmmm gained 50lbs and was sleeping 18+hours a day :beard: ....yeah no thanks. I was thinking of asking for aripiprazole actually, the only reason I stopped it before was I got really bad insomnia - I'm thinking I have sleeping pills now so I could take them if that happened again. Either that or I could perhaps even try asking for one of the super new ones if my insurance would cover them. I dunno, my wife is forcing me to call up tomorrow morning and make an appointment so depending on when that is I might not have too much research time.

    Awesome. :five: Don't drink too much tonight, you'll have to be able to hand it in tomorrow
 
 
 
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