Depression Society MkII Watch

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*pink_sapphires*
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#8181
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#8181
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
lonely again. so desperate for some kind of contact with people that i'm sitting outside in the cold stealing a wireless network, waiting for a chance to speak to friends online. but why am i so desperate to talk to people when i was with a friend barely an hour ago? sometimes i do end up alone for long periods, but i feel no different then to how i feel now. this is ridiculous.


yeah i noticed you'd gone pink sapphires! how's everything?
Life is absolutely manic at the minute. My Uncle is incredibly ill and nearly died last week. He's in and out of Intensive Care and if I'm not at work, I'm usually at the hospital with my Mum. A good thing that has come out of it is that I've got back in touch with all my family and I've spent a couple of days with my cousins which has been lovely. Work isn't great. I hate it as it's so so boring but it's money so I can't complain as money is so tight. Mum is still severly depressed and the doctor has put her on maximum dose of amitriptyline (75mg is apparently max dose, i don't know). My brother still won't get washed or dressed (hasn't had a shower or been dressed since 14th January) and things are really hard with him as we just don't speak to him anymore. College work isn't going so well which is bad seeing as I've nearly finished the course (only lasts 12 weeks) and I have an exam and assignment to do. I have a new plan for September though. Might not go to the Alps as I don't think I'd get a job out there. Instead, I might move in with my grandparents in Portsmouth and go to college there as they offer the course I need to do to go back to uni.

Right, that's enough waffle! How are you? :hugs: xx
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Antimatter
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#8182
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#8182
Hey all, I'm now on my fourth antidepressant, which, for a non depressive, is incredibly interesting :awesome:

Also, has anyone rung up their doctors to get a prescription for beta blockers over the phone? I've not taken mine for a few months now and I'm all tetchy all of a sudden :sad:
Also, please tell me all about your experiences with Mirtazapine :cool:
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becki08
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#8183
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#8183
Just thought I'd pop in to say hi.

I hope your uncle gets better soon Liz.

I've been having a hard time. Yet another diagnosis to add to the list - depression, anxiety, BPD, dissociative problems, stress-related transient pseudohallucinations and now PTSD as well. I don't want more things wrong with me. I just want to be well again
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death.drop
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#8184
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#8184
(Original post by becki08)
I've been having a hard time. Yet another diagnosis to add to the list - depression, anxiety, BPD, dissociative problems, stress-related transient pseudohallucinations and now PTSD as well. I don't want more things wrong with me. I just want to be well again
just remember it's not a new thing that's wrong with you, it's a new diagnosis. of something you already had.
all it means is one more thing you and your doctors can start to sort out. being aware of it is a good thing.
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Sabertooth
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#8185
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#8185
(Original post by Antimatter)
Hey all, I'm now on my fourth antidepressant, which, for a non depressive, is incredibly interesting :awesome:

Also, has anyone rung up their doctors to get a prescription for beta blockers over the phone? I've not taken mine for a few months now and I'm all tetchy all of a sudden :sad:
Also, please tell me all about your experiences with Mirtazapine :cool:
I take mirtazapine, I was so so tired to start with, I really felt drugged up, but then I couldn't sleep and had to take chlorpromazine to help me get to sleep once I'd got used to it a bit. Also felt nauseous to start with but now I'm so hungry all the time have to watch what I eat.

It's the only ad I've taken which made me feel awesome. That lasted maybe a few weeks, but now I'm back down here feeling ****. The break was more of a tease than anything. :sad:

Good luck with it.


:hugs: becki, I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling, but like death.drop says it means they are better able to help you hopefully.
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Sabertooth
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#8186
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#8186
I'm such a loser. I get really anxious in social situations, I joined a society at uni and there's an event tonight that I'd love to go to, really really want to do it, but I'm absolutely terrified. I'm crying over it atm. I literally can't do it even though I want to so much. I'm just so worried of being on my own (which has happened every other time I've gone to this society's events), making a fool of myself, not being as good at the activity as everyone else (kind of true, I'm ok at it but I always mess up because I'm in front of other people) and crying again on the bus back to uni (like I did last time, no one noticed thank god). But I still want to go so badly, I just can't. Does anyone else have this? It's a totally irrational fear. I sometimes get it before lectures as well, but they're compulsory so usually manage to force myself to go.
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death.drop
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#8187
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#8187
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I'm such a loser. I get really anxious in social situations, I joined a society at uni and there's an event tonight that I'd love to go to, really really want to do it, but I'm absolutely terrified. I'm crying over it atm. I literally can't do it even though I want to so much. I'm just so worried of being on my own (which has happened every other time I've gone to this society's events), making a fool of myself, not being as good at the activity as everyone else (kind of true, I'm ok at it but I always mess up because I'm in front of other people) and crying again on the bus back to uni (like I did last time, no one noticed thank god). But I still want to go so badly, I just can't. Does anyone else have this? It's a totally irrational fear. I sometimes get it before lectures as well, but they're compulsory so usually manage to force myself to go.
all the time, I hate going anywhere if I haven't got someone to stay with and talk to.
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Pocket Calculator
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#8188
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#8188
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I'm such a loser. I get really anxious in social situations, I joined a society at uni and there's an event tonight that I'd love to go to, really really want to do it, but I'm absolutely terrified. I'm crying over it atm. I literally can't do it even though I want to so much. I'm just so worried of being on my own (which has happened every other time I've gone to this society's events), making a fool of myself, not being as good at the activity as everyone else (kind of true, I'm ok at it but I always mess up because I'm in front of other people) and crying again on the bus back to uni (like I did last time, no one noticed thank god). But I still want to go so badly, I just can't. Does anyone else have this? It's a totally irrational fear. I sometimes get it before lectures as well, but they're compulsory so usually manage to force myself to go.
Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it!
Give it a go!

what is it, anyway?
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Sabertooth
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#8189
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#8189
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it!
Give it a go!

what is it, anyway?
I wish it was that easy, I want to go so badly.

(Original post by death.drop)
all the time, I hate going anywhere if I haven't got someone to stay with and talk to.
:console: You don't know how to conquer it do you?
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death.drop
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#8190
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#8190
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I wish it was that easy, I want to go so badly.



:console: You don't know how to conquer it do you?
can't say as I do. I tried just going places anyway and although half the time i felt fine once i was there and managed to find people to talk to, the other half of the time i ended up on my own, feeling really really bad.

whenever I really want to go somewhere i just drag someone with me. rather embarrassingly, on my first date with my ex boyfriend I took my best friend along. that is how bad I am at social situations.
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Sabertooth
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#8191
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#8191
(Original post by death.drop)
can't say as I do. I tried just going places anyway and although half the time i felt fine once i was there and managed to find people to talk to, the other half of the time i ended up on my own, feeling really really bad.

whenever I really want to go somewhere i just drag someone with me. rather embarrassingly, on my first date with my ex boyfriend I took my best friend along. that is how bad I am at social situations.
Yeah that's what happens to me, except recently it's been every single time I end up on my own. I do keep going, I've been to quite a few of this society's events this year but every time I end up on my own, it's completely demoralising. My CPN just said to keep at it and it should get better, but everytime I feel exactly the same and everytime I manage to **** up somehow, it's not getting any better. Probably worse actually, I've been dreading tonight for over a week.

aww :hugs: I sympathise with that completely. But it's nice in a way, sorry, to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Everyone always seems so confident.
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Sabertooth
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#8192
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#8192
Thanks guys, knowing other people are in the same boat is helpful; I don't feel like such a freak. Think I'm probably going to go....unless I wimp out on the way there. :o:
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Pocket Calculator
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#8193
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#8193
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
Life is absolutely manic at the minute. My Uncle is incredibly ill and nearly died last week. He's in and out of Intensive Care and if I'm not at work, I'm usually at the hospital with my Mum. A good thing that has come out of it is that I've got back in touch with all my family and I've spent a couple of days with my cousins which has been lovely. Work isn't great. I hate it as it's so so boring but it's money so I can't complain as money is so tight. Mum is still severly depressed and the doctor has put her on maximum dose of amitriptyline (75mg is apparently max dose, i don't know). My brother still won't get washed or dressed (hasn't had a shower or been dressed since 14th January) and things are really hard with him as we just don't speak to him anymore. College work isn't going so well which is bad seeing as I've nearly finished the course (only lasts 12 weeks) and I have an exam and assignment to do. I have a new plan for September though. Might not go to the Alps as I don't think I'd get a job out there. Instead, I might move in with my grandparents in Portsmouth and go to college there as they offer the course I need to do to go back to uni.

Right, that's enough waffle! How are you? :hugs: xx
whoa, it sounds a bit manic...

my life's pretty empty right now. just job and uni work, and little else. dreading the end of next term, i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing at all. but wherever i am i'll no doubt be insanely lonely. damn.
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Antimatter
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#8194
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#8194
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I take mirtazapine, I was so so tired to start with, I really felt drugged up, but then I couldn't sleep and had to take chlorpromazine to help me get to sleep once I'd got used to it a bit. Also felt nauseous to start with but now I'm so hungry all the time have to watch what I eat.

It's the only ad I've taken which made me feel awesome. That lasted maybe a few weeks, but now I'm back down here feeling ****. The break was more of a tease than anything. :sad:

Good luck with it.
Thanks :hugs:
That means a lot to me, I'd want to start tonight but I've been drinking and, even though this won't give me a hangover, my shrink said it'd make me feel like I had one for a few days so, erm, yeah...
********, I've been nauseous for the past month, and I'm only really on them to stop the vivid dreams that I've always had, and that SSRIs were making worse :puppyeyes:
Yeah, I'm drunk now. I might wake up feeling actually refreshed for once tomorrow. A likely story :p:

Peace and love :jumphug:
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Barry Chuckle
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#8195
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#8195
I have been ill recently and something has made me feel worse - I found a persons belonging and I didn't know who it belonged to. unfortunately I realized at the point where I could no longer give it them back as they had just left. now I feel that if I give it back i might be thought that I took it intentionally which i didn't. I feel bad about it as I don't know how to hand it back and they are going to miss it. i feel so ill today.
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Vienna Cannon
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#8196
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#8196
:'( I can't stand this. after having a wonderful day yesterday my ex had to ruin my good mood :'( he won't leave me alone. he kept texting my old number ive had to get a new sim just to get away from him, and he said he would come today and i said no and leave me alone. and he turned up and he's made me cry so much i wanted to hit him I hate him
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Sabertooth
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#8197
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#8197
I went in the end guys and actually had a pretty good time. Someone EVEN spoke to me for a little while :eek: :eek3: :woo: :yep: Really made my day, he even asked my name that hasn't happened in so long.

Feeling fairly low today, got a low 2:1 on my test so pleased about that, but then we spent the whole lesson talking about what happens when you fail your exams, I'm dreading them so much. Just can't concentrate at all Also went to look at a couple of houses for next year, I don't have anyone to live with so am considering just living with some random older person with a room spare...at least it'll be quiet. I don't see the point in looking, I know I'm going to fail and this is absolutely my last chance.

How is everyone else? :hugs:
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death.drop
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#8198
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#8198
feeling kind of good today.
fit guy from the pub asked if i'm single
shane got jealous
spent last night and today with rory
Joe's still in love with me.

so i'm thinking if people still want to be with me, i can't be that messed up. this is what i'm clinging to anyway.

got my counselling appointment on thursday. so glad he put me in ahead of schedule.
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kiss_me_now9
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#8199
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#8199
Very paranoid and unhappy today. Had a nice day, feel like I'm missing out totally on a massive part of life in not being at uni.
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vapid slut magician
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#8200
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#8200
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I'm such a loser. I get really anxious in social situations, I joined a society at uni and there's an event tonight that I'd love to go to, really really want to do it, but I'm absolutely terrified. I'm crying over it atm. I literally can't do it even though I want to so much. I'm just so worried of being on my own (which has happened every other time I've gone to this society's events), making a fool of myself, not being as good at the activity as everyone else (kind of true, I'm ok at it but I always mess up because I'm in front of other people) and crying again on the bus back to uni (like I did last time, no one noticed thank god). But I still want to go so badly, I just can't. Does anyone else have this? It's a totally irrational fear. I sometimes get it before lectures as well, but they're compulsory so usually manage to force myself to go.
Well it's rational and it's not. Your thought process which leads you to feel anxious is rational in so far as there are a number of unpleasant things which you don't want to happen and you're scared of them so it makes you anxious. The biggest problem is your faulty assumption that these things will happen- why would you make a fool of yourself?

It's irrational in so far as your anxiety levels about the situation don't match the reality; is being on your own there so bad? How hard is it to walk up to someone and start a conversation (I always think of some general small talk questions I can ask people before I go to these things)? Anticipating these kinds of events like you are (crying and massively otherthinking everything) will only increase your anxiety and blow the situation out of proportion. I know it's almost impossible, but it will help if you can manage not to dwell on it before you go and just generally try to distract yourself when you end up thinking about it.

There's also probably nothing wrong with having a glass of wine (assuming you drink) to try to chill you out and make you more chatty. In small quantities alcohol will kill some of the adrenaline that's making you anxious. I don't recommend making a habit of it as a coping mechanism or drinking massive amounts because that easily gets out of control. But you shouldn't feel that you're totally abnormal and alone in feeling this way; most people to some degree or another are anxious of social situations, whether they show it or not. You just need to reign in your reaction to make it more manageable.

I think that was the least helpful ramble ever, I'm kind of distracted with uni work so sorry if it was incoherent.
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